ShortRed Posted February 19 Share Posted February 19 Looking forward to your next installment MissZee! MissZee 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissZee Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 (edited) The Wanna-Be's Darlings.. I write in great concern over some confusions that I have ran into with some close friends and with other submissives that have contacted Me over the behavior of those that Call themselves Dominants who just do not know their backsides from a hole in the ground. Yes, that is harsh. So is playing games with a person's Heart and feelings you twits! So let us clarify some things here. A REAL Dominant (Real life or Online) will have some specific behaviors that are noticeable... A good Dom is being cool, calm and collected. They must be able to operate under pressure, and to not get flustered easily. A good Dom/me will listen, care, make adjustments, discuss those with you, go back over them after a session to check on that adjustments. A good Dom/me will be straightforward in their dealings. They do this out of care, concern, and love for their charge. A good Dom/me nurture you, teach you, honor you, and cherish you for your accomplishments and your struggles. A good Dom/me be responsible in their dealings with you and others. Being fair in all things, for We the Dominants, know that no one is perfect. That is not the Goal, the Goal is to make our charges better them Us, teach they how to thrive, to excel, to reach for new heights and accomplish more than they thought they could. Now I already COVERED in FAKE Dom/Me https://3dxforum.com/index.php?/topic/15473-teachings-and-musing-of-a-retired-pro-dominatrix/&do=findComment&comment=450663 In specifics of how to see one, their behaviors, ABANDONMENT Ok sweet submissives.. So many of you wait in vain for asshats that have used you, tossed you into the land of forgetfulness and still you sit around and mope, not knowing what to do, where to go, and what options you have. Let us fix that, shall we? You are still aching from being abandoned, first you need to learn to exist on your own again. You need to be your own Dominant/boss again for a bit, remember that you do not need a Dominant. Start by blatantly breaking EVERY rules you ever had in the relationship. If you weren’t allowed to orgasm or touch yourself, go do that... NOW. If you were not allowed to use certain words, use them. ERASE your dumbass old Dominant’s influence on your life in EVERY WAY you can imagine, withing reason, get back to being in control of you. DO NOT LIE TO YOURSELF! ‘In his defense’ isn’t really a defense. It is AVOIDENCE by you submissive. The asshat left. Left you to your own to wallow around lost. Darlings, its ok to be MAD. It is ok to be angry! It is NOT ok to harm yourself. It is NOT ok to obsess thinking you will 'win' them back. There is no winning, They LEFT Honey, end of story. Nothing to claim, nothing to have, just nothing. I am so sorry that is a bit in your face, but some submissive lie to themselves and put themselves into the complete falsehood that they are at fault, or being tested, or need to be loyal when they return and the Dom has not sent a shred of contact to them. No info, no promises, just dead silence... Listen darlings, You want to know how The Relationship should be? you will find it here... https://3dxforum.com/index.php?/topic/15473-teachings-and-musing-of-a-retired-pro-dominatrix/&do=findComment&comment=450664 NOW, we have the important darlings taken care of that.. Let us talk about the absolute idiotic behavior I have seen some WannaBe's do. Fake Dom/me READ THIS FIRST... IF ANYTHING In here describe you... then YOU may want to slam on the brakes and get your head out of your ass, before you harm the heart that is willing to be with you. https://3dxforum.com/index.php?/topic/15473-teachings-and-musing-of-a-retired-pro-dominatrix/&do=findComment&comment=450663 What makes a Good Dominant... You will find My writings on this, from these posts THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE DOM/TOPS - https://3dxforum.com/index.php?/topic/15473-teachings-and-musing-of-a-retired-pro-dominatrix/&do=findComment&comment=450666 And THE RELATIONSHIP, both parts.. Part 1: https://3dxforum.com/index.php?/topic/15473-teachings-and-musing-of-a-retired-pro-dominatrix/&do=findComment&comment=450664 Part 2: https://3dxforum.com/index.php?/topic/15473-teachings-and-musing-of-a-retired-pro-dominatrix/&do=findComment&comment=450665 LETS also address a kind of Fetish (top) that I just.. H A T E The COLLECTOR... This kind of WannaBe is one of the WORST kind of a Fake Dom/me AND submissive. They have STABLES of people on 'collars' or 'collection of collars. Owning them with no work from themselves and no work to better the submissive that has mistakenly attach themselves to this person and their lies about being their 'special' one. This individual only cares about 1 thing. Themselves. They do NOT care for the harem they are creating. It is only about THEM and THEM only. More toys for the child to play with. IF you are a fetish'r, and like this. HEY have at it. If you are a submissive, caught in this harmful delusion of utter falsehood. Then you know the pain and damage this can cause... Be mindful darlings always, and do not be afraid to challenge. It is your GIFT, and you have the RIGHT to remove it from dumbasses any time you need. Be warned too, the Acceptance from the Dominant, also can be removed, at any time. So make sure you are doing your part, too. Toodles! ~Z Edited March 5 by MissZee Typo Queen ^- LiChu and ShortRed 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissZee Posted March 4 Author Share Posted March 4 VETTING VETTED In terms of the BDSM world, vetting a person is a direct and somewhat fast way to get to know if a potential partner is compatible with your vision of a dynamic. The vetting process allows two people to compare wants, needs, desires, morals, limits, etc. against one another. It also helps them test the waters of the other people to get a taste of how the Dom/sub would react in their desired role. Here is some information I gathered from the net and added in my own words and experiences to help make this clearer. When do you start the vetting process? In most cases, when we meet or start talking with a potential partner, we tend to get to know that person in a more organic way. This is a form of vetting, so you could say vetting starts as soon as you start having extended conversations with that person. We tend to allow the conversation to flow through basic questions like: How old are you? Where are you from? Are you a Dom, sub, switch? How much experience do you have? These questions pop up within the first 10 minutes of a conversation when someone is looking for a potential Lifestyle partner. I believe this is a very good way to start a conversation with people because if you just meet someone and start asking the more invasive questions you would ask a Dom/sub, many, if not most, would be put off and shut you down right then. If after talking with someone for a while and getting to know them better, you feel a connection, then by all means move on to the more pointed questions. How do you vet a person? To vet a person, you get to know them. You ask questions and gather that information to form your conclusion. Some questions you should ask a partner are: What are their limits? What form of BDSM do they practice or want in a relationship? Are they wanting a single or multiple partner situation? Do they practice in real life or online only? Are they active in the local BDSM community? What are their views on safe words? Are they a sadist/masochist? If so, to what degree? What are some common protocols they expect? What are some examples of punishments they use? Vetting is a very in-depth way to ensure compatibility with a partner by getting to know their history, style of BDSM, and other relevant information. While vetting will definitely not ensure a successful outcome, it will help you pick and choose partners that meet up with the version of the Lifestyle you are trying to practice. Now, one thing I want to NOTE here.. As a rule of thumb I use is 1 month, giving this process time to work. I go over it at least 2 times. and I offer the person their first out, or get out of jail free card. No harm, no foul. Walk cleanly out the door, and part as friends. I do this offer once again at the end of the vetting process before the first trial session. I give them the option, walk cleanly, no harm, no foul. We stay friends, and move on. After the 3rd and final trial session, the offer is made the last time. Walk cleanly away, no harm, no foul. By this time, it is the end of the vetting process Now, we get serious.. Here is where the above teachings I have already posted come out. And as the submissives call it.. The "Game" begins... Enjoy darlings! ~Z LiChu and ShortRed 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissZee Posted April 6 Author Share Posted April 6 (edited) the Abuse of Power Hello Darlings, and darlings... I come today to talk about something very personal. I had a dear who sought Me out, on their own initiative. A heart whom we will call Kilo. No, that is not their real name, I give designations to protect those whom speak to Me. I am known, as the Keeper of Secrets for a reason. Honor those please who share their lives, their hearts, their pain, the joy. Honor them in not worrying who they are, but more in what you can learn from them sharing their lives.... At Coven House there was a HUGE rules about the Abuse of power. The Head of Household, The Head of Submissives, and We the Black Widows, reviewed these cases, and kept watch on others to ensure this was NOT going on. Most times it is very harmless. There are those times though, it can lead to dangerous things... Kilo came to Me and we talk for some time, still are talking to this day. They asked me my opinion on many things. Something that really stood out was what is known as "The Abuse of power." Now that term is not unique, but the spelling if how I did it, is. The lower case 'p' in the word power. Each dynamic has power in it, yet that power starts with the submissive, who loans that power to the Dominant. The Dominant, then holds the power for the time, using it to further the submissive, caring for them and their needs, as doing such causes the submissive to care for Our needs. Always remember, without the submissive, there is NO Dominant. We, as Dominants, need them. They as submissives, need us. It is the exchange of power that maintains the balance in the D/s relationship. Now what happens then that is not respected, and when that balance is abused for selfish reasons... let me take some things from My talk with Kilo and lets explore these things. There are two Doms which learned I lose my voice at times under sexual pressure. One is seasoned, THEY leads events at times in the community. I had gone through a breakup, and I probably didn't communicate well. I have since tried to resolve it. The other gets very pushy and knows I am avoiding places with them. Also knows there is a gender thing which prevents me from wanting to explore a d/s dynamic. Now, starting here let's talk about what is going on here with these individuals and Kilo. How the are relating to each other, and how they are treat Kilo in their relationship. PARTNER ONE: This is a person whom knows much in their Art of Submission. They understand the Dynamic and know the TRIGGERS of Kilo well enough they can use it to their advantage to silence their objections to a session with them, and may be thinking they are helping Kilo to get over the terrible break up. Let me assure you, the road to Hell is PAVED with good intentions. It is Long, Broad, and an easy path to travel to many. While Kilo and I both are convinced that this person is doing such in a controlling act, but as a way to access Kilo thinking they are helping. I will say this, if a submissive, who is NOT yours, comes to you seeking this, then that time to have a discussion with them. IF YOU, as the DOMINANT, are seeking out the submissive, and using know triggers to manipulate them into a position YOU think they need.... Then Darlings, you are GUILTY of the 'Abuse of power'. PARTNER TWO: This kind of person is an example of a Stalker. Plain and simple. They DO NOT care for you, they DO NOT care for anything or anyone except themselves. Their actions are to manipulate, control for their OWN satisfaction. They will keep escalating this until it becomes such an issue, they become OBSESSED with the individual(submissive). There is no talking to this kind of person. In 3dx there is the IGNORE function, I suggest you use it... Immediately. You do NOT want this kind of person in your life AT ALL. This is dangerous mentally and can be physically. This kind of personal will keep escalating until the point is reached something drastic occurs. Do yourself a favor darlings, and understand. A person like this is only there to use you, and then once they get their fill, they will discard you like yesterday's trash. If you wish some name examples, I can give you some personally. I will not post names here. The one more recently wasn't using sexual pressure so much but owning pressure. I have a thing for couples. I have for a long time. Before we ever got involved, I gave several reminders, I made sure they knew I was not looking for her collar and I would not call her Miss. But she keeps pushing it now. Last time was right before she left and she tried to collar me in the middle of a sex session. PARTNER THREE: So, we do not get what we want, we try shortcuts. Dropping bombs like this on a submissive, trying to catch them in a moment of weakness will backfire on you so fast. The dominant in this scenario will lose any trust they had built up with the sub in general. Not only that, being completely unreasonable in understand a simple thing... No. It IS a complete sentence and it means NO. If you want to drive people from you, want to drive others from you, keep pressing them showing you have no control, no patience, no understanding or respect for them. You WILL succeed 100% of the time while you self-destruct. Submissive, never forget YOU have all the Power. Do not Abuse yours either. We as Dominant's call that Topping from the bottom. I have ran into dears who change each session. needing attention, changing rules, wanting things their way, have little to no regard to others, who take pleasure in their own humor, when they are the only ones laughing... With Me, they generally do not last long until I BAN them from My presence (a.k.a. Dismiss them). I give anyone the chance to change, to learn. Life is too short to hold on to that kind of anger, selfishness, and pain. Remember a simple rule that We and Dominants judged others by in the Abuse of power. You are the one making contact You are the one disregarding the No decree from the submissive or Dominant. You are the one manipulating another through the use of your intimate knowledge of them. You are not following proper protocol in dealing with, speak to, and addressing another Dominant or submissive that is not yours. Be kind to each other. There is enough Ugliness in the World, it needs no help in being what it is. It is commanded of Us, His teachings, and in the Art. Be a light until others, to help them find their way, to bring honor and glory unto Love. For this, in the end, is all each of us seeks... Food for thought Darlings and darlings.... Until next time. ~Z P.S. I am working on a more detail layout of the 5 tasks. I was not happy at all with a condensed version so be expecting each to be much more detailed and more a standing alone item. Edited April 6 by MissZee Typo Queen ^- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissZee Posted May 24 Author Share Posted May 24 THE TASKS - PAIN Now darlings we are going to talk about something that many do not know of. Those of us whom practice the Art in Life know of, only from being trained in the old ways of the association. Each proper House has a form of this in their teachings. This is the main structure of how a submissive go from badges, to trainees, to initiates, to owned. They are called, The TASKS. Sounds oh so mysterious! But this is a basic structure of development from the young submissive, until a proper submissive. The task is not just for the submissive, but are an equal learning plan for both the Dominant, and the submissive to grow together. I practice the Tasks of Five. These are specific in each degree, in the building stage of the D/s relationship. Pain Training Compassion Knowledge Openness These are set stages and hard requirements that are met by both, in order to progress the relationship to each level. What each of these consist of, is up to the Dominant, who is the Teacher, Leading the one. Yet, a couple of those levels require the input of both to move to the next. Pain This is the initial part of the Path, the joining, or agreement of One(Dominant) to the request of the one(submissive). Pain is the description for this phase of the TASKS, as it is describing of the initial phase of the Path of the D/s who begin talking, learning each other, sharing themselves. This part also involved what I call the "Sharing". This is where both whom have accepted the role of Chosen to chosen, share their past with each other. It is a thing of longing, a thing of sharing, a thing of no secrets between the two. Because of this, it can be a painful thing, expressing each other's past experiences. Each triumph, each failure. Every pain of your life to the other. This is a place of no secrets. Like any relationship, you get out of it, what you put into it. Honesty counts. It helps both to understand the other. It helps to see about compatibility, knowledge, experience. It helps both see the pain and triumphs of each other. Remember, the Path is walked by Two(2), seeking to become One(1). One leads, one follows, and in this sharing, begins the Bond. If you keep them, then you are hung here until your own heart expels them. You see, those pains of your past are poison to the soul. Until you bare it, get it from you heart, your mind, and share it with the hope of your Chosen/chosen, you will never be free of it. It is so important for all to share their pain here. Let me explain what those terms are. PATH and BOND The Path: this is simply the courtship in the D/s dynamic between the D/s. No different then dating another. Save this is very specific and sometimes can be a therapeutic path between 2 individuals to help a submissive with more than just sexual inclinations. I have helped people who have enlisted My help in breaking bad habits, bad behaviors, and even worked with a PHD therapist in helping anxiety patient. The Bond: This is literally the relationship between the D/s. This may include the Agreement and/or Contract. It is not the materialistic form, but the feelings of the hearts that are moving down this path. The respect, the understanding, the Love that develops as you both begin triumphing over the goals that are set. The union grows. Sometimes sexual in nature, sometimes as a Coach praising their charge in successfully reaching a goal, and preparing them for the next one. It is also a Place of healing, where trust in each other begins to bloom. Where love begins to swell, and two, become one. It is in this stage most stay the longest. For here it where Love gives to the other and the two learn the most from each other. Seventy percent of your time as Chosen and chosen are spent in this phase that will last through until the Fourth Task. This step is the most crucial because it is the start Path, and the beginning of the Bond. The Path is the journey both take, hand in hand as they begin their relationship. The Bond is the sharing of hearts, the honesty of each other, absence of lies. Note: withholding information here at this stage, is the same as lying to your Chosen/chosen. Do so at your own risk. As a Dominant, I can tell you many a darling suddenly sprang a rather HUGE thing on Me later in the Tasks that they did not share here. This is where you have to be a little bit brave Dears and dears, and realize this is how you start a love affair. I dismissed two whom served Me for this alone. Some may call that harsh. I call it lying to your Dominant who has shared their very heart and hope with you. Their vision and wish for us both. Either you trust, or you do not. You earn trust here by BOTH sharing. No secrets. If you have those, then you do not need to even START a relationship of that Art until you have dealt with those completely So think hard on this before going to the next task. This is a place of honesty, forgiveness, acceptance, and the beginning of Love. If you sabotage it here, then you are a fool to think you will make it through the tasks. Now, take your time do this. You both engage as you wish in this, play, date, have fun. But make SURE this is done before the last part of the Task of Pain is done. And that last task is "The Contract." I have written about this specifically. In life, you get a lawyer to write this out. It is THAT important. Online, you can follow the guide I wrote out, and you can make it as simply or as complex as you wish. I tend to try to keep things simple. The discussion of the Contract is the last part of this. What is allowed, not allowed, safe words, limits hard and soft. You would of read my detail info for this step before reaching The Tasks. Feel free to scroll back and review it! This is the start of My postings of the The Tasks. The next one, Training, is going to be a big one. that will have several parts. So bare with me as I try to make it details as possible, with simplistic follow through. So as not to confuse anyone. Toodles ~Z Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissZee Posted July 10 Author Share Posted July 10 Forgive My absence darlings and Darlings. Life got a bit complex as My sister was diagnosed with Lung Cancer. So I have spend a good amount of time with her, and getting the family support structure in place. I will be posting soon the Training guide... and warning.. ...its DEEP... so be a lot of reading Toodles ~Z Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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