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Vaughan_Rarius

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1 hour ago, SusanLouisa said:

I would never say I "ego pet".  I agree it sounds very negative.  I never do or say anything that is fake.  My Dom knows this.  But I never let him forget that to me he is always the most important person in the room, because he IS.  He is just not on a pedestal, he IS the pedestal as well.  Isn't this the reason we kneel before our Dom's?

Indeed it is. It's another way of showing our devotion, or our love, to our doms :)

I hope it doesn't come off as me being insincere or fake to the dom when speaking about building up their confidence. For me it's about being there for my dominant as much as he is there for me.

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2 minutes ago, Nektar said:

Indeed it is. It's another way of showing our devotion, or our love, to our doms :)

I hope it doesn't come off as me being insincere or fake to the dom when speaking about building up their confidence. For me it's about being there for my dominant as much as he is there for me.

Not to me. If your B/s relationship is new I think it is natural.  I have no need to build up confidence in my Dom. We have been together just short of two years and never have I thought his ego needed petting.  In the beginning perhaps there was a need to assure him that I was completely his, but I think that this is a natural situation and not limited to BDSM relationships. 

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10 hours ago, Nektar said:

(not the right word, but then English is my second language, so I hope you understand what I'm trying to get across).

Just a side note to let you know that you expressed yourself perfectly.  I can only hope to someday speak the second language we are studying as well as you have mastered English.  

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22 hours ago, Nektar said:

Indeed it is. It's another way of showing our devotion, or our love, to our doms :)

I hope it doesn't come off as me being insincere or fake to the dom when speaking about building up their confidence. For me it's about being there for my dominant as much as he is there for me.

youre putting way too much fluff into it... ^^

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49 minutes ago, IKushiel said:

youre putting way too much fluff into it... ^^

For YOU maybe. But that does NOT make either Nektar or I wrong.  I wish you well in finding a sub who cares without showing too much 'fluff''.  Perhaps you will luck out and find one who does not care at all.  To each his/her own as they say.

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43 minutes ago, SusanLouisa said:

For YOU maybe. But that does NOT make either Nektar or I wrong.  I wish you well in finding a sub who cares without showing too much 'fluff''.  Perhaps you will luck out and find one who does not care at all.  To each his/her own as they say.

i found several. := most actually do not need to play an online romance for their fantasies being fullfilled :)

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4 minutes ago, IKushiel said:

i found several. := most actually do not need to play an online romance for their fantasies being fullfilled :)

Happy for you as it is what you desire.  Not all enjoy cold or joyless. You think all with heart do?? lol  You assume much.  But I wish you well.

Edited by SusanLouisa
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16 hours ago, IKushiel said:

its not exactly cold or joyless. its just not covered in pink fluff... Oo i kinda made the experience that Lover and Master aint roles to be mixed. Atleast not for online stuff 🤷‍♂️

I can't speak for online, but irl I suspect Master/Lover is a very common mixing of roles. Very often the submissive put themselves in a role where they suffer consensual punishment, degradation etc, and the dominant in a role where they're dealing out said punishment to the person they are about. If there isn't room for "pink fluff" or aftercare sessions, where the couple gets to unpack what just happened, and reaffirm their devotion to one another, those could be fertile grounds for serious doubt and cognitive dissonance. "What if he finds me disgusting?" "What if I took it too far?" etc etc. Anything from a simple "I liked when you did this and this to me", to an "I love you" can often be enough assurance, but some times a nice cuddle or vanilla session might also be necessary.

I would imagine even the most Gorean of BDSM relationships probably have moments of tenderness and aftercare between play sessions, to reinforce bonds of love and trust between master and slave(s?). Granted, I'm not an authority on John Norman or couples who act out more Gorean fantasies, so I'd love to hear peoples opinions on this.

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for rl you might be right, although i could imagine it working without sincere emotions there aswell. for 3dx counts the following (my view):

since its just acting anyway, there is no need to aftercare obviously. its an act. all parties are aware of it, nobody gets hurt, no feelings involved. if you play the game differently and put sincere emotions in it you gonna get harmed in an way which is not worth it. my experience. other people might have had more luck, didnt see many though. most are just walking from illusion to illusion forwarding the day to wake up.

Edited by IKushiel
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The more of your heart and mind you put in RP, the more you immerse in play, the more rewarding emotion-wise it is. Yes, with a wrong person you will just end hurt with such an approach, but if you really like someone and sure that they will not abuse it – why not? 

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41 minutes ago, IKushiel said:

misread. i doubt you can "sure" that though : P

Well by "sure" I mean "chances that something bad will happen are small enough to not be worried about them and I believe in this person's good intentions and actions". If to be honest I am not 100% sure even in my own physical existence lol.

Edited by Xizl
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its not just about intentions. i had several cases where i trusted the good intention of people and they still managed to cause quite some pain. without going into details here but if you glue your heart on something that will disappear one day for one reason or the other its pretty much like a free fall in slow motion. pretty enjoyable until reaching earth finally.

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