Involved or not?

[Guest RomanFox]

Hello fellow 3DX'ers!

 

I wanted to start a topic regarding a certain aspect of the game, in an attempt to get to know more about it. I'm hoping for some really great input on different people's opinions on the matter as well as try to exchange thoughts and ideas about it in a mature fashion. Hopefully, that'll work out.

 

It starts here...

We all know there are tons of different people playing this game. And we all have a tendency to try and put people in some kind of group. "Roleplayers or non-roleplayers", "Real or Fictional", "Mature or Childish", etc...

 

Whether that tendency is a bad thing or not is not really the point of this topic, as I'll bring up two more categories, of which I would like to learn more about... the motives, the pros and cons, etc...

One could say two more categories are "Emotionally invested or Emotionally disconnected". It's been something I've been wondering about for a long time... and although I've found my own answer to this, I'm still curious as to how people perceive themselves or others when it comes to these categories, as well as how they feel or think about the subject.

 

Me...

My own story on the matter, in short, comes down to me starting out as an emotionally invested player... I developed feelings, felt sorry, felt regret and/or wondered or worried about certain people (even outside the game). As time passed I slowly ended up lacking these things... in some way. Now I consider myself a more emotionally disconnected player although there are exceptions to it... But that would make a short story become a huge one.

 

To me the pros and cons are semi-clear. I feel that being more disconnected resulted in a lot less drama... It allowed me to not get affected by certain actions one could take to get under my skin. On the other hand, it also makes it more difficult to connect to people on a social level. Although I consider myself "disconnected" (partially)... I can't help but feel things such as paranoia; "Is he/she someone that could end up causing issues?", "What is this person's agenda?", etc... It turns out to be kind of contradicting because I care and I don't care at the same time (weird?). I like to believe that the reason for me to turn more disconnected are situations caused either by myself or others that fed this paranoia... ultimately making me choose to not get involved with with certain people. A developed ability to read certain behaviours that would trigger alerts and cause me to step back from people is also something that I both consider a good and a bad thing... Bad because sometimes those "alerts" aren't always accurate and I end up stepping back from people that could have potentially been amazing friends.

 

You...

Now, not everyone develops this kind of choice due to events within the game... Some came here with that mindset already developed or chose it before starting out. But that doesn't make it any less valid. I'm curious about your reasoning, your perceived pros and cons and your stories... Are you willing to share them? I sure hope so

 

 

Hoping for some awesome responses

 

PS: If you don't feel like telling your story in a public setting but feel you'd like to share in some way... feel free to PM me on the forum

[Guest RomanFox]

Obviously I'm also interested in hearing the stories of people who remain emotionally invested

[Sage Stoner]

I don't really care too much for labels and anybody who wants to know my story can talk to me online, but I do love the irony of this topic and "finding a zipless fuck" being one atop the other in the Recent Topics column. You have a great sense of humor, Roman.

[Reds]

In game, the same as in real life, I am careful not to get caught up with folks who demand a lot of your energy, all the time, or create needless situations out of nothing that end up demanding a lot of your energy.  

 

I'm very introverted, so I need to make a judgement call otherwise I could not be there for my close friends when they need me, and I would end up being exhausted and useless.

 

So I get on best with people who are not demanding/needy/clingy, and when those people do need help, I love to be there for them.

 

I also keep my distance to avoid hurt, when it is clear I cannot change a situation, or that me attempting to change the situation would be to the detriment of others.  I feel very occasional pangs of jealousy, like most people I imagine, but I feel it best to acknowledge the feeling, accept that it's of no use to me, and move on. 

 

 

 

*runs off to figure out what a Zipless Fuck is*

[Domonique]

Reds.. the way you run around sometimes.. I find it hard to believe you're introverted! xD

[Guest RomanFox]

I don't really care too much for labels and anybody who wants to know my story can talk to me online, but I do love the irony of this topic and "finding a zipless fuck" being one atop the other in the Recent Topics column. You have a great sense of humor, Roman.

 

I'm a bit confused... I did make a post in the "Finding a zipless fuck" topic that was originally made by CarolineResident, responding to her findings and my ideas about it.

However, keep in mind that that is just my personal opinion on that matter. The confusing part for me is seeing the irony from it. Care to elaborate?

[Sage Stoner]

The confusing part for me is seeing the irony from it. Care to elaborate?

 

Well, a joke isn't funny if you have to explain it, I guess.

 

But I got a chuckle out of the fact that a post extolling the virtues of no-strings-attached sex is listed in the Recent Topics column side by side with a post extolling the virtues of strings-attached sex.

 

It made me chuckle, because I think this one of the first lessons that new players have to learn: Not everybody is looking for the same thing.

[Guest Mulan]

Having known you since you first started, that crazy, fun, silly, caring, trustworthy, slightly naive Belgian girl who used lots of emoticons! Then you got into relationships and started forming deeper friendships. You may look back on this part of your 3DX life as one of regret. You got hurt, the people around you got hurt. Ultimately, you are the same person you have always been, and that is by no means a bad thing. You are still fun, caring, trustworthy, maybe slightly less naive. I am proud to call you one of my closest friends.

 

I think a lot of us go through the same thing in 3DX. We start off somewhat naive. We get into the cycle of relationships. We then take a small break and usually come back a better and stronger person because of it. I think that growth in you as a person shows and you have met a fantastic person. You say you have become more emotionally disconnected. I disagree, I think with your wife and your closest friends, you are more emotionally connected than you have ever been. The difference between now and then is that through experience and time you now focus that emotional connection to the people you care about the most.

 

As you already know, my journey in 3DX has been quite similar to yours. I do look back and sometimes cringe at some of the things I have done. I have no regrets, though. Who I was in the past was an important part of who I have become today.

 

As Reds points out, I think most drama arises from "demanding/needy/clingy" people. If someone regularly finds themselves involved in drama, maybe you (I mean in general, not specifically targeted at anyone) need to have a look at the company you keep. It is always hard to move on from friendships and relationships, but in the end, the wrong people in your life can bring you down. It is also worth being self-reflective. Maybe you are that demanding/needy/clingy person.

[DarrenD]

Well, I've not played this game for years, like some of you, so I only have my limited, about 6 months POV, but throwing in my 2¢ nevertheless.

 

If "emotionally invested" means that one does not want to hurt other people (and not be hurt yourself), then yes, I'm very much such a player. Even though games like this one tend to attract loads of sociopaths, I think the level of drama I've experienced in here is not worse that it is in RL, maybe only more visible.

 

But if emotionally invested means that you become over cautious (or even somehow "paranoid", as you call it), then I'm sure you'll loose a lot of opportunity. Not interacting with people because you are afraid that they might harm you, seems like a very bad idea to me.

 

Reminds me of this quote by Annie Dillard, one of my fav authors:

If we listened to our intellect, we’d never have a love affair. We’d never have a friendship. We’d never go into business because we’d be too cynical. Well, that’s nonsense. You’ve got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.

 

I understand that the longer you play this game, or maybe not even the game, but take part in a social experiment like this one, that the longer you participate, the less "interested" you are in drama and all the shortcomings of human interaction. But still, your life wont get better if you don't open your doors for new people, because it's them that bring new colors to your life (a bit overblown, yes

[Wizard]

seems you have too much time to waste in this game. just log in when you wanna wank with some company, then log off, that's all.

[Mazzy]

It made me chuckle, because I think this one of the first lessons that new players have to learn: Not everybody is looking for the same thing.

 

 

seems you have too much time to waste in this game. just log in when you wanna wank with some company, then log off, that's all.

 

And some people never learn it. 

[Sage Stoner]

And some people never learn it. 

 

I liked this so much, I wanted to like it twice

[Guest RomanFox]

"Having known you since you first started, that crazy, fun, silly, caring, trustworthy, slightly naive Belgian girl who used lots of emoticons! Then ..."

Thanks for your awesome response, Mulan! I agree, maybe the "emotional disconnect" is actually more of a channeled thing rather than a missing thing. However I'm still more weary towards people, something that wasn't there when I started out Something that is both something I miss (the ease of not having to worry about a thing) and something I'm glad I got to learn from. But the one constant remains... This was more of a social game with some added bonusses rather than a full on "Log on and wank" kind of game, as some would call it.

 

 

Well, I've not played this game for years, like some of you, so I only have my limited, about 6 months POV, but throwing in my 2¢ nevertheless.

...

6 Months is still a rather impressive number... and about half of my time here Still your opinion is just as valid. You're right, being more weary and cautious causes me or other people to often miss out on opportunities, which is something I also mentioned in the original post. It's a little give and take and somewhat of a search to what is the right balance there. I don't back down from engaging in silly/intelligent/etc... conversations at all. The major difference is in how easily I'll let go more personal information. All in all, I'd say I found a pretty balanced position where I both enjoy the game without getting too involved with all the lesser things that it can bring sometimes.

 

 

seems you have too much time to waste in this game. just log in when you wanna wank with some company, then log off, that's all.

To each their own!

[AnyNameWillDo]

The title makes me think of a light switch: on or off, involved or detached. But I think of it more like a dimmer switch because even if one merely logs in for some company while wanking, within that choice is a degree of involvement with one's masturbatory companion ie: the kick being a shared (if somewhat shallow) experience with a real person at keyboard. Turn the knob to maximum and you find people logging in to form meaningful connections with a significant other - far rarer for a myriad of reasons. Not better, just brighter, maybe sometimes too bright? And between these two extremes are endless variations where people can cast their virtual life in a light which truly reflects what they want. And in the light we see others of a similar outlook and are drawn to them.

 

So I'm not sure the drama is a result of being too emotionally engaged but when paths cross and the differences in aspiration are big enough to conflict.

 

There clearly is no right or wrong way to exist in 3DX, and we would be foolish to expect that people we find distasteful would not also sign up for a sex game/virtual world. Just like real life, we have to encounter and cope with all sorts of people who we'd rather not deal with. In essence, when a group of people co-exist they will be consensus and conflict, whether this be in real life or a online virtual platform, and to try distinguish huge differences between the two is almost certainly a byproduct of the loosening of the moral belt which is a central aspect of a sex game. People want freedom and fantasy without guilt or responsibility and the easiest way to achieve this is to say 'well it's not real life'...

 

... No it's not real life but it's not an abstracted, sterile milieu for detached, emotionless fucking either. It's a place where people meet and interact on a very human level and my guess is, as technology develops so will the sophistication of how people exist digitally. After all cold inviters - the most open and honest players in the game actually - are also the most shunned. Why?

 

So yeah not a light switch, a dimmer. It's just some are dimmer than others....

[Guest RomanFox]

The title makes me think of a light switch: on or off, involved or detached. But I think of it more like a dimmer switch because even if one merely logs in for some company while wanking, within that choice is a degree of involvement with one's masturbatory companion

...

[Sage Stoner]

So yeah not a light switch, a dimmer. It's just some are dimmer than others....

 

You're a lot smarter since you (re)married my daughter, you know that?

 

C.

[Reds]

So I'm not sure the drama is a result of being too emotionally engaged but when paths cross and the differences in aspiration are big enough to conflict.

 

Good point!  It's like a relationship, which ultimately is just a contract and if once party feels like there's an inequality between what the two parties are getting from the contract ...... the problems start.

 

Sorry.... that's the last time you'll hear me get so romantic. 

 

 

 

It is also worth being self-reflective. Maybe you are that demanding/needy/clingy person.

 

Yes!  Although the ability to rationally self-analyse varies wildly in people..... often no self-analysis occurs at all it seems...

[AnyNameWillDo]

You're a lot smarter since you (re)married my daughter, you know that?

 

C.

Me? Smart? Freya must be rubbing off on me then....

 

*AWFUL INNUENDO ALERT*

[Domonique]

You say you have become more emotionally disconnected. I disagree, I think with your wife and your closest friends, you are more emotionally connected than you have ever been.

 

I wouldn't say I disagree with you :3 It's complicated to explain my thoughts on it xS

[WeeaboTrashu]

I came for jokes and being a jerk to people, Had a blast. Will be back soon enough. Game gets boring once you realize it's mostly a sex game and really nothing more. 

[Sage Stoner]

 Game gets boring once you realize it's mostly a sex game and really nothing more. 

 

Some would say that the game only gets boring if you play it as a sex game and really nothing more.

 

The game itself is a social platform with explicit sexual content. Each player chooses for his or her own self what aspect of the game to focus on. Yes, there are those who will insist it is "a sex game" or even "just a sex game." I disagree, but that's just me.

[WeeaboTrashu]

Some would say that the game only gets boring if you play it as a sex game and really nothing more.

 

The game itself is a social platform with explicit sexual content. Each player chooses for his or her own self what aspect of the game to focus on. Yes, there are those who will insist it is "a sex game" or even "just a sex game." I disagree, but that's just me.

Yeah, yeah, but most treat the game as a sex game. Even so called popular players here who swear they don't have sex anymore still treat this game as a sex game. Very, very, very few treat it as anything else. I rarely did anything sexual and if I did it was probably just because I got bored.

[WeeaboTrashu]

because deep down it is a sex game. now some may not treat it as such anymore but its advertised as one and its main draw is sex.  Honestly, if you come too this game originally for anything but sex i question your judgement, its the only advantage it has over the other games.

Don't judge me. 

[Sage Stoner]

Yeah, yeah, but most treat the game as a sex game. Even so called popular players here who swear they don't have sex anymore still treat this game as a sex game. Very, very, very few treat it as anything else. I rarely did anything sexual and if I did it was probably just because I got bored.

 

OK, I'm not looking for an argument. You are entitled to your point of view and I agree that perhaps most people come to this game for the sex.

 

But my point is that even people who insist that they are here just for sex also engage in the social side of the game. And vice versa. So I stand by my assertion that, no matter what people say and no matter how the game is advertised, it is not just a sex game.

 

Juliet Sex Session is just a sex game. 3DX Chat is a social platform with explicit sexual content.

 

The distinction is important.

[WeeaboTrashu]

OK, I'm not looking for an argument. You are entitled to your point of view and I agree that perhaps most people come to this game for the sex.

 

But my point is that even people who insist that they are here just for sex also engage in the social side of the game. And vice versa. So I stand by my assertion that, no matter what people say and no matter how the game is advertised, it is not just a sex game.

 

Juliet Sex Session is just a sex game. 3DX Chat is a social platform with explicit sexual content.

 

The distinction is important.

K