RobSouthOfTheRiver

Interesting. I can relate to a certain degree, especially at present. This game is a double edged sword for those of us who have esteem issues (which I believe most people here, if honest, would admit to). Here there are people that will give us the attention we seek out and because of that, we tend to at times put more value on them than they do on us, so we transfer our ideas of what we have to that person or those people. I admittedly have done this and still am having a hard time not doing it. This is where the bad part of the sword comes through and guts us. We tend to get mad when we feel slighted (and the object we feel slighted us, doesn't even realize there is an issue is as serious to us as it is, because we transferred our unattainable expectations of how they should feel and act towards us without realizing it.

When this happens, we realize we are wrong, but in our pain and desire to get the other to validate our feelings (even though all they can do is acknowledge they understand we feel that way, but somehow because we were on a "level" with them we expect more. This leads to more craziness and irrationality.

The important thing that we must remember but is hardest to, is no one can value us more than we value ourselves, no one can truly ever love us as much as we need to love ourselves. It is easy for us to believe someone else does when they give us attention and respect we may otherwise be missing. However, we must remember that they can only love us as much as we love ourselves and that our self esteem and value is NOT based on how they feel about us (whether real or imagined) but how we feel about ourselves.

Now, my irrational way of doing this is to nuke the bridge not just burn it and make my apology and cut them from my life. Nuking the bridge to me is important because that does not allow me to go back to them and possibly allow those feelings to regrow. (I know it is an irrational rationalization, but it helps me. 

Also, I try to be very up front with how I do have a dark side and that if they start to see it and feel insecure, to tell me. Sometimes they see it and tell me then it is up to me to listen or ignore... sadly they get so lost in my attention as well they don't see it coming or ignore the warnings as well. The ONLY answer is open and honest communication and this place can be very hard to find that. I do believe it is there.

Anyway, I hope this helped, it was actually therapeutic to write out and think about.

Peace be with you, Yvo and please realize you are worth more than the value you have given that person to put on you.





 

I understand if you are not looking for a response from anyone else...and I understand if my response is too simplistic for your situation...but it's clear this person you love makes you feel good about yourself and you feel like you need her. What you must try and do for both your sakes is the following.
 
Firstly forgive yourself for what has happened; this is the most important thing. Secondly find ways to love yourself. From your post I am sure you are a lovely person at heart. Finally and I know it's cliché but If you love this person you must set her free to be all that she can be.
 
I wish you luck.

I wanted to add something...
 
YOU deserve to grow and flourish like all living things. It will take time but you cannot be free while longing for someone else. The happiness you want is inside you. The hard part is finding it, but you can do it.

I wanted to add something...
 
YOU deserve to grow and flourish like all living things. It will take time but you cannot be free while longing for someone else. The happiness you want is inside you. The hard part is finding it, but you can do it.

I understand if you are not looking for a response from anyone else...and I understand if my response is too simplistic for your situation...but it's clear this person you love makes you feel good about yourself and you feel like you need her. What you must try and do for both your sakes is the following.
 
Firstly forgive yourself for what has happened; this is the most important thing. Secondly find ways to love yourself. From your post I am sure you are a lovely person at heart. Finally and I know it's cliché but If you love this person you must set her free to be all that she can be.
 
I wish you luck.

Well, here is something that bears repeating:
 
 
 
Well put. Brava, Dee.

For the past two and a half years, I have had a female avatar named Clarity. For reasons of my own, I deleted that avatar today. Deleting an avatar, however, does not automatically remove that name from people's friend lists. So I probably should not have been too  surprised when, just a few hours later, a friend of mine PMed me to ask: "If you deleted Clarity, why is she online now?" 
 
Sure enough, someone has already used that name again. It's a great name, and I am sure that person has no intention of impersonating me. But I am posting this just to inform everyone that, if you do see the new Clarity, she is not me.
 
Sage/Vixen Stoner
 
 

"Aphrodite's Temple"
Grand Opening on Saturday September 23rd from 5 PM until 1 AM (EST).
​
Chaire Kallisti Gheneodori Aphrodite
(Hail Beautiful Generous Aphrodite)​
Visit our ground level "Pandemos", representing lust and desires of the flesh. The upper level "Urania" represents love and spirituality. Refresh yourself in our lower level bathhouse. Temple "Hetairas" (silver mask with black flower) will accept your cold invites. ♥♪♫ Cum get multiple eargasms with BreeSummers in the mix from 5-6, and Maelstrom from 7-10 PM ♫♪♥  Hope to see you there. With Love........Rosemoon❣
P.S. Our "Staff Advisers" are currently recruiting additional hetairas, if you are interested in helping to spread the love, ask them or me for details.

mmm fresh air ❤ nothing like being outside after a miserable storm ❤ thank you Gizmo ❤

Here is a few more for the lovely couple! Congrats!!
 

 

 

 

 
Whooops Where that one come from!
 

Just want to say Congratulations to my two dear friends Guinevere and Natalieee  who will be Married tonight at Midnight  I Love you both and wish you both happiness and Love

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_mHlg7FW2IA

...

I read in an earlier comment that to engage in this platform (good choice of word by the way Domino, we see eye-to-eye over the game/virtual world axis) as a male operated female avi is to allow connections to be made emotionally rather than visually, and I'd not thought of it like that before. That makes sense, expressed in that way.
 
That said, do men trade out their equal right to an emotional reaction when their fantasy is punctuated by that of another 'playing' by different rules? Because implying it's merely tough on you to engage with a male operated female avi beyond mere casual fucks and under the assumption that gender was 'authentic' in real life suggests the right to have one's approach to 3DX validated is a one-way street.
 
I'm not saying anyone has the right to mope round our world in a permanent state of butthurt (dust yourself down and move on), and furthermore, anyone who chooses to engage in casual fucking must do so with the mindset of pure fantasy, but to slant this place's culture so dramatically in the direction of 'buyer beware' hints at justification rather than empathy. There's not enough of that in 3DX, from all points of view.
 
I guess it's natural discord will emerge from 'playing' by different rules, I mean the 'game' below wouldn't end well would it?
 
 

Twiggy and I do not agree often... But, although I did not read the full post. She is on to something. If someone says that they do indeed mind if the pixel they are fucking turns out to be a woman when thought to be a man, they may have issue with it... That means that they are looking at the place as OKCupid.
 
I said earlier on that if I don't know ehhh. However, in many cases these things come to light. Then it becomes a problem for me. Let's be honest, if you spend a certain percentage of your time in this game not fucking, then you are forming bonds. That is and has always been the crux of the issue. I have been in relationships here. Meh... That shit never works and I came with that mindset but ended up getting involved. Rookie mistake, so be it. That said, I have met some people here that I would have no issue with kicking it in real life. Initially, anyway, but it has since dwindled down to one. You log and you learn and all that. That said, consider the person behind the avi and use me as an example if you will. I said it has dwindled down to one. A female that I am friends with and have been for a long time. It would indeed have an impact if I found out she was a dude. We have shared so much with each other. Not in a relationship sense but just friends. You'd feel the sting of betrayal but I only blame myself because I allowed it to happen. What happens after, I am paranoid and make new people feel less welcomed because the experience has taught me to treat everyone the same. That is just from my point of view.
 
Take a friend, I referenced her in another post... She does not like men. Yes this is a place of fantasy but people who choose to mind fuck and deceive become addicted to the power that they perceive that they have. As a result, eventually the truth is learned and my friend, she doesn't play this game... But if she had, then discovered that her fave fuck buddy.. Keeping it in non OKCupid terms, was a man, she would indeed feel violated.
 
So yeah, enjoy your fantasy. Hey I might get it. I mean, I have had dudes send me dick pics and I am like ehhh. The fantasy is ruined. But I can deal with someone lying about the size of their cock versus their gender. Much like my friend could deal with a woman saying she was 25 when she was really 45 versus a man. It is a different level of deceit and it also eliminates choice. If I am hetero, I should have a choice rather or not I wanna fuck a man or a woman. Lying about it only makes me feel violated. 
 
In the case of transgender, I get it as much as a hetero female can. I do not walk in your shoes so I cannot live in your struggle. Still, as such, you have your own sexual preference. I am sure that you would not want to be lied to by the person you are being intimate with. I am drunk so I hope this makes sense. lol

It gets me how people seem to think this is all about people wanting to find love or have relationships.
That is only a part of it and it has been pointed out so many times what other problems it causes I am not going to bother to go through them l again.
But I will say this and use a scenario that was put accross by someone in an earlier comment, but with a small change.
A dudett is sitting at the bar and a girl approaches him and says hi, things progress and it looks like they are both looking for sex.
The dudett finds out that the girl that has approached him is actually the same as he, another dudett.
Dudett is no longer interested in having sex.
 
The point I am making there, is most of the people doing this even care about the sex of the person behind the keyboard.

Hey Mickey, really well said, one of the best comments I have seen on the subject and I agree 100% with everything you said.
I would like to add something to it though, something I have realised from things happening to me in the game over the last few days and what these post and comments like yours do for the game.
There are people that do not like seeing these threads, some for obvious reasons, they are the ones that are doing it, and others that are just sick of seeing them and think nothing can be done.
Well it will never be completely or even come close to being resolved, but these posts do have an effect.
All we can do is hope to change peopels attitudes, take away some of the excuses they use to justify to themselves they are doing no wrong, show them the problems it causes and hope it has an effect on some.
My opinion there is it does have an effect on quite a few and does help to reduce the amount of people doing it, and also make the some of ones that continue be more careful to not hurt anyone.
So I don't mind seeing these posts every now and then, I would even go as far as saying they are needed.
It's funny how things you say in this forum can show up in the game.
I noticed over the last few days there has been a pile of guys I haven't seen or heard from for a long time suddenly PMing me.
I would even go as far as saying I was getting swamped with pms and the last time I went in the game I started wondering why all of a sudden is this happening again.
I think it is possible that at least for some of these guys that it is because of something I said in this thread.
Where one of the problems it causes for me is that guys, friends, vanish or are hardly seen in the game, where I later find out they have still been in the game playing as a female and have friended me as that female.
Now I am not saying that all these guys that have suddenly come back in the game and PMing me are that, and I hope like hell that most aren't.
But I think I would be stupid to think that it is just a pure coincidence and that they have all just suddenly came back.
Oh and by the way, for the guys that have pmed me lately that are genuine and have been out of the game for a while, I know who you are so please don't take offense to this.

Verification adds another layer of possible privacy concerns to an already extremely sensitive subject. A simple picture maybe? And then in comes photoshop. It is extremely easy to learn a few tricks in Photoshop and game says verification system. That leaves drivers licenses or ID Books/Passports/ID Cards and NOBODY wants to be on any database like that in a sex game. Ashley Maddison is a case in point as is the recent Yahoo! reveal. I highly highly doubt 3DX has anything remotely approaching adequate security and protection on their systems if chops already in the game can execute simple hacks to check account ID's and avatar information and alts (sorry kiddies it happens, grab them tinfoil hats). Plus... many of these documents can be faked too (Fake Obama passport anyone?).
 
You could try using credit card verification through BMT but again I give you the wonderful side of security and privacy concern, plus I know people that pay for others accounts so that's a wash too, plus the other side of the argument. 3DX is supposed to be fantasy and semi-anonymity and sharing info only if and when you choose. However I do see the point and I was unlucky enough to believe somebody was a woman (3 of them over the course of my game time), only to end up in a cock-measuring contest because they turned out to be gentlemen. It's pretty much the reason I decided to be totally non-sexual in 3DX unless I knew the person and they had shared. I have a few friends from here on Skype, one of them I talk to daily, and she is amazing and a wonderful person and friend that I care deeply for, the others I chat to on and off weekly, sometimes far longer.
 
At the end of the day you will have honest people, those just in it for the fantasy, those trying to hide who they are, and dishonest people, and those stuck in the middle and it will always be there you will never eliminate it, that's the anonymity the Internet affords people. Unfortunately we live in a world where some do not care what their actions cause, nor do the care about the repercussions of said actions. The honest ones suffer for it and the people in the middle suffer.
 
Personally I hope these people that are dishonest keep getting caught and keep getting called out! The old adage "There are real humans behind the Avatar" is still important but these people don't care. When they are caught suddenly we see these "heartfelt" posts about the "mistakes" and whatnot. Google's motto is "Don't be evil". These people should take a page out of that book and stop fucking around with people's feelings. The ones that are honest about who and what they are have my respect. The ones that don't have my ire. Just my 2c and the last day I'll have in this thread.

A while ago there was a big call from the community for a 3rd gender to be added to the and the devs solution was to add cocks to females. I think they did a great job with that and it adds to roleplay etc. I understand your point Twiggy but I think it adds to the gender expression of the game. What I think would be really cool would be this. We all have one avi with one name but would be able to switch gender entirely at anytime like we can change our clothes.

Given that 3DXChat 1.0 is almost dead, and the topic of, "Is 3DXChat dying?"  now over and locked, I wanted to start a new topic now that 2.0 is finally upon us, full of possibilities and a renewed sense of imagination.
 
Though I can't speak for the entire community, these are questions that I've been able to formulate in my mind, now that I've been free and clear of this game for a few months now, no longer driven by the negativity that misguided my thinking before, asking me to question something's death, rather than supporting it to live.
 
Speaking for myself, at some point you have to grow up, and if you really love something, then you have to ask the proper questions in order for it to grow in the right direction, though not everyone will see your vision the same as you do, and that's okay. Not everyone's going to agree with everything said here, but I'm hoping most, will.
 
And with this new thread, I bring with it updated questions from my previous thread; much like 2.0 itself, upgraded as well.
 
Now that 3DXChat 2.0 is being tested in beta, what more could we do as a community to help better along the game's process, besides bug testing? Are you in need of artists willing to donate their time to help sketch out ideas for you? Are you looking for 3D artists that can help create more sex poses for you? If we could all pick one item of practical clothing we'd love to see come to life in this game, would that help alleviate the amount of content in some manner?
 
What tools would we need in order for us to help with all of this? Are there people in the community willing to team up to help create any of this content?
 
What can we do better, as a community, to bring back the spark of development for your game? How can we better enrich the flow of progress here? How can we better invest in your game? Are you in need of crowd funding? Could our frustrations be diminished, collectively as a whole, if we all work together?
 
If I could sit the developer down in front of you, right now, and ask them to listen to you, without the fear of being censored by the only two moderators left in this forum now, how would you help them, if you would help them at all?
 
I'm sure there are other questions that will arise, but for now, I'd like to initiate these to help begin a conversation. And if you have nothing constructive to add to this conversation, trust me, I was just like you.
 
If I can grow up and try to help, I'm sure you can, too.

Made a similar suggestion once before in the a debate like this, but response then was they didn't want to divide the community up. Personally i think verification will end doing more harm than good. Think many here are what developers call "vacationers" that come mainly to escape RL and have a bit of fun, think maybe of those would make some consideration about continuing if things here because to serious. Also think there probably a few also in relationship that are either curious or want some interaction they don't deem as cheating on their spouses, who have no interest in getting this more dating oriented.
 
But personally i don't mind a optional gender verification, but if you did that i think you would divide community up. If or not you choose to server divide based on verification. Because those that need to know their partners gender verified will only be interested in other verified, plus a lot of those who choose not to verify will likely avoid them too would be my personal guess.
 
But personally i still find the topic a bit Biased, mostly because it seems to be good ethical consensus you have to be honest about gender, but a dozen other areas it's apparently okay to keep appearance, lie or present a illusion. Like say for instance white guys playing black guys with big cocks, people not writing their real ages, list goes on.. So feel like it's a bit of a witch hunt on one area while living a fantasy or illusion perfectly fine for others.
Which i think be some my issues that seem to be selective about what good disclosure morales or not.

I see your point Twiggy, and I agree with you that it does suck for for people to get really involved with someone only to find out their sex doesn't match their in-game avatar. However it comes with the territory of any game that allows players to be female. Especially in a game like this where sex is the major focus. The funny thing is you can make a survey irl, and ask 500 guys are they gay and have they ever thought about being a girl? And probably very little will say yes if any at all. But you come to a game like this where all the females in the game are almost exclusively played by guys; something's not adding up. That is because from birth, boys are thought to be tough, don't cry, show no emotion, and most importantly don't be gay. Almost every American male child is raised based on this philosophy, and you have a lot of men who can't be who they want to be in real life because of very real physical harm potentially coming their way as well as alienating their family. They often suffer from depression and 3DX and similar games is the only outlet they have to just be who they feel like they are. I do think it's wrong for guys to trick other guys into thinking they're a girl when they're not, but like I said it comes with the territory for a game like this. And people will continue to get hurt, because no matter if you just want to bang the person or not, if you continue to bang the person, feelings will grow and eventually one person will want to take it further.

Oh sorry Sambo but you have got it so wrong.
Us girls don't want to feel special in the game, we already do.
I for one have a lot of guys that know i am a girl in rl and are made to feel special.
Once guys get to know you are a real girl it is already that way, but for anyone new in the game it takes them away from our focus.
We just get sick to death of having to prove we are real women behind the keyboard, or I do anyway.
So getting to be involved with any new guys is where it efffects us, but to me that doesn't really matter, there are a few guys I know that play a similar game to me and I am kept very happy.
I feel sorry for any new guys though, they very quickly learn that most girls in here aren't really girls.
I think most real girls that have been here for a while feel like I do, which kind of puts the new guys ina bad position.
If they are going to care if it is a girl behind the keyboard, and I think most do, then it takes to much time for them to get to know who are really girls and who are not.
 
For me my biggest grief with what goes on is seeing friends get involved with someone where I have reason to believe the girl they got involved with is not a girl in rl.
That goes for both guys and girls as often it is a lesbian or Bi sexual female I know and am friends with that get tied up in it.
Now I don't do relationships myself, but at any one time at least half the people in there are in some sort of relationship and a lot take it very seriously.
No one can deny that, people that have been here a while anyway will know that, and people look for that type of affection and being made to feel special to someone.
It is their problem I know but when I see it happening I worry about the friend I have tied up in it and what I know he or she will go through if it gets found out.
It is also really frustrating to know that you can't do anything, you have no proof and it is just not the done thing to go running around saying, hey I am pretty sure your gf is a guy.
Far to many times I have seen it happen, someone gets found out and the effect it has not only on the person they are with, but lots of people around them.
And I can't help but also feel guilty for not having said anything.
 
Then there is the amount of times I have believed a friend, a guy, to have left the game, only to find out he had made a female avi, not let anyone know and had actually friended me with that female avi.
I can't help but then feel let down by that person and pissed off.
I understand why they do it, as long as they can believe or fantasies the girl they are with is a real girl behind the keyboard then they get what they are looking for and what they were having trouble getting playing as a guy.
That is what most of them are doing, some go for guys hiding they are trangenders or gat guys, but mostly it seems to be guys just wanting to get with girls.
And that is why it is so strongly argued against, they don't want to have to give away who they are because if they do then they will not be able to imagine or fantasies that all these girls are really girls as most are just other guys doing the same thing.
So the problem will persist, the transgenders will keep getting a bad rap, the lesbians will always be targets, the males who stay males will always be unsure, females will always be made to prove they are females and people will just continue to get hurt.
But above all that, the game will just keep getting a worse and worse reputation.

Check this out...
 
http://inews.co.uk/essentials/lifestyle/people/being-gender-fluid/