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A Shy Girl's Diary


PurrTgirl

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Dear Diary,

 

I'm trying to get better with social things. I like to talk with people but I have so much on my plate that I deal with on a day to day. I've dealt with so much hate and rejection based on who I am and what I believe. I just don't have the confidence to really be what I see so much of here on 3DX. I think I'm a pretty cool person to talk to. I've met some nice people so far and have had some sexual fun with others and it really was a treat. I'm not sure why or where the shyness came from. Even before I discovered my truth I was shy. I'm like anyone else in the world. Wants to be loved and stuff like that. I've heard some people tell me tips on how to get better with the timid feelings but it's hard when I'm actually on the stage. I hope nobody thinks I'm rude if I don't talk in Local or World. I don't really no anyone so I don't see a need to say anything. Anyway, this a step I guess. Get my thoughts out but I don't know if anyone will read it. I think it's cool that they have this seeing that I journal in real life. I think it's important to get your thoughts out on paper. I guess this journal is solely based on 3DX which for me is okay. I can just focus on 3DX stuff and I won't feel so shy about my real inner thoughts that my real life journal is infested with. That is top secret information that I'll never share with people here!! lol. But this is a step in a good direction. Currently at this Event 4 party. So far the music is amazing!! Met a nice guy, he seems to like me a lot already. It's a bit odd. I never experienced that before. I'm not usually on the receiving end of being admired but it feels good. But I hope he understands that I'm really here to live out my truth that is quite the lustful one. I can't get too personal with people here. I just can't. Only way I know how to deflect that is to sort of be un-touchable. I can't really have that genuine love for people here if I'm not willing to open up to them. But, I'll open my mouth and suck a fat dick or suck a fat pussy? That's good, right? I hope that's cool. I'm not sure how it works here socially but I'm learning as I go. So far? Awesome experience!

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Good for you Purr, took some courage to post here but i think you will find if you give this community here on forum and in the game a chance  that most everyone will treat you with kindness and respect .

so  my advice to you is this ,  try to open

up, give people a chance they will surprise you i know it.

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Dear Diary,

 

I'm teary eyed right now. I really didn't expect such kind people to respond, let alone actually read this diary! A doll of a person messaged me giving me encouragement. Then to see more of it in the replies. I'm touched. I need tissues!! It's good tears. This is definitely a cleansing. I'm going to take a deep breath and actually try and open up a little bit. Lot of people call me Purr which is cute. I like it. But in actuality I have given myself a name in real life that I tell people. I haven't officially changed it but I'm looking into how to go about doing that. But, if this is what it means to open up a bit then this my stab at it. I've given myself the name Pearl. It sort of defines my overall demeanor of being in a shell. I know I'm a beautiful person but given the massive amount of hate I've received because of my life style choice I've really been in that shell. Maybe one day a lovely soul will take me out of that shell and fix me up to be that perfect round pearl that rich people wear around their necks. Right now I'm just treasure inside an oyster. Actually, come to think of it, I think I read some where that raw oysters are an aphrodisiac. OMG!! I'm just now realizing that! lol. Wow. I guess that what it means when you live in truth and honesty. Things just tend to make sense and fall in place. I'm seriously amazed right now at that little fact. Or is fiction? Personally, I don't eat raw oysters. I tried it once and I was horrified at the texture of it in my mouth. It's not like semen. It's like a thick mucus type gross thing. I have no idea how people even eat that and how it applies to a person's sexual appetite but if it's indeed true then just adds to the name I've given myself. Anyway, I hope people like it. I think it's a nice name. It fits me. Purr or Pearl, either one is fine with me. Still enjoying the AWESOME TUNES at Event 4. These DJs are really good! Music just has a way of keeping you in a trance. Stuck in a moment in time and simply lost in it. Body is just moving and I'm loving it. I really do appreciate the kind words and responses to my diary. I'm a bit excited. I really didn't expect anyone to read it. And if they did I was scared to even read the responses. I only read it because of the notification thing at the top. I read my message first and that absolutely shocked me! Then I saw someone liked it and that drove me to actually read it. Then that's when the tears started flowing, lol. Anyway, I don't want to get long winded. Still in awe. 

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Dear Diary,

 

I'm overwhelmed with the people of this place. They are so nice. It's scaring me tho. I've been the product of betrayal in other places on the internet. People who I thought were my friends but later destroy my soul when I find myself. I'm sort of damaged goods to be honest. It's like de ja vu all over again. I really hope people don't take me the wrong way if I'm not so quick to add them. Honestly, I wasn't really looking or expecting such interaction on this game. I'm a lust driven soul when by myself. Maybe I'm selfish in some kind of way. Wow. Maybe I am selfish. But I've been hurt by liars! I've been suckered into what they said was friendship only to be murdered emotionally! Here are the tears again. I don't know. I came here in my shell and figured well at least I can live out my sexual side. A place where I can have sex the way I want to in real life but don't really get the opportunity to cause I'm not really all the way transitioned. On top of that, even if I was, I don't think I'd get much play. Not that it's about sex with my transgender life but I do want sex. Sex is what I don't have in real and I think about it all the time. So I come here and I'm satisfied. So many friendly ppl here and I don't know what to do with it. I don't want to accuse ppl of being liars like those in my past. Being a product of internet bullying it's hard for me to really be quick with be-friending ppl. I'd much rather a person show me up front that their bad rather than be good first and then be bad to me later. That's what I'm afraid of cause that shit hurts! I remember a friend I had some years ago told me that titles are not really important. If it's real then it's real. I think I can be friends with people without being on their friendlist cause that's just a title. But when I see you out and about in a room some where I won't act like I don't know you! I don't really understand how it works here with friends. The nice guy I met today, he's not on my friend list but he's managed to be able to find me where ever I've been and we've had fun together today. And didn't have to add him. He's that example to me that it doesn't matter if you're on my friend list or not. He likes my time and he actually finds me. I don't know. I just hope I'm not hated for not accepting friend requests right now. Now I see a more valuable reason for this diary. I'll try to be more open but it'll take some time. I was on here for a month mostly in single player mode before I actually started going to public rooms. Bob and Betty have taught me well!! But the social thing is something I'm learning each day. I hope they understand.

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Dear Diary,

 

Okay screw it. Let's try it. Another nice guy who was one of the DJs at the Event 4 party sort of put things in perspective. In such a nice way he managed to show how selfish it was to hinder ppl from trying to be my friend. I'm so embarrassed! But he's my on my friend list now. Him and 2 other ppl. SO NERVOUS!!

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Dear Diary,

 

Finally, I have a break to write to you lol. As you know, it's Slutty Sundays for me. It has not failed to disappoint. My goodness! I've been around for a short while and noticed how some don't like colds. I didn't know what it was when I first saw the term so I asked someone and they told me what it was. I asked them why would that be rude to just partner someone without talking first and when they told me and I agreed some what. I do respect others point of views. However, I have a bit of a different one. I happen to think that a cold invite is the most ALPHA thing a man/woman could do. It actually turns me on! Probably because I don't get colded in real life lol. But yes, I do enjoy it. So many various styles of sex I've witnessed today. You have the romantic ones, the rough ones, the quick lick stick and get out ones. All are good in their own way. My last partner flattered me and said that I was his best time in a long time and to think it started with a cold. I blushed. Like just because a person colds me doesn't mean they won't talk. It just means that they're very ALPHA and just go out and grab it. I love it. But I'm not crazy. I limit it to one day to accept those. Cause OMG, I've been fucking every where. No telling where I'll be on Sundays. I'll go to a room and then next thing you know I'll get a cold invite to someone's apartment, which I actually prefer by the way. People tend to be a bit more open when they are in private which is what I like. This one guy didn't know or realize I was a T-Girl so after sucking his dick in a User Room he noticed my dick hanging and said that he wanted to suck it but not there. So we went to his place and it was great. He actually sucks pretty good for some one who never sucked a dick before. I asked him if he ever been fucked in the ass before and he said for me he would try it. The flattery is crazy! So, I was gentle with his virgin ass. It was awesome. Anyway, this day has so far been living up to the hype. My first Slutty Sunday shows promise! I'll end the day with the opening of my night club and slut it out in there. Hope it's a good turn out.

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Glad to hear that you are enjoying yourself here hun... it does have its highs and lows but just don't let it get to you there is always people here for you if you are down... we all have been there at some point, may pop along to your club and talk with you, you sound like a lot of fun :)

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post-16700-0-86873100-1499029181_thumb.pngDear Diary,

 

I'm kind of feeling blue. I just left the Event 4 and seeing that it's Slutty Sunday for me I have to accept cold invites. Well, a guy sent me one that involved another guy and it was on top of the DJ booth. I was totally caught of guard and to be honest it was very exciting. It actually looked like a party. Wild, crazy, fun type vibe. The music was perfect for a 3some on a DJ booth scenario. But, the DJ ignored me. People were complaining, only a few but still. Just to know that it wasn't accepted by 1 or 2, especially a DJ is what has me feeling a bit sad. I thought a DJ was supposed to encourage such wild behavior at a party. And this is not just ANY party, this is the Event 4! And when I finally got to talk to the DJ that ignored me to explain that any other day that most likely wouldn't have happened her reply was a bit unsettling. Sort of like a cold arrogant type response. Didn't make me feel good. Brought me back to those getting bullied online days. Anyway, I guess I'll just chill out for a while. Hopefully, this down feeling will go away and I'll open my club tonight. But right now, I'm not feeling so slutty for my Slutty Sunday thing. But the picture I took was the end result of the 3some I was in. It actually brought the party up to a higher level. But I guess 1 person has the power to kill joy. I wasn't trying to do that. Wasn't trying to be all on the DJ booth with two dicks pumping me! I'm just playing 3DX. I thought it was supposed to be FUN!

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I think it has nothing to do with arrogance.

 

From all places one can pick in this game, why do you have to have a 3some right on top of the DJ booth in front of the DJ's face.

 

I always found it disturbing when people did silly things around me. As much as you think it's a sex game and it is supposed to be fun it's not only your game alone.

 

Not everyone is comfortable with having cum and dicks flying around in front of their face. Especially not when being a DJ.

 

Unless you might think it's just pretending I can assure you in the most cases it's not and it gets really distracting at times.

 

How about you try to go to a Swinger Club (where people can have sex almost everywhere too) in the real world and jump on top of the DJ booth with two other guys.

 

I d be surprised if they wouldn't kick you out for that.

 

 

That being said... Yes you can have your fun and do whatever you want. As long as you don't force people to take part in your fun.

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Dear Diary,

 
Well, I was going to post something else but I just read a response to my latest entry to you. I think overtime as people get to know how I play this game they'll have a more healthy respect for what happened at Event 4. Slutty Sundays is simply me being the slut for those who tend to send cold invites. Being an under dog myself I have compassion for the misunderstood and judged. One thing that still puzzles me is how people tend to take games like this like it's real life. In this being a fantasy game I do have an understanding of what fantasy is. NOT REAL LIFE. Granted, I've been to a swinger club before which was pretty shocking. I highly doubt I would've been kicked out of that club if I literally had sex with 2 guys on their DJ booth, but their booth was not even reachable for anyone to do such a thing. That being said, I come here to simply live a bit of a fantasy life. Things I wouldn't do in real life, I do them here cause everyone has thoughts from time to time that tend to have them in a day dream for minutes on end to later snap out of it. I was given a cold invite and didn't know where I was going to end up. When I saw it was actually 2 guys and we ended up being on the DJ booth, sure, seems that some would say that I could've ended the sex out of respect for the DJ. But, that would kill the meaning of my Slutty Sundays. If they wanted to fuck me on that DJ booth, so be it. And for that I feel like I'll be remembered and reliable for that type of sex. The cold invite sex that's spontaneous, wild, and free. This is why I tend to stay to myself most times because I don't really understand people for the most part. I have a new outlook on DJs though. Not all, but some. Some DJs understand what a DJ is, a party starter. A DJ is not a priest by any means, especially a DJ on 3DX. Being that this is a Sex Game I don't understand how dicks flying around in your face would be a problem. I spoke to the people that I needed to speak to because I do respect others f
eelings to simply say that I didn't do what I do to personally hurt them or cause an issue. I was simply playing 3DX.
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Dear Diary,

 

I feel like such a fool. So embarrassed right now. This is only adds to why I don't really speak much. Why do I always seem to put my foot in my mouth? If that's even the right phrase. But seriously, here I am thinking I'm being victimized and it took one person to help me see that I was the blind one. I'm so embarrassed. So, tired of talking. Typing rather. I was so passionate in a thread about what happened at Event 4 and the end result is me being humbled...bitch sit down. Cause, clearly I was the bitch.

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Dear Diary,

 

I don't know. Now, I'm being criticized. Not use to this type of criticism. I'm being accused of having an ego and some sort of attention seeker and I'm honestly just trying to figure this game out. They had their views, I had mine. The end result? Me feeling like crap with teary eyes. I didn't really come here for this type of feeling. I guess that lady was right. 3DX comes with highs and lows. This is my first low moment I guess. And it's my fault. Cause I'm playing the game wrong. Nobody taught me how to play this. I'm trying to understand. My assertiveness is being interpreted as something totally not me. I'm not a trouble maker. I'm not a rude person. This sucks..

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Dear Diary,

 

I guess I need to learn about role play. My ignorance in that is what has me looking stupid. I'm not really sure what it is now. I thought role play was just typing out stuff that you were doing or want to do. I don't really know how deep it goes. I don't even know who is actually role playing when I go in a room. But the whole DJ thing I can see how that is role play and I did mess that up. GOSH, I'm so stupid!! I feel like a bad person. All because I'm ignorant to role play. This is crazy. I've never been looked at as a bad person until today and it's because of ignorance? Really?! Had I have been educated on role play this never would've happened. Hell, I never would've even went to the Event 4 on my Slutty Sunday! OMG! It's role play. Time to google this.

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Dear Diary,

 

I woke up from a nice sleep and oddly felt victorious. I noticed the many PMs I received while I slept. I had sort of a peace that I haven't felt, ever actually. Just last night I had the water works going feeling down and now I'm feeling quite strong at moment. I have a better outlook on 3DX now. A better one. A more mature one. And I genuinely don't even have hard feelings for anyone who may have had an opinion about me that I didn't agree with. Because I realized that it was me putting myself out there to have them assess me in the first place and quite frankly everyone is entitled to an opinion on any and every thing and/or body. I'm asking questions about Roleplay in another Forum to get a better understanding of that which is so far a great help. Once I get the core understanding of roleplay then I'll be able to move forward with more respectful moves. From what I found on Google and reading a few things it seems like we all are role playing to an extent. I guess when chatting we get so caught up in the connection from chatting that we could easily just undermine the 3D. But after reading this bit of information about Roleplay? I can literally and honestly say that YES, I violated the DJ in a major way and it was very disrespectful. Cause the roleplay was, Event 4, DJs are playing live music for the party, why in the hell are 3 people fucking on the DJ booth distracting the DJ? Because it was not about the music being interrupted..it was literally about the ROLEPLAY. That's why I'm at peace cause I have a better understanding now.I'm like wow duh? Of course it's rude to fuck on the DJ Booth, the record MIGHT SKIP! Is it really going to happen? No. But it's Roleplay so the answer is now YES, it could happen. Get off that thing before you destroy the equipment!! lol. Oh my goodness. Learning curves I guess.

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Dear Diary,

 

Today has truly been a good day so far. From the turbulence last night turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I've found a group of friends who were my support system and have helped me cope with things. One new friend in particular, happens to be one of the guys I had the 3 some with on the DJ booth. Turns out? He's a talented, educated business man in the area of marketing. He literally makes videos and things for a living. Come to realize he only colded me to the DJ Booth for a video. All the while, ppl are seeing us as rude and inconsiderate. Not even realizing how 3DX is about to bless my new bearded friend because of his talent and lively personality. It truly shows how good truly wins over evil. We're dancing it up at the last Event 4 party. It truly is a awesome way to end it. Event 4 will always be a good 3Dx memory for me. And it's all because of him..

 

post-16700-0-59402900-1499108646_thumb.png

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Dear Diary,

 

Titty Tuesdays! Perfect timing for this day cause I can wear my star nipple pasties and due the whole 4th of July outfit thing. Other than that, I'm just sort of in my head and wondering what today will bring. I have a confession though. I'm starting to get a little annoyed with some men on here. The men who are men I've had sex with. It's like their conversation is predictable. That is so boring to me. Like this one guy he seems to always say ' mmmm ' before anything. I'm like are you serious? What's with the mmmm's every time. And can I please find more men who can talk about other things other than sexual role play stuff. I feel like if I'm not cuddling or fucking a guy he literally has nothing to say. That is what's getting annoying. Like do you have any hobbies or anything? Like something that would actually have me to like you more cause when I like you more than that's when my sexual desire for you grows. It's that simply hi, how are you, what you doing, are you busy conversation cause I know ultimately what they want. Sex! I'm not trying to turn into a bitch but I do need to come up with a fun way to deal with this without hurting feelings cause I do realize that men like these literally live their lives thinking with their dick so I need to learn how to use that to my advantage.

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Dear Diary,

 

I can always rely on you to listen to me. And I just have one thing to say. How do I handle being disconnected while connected to a hot sexy woman while filling her juicy ass up with my thick dick? I mean, seriously. I was so rock hard and heated and she was moaning and giving me all she has and suddenly I crash!! She had me touching myself. I just wanted to be lost in her ass for the rest of the day to be quite honest. I mean I was eating her ass and she was eating mines and then she was sucking my dick and then I returned the favor and then I just put it in her sweet ass and she was so into it and I was into it and then it happened. Disconnected!! Glad she's on my friend list though, but still. It's the principle, you know. Now the moment is ruined. Like the whole set up was great. We at the beach. Talking, chilling. She all of a sudden said damn I want you. I'm like shit girl let's go find some where to fuck then. And we running around trying to find a spot. We find one and it got nasty. Now it's ruined. I can't even get my head in the game to get to that level again now cuz it'll seem forced lol. Like ' ok, sorry I got disconnected...where were we? ' I never was good with that. The moment is ruined but I enjoyed it for however long it lasted. -sighs- my PurrT dick.

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Dear Diary,

 

OMG today has been a blast. I think I'm getting a hang of this role play thing. There was a guy who was new so his profile didn't really have much going on with it. No pictures and a real brief profile. But it said that he was wondering if someone could be his guide. I guess he meant sex. He ended up pm'ing me as I was checking out his profile and we got to chatting. Obviously, I asked him how new he was. He said about a week but it's his 3rd day actually on the game. I said well, the only thing I'm willing to show you as far as sex is how to take it up the ass. He said ok, I'm not opposed to that. I said cool, let's begin the anal tutorial lol. I all of a sudden became a sex instructor on the Yacht today! It was so funny but aroused me at the same time. On top of that, my home girl logged on, this is the one I was fucking at the beach but 3DX cock blocked me, anyway so she hit me in the PM like girl I hate when I get disconnected to. So I was like well I'm about to give this guy an anal tutorial, you wanna be my helper? She said yea. So I have the guy follow me to the bedroom of the Yacht, in comes my home girl, we in group chat. OMG, it was too funny. I told him that what you wanna do before taking it up the ass is to lube up the dick first. So I had him suck my dick up against the wall. My home girl watching while playing with her kitty cat. I was actually starting to get turned on when initially I was being playful. So I'm teaching him how to talk during the sex and stuff like that. We move from the wall, to the bed. I'm putting my dick all in his virgin ass. My home girl still watching. So I said fuck it and asked him if he ever been in a 3some? He says no. And that's all she wrote. Me and my home girl fucking the shit out this guy! LOL. That was so fun. Not bad for my first role play. This can be very entertaining.

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Hehe... nice glad to see you are getting into the swing of things now hun and glad to see you have met some wonderful people you can call friends ^_^ always happy to see people enjoying themselves especially people i have come to know and care about.

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Dear Diary,

 

Serious elbow grease today. My voyeur day. Seems like each day brings a different type of cool person my way with my little 3DX weekly schedule. People actually seem to enjoy it. I have to stay true to it though lol. If I compromise it then it will die and become useless. I like how it has me to focus on a thing and if it has me to not have sex that day? Then I can allow temptation to arouse me and restrain myself. I think that's sexy to want someone but not do anything with them. But they know I want them and I know they want me but because it's Wanker Wednesdays! they have to wait lol. I'm actually looking forward to my Friendly Fridays. It's going to get really really friendly with some of my friends I know for sure. Stick to the code! And enjoy the show!

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Dear Diary,

 

I'm so irritated. My right eye been bothering me since yesterday. I'm a one eyed bandit today cause it's still irritated. These new contacts I bought seem to be wanting to be difficult with me. So I had to order some frames yesterday so I won't have to wear those PurrT things all the time. So I have a little head wrap over my hair and stuff and got it to where my hair is covering my right eye lol. Literally looking at this right now with one eye. So yea, just wondering around eye'ing everything. Had a funny woman come to me not too long ago trying to be a dominant type. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems being a submissive. If I was to choose one I'd more than likely choose the sub role but I do toy with both depending on the partner but this woman here? OMG! I'm on the pole just twirling around the thing and she comes up and sits down and immediately starts jacking off. So I'm like oh okay so she seems interested. So I took my shorts and panties off. She PMs me like SHUT UP! And suck this dick bitch! I literally started laughing. I even typed it to her cause that was so funny to me. She tries to partner me, I declined it. Still dancing she says I'm waiting! I'm like I know baby. Still dancing. Then I carried on in the conversation and said it didn't look too sexy to see here jacking off a ghost dick with her pants still on. She then says who gave you permission to speak!! I'm like wow, this is so hilarious. I responded saying I did, baby. She then poofs. It always tickles me how some think that being a dominant means being an asshole. That's truly not how it works. But I never been the type to like that sort of sex anyway. The rough, degrading, humiliating type stuff is something I never been into. I'd rather a dominant be very assertive. Know what they want and don't beat around the bush. Polite and respectful. Like a dominant wouldn't ask me if I was busy or would I like to fuck. A dominant would simply tell me that they want me and that turns me on instantly. But today? Thrusting Thursdays? I'm doing the dominant thing so I guess I'll have to be the dominant I wish to be dominated by. 

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Dear Diary,

 

Okay, I'm totally not a dominant. I'm too shy for that shit lol. I don't know, it's like I'm putting myself on the spot and now I feel awkward. I'll have to change my Thursdays up a bit. Instead of Thrusting Thursdays I'll change it to Thrust Me Thursdays. Yea! That'll work better.

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