What is a “real” man?

[Guest Trance]

1) A real man values more than just your looks.

 

Is every compliment from him about a different body part? It doesn’t matter how creative he can be, if a guy’s sole focus is on how you look, or ‘talking dirty,’ see it as a red flag. A real man will value your personality, your kindness, your intelligence, and who you are as a person, in general. The things he makes you feel good about will be things that you control, not just results of getting lucky in the gene pool.

 

2) A real man will never be intimidated by your motivation.

 

A man who has goals for himself, will want to be with a woman who has goals for her own life, too. He will never feel intimidated or threatened by a woman who goes after what she wants. He will want to be part of a power couple, rather than a dictatorship. Be mindful of anyone who tries to keep you from pursuing your dreams.

 

3) A real man will have more interests than just you.

 

I don’t mean this in a negative way. You should, of course, be a priority in his life — but he needs to have a life as well. Interests, friends, hobbies, aspirations. If a man works his entire life around you, it’s another red flag — relationships should be a great part of your life, but not encompass your whole life.

 

4) A real man will give you answers.

 

No matter how awkward or uncomfortable a situation is, a real man will approach it, and you, with respect. I have always felt that a mark of a man is how he handles conflict, criticism, and less-than-ideal situations. A man will not dance around answers or make excuses. If there is something you two need to talk about, he will talk about it.

 

5) A real man is direct.

 

In addition to the last point — there will be no mind games or manipulation in your relationship. A man will be direct, to the point, and honest with you... but with kindness.

 

6) A real man will trust you.

 

As long as you haven’t betrayed his trust, a man will NOT be paranoid, or snoop around invading your privacy to make sure you’re not doing anything bad. He will have confidence in your relationship. A boy will project his own insecurities onto you, and like termites in a house, will eat away at the foundation of what you’ve built.

 

7) A real man is cool, calm, and collected.

 

It should be understood that part of what comes with the territory of having a girlfriend, is dealing with her getting hit on. If you’re at the bar together, or if she’s out with her friends, it goes without saying that your girlfriend will get hit on every once in awhile.

 

Instead of letting his primate instincts prevail and beating his chest like an angry gorilla to scare off competition, a confident man will calmly make his position known, and understand that you’re still going home with him at the end of the night.

 

8) A real man will show you respect.

 

Nothing signifies an empty shell of a man more than someone who disrespects women, animals, or children. A real man will treat you with the respect that you deserve, never force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with, and never mistreat you. Be honest enough with yourself to walk away from any situation that is dangerous to you, physically or emotionally.

 

9) A real man will put effort into your relationship.

 

Boys are generally apathetic and just look for one thing from a woman. A man, will do what it takes to make you happy, both inside and outside of the bedroom. Your happiness, is his reward.

 

10) A real man will make you want to be the best version of yourself, without changing who you really are.

 

A man will empower those around him. He will strive for greatness and therefore inspire others to strive for it as well. This not only includes friends and co-workers, but also significant others.

 

As Mark Twain said, “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

 

If you do have one of these men in your life, make sure he knows he is appreciated.

[AllisonStarlove]

I'm not into men ...but good luck

[VladT]

and you Trance, you are a great woman, but remember a real man for to be a man needs a real woman.

 

and the points are the same.

[Guest Ciera]

/me thinks Trance might be a bit of a romantic at heart.

 

That's cool - and yeah it had to be said. I'm not sure I agree with point 3 - both parties have their own interests to bring to the relationship. Some they share some they don't. In both they are viewed by both parties with respect, humour and, if not love, then great affection.

[JessicaX]

I agree on all points. Awesome post.

[Jeanster xxx]

A Real Man is Me End of story LOL!!!

[Loruna]

I also agree to all points but I have to say something to point 8 and 9.

 

First about point 9:

For me, it reads like the guy has always to work for our happiness and has to do the first steps. But I disagree with that. In my opinion the guy hasn't to do always the first step.

I am a girl who also makes the first steps if I want something. And I also want the happiness of my partner. Why shouldn't I work for it either?

I have many friends who disagree with me on that point who thinks that the guy has allways to approach and so on... and I hate that.

Such a stupid thing to say: "Yea... I like this guy, but I won't approach him and I wait until he comes to me."

 

And about point 8:

Well that depends on the relationship right? I do agree that respect is everything in a relationship. But there are girls out there who want to be treated like a worthless slut.

I do like it to, but only in bed, outside of the bed I want to be respected. Just as this meme says it: "Treat me like a princess, fuck me like a slut."

But there are girls out there who want to be treated like that all the time. Don't know why, but it is like that. So it is hard to say that this is how a man should be.

 

As I agree on all of the points you said, it is still not good to say "this is how a real man should be". Every girl likes his man different.

I'd say this is just a hint and some guys could catch something from your list, but they shouldn't see it like a blueprint.

[Leoninha]

A miserable pile of secrets. But enough talk, have at you!

[Vaughan_Rarius]

I agree on everything too ..  oh and this

 

 

or  if they want ...

 

[Guest Trance]

I also agree to all points but I have to say something to point 8 and 9.

 

First about point 9:

For me, it reads like the guy has always to work for our happiness and has to do the first steps. But I disagree with that. In my opinion the guy hasn't to do always the first step.

I am a girl who also makes the first steps if I want something. And I also want the happiness of my partner. Why shouldn't I work for it either?

I have many friends who disagree with me on that point who thinks that the guy has allways to approach and so on... and I hate that.

Such a stupid thing to say: "Yea... I like this guy, but I won't approach him and I wait until he comes to me."

 

And about point 8:

Well that depends on the relationship right? I do agree that respect is everything in a relationship. But there are girls out there who want to be treated like a worthless slut.

I do like it to, but only in bed, outside of the bed I want to be respected. Just as this meme says it: "Treat me like a princess, fuck me like a slut."

But there are girls out there who want to be treated like that all the time. Don't know why, but it is like that. So it is hard to say that this is how a man should be.

 

As I agree on all of the points you said, it is still not good to say "this is how a real man should be". Every girl likes his man different.

I'd say this is just a hint and some guys could catch something from your list, but they shouldn't see it like a blueprint.

It’s just for discussion, make up your own minds.

 

Saying that, rough sex or D/s does not give a disconnect from respect that’s a common misconception

[Guest Trance]

/me thinks Trance might be a bit of a romantic at heart.

 

That's cool - and yeah it had to be said. I'm not sure I agree with point 3 - both parties have their own interests to bring to the relationship. Some they share some they don't. In both they are viewed by both parties with respect, humour and, if not love, then great affection.

Perhaps I am, I think point 3 doesn’t say what you think it said if you read it carefully. The point of 3 is obsession/dependence.

[Guest Ciera]

You could be right, I don't always get things first time, especially when I'm rushing. Will read it again later. A great post though - somebody had to say it.

 

I'd also like to reinforce the idea that the respect, affection, all the good things, go two ways in a succesful relationship whether it be a love affair, friendship or even busniess and prfoessional relationship. IMHO respect should be assumed until proved otherwise, but it also has to be earned.

[Matrix]

What makes up a real man you ask? When the 23rd pair of chromosomes is both an X and a Y.

[AllisonStarlove]

Double X's rule!

[intercessional]

A real man is someone who isnt married in real life always talking about how much he loves his wife yet in a sex game cheating on her on a daily basis. That makes him a douche

[DJ_Girl]

Hmmmmm. I think someone trying to define how others should be based on their own biased opinions is a little pointless and reckless. Maybe even detrimental. 

[Guest Trance]

A real man is someone who isnt married in real life always talking about how much he loves his wife yet in a sex game cheating on her on a daily basis. That makes him a douche

Sounds like you have an issue to take up with someone, perhaps by pm, or shall I add;

 

11) real men/women resolve their issues passive aggressively

[Guest Ciera]

@Trance - well they try not to piss each other off to much while they're doing it :-) I know what you're saying - like people need to work things out somehow or the relationship is pretty buggered.

[YouAreMySpecial]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCyqb0GMfvE

[Guest Trance]

No such thing as a real man or woman. The OP is what that person views as his or her ideal man. Has very little to do with being real or not. Thats sort of like saying some woman who cuddles, does the dishes and can cook is a real woman.Its nothing more than an antiquated attempt at  gender stereotyping.

So what do you think a real man is? Instead of tearing down another opinion try offering your own

[VladT]

No such thing as a real man or woman. The OP is what that person views as his or her ideal man. Has very little to do with being real or not. Thats sort of like saying some woman who cuddles, does the dishes and can cook is a real woman.Its nothing more than an antiquated attempt at  gender stereotyping.

ok please change real man with ideal man in the first post if you like to play with words.

[YouAreMySpecial]

What I believe is pretty simple, a real man is nothing short of a warrior. Men have the need to conquer something, whether it be their enemies, the heart of a woman or the hardest of all; conquering yourself. People tend to forget that a warrior doesn't always need to be physical.

 

Able to make his own decisions while trying to keep his emotions stable and know when to distance himself from people threatening his inner peace.

 

I myself have been working hard getting on that path, by making mistakes and reflecting back on them, but keep in mind: What works for one man might not for the other, stop listening to what other people have to say and find yourself.

[intercessional]

So what do you think a real man is? Instead of tearing down another opinion try offering your own

 

no such thing as a "real man". that's the whole point. Just like  no such thing as a "real woman". Just because a member of the opposite sex isn't your ideal mate doesnt make them "real" or otherwise. 

[Guest Trance]

It’s an expression, but now you’ve expressed your disagreement with the concept you can ignore the thread

[Guest Trance]

What is it with short men?

 

Is this really a thing, psychology opinions seem mixed on the subject. What do you all think, experiences of?

 

Of course the primary cause of short man syndrome is the aforementioned overcompensation. This is one of the ego defense mechanisms as described by Freud, the idea being that the individual could this way protect themselves from the belief that they were smaller in size. At the same time the lack of confidence regarding their height might cause them to try and distract from it by proving themselves able to 'mix with the big boys'.

Short man complex has also been linked to evolutionary psychology – which looks at our psychology as a race and how it could have developed through evolution due to the survival value of particular behavioral traits. In the case of short man syndrome it may be that in the wild smaller individuals needed to make more noise and act more aggressively in order to compete for food and mates. Indeed studies have demonstrated that in the wild, smaller creatures often do attack first.

 

There are other possible explanations for short man syndrome however. For instance the mere fact that someone who is shorter may have more difficulty getting attention in general. They then may have developed louder behavior as a necessity and as a way to get others to take notice. If this brought positive reward, that would then be a form of positive reinforcement that could condition them to behave this way. The very stereotype of short man syndrome meanwhile might lead their behaviors to be perceived as stemming from their insecurity.