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Mondayy

Cyber-bullying & I love you

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I have been in this game 2 years now, and it seems to me, a very large part is who you socialise with and enjoy your time with. If you surround yourself with trolls and egotistical mean spirited people, then your time wont be good. And yes when you first meet people, it is hard to know, sometimes for a long time, what sort of person they are, But once you feel you do know, then it is your choice to be around them or not. Like minded people tend to click and enjoy time in each others presence, either as friends or more. We are all here because we need something real doesn't give us, or as someone already said, we wouldn't be here. Respect to me is paramount, for someones status, views and abilities, as I expect that back. Live & let live, without hurting others surely is the only nice and respectful way to be?

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On 5/24/2020 at 1:12 PM, Mondayy said:

An hour ago, I spotted by the news a story about a suicide of a young person who committed suicide because of cyber-bullying. It reminded me of this game in which can be also a lot of rude messages, as I sometimes also receive them. Generally in this game, in which feelings are involved, where many people use words (very quickly) as '' I love you, my love, my heart, my sweetheart...'' as meaningless fun,..with which they can hurt others. From my point of view, vast majority of what is called here ''drama'' comes precisely from inappropriate communication or misunderstanding. 

Probably someone sensitive enough to feel harmed by words, shouldn't be there to begin with. Especially over the internet people take less responsibility for their actions, among nameless faceless people, so probably it is no place for an insecure sensitive person who would commit suicide. Probably shouldn't even go online anywhere, for his/her own protection. It's impossible to avoid harmful words at times even irl. But online... it's a total jungle out there.

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33 minutes ago, Tsela said:

Probably someone sensitive enough to feel harmed by words, shouldn't be there to begin with. Especially over the internet people take less responsibility for their actions, among nameless faceless people, so probably it is no place for an insecure sensitive person who would commit suicide. Probably shouldn't even go online anywhere, for his/her own protection. It's impossible to avoid harmful words at times even irl. But online... it's a total jungle out there.

I think it is more that people tend to believe others words. There was once a time when words meant something and were meant to be believed and trusted.  Best advice I can give is if a person tells you they love you in less than a month, run.  If they tell you in less than a week RUN FAST.

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45 minutes ago, Celestryal said:

Best advice I can give is if a person tells you they love you in less than a month, run.  If they tell you in less than a week RUN FAST.

Run If they are not hare Krishnas. They love everything before they meet. ^_^

What Happened to all those Blissful Hare Krishnas? | Krishna.org

 

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13 hours ago, Tsela said:

Probably someone sensitive enough to feel harmed by words, shouldn't be there to begin with. Especially over the internet people take less responsibility for their actions, among nameless faceless people, so probably it is no place for an insecure sensitive person who would commit suicide. Probably shouldn't even go online anywhere, for his/her own protection. It's impossible to avoid harmful words at times even irl. But online... it's a total jungle out there.

What?! Blaming and shaming the vicitim is your ''rational'' path. On the contrary. If people are unable to use the basic common sense,  respect, courtesy...those should stay offline. And there are a lot of them in this game which amazes me quite a bit, as these are usually the people who are extremely vocal and go crazy if someone plays with them. In general, as far as I can tell quite some seems to think, because this is a sex game, they can say whatever they wish, behave,..as in a jungle.

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13 hours ago, Celestryal said:

I think it is more that people tend to believe others words. There was once a time when words meant something and were meant to be believed and trusted.  Best advice I can give is if a person tells you they love you in less than a month, run.  If they tell you in less than a week RUN FAST.

The only caveat i would put to that there's all kinds of Love, love for friends or your best friend's causal acquaintances etc., BUT if your talking IN Love  I am right there with you . lol. Cause if you can't love them for who they are what are we doing.

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13 hours ago, Tsela said:

Probably someone sensitive enough to feel harmed by words, shouldn't be there to begin with. Especially over the internet people take less responsibility for their actions, among nameless faceless people, so probably it is no place for an insecure sensitive person who would commit suicide. Probably shouldn't even go online anywhere, for his/her own protection. It's impossible to avoid harmful words at times even irl. But online... it's a total jungle out there.

It’s probably not your intention but your words here read like the classic “She was asking for it” victim shaming you also often hear after sexual assault cases. 

The implication that someone ‘sensitive’ like that has no place online is kinda flawed. Although I do agree that the faceless masses think they can say whatever to whoever with no repercussions. My response is then not to say that the more sensitive people should stay away. It would be up to us, me, you, everybody to be Better and drown out the harmful voices with common sense and respect. 
But this starts in each of us personally. 
Probably naive and idealistic but eh. It’s a thought.  

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2 hours ago, Derai said:

It’s probably not your intention but your words here read like the classic “She was asking for it” victim shaming you also often hear after sexual assault cases. 

The implication that someone ‘sensitive’ like that has no place online is kinda flawed. Although I do agree that the faceless masses think they can say whatever to whoever with no repercussions. My response is then not to say that the more sensitive people should stay away. It would be up to us, me, you, everybody to be Better and drown out the harmful voices with common sense and respect. 
But this starts in each of us personally. 
Probably naive and idealistic but eh. It’s a thought.  

When I see someone bullied be it Verbally, mentally, physically, emotionally, I remember something someone once told me in elementary school.

"Bullies can only survive when no one stands up to them. Bullies will only get worse when no one speaks out."

I am a firm believer that silence is tacit approval. 

 

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2 hours ago, Derai said:

It’s probably not your intention but your words here read like the classic “She was asking for it” victim shaming you also often hear after sexual assault cases. 

The implication that someone ‘sensitive’ like that has no place online is kinda flawed. Although I do agree that the faceless masses think they can say whatever to whoever with no repercussions. My response is then not to say that the more sensitive people should stay away. It would be up to us, me, you, everybody to be Better and drown out the harmful voices with common sense and respect. 
But this starts in each of us personally. 
Probably naive and idealistic but eh. It’s a thought.  

I wasn't implying that she was asking for it, nor that an online environment isn't for everybody. It is for everybody. But probably there were some serious issues already present even before that person ever came online. I mean committed suicide because of... harsh language. It's impossible to have a total control over what people are saying especially online where they often don't even take responsibility for anything they say. You will see people being rude for the sake of being rude here, trolls being vocal and being proud of being trolls, harrassing others. 

I remember going to a few group therapies a long time ago when I was still at school. I saw and talked to girls there who were totally depressed many months after somebody pulled some prank on one of them at a camping trip, basically involving some toothpaste smearing on her nose. She was literally crushed from that. I can't even imagine how she would handle worse things. There are many issues, people are facing themselves, and they do need a helping hand many times managing their own emotions, before jumping in a possibly often very toxic environment such as an online community.

A person committed suicide... awful, and I can't imagine what that person went through from her/his perspective. But there were far heavier issues there that should have been addressed first aside of dealing with bullying online. We simply can't protect anybody from that. I'm sure each one of us got his/her fair share of rude, toxic people, even racists, and people who were wishing us dead quite vocally for winning a card game or any small or stupid thing.

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Fair enough @Tsela, I already thought it wasn’t your intention to imply those things. 
Was making the point that they could be read like that though. 
 

In that lies the problem too doesn’t it?

Interpretation and points of view. 
 

You give the example of a girl being upset months after a small prank.

You can’t imagine being that upset about it because you’re not her.

And to provide a personal example for you, (just for the sake of argument, not trying to rile you up.) Some people will not understand how upset you are about the lack of updates for male avatars in 3DX. Because they’re not You.

We’ve all got our different backgrounds and viewpoints, what is the end of the world for one, is a ‘shrug and move on’ moment for another.

I would even argue that your point about not being able to Protect people from things online IS the problem. 
Or more to the point, people Trying that are the problem. “You can’t handle this, stay offline.”

How are they ever going to learn how to handle something, how to experience something if we protect them from it?

You learn a child that the stove is hot, by telling them and then letting them touch it. 
It hurts. But they learn. 

I’m getting off track. Sorry for the rambling. 
You had some good points! Kudos to you for the thoughtful discussion here. 
 

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1 minute ago, Derai said:

Fair enough @Tsela, I already thought it wasn’t your intention to imply those things. 
Was making the point that they could be read like that though. 
 

In that lies the problem too doesn’t it?

Interpretation and points of view. 
 

You give the example of a girl being upset months after a small prank.

You can’t imagine being that upset about it because you’re not her.

And to provide a personal example for you, (just for the sake of argument, not trying to rile you up.) Some people will not understand how upset you are about the lack of updates for male avatars in 3DX. Because they’re not You.

We’ve all got our different backgrounds and viewpoints, what is the end of the world for one, is a ‘shrug and move on’ moment for another.

I would even argue that your point about not being able to Protect people from things online IS the problem. 
Or more to the point, people Trying that are the problem. “You can’t handle this, stay offline.”

How are they ever going to learn how to handle something, how to experience something if we protect them from it?

You learn a child that the stove is hot, by telling them and then letting them touch it. 
It hurts. But they learn. 

I’m getting off track. Sorry for the rambling. 
You had some good points! Kudos to you for the thoughtful discussion here. 
 

Certainly :)

You are totally right there. we all have different viewpoints. Things that bother us, different things that we like or dislike. That is perfectly normal.

But suicide is a serious problem that happens among teenagers quite frequently not only from online bullying but for many other reasons, and we can't take that lightly. I hate bullies as much as the second person but these people who would commit suicide of all things would need some special care and careful consultation, because they really are very vulnerable, way above how an average person normally is. 

I do believe that not only the online bullying was the cause of that suicide. Their problems were ignored and they were sinking in a serious depression probably for a long time. Bad parenting can be one of the main issues, people nowadays can't even (or won't) find the time to sit down and talk to their children, to find out what's pressing them. They get no support from anybody, and tragedy can happen.

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Fair point and I know that myself. 
Made three attempts myself. The reasons would sound totally trivial now. 
Simple things like grades can be the straw that broke the camels back. 
Therapy helps.  And is nothing to be ashamed about. It’s not weakness to admit you need help. 

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I didn't want to get personal and expose myself BUT maybe I should.

Once upon a long time ago there was a thing called "WebTV" that was very basic and not much more than a way to get into chatrooms for people who didn't have computers at the time. I was someone who went to a room along with around 100 other regulars. It was like a big family and one of the biggest chatroom on WebTV. As such, people would come in to see what the big draw was. Just as in most chatrooms, there were some jerks who would give new people a hard time "just to see if they were worthy of being in the room".... they could be real assholes and would find out all they could about someone by flirting with them in private chat and then.... use those things against them in the room. 

Anyway, there was this guy named Wayne... he was a huge flirt and had 3 women he was leading on, telling them he was sending money for them to move in with him. We had a new woman come in, she was referred by a room regular who worked with her, and he had found out she was going through a nasty divorce and she just was lonely and needed friends because her husband had run off with her best friend.

Wayne led her on, promised to help her financially, and so on. this continued for about a month. Wayne had gotten her to not fight the divorce and promised her he would take care of her.

She got the divorce, she was all happy about her "future" with Wayne. He kept making her promises for about a week after and then just stopped talking to her.She became unhinged and would come in drunk yelling and screaming at everyone, to the point most of us just stopped talking to her. She ended up getting drunk and drove into a brick wall. 

It's one of the reasons I truly try to be nice to everyone and I started giving roses then. 

So, the mind games can be very real. NOT EVERYONE HAS A HAPPY REAL LIFE AND SEEK ESCAPE THROUGH GAMES, CHATROOMS, WHATEVER. THIS IS A PLACE OF ESCAPE FROM THE REAL WORLD AND EVERYONE HERE IS HERE FOR A REASON. JUST REMEMBER WHAT YOUR REASONING IS AND DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE TO OTHERS. THEY MAY NEED A SMILE, A HUG, SOMEONE TO TALK NICELY TO THEM. SO, JUST KEEP THAT IN MIND AND MAYBE GIVE ROSES?

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19 hours ago, Tsela said:

I wasn't implying that she was asking for it, nor that an online environment isn't for everybody. It is for everybody. But probably there were some serious issues already present even before that person ever came online. I mean committed suicide because of... harsh language. It's impossible to have a total control over what people are saying especially online where they often don't even take responsibility for anything they say. You will see people being rude for the sake of being rude here, trolls being vocal and being proud of being trolls, harrassing others. 

I remember going to a few group therapies a long time ago when I was still at school. I saw and talked to girls there who were totally depressed many months after somebody pulled some prank on one of them at a camping trip, basically involving some toothpaste smearing on her nose. She was literally crushed from that. I can't even imagine how she would handle worse things. There are many issues, people are facing themselves, and they do need a helping hand many times managing their own emotions, before jumping in a possibly often very toxic environment such as an online community.

A person committed suicide... awful, and I can't imagine what that person went through from her/his perspective. But there were far heavier issues there that should have been addressed first aside of dealing with bullying online. We simply can't protect anybody from that. I'm sure each one of us got his/her fair share of rude, toxic people, even racists, and people who were wishing us dead quite vocally for winning a card game or any small or stupid thing.

 

I think you are right when you say 3dx is not for everybody, but in the same breath it is for anybody who chooses or wants to be here. I been here a long time and used to think the same as you, and in a way I still do. One thing about being in a place like this is you have to take responsibility for yourself. That is not only in how you treat others, but also what you allow into your virtual world life. You can't always play the victim. Or if you do, at some point you have to decide when to stop doing that or like you said leave. If you are perpetually in a state of victimhood, then yes really no place in this world is a good place for you, otherwise you need become accountable for yourself and make changes to keep those that can harm you away from you, or when you unknowingly let a harmful person in, quickly remove them. One cannot always blame everyone else for their problems. It's one reason why I always chuckle scanning through profiles and I see several people state that they "hate the haters." Do they not realize that makes them a hater too, and by definition they would have to hate themselves? So it is not necessarily blaming the victim, but realizing you are the only person you yourself can control. That might be what you were trying to say, but you just didn't choose the exact words people wanted to hear or understood in doing so.

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People tried to cyber bully me before in game that didn't end well for them. I can be down right evil when i wanna be. It happens bullies. lose their shit when you beat them at their own game. It's all a mind game. It's shity there is people like that but "it's like that, and that's the way it is"  it's the internet.

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12 hours ago, Stacii said:

People tried to cyber bully me before in game that didn't end well for them. I can be down right evil when i wanna be. It happens bullies. lose their shit when you beat them at their own game. It's all a mind game. It's shity there is people like that but "it's like that, and that's the way it is"  it's the internet.

 

When you get drunk out of your mind, jump into World Chat, insult every culture, race and creed on the planet and then people respond negatively to it, I am not so sure that can be labeled as bullying.

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Posted (edited)

It was years before my drinking. Besides i can't drink anymore Anti-psychotic meds and all that. 

Edited by Stacii

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So many good and valid points here...if I were to Like all of them I would be Liking till my Liker couldn't Like no more.

I would love to craft a long and eloquent response but I think the biggest takeaway from all of this is pretty simple:

Don't be an asshole.

I have tried my best to live by that credo. I haven't always been successful at that over the years, but I believe it makes sense to keep trying.

 

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I don't believe in labels. I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, Indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, Socialist, Communist, Nationalist, Marxist, driver, pedestrian, bicyclist, rich, or poor either you're an asshole or you're not. And if you are well then, be the best you can be at it.

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Posted (edited)
On 6/15/2020 at 3:33 PM, Xizl said:

Yes. We all have virtual body or even several bodies. If we are into RP we can have virtual characters. But we don't have virtual hearths, only the ones that beat in our chests. And same goes about the people we interact with. We can see 3dxchat as a game, as a social platform, as a virtual world... but no matter how exactly we see it and why are we here, one thing staying the same way – there are living human beings on the other side of the screen, not just avatars.   

 

On 6/15/2020 at 3:39 PM, JackPine said:

Nicely said, Xizl!  The more I interact in 3dxchat the more I consider it not a 'game'.  Usually a game has singular objective.  Here is is anything we want it to be, hopefully in the good company of others.

Me, I am still trying to get past Betty. 🤪

Thanks Alpha for the reaction and the reminder.  And to quote @Xizl that all of us have one heart.  How true!  During the course of time that has past since this posting, I have met a number of you here, in the game, and related discord channels.  With that has come some great times, but also time issues, work and personal issues, illness, and even the passing of loved ones.  What a great reminder that we may wear an avatar, or a nickname, but behind that is a special unique human spirit doing our best in this thing called life.  You!  Sharing yourself with me and others in your own way.

This is my goal going forward, to be me with my desires and fanciful fun, but with an approach to everyone in my path the same.  A person with a heart, that you are special in your own way, and that wherever our time together leads always mindful of that heart.  💗

With that, about this Betty... woot!🤪

Edited by JackPine

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Posted (edited)

I see that the topic is expanded to a more broader behavior in game. For me personally, inappropriate behavior is here one of the major reasons that I usually drink my cappuccino and go offline. Many seem to equate a sex game or use it as an excuse or it represents for them a farewell from basic respect towards another person and behave as in the jungle. Many mimic here what they see in porn movies, humiliating / degrading,...they seem to understand this as a normal approach towards another...I sometimes wonder, do they also say to someone in a grocery store ''Hey nice ass, let's fuck.' Don't get me wrong, it's a sex game all good..and I have nothing against porn movies as such, insofar  people are aware of illusions..but many don't seems to be...as they are even surprised if they get ''slap in the face'' after their first sentece ''Hello, nice ass, wanna fkc?''

Edited by Mondayy

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4 hours ago, Mondayy said:

I see that the topic is expanded to a more broader behavior in game. For me personally, inappropriate behavior is here one of the major reasons that I usually drink my cappuccino and go offline. Many seem to equate a sex game or use it as an excuse or it represents for them a farewell from basic respect towards another person and behave as in the jungle. Many mimic here what they see in porn movies, humiliating / degrading,...they seem to understand this as a normal approach towards another...I sometimes wonder, do they also say to someone in a grocery store ''Hey nice ass, let's fuck.' Don't get me wrong, it's a sex game all good..and I have nothing against porn movies as such, insofar  people are aware of illusions..but many don't seems to be...as they are even surprised if they get ''slap in the face'' after their first sentece ''Hello, nice ass, wanna fkc?''

In a way, you could argue that this thread is a prime example of your original post. 
 

Just as you said, a bit wider in scope as merely saying ‘I love you’ when not meaning it. 
 

People have a lot to say, and some voices are louder then others. 
And they don’t always consider How they’re saying it. Just What they’re saying. 
 

It truly boils down to a difficulty in basic communication. 
Which you also mention in your last post there. 
 

“Hey bby, nice ass. Wanna fuck?”

Those that say this, often don’t see or care how their words are read. 
They just want instant gratification and results. 
They are often Selfish, and just focused on how much sex they can get. 

In that way they’re the same as folks that name their room “BBC Slut Orgy Cold No Chat Grand Opening Futa Sex Etc etc”

They don’t care about quality, just numbers and the instant gratification of getting people in their room. 
The same folks that want to be the Best, the Biggest, the most Alpha or whatever other superlative they can find.

It’s far more rewarding to just keep it real. 

Don’t rush to say you love someone, get to know them better. 
Don’t be selfish, life’s hard enough on your own. 
But above all. 
Don’t be a Douche.

/ramble mode off

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