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Scorpions have feelings too...


AtticusFinch
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Why? 
 

Why not. 
 

And now a Christmas message not from the Queen...

‘Twas the day before Christmas, on a year we’ll remember. A year to forget, and to burn to an ember

We’ve all endured hardship we’ve all of us suffered, from the ravage of COVID to a music stream buffered. 

Our worlds real and virtual have been brought to their knees but the year day by day has still passed by with ease. 

Each one of us here to still tell the tale, to shout “BOLLOCKS!” to COVID and add “EPIC FAIL!”

So we look to the future and for everyone’s sake, take this year as a lesson. And the next? “PIECE OF CAKE!”

So to you all and sundry I wish you good cheer. A most wonderful Christmas, and a far better year. 

And to you 2020, now you’re finally done. We say “up yours!” and “ bye now” cos here’s ‘21! 
 

Have a fantastic holiday everyone. ☺️👋🥸

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  • AtticusFinch changed the title to Scorpions have feelings too...

More shit poetry for you written by me. Yeah, I don’t care either. 
 

So here once again it’s the start of a year, and we say to the last one “You’re not welcome here!” 

Unimaginable chaos, a suspension of life. Filled with hardship and fear, filled with mourning and strife. 

Yet we’ve all persevered, we’ve all made it through. Let us not remain idle let us all push on through. 

With a mindset determined with the strength from our hearts, with a spring in step we will all play our part. 

As for virtual life well that’ll still carry on. We’ll fulfil our desires, every kiss, every song.

Every butterflied tummy, every passionate thrust. Every shattering orgasm, all succumbing to lust.

And to the end of this poem this poorly done ditty. A happy new year, which we hope isn’t shitty”. 

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No poetry today, thank god eh? 

Picked up on reading owing to some very well thought out and generous gift in the form of a series of books written by a DJ hero of mine, Dave Haslam. One the pioneers and forerunners of the DJ genre we know today along with the likes of Danny Rampling and Graeme Park (Look them up on mixcloud, you won’t be disappointed ;) ). 

The first of these books is based on the event in 2015 when Dave decided to sell his entire vinyl collection. Now remember, not only is Dave a huge music fan but he’s an old school DJ. His collection was 35 boxes full of 12” 120 gram vinyl discs. How’s that for a collection?

My initial thought was “that’s like selling your entire life! How can you survive and for how long? If there’s no music in your life, there is no life in you!” 

Think of it like each piece, each disk has some event associated with it. Each fallen in love with at that moment, each cherished even if not played for some time. It sits on a shelf gathering dust, it’s sleeve bares witness to time as it gets older until one day, another event triggers a memory. An old flame gets back in touch, a loved one or friend passes away, even just simple nostalgia sat at home drinking a cup of tea. 

Then comes that event in life where you decide it’s time to let go, to succumb or submit to a significant change and that part of your life you’ve cherished so dearly has to make way for something more pressing (if you’ve had any dealings with the record business, yes that was a pun. No it wasn’t intended and yes I’ll take any credit regardless!)

What on earth am I wittering on about?  

I don’t know.

This is the closest thing I have to an actual diary. My handwriting is awful and I just like sharing my thoughts sometimes. 

I suppose there’s a life lesson in Dave’s words, maybe several. 

Music transcends all. It always has an always will and if you don’t have the physical copy? You can still keep the memories. You can also just buy other copies or have had your collection digitised. 

Letting go of the past is scary but it’s also courageous. It’s not the end of your world. 

You get to experience new chapters, experience new sensations, and new temptations (Any Slade fans in? Yup I totally pinched from “how does it feel”. It’s a fair cop!). 

It won’t change who you are you’re always going to be you. Flaws and all. 

No matter what happens, your past will always be a part of your story. It’s up to you how it makes you and others  feel when it’s recalled and recited. 

You’re never too old to start collecting again. You’re never too old to enjoy new things. 

Just don’t be regretting anything at the pearly gates (or whichever entrance to whichever afterlife or bleak blank nothingness you’re hoping for). 

Oh and vinyl is cool again! Even CDs and even Cassettes! (Get googling young ‘uns and be educated!)

If you’ve read this all the way in its entirety? Just how fucking bored were you? 😁

A complete waste of energy reading this, I know! I bloody typed it! ;) 

Stay safe, stay at home if you can, if not take care of yourself and your nearest and dearest. Stay happy, stay lucky, stay sane, most of all, stay “you”. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well, a busy time in game but not the “trousers down and away we go!” busy. Strictly “undercarriage retracted” for now, why?

That’s my business ;)  

Finally broke my DJ drought, dusted off the decks which is the only time I enjoy any form of housework. (Modern man ya see, well, modern-ish!) Deck covers are a fantastic invention so not as much work. Far more important and exciting stuff to do! 

So yeah, 

Played a 2 hour set of hair metal from the 80s (do I need to specify the decade? Maybe not but there’s rock from the 80s where the band aren’t infatuated with where their going to insert penises “all night long” so it’s there for reference.) preceded with a set of rock from the 90s that wasn’t grunge. 

Set went down well, a quiet room and my job was to kick off the evening.  I hopefully fulfilled the brief and had a good night, just easing into the processes, watching local to see if I can pick up on conversation topics and banter, maybe throw in a cheeky song to spur things along. 
 

It’s bloody knackering though! 
 

I was buzzing my face off with adrenaline, the pre gig nerves Gin long since consumed and not touching the sides. A familiar feeling since entering adulthood and the stratosphere of music.

Bloody love it! 

Last weekend I got to relive a very significant event in my life. A re enactment of an unlicensed rave in a derelict building! 

I got talking to a friend who told me they were building a rave room and that an event was being planned. I switched on my inner promoter mode and offered my experience as someone who once upon a time accidentally got into the scene at its birth and somehow got the opportunity to spin.

My offer was accepted, we made sure the law wasn’t watching (well, kinda it’s 3DX...) and last Saturday we relived those glorious days of partying like it was 1989 (a full ten years before Prince for reference).

The room was perfect. An abandoned building that had a path of glow sticks leading to a rusty spiral staircase, leading into a dank basement with protest slogans and some murals on the walls. At the back a very basic deck and lighting set up. I was almost worried the police would burst in and put a stop to it all!

One of the best builds I’ve seen. You felt like you’d been in a van with a CB radio or listening to a pirate FM station waiting for instructions and codes directions. 

For the first time in over 30 years I had what could only be described as “a virtual trip into space worthy of Gagarin and Armstrong” a comedown that took about a day and a half to shake off and a Monday morning that despite statistics, was quite good! The blue feeing soon dissolved like a piece of edible rice paper on the tongue as thoughts of the gig, along with some hazy flashbacks from “back in the day” came into my soul like dawn on a Goa beach.

And all this didn’t involve any ingestion of E, speed or litres of well known bovine branded energy drink or at a last resort “buzz” cola. (Never did take anything “naughty” if I was behind decks, sometimes did when I was in front of them ;) ) 

Sometimes you just don’t need to take your pants down to have a good time, that’s as true in life as it is in game.

The best part?

I made new friends, laid.a few anxious thoughts and doubts to rest, I spent time with someone very dear to me and it felt magnificent. I got asked to come back and since stepping back into my DJ shoes (converse ftw!) I’ve had postive feedback and set up more possible gigs. 

My final thought bit for this episode. 

I don’t care what anyone says, if sex is your thing in game, great. If it’s building or DJing, hosting a games room, if it something you’re good at and contribute with, fantastic! 

So long as you enjoy it, have fun with the rest of us and make 3DX a place to truly escape the real world, then you’re doing a wonderful thing.

Do your thing, pants off or pants down. (Respecting any rules or court rulings/ injunctions of course. Helicoptering in a public room? Don’t.... cos mud sticks  ;) ) 

You’re helping someone smile, laugh, relax, cry, relieve stress, experience joy, ecstasy, enlightenment, fond memories. Yup, you are and without knowing it or expecting anything in return. Sure we all love a little ego massage, but maybe that’s the reward? 

The people who’ve been close to me these last few weeks. You’ve been amazing. Yes, you have. Just smile and accept my admiration, gratitude and love. 

You all know the drill, stay safe, look after yourselves and one another. Be nice. If nice isn’t an option, be polite and succinct. If that’s not an option, try the above again anyway. If not be respectful and be happy without those who don’t make you happy. 
 

Took me a long time to get to that peace. If I can do it anyone can. 
 

AF. 

 

Edited by AtticusFinch
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2 minutes ago, AtticusFinch said:

Well, a busy time in game but not the “trousers down and away we go!” busy. Strictly “undercarriage retracted” for now, why?

That’s my business ;)  

Finally broke my DJ drought, dusted off the decks which is the only time I enjoy any form of housework. (Modern man ya see, well, modern-ish!) Deck covers are a fantastic invention so not as much work. Far more important and exciting stuff to do! 

So yeah, 

Played a 2 hour set of hair metal from the 80s (do I need to specify the decade? Maybe not but there’s rock from the 80s where the band aren’t infatuated with where their going to insert penises “all night long” so it’s there for reference.) preceded with a set of rock from the 90s that wasn’t grunge. 

Set went down well, a quiet room and my job was to kick off the evening.  I hopefully fulfilled the brief and had a good night, just easing into the processes, watching local to see if I can pick up on conversation topics and banter, maybe throw in a cheeky song to spur things along. 
 

It’s bloody knackering though! 
 

I was buzzing my face off with adrenaline, the pre gig nerves Gin long since consumed and not touching the sides. A familiar feeling since entering adulthood and the stratosphere of music. Bloody love it! 

Last weekend I got to relive a very significant event in my life. A re enactment of an unlicensed rave in a derelict building! 

I got talking to a friend who told me they were building a rave room and that an event was being planned. I switched on my inner promoter mode and offered my experience as someone who once upon a time accidentally got into the scene at its birth and somehow got the opportunity to spin.

My offer was accepted, we made sure the law wasn’t watching (well, kinda it’s 3DX...) and last Saturday we relived those glorious days of partying like it was 1989 (a full ten years before Prince for reference).

The room was perfect. An abandoned building that had a path of glow sticks leading to a rusty spiral staircase, leading into a dank basement with protest slogans and some murals on the walls. At the back a very basic deck and lighting set up. I was almost worried the police would burst in and put a stop to it all!

One of the best builds I’ve seen. You felt like you’d been in a van with a CB radio or listening to a pirate FM station waiting for instructions and codes directions. 

For the first time in over 30 years I had what could only be described as “a virtual trip into space worthy of Gagarin and Armstrong” a comedown that took about a day and a half to shake off and a Monday morning that despite statistics, was quite good! The blue feeing soon dissolved like a piece of edible rice paper on the tongue as thoughts of the gig, along with some hazy flashbacks from “back in the day” came into my soul like dawn on a Goa beach.

And all this didn’t involve any ingestion of E, speed or litres of well known bovine branded energy drink or at a last resort “buzz” cola. (Never did take anything “naughty” if I was behind decks, sometimes did when I was in front of them ;) ) 

Sometimes you just don’t need to take your pants down to have a good time, that’s as true in life as it is in game.

The best part?

I made new friends, laid.a few anxious thoughts and doubts to rest, I spent time with someone very dear to me and it felt magnificent. I got asked to come back and since stepping back into my DJ shoes (converse ftw!) I’ve had postive feedback and set up more possible gigs. 

My final thought bit for this episode. 

I don’t care what anyone says, if sex is your thing in game, great. If it’s building or DJing, hosting a games room.

So long as you enjoy it, have fun with the rest of us and make 3DX a place to truly escape the real world, then you’re doing a wonderful thing.

Do your thing, pants off or pants down. (Respecting any rules or court rulings/ injunctions of course. Helicoptering in a public room? Don’t.... cos mud sticks  ;) ) 

You’re helping someone smile, laugh, relax, cry, relieve stress, experience joy, ecstasy, enlightenment, fond memories. Yup, you are and without knowing it or expecting anything in return. Sure we all love a little ego massage, but maybe that’s the reward? 

The people who’ve been close to me these last few weeks. You’ve been amazing. Yes, you have. Just smile and accept my admiration, gratitude and love. 

You all know the drill, stay safe, look after yourselves and one another. Be nice. If nice isn’t an option, be polite and succinct. If that’s not an option, try the above again anyway. If not be respectful and be happy without those who don’t make you happy. 
 

Took me a long time to get to that peace. If I can do it anyone can. 
 

AF. 

 

This!

Thanks, Atticus

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hello diary,

How are you oh keeper of my innermost ramblings? 

I’ve been better. 

Over the last 2 weeks, I opened my heart, opened my soul, was transparent as I could be but I got burned.

I’ll take this as a very valuable lesson. Hide my heart and soul away along with my bollocks, focus on my DJing prowess, hanging out with my in game friends and being the same idiot I ever was, just not with everyone I meet. 
 

Ill still be nice, goof off, be shy, be stupid, be human. I’m just going to make sure that whoever matters to me knows I matter to me too. 

I won’t berate, begrudge, be “bastard” be a “BBC” or bieber, a BB gun or heck bieber dressed as a bee with BBC and a BB gun. 

The BBC (the broadcaster and not the well hung types) have declined to pilot this as a TV show, just for reference. 

Skin thicker than a Rhino’s arse just got made a little bit thicker. 

I’ll be okay. 
A lesson from a dear friend taught me many years via a song he wrote, “Don’t worry ‘bout me. I’ll be alright.” 

Love ya Ginger. 

 

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There was a saying the other day that feels relevant to the whole online interactions thing. 
 

“Give a person a mask to wear, and they will show you their true face.”

Our true faces come out once the screen hides it from others, I feel. 
Sorry you got burned, but as you mentioned, it builds thicker skin.

And trust me, no matter how thick your skin gets, the right people will find your soft ticklish spots anyway. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, 
That’s me done. 
 

I can’t handle this nut farm. I admit it. I can’t cut the virtual mustard. 

I’ve tried so much in so many ways but there’s no quenching the beast that’s 3DX. I’m tired. My heart aches. My soul is yearning for something else. Life is fleeting and I’m in a sex game pretending to be a hot shot lover and DJ....

 

What the fuck am I doing? 
 

Last night had me seeing it all too clear for what it is and that for me is waste of my time, energy and passion. I stepped and thought of a line from the movie “Heat” that only Al Pacino could deliver. 
 

“Don’t waste my motherfucking time!” 

So I won’t from now on.

I won’t waste anyone’s time and won’t let anyone or anything waste mine. 

(I had a list of reasons here but I removed them. It’ll like preaching to the converted)

If it’s your thing then I wish you well but I ask you all to ask yourself one question.

”Is there a anything I could be doing that would be far more fulfilling?” 
 

Be honest :) 

Take care, stay safe. 

Edited by AtticusFinch
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1 hour ago, AtticusFinch said:

”Is there a anything I could be doing that would be far more fulfilling?” 
 

Be honest :) 

That is a good point right there, and for me?
Plenty.


But to use a food analogy, even though a good sit down dinner is more fulfilling.
Doesn't mean you can't go out and get some greasy junkfood every now and then.
3DX is that junkfood~

 

Seriously though, fare thee well out there, and safe travels!

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5 hours ago, Derai said:

That is a good point right there, and for me?
Plenty.


But to use a food analogy, even though a good sit down dinner is more fulfilling.
Doesn't mean you can't go out and get some greasy junkfood every now and then.
3DX is that junkfood~

 

Seriously though, fare thee well out there, and safe travels!

Good analogy.
 

Same with narcotics or any toxins. You get the buzz but when your body tells you “enough” then you listen. I guess my mind intervened and as per advice. I heeded the warning. 

Oh and the fast food euphemisms one could associate with here? There’s quite a list. ;) 

I’ll indulge in junk food once in a while, but too much makes me ill and the novelty of handing a juicy whopper, badly packed kebab (one for the Aussies there) or succulent breast, thigh or leg wears off. (See? That’s how easy it is to make it smutty. You’re welcome 😁 ). 

Safe travels and stuff to you too. 🙂
 

 

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6 hours ago, AtticusFinch said:

 ”Is there a anything I could be doing that would be far more fulfilling?” 
 

Be honest :) 

Take care, stay safe. 

Yes, much.  And I am doing those things as much as possible.  In fact, if it wasn't for this pandemic, I doubt I would have ever dropped into this world.  And as we put Covid and all its restrictions in the rearview mirror, I anticipate my time spent here will wane a bit.

Interesting timing of your post.  I spent an hour last night in one of the more busy clubs. Although a party can be a blast, I am learning quickly the club scene usually ends with me leaving unfulfilled and uninspired. Not always, but more often than not.  I left alone, feeling that was time that could have been better spent somewhere else.

However, put me on the shores of Lake Keely, or under the hot sun on a beach in the company of someone that interests me, and as importantly,  I interest them?  Quite fulfilling.  I need to do more of this!

Do what you find fulfilling or at least satisfying to you personally.  Holds true here as well as anywhere!

I wish you well, Atticus.  Your thoughts have always been valued by me.

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  • 9 months later...

Wotcha!

Just checking in if anyone still reads this stuff here and gives a damn. Hope you're surviving and being safe in these crazy times.

Just going to lay some stuff down here, I actually came back because as we all know, one can never truly leave beacause as much as you try and leave,  you'll always come back. 

I'm a little hazy after a combination of Covid and Cycling accident in which I come off second best against a delivery van which from what I'm told is pretty much a "two strikes out of three" scenario. Not a clever move by me but I'm human and very fucking stubborn. I found that moving steel and plastic out stubborned me and well, yeah. Thank fuck I was waering a helmet otherwise this post wouldve been posthumous.

Having a chunk of memory almost wiped, the human equivalent of a disk defrag isnt fun. Then there's regaining cognitive functions not to mention reminding my legs they have purpose really sucks without a montage and appropriate music. 

Also, putting un-neccassary strain on the health service when its already at crisis really makes see just hoe selfish you can be. All i could think was "how dare I think they way I thought that day".  

Lesson learned. 

So um yeah.

Lots of apologies, bridges to be possibly re built and "old aquaintances be forgot" to be "unforgotten" . They say there may be food shortages this coming season, I'll be fine with copious helpings of humble pie ;)

Take it easy. Be Kind.

(Sometimes however, a kick in the junk to get one thinking and things moving can work wonders. 👍 )

 

 

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20 hours ago, JackPine said:

Nektar truly is one of the good ones. 

Wishing you the best on your recovery,  Atticus. 

Oh yes ;)

I'm getting there, more ahing now than anything but I'll put that down to ravages of time as well as being subject to some impromptu Van collision protection device testing :D

My lungs feel like I tried to drink the contents of a lake during a particularly ardous swim but I'm getting better every day, thankful I'm okay otherwise. Just as Monty Python's Brian was called in the film, I'm a very "lucky bastard!", not "The Messiah" or indeed "A very naughty boy" ;)

Hope you're well Jack, Thanks very much for your kind wishes, theyre truly appreciated :)

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2 hours ago, AtticusFinch said:

Oh yes ;)

I'm getting there, more ahing now than anything but I'll put that down to ravages of time as well as being subject to some impromptu Van collision protection device testing :D

My lungs feel like I tried to drink the contents of a lake during a particularly ardous swim but I'm getting better every day, thankful I'm okay otherwise. Just as Monty Python's Brian was called in the film, I'm a very "lucky bastard!", not "The Messiah" or indeed "A very naughty boy" ;)

Hope you're well Jack, Thanks very much for your kind wishes, theyre truly appreciated :)

Thank you, Atticus.   I have had my ups and downs here and out of 3DXCHAT,  but overall I would have to say I'm a very lucky bastard and quite the naughty boy. 😉 Life is too short to not at least try to enjoy the ride and share good times!

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Great to see the diaries of others here still being updated with some fascinating and titillating reading!

As for me, nothing exciting to report. I'm back in game after 3 months away and slowly getting used to it, keeping myself to myself, made a couple of new freinds, re aquainted with others. A lot of pennance to be served for one particular person but I'm leaving that person well alone to conduct thier life as they wish. I'm not one to pester or hang around if I'm not wanted.

Anyway.

Somehow, I've ended up with over a year's gametime to burn (376 Days) and I'm almost certain my subcription was almost up. Ah well looks im around for a while, I'll keep low key and observe, talk about music.As for anything else, I'm really feeling it and even I'm separated now I still feel I'd be cheating or at the very least goading someone. I've caused enough pain and endured enough to last the rest of my days. It's also really exhausting. 

Speaking of pennance well I guess Attonement. I was asked by hospital staff if I could help with a few charity events which require someone to set up a PA, some music and so on. I grabbed this oppurtunity with both hands. After the strain I've placed on an already stretched health service how could even contemplate declining? The first event was last Thursday and they made 1200 quid for an orphanage. After a conversation with the staff who organised it, I'll endaveour never to be an asshole to anyone ever again. I thought I knew what "lonely" was with estranged parents. At least I knew them when they were alive through to my 40s.

Incidentally, I've volunteered to help in anyway I can. If I can shed the tiniest shard of light into someone's life? A spark of inspiration?

Academic. I'm there, and doing for more good than I ever did in game

Right, this just offloading now, I'll stop bearing in mind where we are and what this diary section is about. I'll have sex again if I'm in game then we all know it's there and sooner or later I'll click with someone and well, you know the rest ;)

I hope to see some of around sometime. you're a good bunch if a lil screwey, but then again, aren't we all? 

 

Take care, be safe, be happy, be loved.

 

 

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