Sometimes its easy to forget that you have the ability to choose how your life unfolds. How you deal with relationships, friendships and how you choose to become better or bitter through the circumstances of your life. I've always been a happy girl. I try to smile each day, offering a smile to friends and colleagues. In fact it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. So i choose to smile.
I've found some wonderful supportive people in this virtual world. Some more so than in real life itself. As a trans-gendered woman, I've previously spoken of some of the nasty and prejudicial fleeting comments made by those who are either intolerant or blatantly ignorant towards any other gender or sexual choice from the "norm".
I've wanted my time here to be meaningful. Fulfilling and fun. When i was 17 and transitioning from male to female, mainly because from the age of 5 years old, i looked like a girl, felt like a girl, was a girl in a boys body, I went out to a local nightclub. For the first time i was "woman". Free to have fun, laugh and be myself. Sadly that night was not to end in a hangover of cocktails and finding a boys phone number scribbled in mascara on my hand.
I was raped by three men. Two of them held me whilst the other did his thing. Then they took turns. Often saying "Tranny Slut", you "trannys just love sex dont you? Sex yes! Rape no!. I had felt that I had made such a wrong choice. If i was a man I wouldn't be getting raped. If i had only rejected the strong feelings inside to be the girl i knew i was, this wouldn't have happened.
The event was of course hurtful both physically and mentally. My perpetrators were caught and taken to prison. It was at this point I realised, with depression and fear hanging over me, that I could choose. I could choose to let this affect me for the rest of my life, or I could choose to be better through this circumstance, rather than bitter. I wanted to smile, to let those men know that I can be in control, I choose to be happy. So I visited my attackers in prison, and hugged them and smiled. Told them I forgave them for their actions, and that despite their sentence, I truly hoped they could find a happiness inside themselves like I have. To want to rape someone means you have a low self esteem. A low positive self image.
A positive self-image comes from forming reliable and lasting relationships with others. When a person is immersed in a vibrant and healthy community, there is no room for self-doubt. In the West there is an increased scepticism about happiness. The view that happiness doesn’t really matter, or that it’s not really that important. Happiness has been associated with the commercial – ads telling us that we will be happier if we have lots of nice things, if we are wealthy and powerful.
Recently I was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and some metastatic cancer that has spread to my brain. 5 tumours have decided to take up home in my head. Whilst I've been fortunate to have treatment and my primary tumour in the lung has shrunk by 5%, the tumours in the brain haven't been so accommodating. Again, I could choose to be better or bitter through this circumstance. I mean come-on...I've been raped, diagnosed with cancer and been inflicted with this awful "tranny disease" right?
Wrong! I've not been inflicted with anything other than life. A wonderful , happy and fulfilling life thus far. And my choice to be part of the 3DX community has proved to me that humans can be really special people. I've found a very special group of people here that I'm super proud to call friends. People that really care.
In our Western industrial society, because of a whole range of things – the lack of deeper connections between generations, for example – we have ended up quite neurotic and unhappy. And now we are enshrining the idea that happiness is not that important. Indeed, happiness is not an isolated state but happens to us within a physical setting, within particular circumstances. Our state of happiness can be limited by our prejudices, thoughts, behaviour and habits, which are as much about us as the world we live in.
Ive always wanted to live a meaningful life. Not superficial, not for money nor fame, not a good life. But for happiness and meaning. My time here in 3DX is meaningful. The meaningful life approach to living, is similar to the good life insofar as it may require the development of one’s “signature strengths”. But whereas the pursuit of the good life can be self-focused – the athlete or musician perfecting their skills through years of training and achieving “flow” – the meaningful life entails a commitment to something greater than oneself, a higher cause. Those committed to a meaningful life are not, in fact, committed to their own lives, but to social improvement, or to living in a register that transcends the personal.
So when someone here in 3DX choose to berate me for being a "tranny", or decides that I'm just an object for their gratification, I'm fine with that. I smile knowing that I live a meaningful life, filled with happiness, caring and loving friends and I have the ability to choose. To choose better or bitter, good or meaningful, happy or sad.
I may not have a lot of time left, so why waste it on trash talk in world chat, or berating someone because their choice isn't mine, I'd rather spend my time having meaning, purpose and happiness. My friends know who they are, they are loved and valued, because they make me the girl that I am.