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Derai’s diary, dreams, dialog and discussions (oh my)

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One of the most famous quotes in the world comes from Machiavelli’s The Prince. 
It is far more secure to be feared instead of loved. If one cannot achieve both.” 

The same book also states this: 

Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you truly are.

These are nominally about politics, and the ‘bad’ side of politics at that. 
But like with many things, the clue is in the interpretation. 

Another book I’m often returning to, is Sun Tzu’s Art of War. 
The three paradigms of victory are applicable to so much in life, it’s basically a religious belief for me. 

Know your surroundings, where you are and how you can use the surroundings to achieve your goals. 

Know your adversary, what are their goals, their strengths and weaknesses. How can you use their goals and traits to achieve your goal.

But above all else!

Know yourself. Know your own strengths, weaknesses and how they relate to your surroundings and your adversary. 

If you keep these three laws in mind, you will not fear any conflict or any challenge.

It has worked out for me thus far. 

I know what it means to be just another bit of text on someone’s screen. I’m aware of my surroundings Online. 
For it is trivial to appear like something I am not. 
I can appear as anything I wish. 

I know what people reading my words might think. 
How easy it is to come to the conclusion that what I appear to be, is a lie. 
And they are not wrong to think this, it would be trivial for me to deceive and to lie. 
But in the end, it can never last. 
A lie will grow and grow, and at some point something breaks. 

This brings me back to knowing myself. 
I’m aware of how I appear and how people might think. By knowing how I myself would think if I was to ‘meet’ myself. 
I know what threads to poke at, to pull at to make the web of lies unravel. 

In knowing these things, I make the choice to pick fear over love in those that I know I can never trust. 
Those that I keep outside of my walls, I give reasons to fear me. 
Some are allowed past my outer shell, and given enough to love me, but also fear what I might do, or be beyond the next wall. 

The best people though, are the ones you don’t need to welcome in, for those simply are secure enough in who They are. Secure enough that they do no longer crave the need to be within someone else’s walls. They stay within theirs and respect mine. While ideas and love are exchanged and create a current of knowledge and respect that makes both flourish. 

My philosophy is so very simple. For life is complex enough. 
I know where I am, I know who I meet and how I might appear to those. I know myself and how I fit into this world.

Some will fear me, some will love me. 
But above all else. 
I will just be Me. 

It’s hard enough to be true to oneself in the troubled reality we exist in. 
I choose this path. 
Is it the right one?

Who knows?

Eat, Drink, be Merry. For tomorrow we Die!


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Posted (edited)


I am a Deiist, I believe that there is some higher power that some call God. But every Religion is just us humans making stuff up to make sense of things that are far above our knowledge and understanding. 

I am a Nihilist, nothing in this world really matters in the long run. The meaning of life is that there isn’t any meaning. We just Are. And that’s enough.

I am a narcissist, I do love getting attention, and love to talk about myself. (Duh..)

I am Bisexual, both Men and Women ‘do it’ form me in regards to feeling sexual attraction.

I am blunt, I believe in the fact that it’s better to just say what I think. Get it out there, and go from there.

I am respectful, to a point. My philosophy is that each and every person gets the respect they earn, not the respect they demand or ask for.

I am honest, again to a point. I’m honest about most things. Because I’m far to lazy to keep a lie alive. I do lie, I cheat, I swindle and I stack the deck in my favor.

I am flawed, just like everyone else. I fuck up, I fail, I fall. But I pick myself up and learn. Or try to, because I sometimes fail to learn too.

I am human, just like everyone else. I live, I breathe, eat, sleep, shit, bleed, give and take in this madhouse of a reality we exist in.

I am Derai, a person of many labels. Many faces. Many dreams. Many words. Many ideas. Many thoughts.

I am.

Edited by Derai

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There is something beautiful about sitting somewhere and being silent.

Just existing in the moment, wondering where the time went.

Even better when you are together. 
Just sitting, silently contemplating the weather. 

It speaks of respect and trust.
When speaking isn’t a must.

Those that are comfortable in their silence around you. 
You need those, yes you do. 

For those that trust you with their silence. 
Are the often the loudest in your defense. 

Cherish the comfortable silence between friends. 
Cherish it before it ends.

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As I write these entries, I realize they’re being read by people who are unknown to me. 

Recently though there have been instances where people recognized my name, and commented on it. 
Telling me they read these, and my other comments, conversations and conflicts on this forum. 

I have to shamelessly admit that I love this feeling. 
My inner narcissist trembles with pure unadulterated joy at being recognized.

I love the attention, and am open about it. 
People read my ramblings, reasoning and randomness. And rejoice about it. 

Here’s to you guys, girls and other gentle beings. 
You are welcome to read these, and I’m glad to provide distractions from the dreary drama that is our days now. 
I thank you all for reading and hope you remember, it will get better. 
Might get worse before, but it will get better. 
You will find a way, just like I did. 
Just like others that read this, you all will find ways somehow to get through your lives, meeting challenges big and small. 

You got this!

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