Henrys Posted November 15, 2013 Share Posted November 15, 2013 This joke involves an elephant who is walking through the jungle. And all of a sudden he falls into a pit and is stuck there. The elephant is stuck in this pit and realises that he is going to die, so naturally he start to scream. By chance a chicken hears the screaming of the elephant and decides to investigate. He sees the elephant stuck in the pit and shouts to the elephant: "Dont worry, I am going to save you". The chicken then calls on the King of the Jungle. The King of the Jungle promptly arrives in his *Red Porsche*. He throws a rope from the Porche into the pit, the elephant ties it around himself and the King of the Jungle pulls him out of the pit. The elephant is saved (loud applause). So grateful is the elephant to the chicken that he promises him that he will one day do the same for him (if the chicken should ever be in mortal danger). As chance would have it, the next week the elephant is walking thru' the jungle and hears the screaming of a chicken. He wanders over and sees that his friend the chicken is stuck in a pit. (ohh, gosh) The elephant shouts "Don't worry chicken I will save you". So the elephant throws his tail into the pit. However this tail is too small and the chicken cannot reach it. Undeterred by this the elephant throws in his trunk, but, alas this also is too small. As a last desperate effort the elephant throws in his his penis. Sucess! The chicken grabs the elephants enormous penis and climbs out to safety. Moral of the story: "If you have a big dick you don't need a red Porsche to pull a chick." Polte, Shawn and Bran 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted November 16, 2013 Share Posted November 16, 2013 Bran and Darion 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Elodie Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 A guy enters the room, a goat in his arms. Her lying on the bed woman is reading a book. The man said:M : Look honey, it's the cow as I fuck when you got migraines.W : If you were not silly at this point you would realize that this is a goat, meet women.M : If you were not silly at this point you understand that I was talking to the goat ... Bran and mounnir 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JeanetteVoerman Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 I hope this time no one will be shocked. After an evening , a guy brings his girlfriend home in a nice neighborhood. When kiss to say goodnight , the guy starts to feel excited. With a confident air, he leaned toward her , smiling a contiguous hand on the wall , and said:- My dear, would you do me a blowjob ?Shocked , she replied:- Are you sick? My parents could see us!- Oh come on! Which will see us at this hour? he insists breathlessly .- No, please, Forget it. Imagine that gets caught ?- Oh come on! Everyone asleep at this hour .- No question. It's too risky !- Please, please, I love you so much !- No, no, and no. I love you too, but I can not!- I beg ...Suddenly , the light in the staircase lights, and the older sister of the girl appears in pajamas, hair disheveled , puffy eyes , and their announcement of a sleepy voice :- Dad told me to tell you or you him his blowjob , or it's me who made him his blowjob. If necessary , mom says she can come down herself at him . But please , tell him to remove his hand from the intercom ... Bran, Polte and tullisa 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bran Posted November 26, 2013 Author Share Posted November 26, 2013 Happens.... Polte and Darion 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Elodie Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Happens.... this is where you say => dady nooo! mounnir and Bran 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Elodie Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 A kid who sees a dog in the street trying to fucking a female dog asks his father what they do.The embarrassed father explains that the dog lies beneath does not want to go niche, and the dog is trying to push for the return.Kid: "It's like mom yesterday, fortunately she held well onto the sink, otherwise the factor took her with him to the station. " Bran 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Loki and Bran 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JeanetteVoerman Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 This is a man who returns home on Oct. 31. He grabs his wife and kissed her breasts. His wife said:- What are you doing here!He answers foolishly:- Well what? This is the feast of all saints! Ha!The next day, his wife grabbed him, pulls down his pants and gives him a little kiss on the penis. Her husband said:- What are you doing here?And his wife:- After the feast of Saints, it is the festival of the dead, right? Loki, Bran and Polte 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted December 6, 2013 Share Posted December 6, 2013 WW II.2 well trained German spies were chosen for a top secret mission in London because of their good command of English.They were perfectly fluent and spoke the purest Oxford English without any accent.The aim of their mission was to infiltrate the British HQ and kill Churchill. Both end up in a pub downtown London and in order to blend in, they ask for 2 martinis at the counter.They go seat. A few seconds later the waiter comes to their table and asks :- You two gentlemen ordered martinis ?- Yes, we indeed did.- dry ?- NEIN ZWEI ! And that's how Churchill escaped death from 2 German spies. (if you dont get it, you should learn some basic german ) Bran 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bran Posted December 9, 2013 Author Share Posted December 9, 2013 Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies "Yes I do!" and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighterSurprised the guy asks "Where did you get this?" The guy replies "Oh I have a personal genie." The first man asks "Can I make a wish? "Sure says the other man "Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing""Ok I will" says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over headAnd the guy says to the other " Your genie realy sucks at hearing doesnt he?" The other man replies "I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC" Polte 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bran Posted December 10, 2013 Author Share Posted December 10, 2013 Sorry Boss Shawn and Polte 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JeanetteVoerman Posted December 10, 2013 Share Posted December 10, 2013 In a clinic, a doctor makes his rounds of the rooms, when it falls on a type masturbating violently. Shocked, he calls a nurse and asked what happens. The nurse replied:- This man suffers from a rare disease that causes an overproduction of sperm in the testes. If this man does not masturbate every two hours, his testicles can explode and may die in agony ... The doctor is surprised but continues his tour and two rooms away, here is a nurse sucking a patient as if his life depended on it! He recalled the nurse and asked:- And it is what?- The same, but, he has an excellent social safety ... Polte, Shawn and Bran 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted December 18, 2013 Share Posted December 18, 2013 How I think I look running:How I actually look: Polte and Bran 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bran Posted December 24, 2013 Author Share Posted December 24, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackValentine Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 Hi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted December 26, 2013 Share Posted December 26, 2013 There's that long distance truck driver entering his local bar mumbling "I hate Austin Minis! I hate Austin Minis!"He sits down at the counter still mumbling "I hate Minis!". The bartender asks him "what's wrong mate"?- I hate Minis!- Yeah, but what happened?- I was heading for my delivery, minding my own business... I hate Minis!- ...- I hate Minis! I saw a cute blonde girl with her car stuck in mud down the side of the road... I stopped to help, you know me... I hate Minis!- So what?- I got my new towing chains out... I hate Minis! The new extra strong ones made of pure reinforced titanium... I hate Minis! I hooked them to the car and my truck and hit reverse to pull her car out... I hate Minis!- What happened?- BOTH chains broke down while trying to tow her out! Can you believe that!? I hate Minis!Then came a tiny red Mini. A huge black guy came out with a tiny rope in each hand pretending to help the girl out. I hate Minis! I laughed and told him i'd blow him if he ever managed to get her car out with that...- And ?- I HATE Minis! *sob* Bran 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Mattttt Posted December 29, 2013 Share Posted December 29, 2013 As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". HAHAHAHA! Rickett 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted January 25, 2014 Share Posted January 25, 2014 2003. On board the USS Nicolas Cage, the biggest aircraft carrier of the US navy. Cruising near the eastern Canadian shore.The radio emergency frequency buzzes on the deck : - krrrrr...Unknown vessel, you are on an interception course with us... krrrrr... We advise you to set your course 5 more degrees north to avoid collision... krrr....over... krrr.... - This is the USS Nicolas Cage of the US Navy, we wont alter our course. Please set yours 5 more degrees south to avoid collision. Over - krrrr.... You must deviate your course... krrr.... Please head 5 more degrees north... krrrr... collision inevitable... krrrr... Over - This is general Stubbing from the US Navy, captain of the USS Nicolas Cage speaking. We will remain on our current course. Head 5 more degrees south or face the consequences. Over. - krrr.... This is Pierre Petitepierre speaking.... krrr... We will not change our heading.... krrr.... Head 5 more degrees north or.... krrrrr... consequences will be yours to face... krrr.... Over. - Captain of the USS Nicolas Cage speaking, we are supported by 5 destroyers, 3 nuclear submarines, 2 tankers, 3 anti-submarines destroyers, 4 guided missile cruisers and 3 warships. We are authorized to take any necessary measures to protect our fleet integrity. Deviate your course NOW ! Over. - krrrrr.... This is Pierre and Charles... krrr... We are supported by a few beers, skype contact with our loved ones, a blind dog and a dead parrot... krrr.... We can't let you keep your current heading... krrr... Please head 5 more degrees north before its too late... krrr... Consequences would be terrible if you don't... krrr...Over. - Captain Stubbing speaking. I ORDER you to clear our course ! Failure to do so will only lead to the sinking of your ship within minutes. Over. - krrrr.... What ship ?... krrrr... We're speaking from a f*cking LIGHTHOUSE !... krrr... Over and out. - ... Rickett 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". HAHAHAHA! What is the insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?A man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erikaspencer Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands: Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children. Your daughter, Judith PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home. Rickett 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JeanetteVoerman Posted February 1, 2014 Share Posted February 1, 2014 A young married on honeymoon left his wife to go on a fishing trip. On the edge of the river, he met one of his friends.- What, you're not with your wife?- Well, no, you know how much I love fishing ...- Still, you could have stayed a bit consume your marriage ...- Nope, she has a vaginal infection ... And you know how I love fishing.- Okay, but at that time you could still kiss her a little?- Nope, she have dental abscesses and all her teeth are rotten ... And you know how I love fishing.- Okay, but why you did not take her for a walk?- Impossible, she has a clubfoot. And you know how much I love fishing.- Excuse me, buddy, but if it has so many problems, why did you marry?- Plus she has worms. And you know how much I love fishing ... tullisa 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tullisa Posted February 2, 2014 Share Posted February 2, 2014 → Mom: Why are you pregnant?Daughter: This is our project in college about “Miracle of Life”Mom: Tell me who is he?Daughter:I don’t know, it was a group project Rickett and Bran 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shawn Posted February 5, 2014 Share Posted February 5, 2014 A guy drags a cow inside his bedroom one evening.His wife lies under the sheets starring at him doing so. He utters :- See hunny... She's the stupid fat cow I had to fuck before I met you. - Errr... But we just bought that cow a week ago! We have been married for 10 years! How can you say that?!? - I was not speaking to YOU ! *Pats the head of the cow and wispers* see how dumb she is... *exits gracefully this way ----> [ ]* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JeanetteVoerman Posted February 7, 2014 Share Posted February 7, 2014 tullisa, hy0ga and Bran 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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