Anonandonandnon

I've been a member of 3dxchat for pretty much 4 years, until a few weeks ago. I believe I was possibly one of the very first members, when 3dx was nothing more than an apartment room and a (very small) list of other players who you could invite to your room. There wasn't even a nightclub - that came later, along with months of the same dull music stuck on repeat. On some days if I was to log on, there would be no others players online. Not one. If there were any others, it was a tiny few, but it grew into a small but very friendly community that was fun to be part of. Drama was rare. And into that community came some very special people, ones who I wish I could have kept in touch with outside of the game, for none of those original players play any more, as far as I am aware. I haven't played constantly for all that time - there have been times when I've left the game, sometimes 'for good', only to be tempted back too soon. I've had several short relationships in 3dx, none of which lasted beyond a month or two (though they always seemed longer), some of which ended badly, others less so. Even the immense hurt that a break-up causes wasn't enough to keep me away. At times I found myself immersed in the game, to the extent where, to my shame now, I would put real life aside to make space for 3dxchat. I would find the money to resub, even when I didn't have it or it could be better spent elsewhere. Night after night after night I'd be there. I'd call off social occasions to be at home so I could go online, even go slow on work so that I could log on. And yet, strangely, I didn't often feel I was getting anything out of the game. I wondered why I was still playing. Sure, I learned some things I didn't know - like, for example, the genuine feelings it's possible to have for a complete stranger who I'd never met, whose face I'd never seen, voice I'd never heard and real name I didn't know - and never would know. And that, on reflection, seems utterly crazy. I know I'm not the only one out there for who this is reality. And I look at some of the comments on forum, about how 3dxchat seems to be an irreplaceable part of daily life, yet I look back and wonder how exactly my life is better off for my time there - or is it? And that leaves me with a huge sense of embarrasment that I once was one of these players who is so immersed in the experience that it clouds their real life judgement and experences, the very people who I now think need to chill out and step back. I know I was addicted to the whole thing - the only addiction in life I've ever had. Sometimes I think, should I just resub to see how the game is now? But the stronger part of me fights the urge and I know returning would be wrong. I'm here under an anonymous name (spelt wrong, haha) and few would know me anyway. So why am I posting this? Maybe this is, to me, my epilogue, to be clear to myself that I've finally broken free from the game and to reinforce my determination that I shall never return. And maybe to tell others who may be in this position that they can break free, if they want. I'm not dissing 3dxchat - it has its strengths for sure - but there is life outside and beyond.