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Cyber-bullying & I love you


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7 minutes ago, Derai said:

In a way, you could argue that this thread is a prime example of your original post. 
 

Just as you said, a bit wider in scope as merely saying ‘I love you’ when not meaning it. 
 

People have a lot to say, and some voices are louder then others. 
And they don’t always consider How they’re saying it. Just What they’re saying. 
 

It truly boils down to a difficulty in basic communication. 
Which you also mention in your last post there. 
 

“Hey bby, nice ass. Wanna fuck?”

Those that say this, often don’t see or care how their words are read. 
They just want instant gratification and results. 
They are often Selfish, and just focused on how much sex they can get. 

In that way they’re the same as folks that name their room “BBC Slut Orgy Cold No Chat Grand Opening Futa Sex Etc etc”

They don’t care about quality, just numbers and the instant gratification of getting people in their room. 
The same folks that want to be the Best, the Biggest, the most Alpha or whatever other superlative they can find.

It’s far more rewarding to just keep it real. 

Don’t rush to say you love someone, get to know them better. 
Don’t be selfish, life’s hard enough on your own. 
But above all. 
Don’t be a Douche.

/ramble mode off

Agree wholeheartedly, Deari!  Especially that last sentence. 

That's where I disagree with the term game.  3dx is called a game, but it is such a misnomer.  We are all real people, interacting with other real people.  Yes, we present ourselves with an avatar and a desire to possibly be something different than our real selves, but the fact is I am me behind that avatar, and you are you.  The more people in 3dx that would be mindful of that fact,  the more rewarding this place will be for all of us!

Peace.

 

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An hour ago, I spotted by the news a story about a suicide of a young person who committed suicide because of cyber-bullying. It reminded me of this game in which can be also a lot of rude messages, a

My view is this.  If we had something better to do, we’d not be on 3DX. Be it because we escape into a virtual fantasy to get away from boredom, away from social anxieties or just to Be who we want

and yet another topic looses its important bcuz peeps share their drama. its not what is important here @SusanLouisa and @jadekali. I think what @Mondayy is trying to point out is that you s

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To be honest I don't get this "3dxchat is not a game because real people with real feelings are involved" position.

Yes, I fully agree that real feelings are involved and we all real people behind the screen.

But why does it mean that 3dxchat is not a game? You never played basketball or volleyball? There are real people with real feelings too, not even behind the screen. Yet it's still games.

Poker and other card games are... well, games too? But there are some people who made a fortune on them and people who lost their lives because of them. 

And what about MMORPGs? I know people who ended up married irl after meeting on regional MMORPG servers and playing together. There are some people who were killing others because of drama in MMORPG. Yet, if you for example will say "World of Warcraft is not a game" it would sound kinda weird.

And what about competitive games? Some people making a career and nice money in cybersport. Some nasty ones are getting that angry in ranked plays that they can end up writing "get cancer" or "die irl". Yet, still a games.  

When I hear this "3dxchat is not a game" I feel like I am reading a post made by some 40-50+ and more years old person who still share this pretty outdated position "games are not anything serious/games are for kids and nerds". Like... people playing 3dxchat and just ashamed to admit that they play a video game, like there is anything wrong with playing games. And there is nothing wrong with being of any age too, not trying to be offensive here, but such position about games are just mostly kept by older people. And this position is kinda very wrong. Games can be pretty serious and can have a huge involve on the human lives. Calling something a "game" is not demeaning it. Even our lives are games to some degree.

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14 minutes ago, Xizl said:

To be honest I don't get this "3dxchat is not a game because real people with real feelings are involved" position.

Yes, I fully agree that real feelings are involved and we all real people behind the screen.

But why does it mean that 3dxchat is not a game? You never played basketball or volleyball? There are real people with real feelings too, not even behind the screen. Yet it's still games.

Poker and other card games are... well, games too? But there are some people who made a fortune on them and people who lost their lives because of them. 

And what about MMORPGs? I know people who ended up married irl after meeting on regional MMORPG servers and playing together. There are some people who were killing others because of drama in MMORPG. Yet, if you for example will say "World of Warcraft is not a game" it would sound kinda weird.

And what about competitive games? Some people making a career and nice money in cybersport. Some nasty ones are getting that angry in ranked plays that they can end up writing "get cancer" or "die irl". Yet, still a games.  

When I hear this "3dxchat is not a game" I feel like I am reading a post made by some 40-50+ and more years old person who still share this pretty outdated position "games are not anything serious/games are for kids and nerds". Like... people playing 3dxchat and just ashamed to admit that they play a video game, like there is anything wrong with playing games. And there is nothing wrong with being of any age too, not trying to be offensive here, but such position about games are just mostly kept by older people. And this position is kinda very wrong. Games can be pretty serious and can have a huge involve on the human lives. Calling something a "game" is not demeaning it. Even our lives are games to some degree.

You do make some valid points, Xizl.  And yes, I do fit that age group.  But, I mean no disrespect to the younger people here. There is nothing wrong with gaming, and even I play games online and offline.  I love friendly competition.  I am just laying out the fact we often are dealing with each other on a sexual, emotional level here.  When games are played, it can cause hurt.  Like Deari said above, Don't be a Douche, and this game will be fun for all.

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If you want to compare 3DX to volley ball, or even football/soccer/basketball, it's like comparing apples to oranges. The only thing they have in common is that they are both fruit.

In football when the quarterback fakes a throw in one direction and actually throws it another player 50 yards out on the other side of the field the only thing lost is a possible touch down.  

I have heard people use the excuse "It is just a game" when they have lied and cheated and hurt many.  They think that because "It is just a game" that it gives them permission to be mean, dishonest, and completely unethical as a means to get what they want which is usually much more than a touchdown in a football game.  

There are many on here who play head games in order to gain attention.  I am not going to name names but I am sure you all have met them too.  The woman who has had 7 battles of cancer and won them all in under a months time each time.  I find this one amongst the cruelest.   Some use it to get out of relationships and fake their death only to begin again the next day on another avi.  Just a game?  To the person who has stayed up all night holding their hands, spent hours encouraging them to stay strong, perhaps even sent money to a go-fund me account to help pay for medical bills, cried with them, prayed with them. Put their own real life on hold in order to provide every possible support they could.  And then have to hear "So what? It is only a game" is quite insulting.

There is no age group limitations to this excuse.  I've seen those of all ages be disrespectful and cruel, then turn around and mock the one in tears saying "Its just a game."  I don't care what game site you are on as that has very little to do with it.  When a person who does these things says "Its just a game" it is an excuse for bad behavior that has deeply hurt someone. And THAT is NOT just a game.  That is real life.

As to sex and the 'I love you' that many say after a week, my advice is to run. No one can possibly love you after a week.  Lust? Absolutely.  But if you believe them and you get hurt then it's your own fault, but it is still not 'just a game' to the person who foolishly believed a lie.

The phrase "It is not just a game" would not be used so often if the phrase "It's just a game" was not used just as much.  

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1 hour ago, JackPine said:

You do make some valid points, Xizl.  And yes, I do fit that age group.  But, I mean no disrespect to the younger people here. There is nothing wrong with gaming, and even I play games online and offline.  I love friendly competition.  I am just laying out the fact we often are dealing with each other on a sexual, emotional level here.  When games are played, it can cause hurt.  Like Deari said above, Don't be a Douche, and this game will be fun for all.

You keep making the same typo. It’s adorable!

Joking aside, good points!

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9 minutes ago, Derai said:

You keep making the same typo. It’s adorable!

Joking aside, good points!

OMG!  To my defense, my shingles has rendered my left pinky, ring, and somewhat middle finger, completely numb.  Those characters on the left side of the keyboard shall be suspect for awhile in all my posts! 

Thanks, Daer, for pointing this out. 🤪

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@SusanLouisa

It's not "just" a game.  When some guy sends a bullet in his own  head because he lost everything in casino it's not "just" a games too. When someone finding escape from the life in MMORPG spending 50+ hours/week there - it's not "just" a game as well. So what? It's still games. 

And no, if I am calling something a "game" it does not mean I think it's alright to act shitty towards people there. 

And everything we do is a "real life".

 

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10 hours ago, Mondayy said:

I see that the topic is expanded to a more broader behavior in game. For me personally, inappropriate behavior is here one of the major reasons that I usually drink my cappuccino and go offline. Many seem to equate a sex game or use it as an excuse or it represents for them a farewell from basic respect towards another person and behave as in the jungle. Many mimic here what they see in porn movies, humiliating / degrading,...they seem to understand this as a normal approach towards another...I sometimes wonder, do they also say to someone in a grocery store ''Hey nice ass, let's fuck.' Don't get me wrong, it's a sex game all good..and I have nothing against porn movies as such, insofar  people are aware of illusions..but many don't seems to be...as they are even surprised if they get ''slap in the face'' after their first sentece ''Hello, nice ass, wanna fkc?''

Yes....sadly,there is an AMAZING proportion of players here that accepts Pornhub as reality.
They NEVER see the women crying after the cameras get shut down....

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35 minutes ago, jadekhali said:

Yes....sadly,there is an AMAZING proportion of players here that accepts Pornhub as reality.
They NEVER see the women crying after the cameras get shut down....

There’s also the view that only the Women are there against their will. 
Not just women, sadly. 
Abuse knows no gender. 

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10 hours ago, Xizl said:

@SusanLouisa

It's not "just" a game.  When some guy sends a bullet in his own  head because he lost everything in casino it's not "just" a games too. When someone finding escape from the life in MMORPG spending 50+ hours/week there - it's not "just" a game as well. So what? It's still games. 

And no, if I am calling something a "game" it does not mean I think it's alright to act shitty towards people there. 

And everything we do is a "real life".

 

My point remains the same Xizi. Don't say "Its just a game" and you wont hear "Its not just a game."

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4 hours ago, MeiLing said:

yet it is a game...and even a porn game. 

By the dictionary definition of ‘Game’ you are absolutely right. 
3DXchat is a Game. However, while 3DX is a game, the people playing it are not.

That is the mistake some make. 
They think because 3DX is a game, all the people they meet are just ‘part of the game’

We don’t care if Mario falls to his death, it’s just a game. 
We don’t care he kills a Goomba, it’s just a game. 
We don’t care about those pixels on a screen, it’s just a game.

Until we are those Pixels. 
If we’re the one getting stomped on. 
Then it stops being ‘just’ a game. 
 

But that’s a mistake too. 
3DX IS a game. No argument. 
But we play the game with other People. And that is what people forget.

Edited by Derai
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  • 2 weeks later...

Like real life this place is not a game/world for the emotionally weak or the sensitive, yes sounds callous but been her over 6 years and that's how i survive here and real life which has not been easy multiple family deaths in those yrs.  You move on with life and don't take to heart what faceless strangers on an adult site tell you just take with bit of humor and a grain of salt or you in for a heart ache.  Oh and in my day bullying which i was usually the victim of you learn to ignore after a while once you realize its people that are insecure about something in there life that you seem to take in stride and they cant have that if you don't respond to it they eventually go away and find a new victim.

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Sadly the last few days has seen some message exchanges between individuals on this forum that exhibit some (imho) poor behaviours that set a very bad example for a social media platform.  The exchanges are loaded with personality attacks and criticism in an attempt to discredit or invalidate another person's views, and all too often the exchanges are long drawn out arguments with the same underlying points being covered over and over (and over!) - the only thing added is a new level of personal attack.  This is a kind of bullying too.

There is no place for it in the 3dx game or in the forums...or anywhere else.  I am not innocent myself or without criticism, but I will try to make sure my own contribution is not bullying.

I won't name names but hopefully each will think for themselves if they could behave better and moderate their tone, approach and in some cases language/insults.  To those players involved, I respect your differing views, I love the enthusiasm you have for the game and for "the community" (whatever side of the argument you are on), I want you to continue to make contributions, but for the benefit of the forum, for all readers here, and mostly for each other please try to depersonalise your discussions and think before you press that 'Send' button:

- do I really need to reply?

- why don't I just ignore that personal attack made on me?

- do I really need to attack the person in my response?

- have I made this point several times already?

- should I leave it for a while rather than replying immediately, to help cool down the discussion?

Sometimes NOT pressing 'Send' is the better thing to do.

 

 

Edited by Leopardus
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Leo I know which exchanges you mean and they were horrible with bringing in real life information none of us needed to know...or see for that matter.  It was disappointing.  I pointed out that it was against TOS in an attempt to have them rethink their posts and remove them but it fell on ears only wishing to defend bad behavior.  I agree completely with you post.  Everyone should rethink what they post. I dislike mean and disrespect.

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You’re absolutely right Leo. 
It’s hard to uphold though. 
I can only speak for myself but sometimes I just see the proverbial Red and get stuck into a discussion.
Human nature at play.

I do think I’m not as bad as some of the vitriol and personal attacks I’ve seen in recent days. 
(But I could be wrong)

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43 minutes ago, SusanLouisa said:

Leo I know which exchanges you mean and they were horrible with bringing in real life information none of us needed to know...or see for that matter.  It was disappointing.  I pointed out that it was against TOS in an attempt to have them rethink their posts and remove them but it fell on ears only wishing to defend bad behavior.  I agree completely with you post.  Everyone should rethink what they post. I dislike mean and disrespect.

I think I know which exchange you are referring to (with the personal information) and I too reported it and the related threatening behaviour and language...but not just that one.  I was thinking of several threads in different parts of the forum.

Edited by Leopardus
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Preach, Leo! While these forums have had a number of feuds over my time here, lately it's been so toxic I'm starting to think World Chat is friendly in comparison.

 

The problem with all Internet feuds is people always want to get the last word in. Problem is this is not a moderated debate with a finite number of points/counter points, or a battle jam with a set number of rounds. This is a forum spat. There is theoretically no end to the drama. Nobody will get the last word in because neither is party is willing to concede, and there is no referee on here to break it up. So this mess is just going to keep on going, barring some force majeure. It sucks, but there is nothing we can do about it.

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23 minutes ago, Nektar said:

It sucks, but there is nothing we can do about it.

Really makes ya wish they’d get a few Moderators in here eh? 
 

Edit: I’d be warned sooooo often by any competent Mod lol. Lord knows I’d need it. 

Edited by Derai
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I have been here for 3 years, I am not the "oldest" here by far, nor am I a newbie. Nor is my opinion anymore valid or invalid than anyone else's as WE ALL HAVE OPINIONS BASED ON OUR PERSONAL LIFE EXPERIENCES, BELIEFS AND VIEWPOINTS. 

I believe people get out of 3DX what they put into it. When you come into a social setting, whether a chatroom or here and you befriend others and talk about real life it is NOT a game. Those who wish it to be a game and ONLY a game, need to shut the fuck up about their real lives and make it perfectly clear that their avi in 3DX is just that. Some are wise enough to state that in their profiles, others are sick in the head and like to "play mind games" to purposely hurt others. It makes it hard to trust people here, BUT communicating via discord (even though I am for the most part silent in rooms I watch what people post, there and here, as that can be telling about who they are) helps.

I had a great love here, not afraid to admit it, I looked forward to our daily get togethers and "sex" was just a part of it, we were able to talk like friends and share our lives. Sadly, this ended when she got real life married (although we do keep in touch via Discord). She was very open about her engagement and future marriage so I knew when the time came no matter how painful it was going to end. I have close friends where we have never had sex or even talked about it but we can open up and fill whatever void we fill missing in our real lives.

I guess my point, if I have one, is just be honest in how and why you are here. IF someone says they love you take it for what it is, everyone's form of "love" is different. I say I love you to my friends all the time. The last words (thank God) I ever spoke to my son were "I love you". Truly good, passionate sessions here can and usually evoke feelings, those feelings are natural for some because it is a high and they have that rush and they say those 3 words. Your  decision is up to how honest you want to be. You can claim to "love them to" trying to spare their feelings and stay close and see what happens (chances are those feelings will subside, as fast as they came on), you can tell them it is "just a game" and tell them that the "feeling" they are having is very common but you don't "know each other" or you can do what my love and I did and be honest and keep the "love" but as friends and be companions in the game and friends who talk outside of the game but know it can not nor will not go further. ( Side note to self because I doubted sharing was wise: I knew I used my personal experience for a reason...). 

How YOU want to handle how things go for YOURSELF is up to you. You will find the happiest people primarily are the ones with friends they trust. Again, some people (myself included, have real lives where we are isolated and don't get a chance to get out and meet people, so this fills the psychological void of "being alone". 

And I will say this as a disclaimer, I play a green avi, because for me it is easier to tell who sees this as just a "game" and who sees people, those who see the person behind the green I call friends, those who can't I recognize they just want to do their thing... that's fine. I take no offense to those who dislike and make fun of me being green because they will NEVER get to know the real me that many have and seem to like. 

I just know that you get out what you put in, just like real life. There will be those who are great, there will be those who don't fucking care and sadly, there will be those with high school mentalities that love to create drama and make everything about themselves. There is no right answer, no one can force you to be the one they want you to be, the solution is being TRUE TO YOURSELF.

Finally, to quote the Bard, himself:  "This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell, my blessing season this in thee!",

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts '

Edited by panCDCA
added the word "helps"
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This topic comes around every so often and no one can ever come to an agreement on it, with written data and personal experiences leading the opinions, both are correct. All in all it comes down to being adults in the situation, meaning... You can have different opinions and not lose your minds over it. All of your points are valid. But on either side you cannot convince otherwise and that's ok! Anyway have a great day!

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Well in the end it it will only offend if you if you let things offend but guess thats just my mental state of things in here still not sure of  a paticular instance your refering to but then not always the most social person in the world or observant i will admit

 

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