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Ramblings of a mad man, (unsane mad that is)...


panCDCA

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So, I overcome my agoraphobia for my weekly trip to the store. I pull Saabrina into the parking lot and as everyone does I look for the closest possible spot, driving 5 minutes in circles and up and down the same parking lanes. Up and down, down and up..... FINALLY I see someone 2 lanes over backing out and gun Saabrina (made of jets my ass, slow f'n car) so by the time I shift into 2nd and get there this piece of rusted out 83 Chevy Chevette takes the spot. This man smiles his good and plenty licorice looking teeth smiling at me as his 750 lb, 4 foot tall, what I assume wife steps in front of me without looking. I blare my horn and give the one finger salute. 

Finally, I find a spot, pull in and ease out of Saabrina, rubbing her hood, promising I was never close to hurting her by hitting that 750 pound cow of a woman.

I grab a cart, it's handle slimy and nasty, I look at my hands and all I can say is they were covered with this liquidy blackish, brownish, very foul smelling substance, so I wheel it and pass the Chevette... I think of keying it, BUT realize that would probably be an improvement. As I wheel my (literally shitty) cart past the car I look down and see an "I'm with HER 2016" bumper sticker holding the trunk closed. I can only say the smell emanating from that trunk was worse than the liquidy substance on the handle of my cart that I have no reason why I was still pushing. I just shake my head as I continue my trek into the store.


Once in I take the cart to the greeter who stares at me firmly like "what the fuck are you bothering me for?". I sheepishly hold my head down and stutter, "this cart may need a good wash it seem someone somehow shat on the handle."

 

To which came the reply, "what the fuck do you want me to do about it? I barely make enough here to pay my rent and feed myself. If it weren't for my Social Security and food stamps that they want to cut, I'd be homeless and starving. I don't make enough to give 2 shits that someone shat and rubbed it all over that cart sir. It's your own damn fault for touching it."

So, I do what any angry man would do, flip the poor guy off (for which I feel truly bad about since he is my cousin), leave the cart in front of him and find my way to the bathroom. I go to wash my hands and there is no soap, the hand dryers are broken and there are no paper towels except the used ones all over the floor that had fallen out of the over fulled trash bins. 

I walk out and go back to the entrance, where I grab a handful of the Lysol wipes and wipe my hands then pump some Purell on them. I grab the first cart... the handle feels like the last, I look down and realize I grabbed the same cart. My cousin is laughing his ass off flipping me the bird as I notice he has on plastic gloves that he must have bribed Subway to get. 

I go to grab some Lysol wipes and my cousin stands in front, "Sir, I am afraid you have used your allotted amount." I shrug my shoulders and go to pump some Purell. Again, only this time with a laugh and a wink, "Sir, I am afraid you used your allotted amount." 

Defeated, but not wanting him to know, I shrug smile and begin my journey to the other entrance. As I am pushing the right front wheel starts to wobble and I have to fight the cart to get it to go straight. 

So, I get to the soda aisle and proceed to get my 16, 2 liter bottles of Pepsi Max (it's called "Zero" now) thinking that will last me the week. Now, the soda aisle is next to the wine/beer aisle. As I push my smelly cart into the horizontal main aisle, there is the 4ft 750 lb woman pushing her cart filled totally with alcohol and she rams into my cart.

"Watch the fuck where you is a goin' you dumb fucker." She yells so the whole store can hear. I just smile and softly say, "excuse me, I didn't see you."
 

Well, I guess that was her breaking point for the day. She yells out, "Billy Joe Bob, it's that there ass that done tried to steal our spot and pert en ear runned me down with his fancy assed feren car." Well, then out of nowhere comes her husband his fist swinging at my face, catching my glasses which cut into my lower eye socket (they ALWAYS go for my glasses). I pulled my lens out of the gash, my blood was then squirting out like ketchup out of a hot dog condiment bottle. I grabbed his shirt and wiped my shitty hands off on it. He looked down, sniffed and as I ran he ran after me yelling, "mother fucker, don't wipe your shitty hands on my shirt."

I run to the entrance my cousin must have seen us coming to his entrance. he grabs a broom trips me and the guy was unable to stop kicked me square in the ribs and falls on top of me. His wife rammed me over and over with her cart as I am laid there bleeding... tasting the blood from whatever organ was internally damaged and failing as I cough. My cousin looked down at us and said, "I'm sorry sir but this is a no bleeding zone. I am afraid, you have caused far too many problems, I had no other choice but to call security and the cops will be here shortly."
 

So, you see your honor, my appearing in court today was NOT of my doing. I am a total victim of circumstance and, may I say, I knew I should not have left my comfortable bed room today. It's Hell out in the real world. I'll just pay my fine and go home, pull the covers over my head and cry now. 

What's that you say, I need to spend the night in jail after I get checked out by the doctor? Fuck.... ok the truth is I tried to steal the Pepsi Max because society has broken down and I am poor and need to feed my soda addiction. What? I am free to go now because you find me honest and I can keep the Pepsi? Thank you your honor... Yes, I do know my hands smell of shit. Yes, I will wash them in the bathroom before I leave. Thank you sir, for sparing this unworthy peon. 

AND THAT WAS MY DAY... HOW THE FUCK WAS YOURS???????

Edited by panCDCA
corrected spelling
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  • 2 weeks later...

MY THEORY THAT ALL HUMANS ARE POLY AMOROUS

 

I TRULY BELIEVE, THAT WITHOUT DOUBT ALL HUMANKIND ARE POLYAMOROUS.
 
I FIND IT IMPOSSIBLE TO BELIEVE IN MY EXPERIENCES WITH OTHERS THAT MEN CANNOT HAVE ROMANTIC FEELING FOR OTHER MEN OR WOMEN FOR OTHER WOMEN... THERE IS A HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE AND SEXUAL DESIRES.
 
I CAN BE AS "INTIMATE" WITH A MALE FRIEND IF NOT MORE THAN I CAN BE WITH A FEMALE, TRUSTING A "BROTHER" WITH MY INNER MOST FEELINGS MORE THAN A WOMAN. THAT IS INTIMACY, BUT THAT IS ALSO WHY IT IS UNCOMFORTABLE TO MEN, BECAUSE OF FEAR OF WHAT OTHERS MAY THINK AND HOW WE HAVE BEEN RAISED AND TAUGHT TO BELIEVE.
 
WOMEN ON THE OTHER HAND ARE VERY OPEN ABOUT HOW THEY CAN BE INTIMATE WITH THEIR "SISTERS" AND TALK ABOUT FEMININE THINGS WITHOUT FEELING AWKWARD.
 
I ALSO BELIEVE THAT ONCE YOU GRASP THIS REALITY, YOU BECOME AWARE AND SECURE IN YOUR SEXUAL PREFERENCES.
 
WHAT I AM SAYING IS I CAN AND HAVE LOVED MEN IN MY LIFE AS MUCH AS WOMEN IN MY LIFE, BUT IT DID NOT MEAN I WANTED THAT MAN SEXUALLY, IT JUST MEANT THAT WE WERE IN TUNE WITH EACH OTHER IN WAYS THAT I WASN'T WITH OTHERS.
 
I ALSO BELIEVE ONCE YOU ACCEPT THIS AND ARE SELF AWARE OF THESE FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS AND ARE THUS SECURE IN YOUR OWN SEXUAL PREFERENCES, THAT ANOTHER'S SEXUAL PREFERENCE DOESN'T BOTHER YOU IN ANY WAY.
 
SOME MAY UNDERSTAND THIS, SOME MAY SCOFF AND THINK I AM TOTALLY NUTS... AND THAT IS OK... BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN PATHS THAT LEAD US TO "ENLIGHTENMENT" AND "UNDERSTANDING OF THE HUMAN CONDITION AND OF OURSELVES.
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3 minutes ago, Ross the RoberT said:

what you are describing is pan sexual ( not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity. ), not polyamorous ( characterized by or involved in the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.)

It was all I could think of... many loves, multiple love... etc. 

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55 minutes ago, Ross the RoberT said:

i will give my opinion on this and dont take it the wrong way, i am in no way clapping back at your beliefs, we are free to believe what we want and its not a bad way to be. having said that.....

 I would have to disagree with the post however i dont feel you are crazy, a lot of folks in the LGBTQ community have said something along these lines however I dont feel its grounded in fact. The important part of what you said is "in your experience" . Your experiences and/or feelings arent anothers experiences and/or feelings. everyone is wired differently.  people dont all think or feel the same, everyone has different beliefs, feelings, stimuli, etc.

I do think everyone can care for any gender but i dont equate care for romantic feelings. I have a best friend ive had since the age of four however i wouldnt consider my love for him as romantic or intimate. more like a brotherly love.

I suppose im trying to say people are different and cant all be put in one box. Thats what makes everyone so interesting.

as i said in the beginning, i respect your beliefs so dont take this as me pooping on them, i just dont agree fully but was a good post and worthy of discussion, keep up the good work, i find your posts and status messages very thought provoking.

I agree, and that is why, as you pointed out, I expressly included "MY experience" everyone has different experiences and emotional levels and levels of self awareness in differing aspects of their identities. Where I may feel self aware in this aspect, one who disagrees with me here, may be self aware in an area i am not and I disagree with their observations. It is all part of the human condition that we are all experiencing and thanks God everyone's self awareness differs because it would be a very boring world if we all agreed.

However, those differences can be and usually are the causes of friction and lack of respect, which causes a domino effect. My belief is one who becomes what they feel is self aware, has no desire to dictate their morals or judge other. It doesn't mean we get along or even have to like each other, it just to me means respecting each other's views and beliefs, so long as they harm no one else.  If someone says, for instance bailing out banks that are still foreclosing on homes is ok but bailing out student debt and forcing people into bankruptcy because they get sick is ok. To me, I don't understand that logic. To me that hurts other people in the name of greed. That is a view that no matter how hard I try I can not comprehend the logic behind and find hard (not impossible) to respect someone who believes that way. But that is a different self awareness and path that I have and is neither right nor wrong, regardless of how I may feel. 

Thank you for the compliment. And again, I did not mean for anyone to believe that it is a definite fact and everyone feels the same as I do. And I would be very much a hypocrite (which I admittedly hate a hypocrite more than anything, even though I have my own hypocrisies like we all do) if I lashed out at your views because they didn't agree with mine. The fact that we can identify that we see where the other is coming from and we do so with respect, says more about us than if we agreed 100%.

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Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".

It sounds like group sex.

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Okay, okay :)

 People who identify as polyamorous believe in an open relationship with a conscious management of jealousy; they reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.

 

ps: My Finnish friend calls it "free love".

Edited by ☙𝔼𝕩❧
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1 hour ago, ☙𝔼𝕩❧ said:

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ poly, "many, several", and Latin amor, "love") is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy".

It sounds like group sex.

 

1 hour ago, ☙𝔼𝕩❧ said:

Okay, okay :)

 People who identify as polyamorous believe in an open relationship with a conscious management of jealousy; they reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships.

 

ps: My Finnish friend calls it "free love".



Then I guess Ross was right it should have been "PANsexual" lol. I knew the term but thought that was somewhat different. I do believe in open relationships to some degree as long as there is trust and honesty. I personally, have a hard time not wanting to be monogamous.

 

Edited by panCDCA
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  • 1 month later...

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