Colloquy Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 Intro: Yo, who these people think they fooling, fam? Like really, they on here chasing each other on the beach to have sex, my dude? Like who does that, yo...yo..check me out.. (( Beat Drops )) I'm a monster when it comes to addressing the horrorCall it bad karma on those who didn't honor the god when I was authentic in my honest personaNow I got that loaded neena ready for anything they offerLike this barbie who floods rooms with an ad to come chase a chick on the beach like that's properYo,I'm a grown man, I don't play games for the sexI come to the chick and let her know what I want with respectI give her the kiss to the neck and she start giggling and shitWe go to the Home #1 and we naked on the bed and shit But nah, we got grown ups who want to go to the beachMake a game where they running around chasing each other like how we was before we was teensLike, they the type to suggest 3DX to give us the ability to climb on treesI'm like, what type of life do you have that got you wanting to play hide and go seekOn a game that's really adult oriented, shit ain't making sense to me What adults you know is at the park chasing each other just on casual outdoor fun timeNah, adults on they grind trying to punch that clock on timeWork them hours so they can get home and sip that wineLog on to 3DX and chat with some like mindsAnd if they lucky? they might have some cyber sex that makes them cumAnd then it's good night Fucking right I said it, and made a rhyme about itDare you to come and comment like you got something to say about itIt's open forums and it says " speak your mind " so I'm gone speak about itIn lyrical format so you can see I'm bout itBout what?Lyrical word play on your worst day I'd run circles around you leaving you dumb founded on your bed lay Time on my hands so I watch what I typeGet it?I'm lying cause if I did I wouldn't have been banned from the Forums twiceI'm just that nicePotent with the words that I writeMake people itch in they skin organ like they rest with bed bugs at nightBut for " you people " it's more like lice My melanin got me feeling like the devil among angels yet they think they posing a threatLike how a dude from the block more BDSM then the majority of you pale necks?Like how a dude from the block spitting hot shit but would accept a " cold " quickYet watch how you salt shakers get mad off something so harmlessI'm like, yo, let me cold them and then out talk themLet me send the cold invite to then ignite the brain waves and show them that just because I cold youDon't mean I won't actually talk and make your pussy walls fold, boo Peep the message, the blessing is in disguiseWhile these white guys scared to lie with some white thighs of a white girl cause they think it's really another white guyProjecting how they really got a white lie within em for not liking the white guysAnd won't come out the closet to allow they laundry to drySo they stinking with insecure mildew funk but get on World Chat to cryLike dude, get a grip, there's real women OFFLINE How you on a sex game complaining about any thingWe got people claiming to be cheese burgers and Troll KingsListen, I got a mac that'll go click clack like a belt buckleAnd when I aim it at your dome? call it a cat scanCause these cats think they can speak they mind and not get in trouble B-d-d-d-d-at!! (( drops the mic )) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagi Posted August 19, 2017 Share Posted August 19, 2017 I appreciate the effort, but this is...all kinds of not good. Lol. [Disclaimer: please don't take offense to this reply. I'm not trying to attack you or belittle you in any capacity. It's just that I've been rapping for many years and I thought you might find some use for a bit of constructive criticism.] First of all, there's no consistency of rhythm to your lines. You have some lines that have few syllables (which would fit into one bar nicely, as they should), and then you have others that are such mouthfuls that you'd have to deliver them with machine-gun speed just to get them out before the bar finishes, which would not have the kind of percussive rhythm that makes rapping sound interesting. If you performed this, it would sound incredibly disjointed, it would be totally lacking in flow, because some lines would have a slow, slick cadence to them while others would sound rushed and frantic, disrupting the vibe. Next, let's talk about rhyme. You can (and really should) rhyme more than just the last word of any given line. When you bounce on a certain rhyme for several lines, it sounds cool. Try swapping out some of the words you wrote with others that are more phonetically similar to the word you're trying to rhyme. You have to think of your voice and your words as a percussion instrument, because that's the foundation of what makes rap incredible. Here's a simple example of what I mean: (Compare this:)Take a slut to the back room, tell her to suck my dickBlast my hot load all over her giant sexy tits (To this:)Snatch a thick bitch n get her to lick my stiff dickEcstatic laughter while I blast my jizz onto them massive tits It just makes your lyrics flow more naturally. You should also try to use less generic rhyming words. It's okay to keep it simple sometimes, but it comes across as amateurish if used too frequently. Things like "dry / guy / cry" is just...eh. Also, try not to rhyme "shit" with "shit." Lol. There are some good concepts here, though, just try improving it some. Hope this helped a bit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colloquy Posted August 19, 2017 Author Share Posted August 19, 2017 I appreciate the effort, but this is...all kinds of not good. Lol. [Disclaimer: please don't take offense to this reply. I'm not trying to attack you or belittle you in any capacity. It's just that I've been rapping for many years and I thought you might find some use for a bit of constructive criticism.] First of all, there's no consistency of rhythm to your lines. You have some lines that have few syllables (which would fit into one bar nicely, as they should), and then you have others that are such mouthfuls that you'd have to deliver them with machine-gun speed just to get them out before the bar finishes, which would not have the kind of percussive rhythm that makes rapping sound interesting. If you performed this, it would sound incredibly disjointed, it would be totally lacking in flow, because some lines would have a slow, slick cadence to them while others would sound rushed and frantic, disrupting the vibe. Next, let's talk about rhyme. You can (and really should) rhyme more than just the last word of any given line. When you bounce on a certain rhyme for several lines, it sounds cool. Try swapping out some of the words you wrote with others that are more phonetically similar to the word you're trying to rhyme. You have to think of your voice and your words as a percussion instrument, because that's the foundation of what makes rap incredible. Here's a simple example of what I mean: (Compare this:)Take a slut to the back room, tell her to suck my dickBlast my hot load all over her giant sexy tits (To this:)Snatch a thick bitch n get her to lick my stiff dickEcstatic laughter while I blast my jizz onto them massive tits It just makes your lyrics flow more naturally. You should also try to use less generic rhyming words. It's okay to keep it simple sometimes, but it comes across as amateurish if used too frequently. Things like "dry / guy / cry" is just...eh. Also, try not to rhyme "shit" with "shit." Lol. There are some good concepts here, though, just try improving it some. Hope this helped a bit. Oh so you mean something like.. This dude think he can tell me how to freestyle on keyboards?I been " rapping " since before Yagi could afford those keys, boyI'm a student to the game of Lyrics from the spiritual invoiceFrom " with in " I spit " shit " that make your face go in boy I know the context and many 3DX users not really Hip to the Hop, boyBut you Hopped on My Hip so you about to feel this Glock, boyYou like to be technical with your rhymes, I shoot it straight from the knot, boyI talk to you, while you study to try sound like a professional bee bop decoyI deployand destroyany so called connoisseur of my verbal acrobaticsvernacular mathematics that leave you simply humbled and ashmaticyou thought you had constructive criticism for a wizard of such acrobaticsThat involve syllables, similes, and metaphors with speedometer tact gadgets, look I spit for real, sonDon't think I don't rhyme this quickSwitch up the flow so slick, I'd leave you stuck in your mixYou a DJ, so I expect you to know bout thisHow to cut the track and switch it up at the flip of switch But you thought you knew what you was talking about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alliehotass Posted August 20, 2017 Share Posted August 20, 2017 Blim to tha blams I wack ya in da jams with deez quick handsno needs fo da spams coz ah dont eat da hams did i ruin ya plans oh I'm saaweee tell another stoooryDont be colding or holding on to ya dreams boiaint no playing with dis toyso move yaself alongbangin onya gong and singing ya same ole songeet all went so wronglike Cheech n chongso flips ya big oneand I'm on da attakso stop ya YakYa BigMac Yo Yo Yo Allie in Da house yaaaaaaaaaaaawll Colloquy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colloquy Posted August 20, 2017 Author Share Posted August 20, 2017 Blim to tha blams I wack ya in da jams with deez quick handsno needs fo da spams coz ah dont eat da hams did i ruin ya plans oh I'm saaweee tell another stoooryDont be colding or holding on to ya dreams boiaint no playing with dis toyso move yaself alongbangin onya gong and singing ya same ole songeet all went so wronglike Cheech n chongso flips ya big oneand I'm on da attakso stop ya YakYa BigMac Yo Yo Yo Allie in Da house yaaaaaaaaaaaawll Soopa Allie Awaaaaaaay!.jpg BARS!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yagi Posted August 22, 2017 Share Posted August 22, 2017 got me a fleet of cheeky space goats / always armed with giant dildos, set to obliterate foes / you bout as valuable as a penny and a Faygo / non-stoppin' shit-talkin, no wonder you get the shade thrown / i smoke the dro before expressin thoughts, you could say i paint slow / but that don't mean i'm strained, bro, i just ride a strange flow / there's a piece of me in every color of the rainbow / i've transcended body and spirit. clearly we're not in the same boat / don't be a bitch, boy / i got super saiyan fists, boy / you provokin this bloke like you desperate to suck his dick, boy / not one for competition, not from kids with awful diction / think you hot shit? you nuclear waste, toxic dipshit / left the shadows just to knock a fuckin name right off my hit list / katana to the neck, cackling, carving you into split bits / did you expect a puppy? man, i'm a crackhead rhinoceros / i know exactly what the fuck i am, fuck ya damn hypothesis Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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