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Disrespectful


NickyLove

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How is it possible what people do to each other here and how disrespectful some are
Since weeks my husband and I thought we had met a good girlfriend who we could even link to a good friend of us.
Two weeks ago we even witnessed their marriage.
Now suddenly we did not hear anything anymore. Our friend and we ourselves became very worried because something bad might have happened.
It is that I had her email address so I tried to contact her, but the account suddenly turned out not to exist anymore.
I got suspicion but I knew about Pandora's existence, against my principles I used it and looked for it.
It turned out that this 'lady', (probably a 'he') had an alt with which she was married again with another guy a week later, with again all kinds of caresses to 'her' new lover.
Who can still be trusted here ? I think no one. It is just not done to play with someone's feelings.

I'm so pissed off about this .....

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what Mei and Rob said are true you take a risk with everyone you met, but you can't let it change you, or close you off from other's like Mei be more mindful, watch people cause yes in time you see true person and true colors, there are some really good people here, just cause some have alts does not mean their bad, I have, My Wonderful Brother Rob who spoke has, he always tells me when he change avatars, good people do, me and Mei, don't speak, but I know she good people, she does her thing and never rude or hurtful, some get off on that others don't, in time you will learn to take things with a grain of salt, and Laugh, I know right now what I am saying sounds careless, it's not, you just can't let it get to you to much, or you will lose who you are,

 

real people are never a game we make friends, we start to care we check up on each other when away to long like you did with your's I have found some people like that, always give time before you let them in, they people that care you will see in their actions, their kindness, 

 

and like my Bro said it ain't over till you quit the community, that what I call it not game Smiling 

 

Be safe, be smart, and have fun.

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I was going to put a smart ass sarcastic remark here dripping with irony.   

But I'd rather not generate more heat than light.  All I can say is there are probably other sides I'd the story here and we should consider that before handing out the big indelible scarlet letters.  

 

Maybe they could have handled it differently but I'm not here to judge them

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To be blunt, we get three avis of course you have to pay for the other two.  Think of it this way, you may never truly know what someone is doing in the game as they could have another account even but it doesn't mean they're going to hurt someone while others do.   Some don't think that one avi means that all their avis belong to that friendship or relationship so they go on the other to do what they want.  It's up to the person while it might not be something that others agree with it is their subscription.  My only suggestion is to use caution and don't give up to much to people.  You truly don't know who is on the other side of the computer so caution is best.

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Missed expectations


Lack of communication


Insecurities


 


That is how it starts…


Feelings get hurt, we lash out


Then post in forum  :rolleyes: 


 


It’s a game to some


And so much more to others


We are not the same


 


Some keep it shallow


Others like deeper waters


Depths beyond compare


 


What is real to some


Is roleplay to another


Must communicate


 


So… know what you want


What do you NEED from this world


And… Say what you mean


 


Be true to yourself


Be respectful of others


Always be honest


 


If you can do this…


Eliminates most problems


And you will enjoy


 


Just my opinion


From a peer and a stranger


Spoken in Haiku  :huh: 

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To be blunt, we get three avis of course you have to pay for the other two.  Think of it this way, you may never truly know what someone is doing in the game as they could have another account even but it doesn't mean they're going to hurt someone while others do.   Some don't think that one avi means that all their avis belong to that friendship or relationship so they go on the other to do what they want.  It's up to the person while it might not be something that others agree with it is their subscription.  My only suggestion is to use caution and don't give up to much to people.  You truly don't know who is on the other side of the computer so caution is best.

 

I very much agree with this Mar

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Respect is something you are not borned with. Respect is something you need to earn from your words and acts. Every single person in the game does have some kind of mask. They are playing something they are not just because they are enjoying it. Sadly these masks can be swaped like a mood. If you will want to talk about it or if you will need someone to hug you, Im here for you. Ofcorse I might not be perfect but I will try my best just for you. 

 

I always found a lot of "friends" aboud me. But when I felt down, they all ran away. Only then you will truly know who are those real friends. Only one took me into his hands and brought me up again. That was 2-3 years ago and till not Im still in contact with him. Trying to repay a favor. Trying to raise him up like he did with me. 

 

The point is that you will always get hurt whatever you will try to do to prevent it or not. That is life and always will be. But there are always people who are worth trying for. People who will make you smile.  ^_^

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Here is an advice from someone who tried to fit real-life standards into a place like this for almost 3 years.

 

If you really want to enjoy the game, and get the best possible experience out of it (Lovers n Friends) I recommend you drop some of the limits you would naturally have in your real life.

 

The probably most common and highest drama-factor is created out of jealousy. Eliminate jealousy. Be easy on your friends and lovers. While the step into that direction can be hard, I can only recommend having an open relationship where you can be with you partner whenever there is time. Its totally up to yourself or you partner how much time you can / would like to dedicate to each other without putting a certain pressure wich leads me to the next point on my list of SNSFG (Standard not suited for game)

 

Pressure. Yes, most people put pressure on their partnersm or theirselves. Actively or passively. I ve been there too... putting pressure on myself to show up ingame to see my beloved ones (Even if it wasnt necessary)

You end up wrapping your real life around this game and making a lot of compromises wich can lead, in the worst case to some problem IRL too. I would suggest you only ask what you would be able to give

Respect that your partners and friends ingame have a job, rl-friends and probably hobbys they want to pursue out of the game. If you put too much pressure on them, they might be seeking ways to avoid you the one or other way.

 

Some people I met are really upfront and just tell you they wont show up no matter what. Other people dont want to hurt feelings so they make up silly excuses or even stories (The beloved Hosptial story is top notch) why they cant show up or are able to spend time with you. The third group of people is kinda meh to me. They start to run alts so they can avoid you and be with other folks. Sometimes they let their avi vanish the most silliest way one can ever imagine by faking RL-death, wich is very silly IMHO and usally it all comes out. Problem is, the paranoia fills the pockets of some individuals, that kinda make a living out of it now. Also that might be the same people that run alot of alts and try to fuck people over, so they get more money from people paranoying thru Pandora. Kinda a viscous circle but also a conspiracy theory.

 

Real Life. So most important part for some people here. Of course many would love to know who is behind the screen and pursue activities outside of the game too. It is nice but is a two-sided sword aswell. Usually the VR-World can follow you into your RL and if you get hammered with drama theres no way to hide if people know too much things about you. Theres a slight chance stuff will end up in stalking and once you get stalked into the real world you will have a hard time getting rid of the stalker and make them stop (Told from own experience too. Not from this game but yeah it shouldnt be any different here really.)

 

Just reveal what you are comfy with. Dont let people push you into a defensive position or even blackmail you. I ve met several individuals here that are never convinced with the proof of gender. So no matter what you throw at them, they wont believe you and demand more (for whatever reason) so to put it as simple as that... you dont need to proof to anyone, especially not if they demand it at all cost.

 

Also, and that is my personal opinion... I dont really want to know. I play immersive and imagine the person as they behave and appear ingame. Sometimes gender reveals can kill that immersion and you cant really "unsee" it. So it really depends what you want to do in this game. Some play this as some kind of dating simulator or dating site... but its more malicious then its worth it, and lets be real for a second... the chance for a real life relationship are very low. There have been some exceptions where two people met here and are now a couple IRL but thats like One in a million.

 

So what the game does best in my opinion: You can meet fun people, have some friendships too and of course have sex, but you shouldnt put too much heart in it. Of course you can get attached to the people and even love them, but seriously the exclusive real-life rules and living monogamous in a sex-game aint gonna work ever. And yes theres even exceptions for that. I know some people that practise the exclusive relationship for some years now and even sucessful but thats one of a million too.

 

Usually it end up in cheating, drama, stories and tears.

 

Dont let that come to you.

 

 

Most people in here live in a one-sided exclusive relationship and even if you point out the obvious they wont believe it. In the end as I said earlier... everything will come out sooner or later, and some even might have remembered what I have told them... but usually when its too late. Mostly resulting that good people leave the game because they tried to fit in real-life standards and rules that only apply for them.

 

Of course it is your money and your game. You play it the way you want to. So before anyone getting this wrong (or want to)

 

This is how I changed my gameplay over the years and this is how it works the best now. I am happy. I enjoy my little time I have here now and you should too. :)

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Here is an advice from someone who tried to fit real-life standards into a place like this for almost 3 years.

 

If you really want to enjoy the game, and get the best possible experience out of it (Lovers n Friends) I recommend you drop some of the limits you would naturally have in your real life.

 

The probably most common and highest drama-factor is created out of jealousy. Eliminate jealousy. Be easy on your friends and lovers. While the step into that direction can be hard, I can only recommend having an open relationship where you can be with you partner whenever there is time. Its totally up to yourself or you partner how much time you can / would like to dedicate to each other without putting a certain pressure wich leads me to the next point on my list of SNSFG (Standard not suited for game)

 

Pressure. Yes, most people put pressure on their partnersm or theirselves. Actively or passively. I ve been there too... putting pressure on myself to show up ingame to see my beloved ones (Even if it wasnt necessary)

You end up wrapping your real life around this game and making a lot of compromises wich can lead, in the worst case to some problem IRL too. I would suggest you only ask what you would be able to give

Respect that your partners and friends ingame have a job, rl-friends and probably hobbys they want to pursue out of the game. If you put too much pressure on them, they might be seeking ways to avoid you the one or other way.

 

Some people I met are really upfront and just tell you they wont show up no matter what. Other people dont want to hurt feelings so they make up silly excuses or even stories (The beloved Hosptial story is top notch) why they cant show up or are able to spend time with you. The third group of people is kinda meh to me. They start to run alts so they can avoid you and be with other folks. Sometimes they let their avi vanish the most silliest way one can ever imagine by faking RL-death, wich is very silly IMHO and usally it all comes out. Problem is, the paranoia fills the pockets of some individuals, that kinda make a living out of it now. Also that might be the same people that run alot of alts and try to fuck people over, so they get more money from people paranoying thru Pandora. Kinda a viscous circle but also a conspiracy theory.

 

Real Life. So most important part for some people here. Of course many would love to know who is behind the screen and pursue activities outside of the game too. It is nice but is a two-sided sword aswell. Usually the VR-World can follow you into your RL and if you get hammered with drama theres no way to hide if people know too much things about you. Theres a slight chance stuff will end up in stalking and once you get stalked into the real world you will have a hard time getting rid of the stalker and make them stop (Told from own experience too. Not from this game but yeah it shouldnt be any different here really.)

 

Just reveal what you are comfy with. Dont let people push you into a defensive position or even blackmail you. I ve met several individuals here that are never convinced with the proof of gender. So no matter what you throw at them, they wont believe you and demand more (for whatever reason) so to put it as simple as that... you dont need to proof to anyone, especially not if they demand it at all cost.

 

Also, and that is my personal opinion... I dont really want to know. I play immersive and imagine the person as they behave and appear ingame. Sometimes gender reveals can kill that immersion and you cant really "unsee" it. So it really depends what you want to do in this game. Some play this as some kind of dating simulator or dating site... but its more malicious then its worth it, and lets be real for a second... the chance for a real life relationship are very low. There have been some exceptions where two people met here and are now a couple IRL but thats like One in a million.

 

So what the game does best in my opinion: You can meet fun people, have some friendships too and of course have sex, but you shouldnt put too much heart in it. Of course you can get attached to the people and even love them, but seriously the exclusive real-life rules and living monogamous in a sex-game aint gonna work ever. And yes theres even exceptions for that. I know some people that practise the exclusive relationship for some years now and even sucessful but thats one of a million too.

 

Usually it end up in cheating, drama, stories and tears.

 

Dont let that come to you.

 

 

Most people in here live in a one-sided exclusive relationship and even if you point out the obvious they wont believe it. In the end as I said earlier... everything will come out sooner or later, and some even might have remembered what I have told them... but usually when its too late. Mostly resulting that good people leave the game because they tried to fit in real-life standards and rules that only apply for them.

 

Of course it is your money and your game. You play it the way you want to. So before anyone getting this wrong (or want to)

 

This is how I changed my gameplay over the years and this is how it works the best now. I am happy. I enjoy my little time I have here now and you should too. :)

 

You nailed it in many aspects, Nikki, just 2 Additions from my side:

 

Always remain yourself.

That means, no matter what others do, do not let them soften up the values you are standing for.

 

I have seen so many People Fighting  out things and behaving in a way they never wanted to behave. Of course in those cases it is easy to put the blame on the other ones, but I prefer to stay with my values.

Someone treating me disrespectful? No matter, that person wins more if I answer to that disrespectful, as he/she made me forget my own values.

 

You have no influence on what the others do, but you have a direct influence on your reaction on that and therefore on your life quality.

 

The second one is sometimes hard to Keep, but always keep in mind, that in the end every reaction you have has an influence on your life Quality

 

Avoid generalization

 

Many people who have made a negative experience with something tend to think 'I am not going to do this again anymore'.

This is understandable, but with that way of thinking hardly anyone of us would have learned Walking.

 

Every time this thought wins, we block ouselves against being breezy, putting some load of distrust and pessimism into our minds. And in the end that Maybe takes much more from us than the original trigger.

Don't let others control your mood and general attitude to life, and they do if you take it to heart so much that you start to generalize.

 

it helps to be more egocentric in both cases, Always thinking about what is the best for you.

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  • 2 months later...

I have spent many years on these virtual chat rooms and I could sit here and give advice all day too.  Fact reamains that just as in real life there are going to be rude evil hurtful people.  Find one?  Iggy them and move on.

 

Those in this thread saying 'it's just a game'?  Are most likely using that to justify their own rude, evil and hurtful behavior on the program.  We all know it is NOT "Just" a game.  Yes, it is, and should always remain secondary to real life, but 3dx and others like it are just extensions of who you are. Every single time we log in we each make a choice on how we will conduct ourselves. Will we be the cheat and the liar?  Will we be the manipulator?  Will we see the lies and confront them or will we pretend to play along? Will we play the victim? Will we make up stories about health?  Will we have 5 accounts with 3 alts on each professing true love to others and having multiple marriages going on at same time? Or will we be the compassionate witty friend who just wants to hang out, dance and have some fun exploring your RL fantasies? 

 

It's the choice of the individual. But rude is still rude and mean is still mean no matter where it happens. RL bullies and abusers are not going to be angels here.  Whatever your individual choice is OWN it and do not try to justify it by saying it's just a game. We all know it's not.

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Here is an advice from someone who tried to fit real-life standards into a place like this for almost 3 years.

 

If you really want to enjoy the game, and get the best possible experience out of it (Lovers n Friends) I recommend you drop some of the limits you would naturally have in your real life.

 

The probably most common and highest drama-factor is created out of jealousy. Eliminate jealousy. Be easy on your friends and lovers. While the step into that direction can be hard, I can only recommend having an open relationship where you can be with you partner whenever there is time. Its totally up to yourself or you partner how much time you can / would like to dedicate to each other without putting a certain pressure wich leads me to the next point on my list of SNSFG (Standard not suited for game)

 

Pressure. Yes, most people put pressure on their partnersm or theirselves. Actively or passively. I ve been there too... putting pressure on myself to show up ingame to see my beloved ones (Even if it wasnt necessary)

You end up wrapping your real life around this game and making a lot of compromises wich can lead, in the worst case to some problem IRL too. I would suggest you only ask what you would be able to give

Respect that your partners and friends ingame have a job, rl-friends and probably hobbys they want to pursue out of the game. If you put too much pressure on them, they might be seeking ways to avoid you the one or other way.

 

Some people I met are really upfront and just tell you they wont show up no matter what. Other people dont want to hurt feelings so they make up silly excuses or even stories (The beloved Hosptial story is top notch) why they cant show up or are able to spend time with you. The third group of people is kinda meh to me. They start to run alts so they can avoid you and be with other folks. Sometimes they let their avi vanish the most silliest way one can ever imagine by faking RL-death, wich is very silly IMHO and usally it all comes out. Problem is, the paranoia fills the pockets of some individuals, that kinda make a living out of it now. Also that might be the same people that run alot of alts and try to fuck people over, so they get more money from people paranoying thru Pandora. Kinda a viscous circle but also a conspiracy theory.

 

Real Life. So most important part for some people here. Of course many would love to know who is behind the screen and pursue activities outside of the game too. It is nice but is a two-sided sword aswell. Usually the VR-World can follow you into your RL and if you get hammered with drama theres no way to hide if people know too much things about you. Theres a slight chance stuff will end up in stalking and once you get stalked into the real world you will have a hard time getting rid of the stalker and make them stop (Told from own experience too. Not from this game but yeah it shouldnt be any different here really.)

 

Just reveal what you are comfy with. Dont let people push you into a defensive position or even blackmail you. I ve met several individuals here that are never convinced with the proof of gender. So no matter what you throw at them, they wont believe you and demand more (for whatever reason) so to put it as simple as that... you dont need to proof to anyone, especially not if they demand it at all cost.

 

Also, and that is my personal opinion... I dont really want to know. I play immersive and imagine the person as they behave and appear ingame. Sometimes gender reveals can kill that immersion and you cant really "unsee" it. So it really depends what you want to do in this game. Some play this as some kind of dating simulator or dating site... but its more malicious then its worth it, and lets be real for a second... the chance for a real life relationship are very low. There have been some exceptions where two people met here and are now a couple IRL but thats like One in a million.

 

So what the game does best in my opinion: You can meet fun people, have some friendships too and of course have sex, but you shouldnt put too much heart in it. Of course you can get attached to the people and even love them, but seriously the exclusive real-life rules and living monogamous in a sex-game aint gonna work ever. And yes theres even exceptions for that. I know some people that practise the exclusive relationship for some years now and even sucessful but thats one of a million too.

 

Usually it end up in cheating, drama, stories and tears.

 

Dont let that come to you.

 

 

Most people in here live in a one-sided exclusive relationship and even if you point out the obvious they wont believe it. In the end as I said earlier... everything will come out sooner or later, and some even might have remembered what I have told them... but usually when its too late. Mostly resulting that good people leave the game because they tried to fit in real-life standards and rules that only apply for them.

 

Of course it is your money and your game. You play it the way you want to. So before anyone getting this wrong (or want to)

 

This is how I changed my gameplay over the years and this is how it works the best now. I am happy. I enjoy my little time I have here now and you should too. :)

this is in all likelyhood the best post ever written. Just saying

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I agree with a lot of what you say but there are certain aspects of real life we need to include in our games.

Honesty being the main one, almost all the drama I have seen in this game has been through people lying and continuing that lie to extremes.

You can play however you want, but if you lie to someone about something that matters to them, then you are potentially going to cause problems for that persons game and more often than not it will happen.

There are lots of different ways people play 3DXChat, what people need to do is not to try force their own games on others using lies.

I think everyone needs to remember this, other people are not in the game just to cater to your needs for the game, we are not just pawns in your game.

We are all real people that play this game, we all seek respect and should also try to give respect to others just like in real life.

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Most of the drama I have seen in the game comes from jealousy followed by selfishness. I do think some people are willing to say and do a lot to get what they want, but the same issues exist in RL. Its kind of hard to fight human nature I suppose. Personally I have found the best thing to do is simply not to be involved in the game and only spend time with a few close friends when they are on. I have though about DJing and hosting some of my rooms now and then, but I just don't think I am that into the community here most of the active players have a lot of issues.

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Game? This is a Virtual Life. One could argue that Life eetself is a game and this a game immitating life, be that just a part of life. 

 

A game is immersive, one can fall into eet and lose themselves but not everyone can be immersed tha same amount.

 

A game is an activity one engages in fo fun and we all have a different idea wot fun is fo us.

 

"Just a Game" when peeps say this they mean eet is no more than, simply or only a game. No eet isn't.

 

We can say that about everyting, a car is just a vehicle, altho a car can be about social stature, about pleasure of driving, or to attract people and just be seen in. A car can also represent our personality and is more than just a mechanical Vehicle because people put meaning to tings that expand eets original design, use or meaning.

 

This is not "Just" a game, fo some maybeh eet is and that in eetself gives them tha freedom to act how they like and not take anyting serious and have no responsibility for their actions and "gameplay" and we see that a lot.

 

Nikki is correct. Ive been here over 2 years and im tha same as ah was day 1. Except ah have met someone here very special to me and our frandship has grown outside of this game.

 

So be yourself, because your true self comes out eventually and any agenda or motives get revealed over time and if you play to hurt peeps or get revenge or ruin other peeps fun you are seen by others and are ignored like you would be in real life eventually. Alts cure this problem fo people like this and with tha update is going to be even easier to erase your past and play this "game" with no consequences.

 

Remember Alts don't hurt people, people do.

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Yes I agree jealousy is another big one, I also have seen plenty of drama caused through jealousy in several different ways.

There are people who get jealous of someone being with someone else, like in real life they have feelings for a person and do get jealous.

There are people who get jealous over others standing in the game, their popularity, and I have seen people deliberately set out to degrade people just through this.

Also I have noticed that a lot of the people that want to say it is just a game, and do not offer much respect for others games, although they will say real life should not come into it, they will attack the person behind the keyboard in disputes.

They do not distinguish between peoples different characters themselves when it comes to that, but will keep insisting it is just a game when it comes to how people should see their game and treat them.

One thing though that is very different in the game compared to real life is people are so easily able to hide who they are.

Also when they do wrong they know very little can be done to them.

Where as in real life they can't approach you as someone else and when caught doing wrong the consequences are much more severe.

 

Yes I agree that the new update will allow people who "play games" to do so much easier.

People wanting to do so will no longer have to worry about being so easily found out, in fact it will be almost impossible. 

I look at it as similar to this...

We have been living in a place where they have security cameras and although the cameras do not stop people from committing things they know they should not, they have been a deterrent for many just because people know they are there and can be caught and have to face the consequences for their actions.

Some really like the idea of the security cameras and others hate them saying they are an invasion of privacy.

Now the security cameras are being taken away and the deterrent will no longer be there.

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