xDoe

Have the mods went on strike? I'm trying to post as the real me now and nothing's been approved since Saturday/Sunday.

I did take out a 6 month sub about start of January as it was reduced. I'll make a male avi and try to make it look like me as much as possible, which might be hard XD I don't really have any recent photos of myself as I actually don't really like getting my pic taken. Guess maybe self-conscious, but tbh I'm not sure why I care so much. I can't change my looks (I couldn't even afford to even if I wanted to), but yeah if people judge me on that, they're pretty shallow. I dunno what the most recent pic of me I have, but I'll use that for now until I get an updated one of how much I've aged in the past few years XD I'm not sure if I'll see some of you in game, coz obvious time differences that can vary from being the same to something like 12 hours ahead/behind. Anyways, gunna get a new forum profile done, and will post on this once done, so you can add me as a friend on there if you want to. If not, fair enough.

You can keep the hat Lor The one I actually have is boring and grey, but it keeps my head warm! (especially now it's thinning and I'm going bald. Damn heridatory stuff). Doubt I'd suit the tealish hat anyway. Think you would more Lor! Been thinking, I'll probably make a new forum profile and try leave this whole sorry part of my stupidity behind and start again. Not sure if I'll upload pics of myself, I'm not exactly Brad Pitt, in fact my best feature are probably my blue eyes and even they don't work right. Needed glasses since I was about 13. Ok, I'll shut up now and again thanks to everyone that's posted on this or sent a message.

You know, even though I don't really know half of you, you're some of the best people I've probably ever met in my life (well, those in the hospital with me were amazing too, because they UNDERSTOOD and I could too). My mum went through it for a long time when I was younger, she also had M.E. or "Yuppie Flu" as they called it then. It's now known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Anyway, to answer some people, I've been through CBT numerous times (tbh, it's all they really have). Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't, especially when your mind is so messed up, you don't even know who you are anymore. Maybe that's why I hid behind Doe. I feel bad about stealing her pics, but unlike in Life Is Strange (the game), I can't rewind time. I wish I could. I can see why Doe called herself that after playing most of the game, I haven't yet finished it. She wears the bullets Chloe has in the game and Doe is probably from the ghostly Doe that Max keeps seeing. I just made myself sound even creepier now =/ I'm just sorry I done this crap. Time I re found the old happy me, because he's been gone way too long. I won't be back as Doe, the guilt is still hurting, but it's not all about me. Some of you have said it's no big deal, well it kinda is coz I led you on and hate myself for it. I'm just a sad guy just wishing I could do so many things, change so many things, but I'm just one guy who's messed up a lot and regrets so many things, others I don't, coz I wouldn't be here. A whole load of people in the world wouldn't be here if they regretted everything. Like I said, a lot of me did show through. The songs I've posted sometimes speak loads about how I feel, I still actually play games, though not as much as I use to. I grew up with the damn things from the Sinclair ZX81, to Sinclair Spectrum+2, to a Commodore Amiga 500+ and through Idk how many PC's. Was never really one for the consoles though. Anyway, probably dribbled on enough. Thanks to those who still wanna continue/offer friendship. Makes you even more amazing and you all know who you are. For now, take care. I'll keep this up for now. Not sure if I'll leave the forum as Doe or not, but I won't be in game as her, though I've often wondered what it'd be like if I'd been born female. Would things be different? Who knows. I am who I am and.......yeah I'm still babbling on like an idiot. Thanks for the support, even though I don't know you or truly know you.

You all have no idea how much you've all lifted me. I'm still very down, and I've been through psychiatrists/psychologists/counsellors/etc. I even tried hypnotherapy and homoeopathy which was pretty much a waste of money and in some ways made me feel worse (I was hospitalised soon after I ended the homoeopathy and told the bitch where to go). I won't be back as Doe, as that's just not right, which I realise now. I'm male, I'm aging and I only get one life. Time to stop pretending to be someone else, although a lot of the real me did come through. Yes, I got close to some people, but thankfully I managed to hold back from it going into a full blown "relationship" as that'd be 100 times worse. I'm not making excuses for my judgements and actions, I know a lot of people will likely never say a word to me ever again if I do come back. Your comments and some of you who've messaged are appreciated, and you'll never know how much. Btw, my name is David. I'll likely come back with that name, my real age and I really do live in Scotland. I mean, who else but Scots know that Auchtermuchty is a real place.

Ok, so you've got here. Maybe some of you guessed, maybe not. I've cried my eyes out over this, although I don't expect anyone to forgive/believe me. Here goes nothing, and this is really hard and I apologise so much to people I know I'm going to really hurt badly. I am a 39yo Scottish male. Please keep reading as I want to at least try explain, and no I don't expect forgiveness or anything. I expect people will just put me down and talk crap and will never understand. I have suffered depression/anxiety/social anxiety disorder for around the last 10 or so years. Most of my life has been full of horrible people (except the closest people to me, my parents and my brothers and other family). I've never had any true friends, any I did have buggered off, especially when they found out I have mental health issues. I haven't been in a relationship for at least 15 years and even then she went behind my back and I caught her sleeping with her "best friend". You can probably guess how that went/made me feel. I've always been shy and quiet and found it hard to make friends/talk to people, but this shitty illness makes it even harder. I've pretty much lost my late 20's and all my 30's to this horrendous illness that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, or even the people that are going to probably write nasty comments after they've read this (if you've even got this far). I've ended up in hospital once, it would have been twice, but the first time they had no beds and I basically had to "get on with it". The second time I broke down massively and no longer wanted to be alive. I was under watch especially the first 3 or 4 days, wasn't allowed earphones, my electric shaver or anything I could potentially use to rid the world of me. To try and cut what's a long story, I found this game and in hindsight wish to fuck I'd been honest since the start, unlike 60-80% of people here. It's a form of escapism from reality, though I guess this place is for most people. I never meant to hurt anyone but I know I have for definite now. I'm so painfully lonely it near enough hurts. Yes, I still live with my parents, maybe a good thing, maybe bad. I know without them I wouldn't be sitting here or anywhere. I'd be 6ft under with "Died from Suicide/Depression" written on my gravestone. I don't expect anyone to understand or forgive me. If you do, you are an amazing person that deserves so much good in their life. Unfortunately I've had pretty much the opposite in mine. Again, I'm sorry to people I've hurt now. You know who you are, you might even comment on this or hate me, and I don't blame you. This has taken a while to write coz I keep breaking down. I feel so useless and worthless and angry at myself. Like the late John Candy said in a film once "When am I ever going to wake up?" If you've read this far thank you so much. If you understand, you're a far better person than I can hope to be. I'm unsure if I'll be back as me. I doubt anyone wants me to even stay. Again and I will never be able to say it enough or make up for it, I am truly, deeply sorry. So there you have it, feel free to start shit, not sure I care anymore.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrXpFh2IHZY

In a strange-ish, sad mood. Edit: Most of you know why now.

I wish I could get use to the editor. I'd kinda like to recreate places out of LiS. (Life Is Strange). Honestly though, again I know I shouldn't like ask if someone's willing to share a room/house/make me one, but it'd be cool, though I dunno how I'd repay you!

I love how you're both guarding it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgubG-MOPT4 Edit: Guess this song's ironic now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7mia9UMG4Y

Damn, these are amazing! Someone show me how to work the editor! Grrrr lol Or if it's ok if I can "borrow" someone's amazing work let me know! You're all very talented. Thank you. I also feel lazy now XD

Facepalms. That is all.