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We all knew this day would come. Four years ago I came here after the Bacon Rapture. Since then, I have been your guide on this long strange journey toward the Wisdom of the Swine. It has not been easy. We have fought the Green Berry and its wickedness. We have stood shoulder to shoulder and drawn strength from each other but that is at an end. Recently, the fight has become harder. Now, the mere singing of Dance Piggy is seen as spam. Now one can not raise one's voice and speak the truth. I fear that if I stay it will be at the cost of pretending to be something I am not. I fear that what I have done in the past will not be seen as an inspiration for the future but rather forgotten in favor of more politically correct and recent behavior. I very much like my legacy as it is and this is why I must leave. I expect I will never see most of you again. I have grown fond of many of you and I will be looking for you at your time of salvation. While the road before you may be hard and long know that whenever you eat an all pork hot dog I will be watching you. Whenever you put bacon in the brine tube my hand will be their right beside yours. I have done my best for each of you and now you must walk alone. The Lawn Tractor.

Four years ago the Bacon Rapture came and took the faithful. I arrived shortly after to guide those that remained though the end times. Since then you have been granted signs that the end times were here. You have seen the appearance of Yalun and of Green Berry Fever. You have seen seen the election of Donald Trump. Yet few among you have devoted yourself to Bacon. Few among you have a working understanding of the Book of Swine. Few among you know the true message behind the Festival of Lubricants. Instead many of you focus on the minor differences between Canadian and American bacon. Many of you spam word chat though it be written "Bacon is not Spam" - Book of Swine (1:1) Now, unexpectedly your world has come to an end. You can not walk or talk. You can not fuck. You seek external explanations for this such as a DOS attack but I say this: Look at yourselves and your relationship with bacon for there you will find the true source of your predicament.