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Life in & out of 3DX as a trans-gendered woman


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#21 AeshyaTG

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Posted 07 March 2017 - 11:49 AM

Sometimes its easy to forget that you have the ability to choose how your life unfolds. How you deal with relationships, friendships and how you choose to become better or bitter through the circumstances of your life. I've always been a happy girl. I try to smile each day, offering a smile to friends and colleagues. In fact it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. So i choose to smile.

 

I've found some wonderful supportive people in this virtual world. Some more so than in real life itself. As a trans-gendered woman, I've previously spoken of some of the nasty and prejudicial fleeting comments made by those who are either intolerant or blatantly ignorant towards any other gender or sexual choice from the "norm".

 

I've wanted my time here to be meaningful. Fulfilling and fun. When i was 17 and  transitioning from male to female, mainly because from the age of 5 years old, i looked like a girl, felt like a girl, was a girl in a boys body, I went out to a local nightclub. For the first time i was "woman". Free to have fun, laugh and be myself. Sadly that night was not to end in a hangover of cocktails and finding a boys phone number scribbled in mascara on my hand.

 

I was raped by three men. Two of them held me whilst the other did his thing. Then they took turns. Often saying "Tranny Slut", you "trannys just love sex dont you? Sex yes! Rape no!. I had felt that I had made such a wrong choice. If i was a man I wouldn't be getting raped. If i had only rejected the strong feelings inside to be the girl i knew i was, this wouldn't have happened.

 

The event was of course hurtful both physically and mentally. My perpetrators were caught and taken to prison. It was at this point I realised, with depression and fear hanging over me, that I could choose. I could choose to let this affect me for the rest of my life, or I could choose to be better through this circumstance, rather than bitter. I wanted to smile, to let those men know that I can be in control, I choose to be happy. So I visited my attackers in prison, and hugged them and smiled. Told them I forgave them for their actions, and that despite their sentence, I truly hoped they could find a happiness inside themselves like I have. To want to rape someone means you have a low self esteem. A low positive self image.

 

A positive self-image comes from forming reliable and lasting relationships with others. When a person is immersed in a vibrant and healthy community, there is no room for self-doubt. In the West there is an increased scepticism about happiness. The view that happiness doesn’t really matter, or that it’s not really that important. Happiness has been associated with the commercial – ads telling us that we will be happier if we have lots of nice things, if we are wealthy and powerful.

 

Recently I was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and some metastatic cancer that has spread to my brain. 5 tumours have decided to take up home in my head. Whilst I've been fortunate to have treatment and my primary tumour in the lung has shrunk by 5%, the tumours in the brain haven't been so accommodating. Again, I could choose to be better or bitter through this circumstance. I mean come-on...I've been raped, diagnosed with cancer and been inflicted with this awful "tranny disease" right?

 

Wrong! I've not been inflicted with anything other than life. A wonderful , happy and fulfilling life thus far. And my choice to be part of the 3DX community has proved to me that humans can be really special people. I've found a very special group of people here that I'm super proud to call friends. People that really care.

 

In our Western industrial society, because of a whole range of things – the lack of deeper connections between generations, for example – we have ended up quite neurotic and unhappy. And now we are enshrining the idea that happiness is not that important. Indeed, happiness is not an isolated state but happens to us within a physical setting, within particular circumstances. Our state of happiness can be limited by our prejudices, thoughts, behaviour and habits, which are as much about us as the world we live in.

 

Ive always wanted to live a meaningful life. Not superficial, not for money nor fame, not a good life. But for happiness and meaning. My time here in 3DX is meaningful. The meaningful life approach to living, is similar to the good life insofar as it may require the development of one’s “signature strengths”. But whereas the pursuit of the good life can be self-focused – the athlete or musician perfecting their skills through years of training and achieving “flow” – the meaningful life entails a commitment to something greater than oneself, a higher cause. Those committed to a meaningful life are not, in fact, committed to their own lives, but to social improvement, or to living in a register that transcends the personal.

 

So when someone here in 3DX choose to berate me for being a "tranny", or decides that I'm just an object for their gratification, I'm fine with that. I smile knowing that I live a meaningful life, filled with happiness, caring and loving friends and I have the ability to choose. To choose better or bitter, good or meaningful, happy or sad.

 

I may not have a lot of time left, so why waste it on trash talk in world chat, or berating someone because their choice isn't mine, I'd rather spend my time having meaning, purpose and happiness. My friends know who they are, they are loved and valued, because they make me the girl that I am. 

 

:) 


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#22 DarrenD

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Posted 07 March 2017 - 01:17 PM

... and then somebody tells me that 3dx is "just a sex game" ... kudos Aeshya for speaking out and being so real inside this allegedly virtual only world!

 

From the bottom of my heart I so very much hate it when people get hurt because of something sexual ... Sexuality is life in its very fundamental form and I never understood the arrogance of some people claiming that there was "right" and "wrong" sexuality or that some forms of sexuality are treated like an infectious disease.

 

Thank you for sharing your story!


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#23 AeshyaTG

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Posted 07 March 2017 - 03:42 PM

... and then somebody tells me that 3dx is "just a sex game" ... kudos Aeshya for speaking out and being so real inside this allegedly virtual only world!

 

From the bottom of my heart I so very much hate it when people get hurt because of something sexual ... Sexuality is life in its very fundamental form and I never understood the arrogance of some people claiming that there was "right" and "wrong" sexuality or that some forms of sexuality are treated like an infectious disease.

 

Thank you for sharing your story!

 

Thank Darren

 

I share because I hope it inspires and helps others who might be experiencing the same behaviour. smiles to you


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#24 AeshyaTG

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Posted 20 August 2017 - 08:01 AM

Your wellness is a gift; treasure it. Make friends with the present moment. No, make love with the present moment. The cancer diagnosis came too late to give me at least a tenuous hope for a long life, but I realised that the most important thing about death is to ensure that you leave this world a little better than it was before you existed with your contributions .Cling to it as your most beloved. Don’t ignore, skip over, miss this precious moment. Don’t think you will give it attention later, when you have time. Don’t think that at some point in the future, you will give this precious, beloved, present moment the loving care that it deserves. Don’t believe that something other than this present moment, right here in front of you, can give you something more or better. Don’t waste it, don’t fill it, don’t carelessly dismiss it.

What if, in front of you, right here, right now, is all the love and fulfilment that you need. All you need to do is be with it. All the things you’ve ever wanted, all the things you hope to achieve, all the things you know and can do, they all depend on this present moment in front of you, right now. “What can I make of this moment?” What if you loved your breath and your heart beat; felt the life in your limbs; felt the sun on your back; loved the rain on your face. There’s a person beside you, a child in front of you, a task to be done. What would happen if I fully, mindfully, gave my loving attention to that thing and to this moment? What if I were to drop the heavy burden of the past and my anxieties for the future? What would that feel like? Might I connect with the joy, relief and freedom that is mine, but which I have ignored and forgotten? Why do we wait to die to value having one more moment?

Appreciate the people around you Your friends and relatives will always be an infinite source of strength and love. That is why you shouldn’t take them for granted. It is difficult for me to fully express my feelings about the importance of these simple realisations, but I hope that you will listen to someone who has experienced how valuable time is.We care so much about the health and integrity of our body that until death, we don’t notice that the body is nothing more than a box – a parcel for delivering our personality, thoughts, beliefs and intentions to this world. If there is nothing in this box that can change the world, then it doesn’t matter if it disappears. I believe that we all have potential, but it also takes a lot of courage to realise it.
 
You can float through a life created by circumstances, missing day after day, hour after hour. Or, you can fight for what you believe in and write the great story of your life. I hope you will make the right choice.
 
Leave a mark in this world. Have a meaningful life, whatever definition it has for you. Go towards it. The place we are leaving is a beautiful playground, where everything is possible. Yet, we are not here forever. Our life is a short spark in this beautiful little planet that flies with incredible speed to the endless darkness of the unknown universe. So, enjoy your time here with passion. Make it interesting. Make it count!

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#25 Rodin

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Posted 20 August 2017 - 05:27 PM

This world needs more humans like you! Thank you 4 sharing this here!


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#26 BlackVelvet

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Posted 22 August 2017 - 08:50 AM

I think you are amazing

your words touched my heart in a very sensitive way

I wish for you the best in and outside the game hun

 

Hope to see you around one day :*

Hugs and kisses


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#27 AeshyaTG

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Posted 25 September 2017 - 07:42 AM




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