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Guest Eddster

100% honesty with each other. If your honest about what you want and your intentions from the very beginning any relationship here should work out just fine.

 

Pretty much exactly what Macca said. Discuss what you are comfortable with and without. In the end it's just all about honesty and clarity on each behalf. If that bond is broken and one can not trust. The relationship will not work out.

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Let it be poly and keep jealousy in check.

Mono and exlusiveness will fail miserably in environments like this.

 

To people who will disagree to that statement: No, yours is not special and yes, it will fail. I have seen too many broken hearts already!!! Be in a poly relationship and enjoy the life.

 

3sums are great 4sums are even better. *winks*

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Like Macca and Eddster says !  ;)

 

It's not very easy to give "the" key for a relationship, because everyone is different, have differents feelings and expectations for a relationship. Example, for me, i like share different moments (laughs, talks, emotions, interests, tenderness, etc...), surprise her and be surprised every time I see her. I must feel she thinks and likes take care of me, like as i can do for her. 

 

it needs time to build a strong relationships. it depends on you and your partner, what you want for now, for the future, etc...

 

Honesty and trust on each other are the main part, share about your expectations with her/him and you will see. You and your partner must feel good with intentions of each other and like being together. Do not push each other too, and let things happen on their own. This is the most enjoyable part of a relationship and that's allowing to build it on a good foundation and make it strong.

 

Love should not live alone but shared by two !

 

So if all these things and feelings are met, you'll become a happy and lucky couple !  :wub:

 

PS : Not sure it can help you more, but at least I have tried.  :P

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Love should not live alone but shared with all that deserves your precious love. *winks*

 

The more you share the more it will grow and you will feel divine.

 

Lol Freya, you got me !  :P

 

If only one girl (i have some idea about her name but shhhhh...) can deserves my "precious" love, it will be wonderful !  :D

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Lol Freya, you got me ! :P

 

If only one girl (i have some idea about her name but shhhhh...) can deserves my "precious" love, it will be wonderful ! :D

There will be multiple I am sure and there is nothing wrong with loving them both...it does not "reduce the quality" of your love. People rather cheat and pull stuff behind loved one's back instead of just admiting that they are in love with multiple people!!!

 

Love does have degrees of course but people should be honest with themselves and one another and stop opressing their feelings already! It only causes more drama and trouble in their lives.

 

It is almost 2015 and some ancient relationship concepts just

 

does

 

not

 

work.

 

Both in real and in here. Accept it. Live happy and spread that love! :D

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I also believe an open relation is the only one that can work in here, and yes, be very honest with each other what you expect and feel.

 

Then, of course, there is the question: do you have a relationship? I think a better way to describe it is this: you share a fantasy of having a relationship, actually just as the sex here is sharing a fantasy of having sex :)

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100 % honesty is definitely true but i would also add a big portion of respect, make that someone you are with feel special and trusted,

making your partner feel safe, open relationship still includes "relationship".

 

Most importantly, choose your words well, if you go like a bull at a gate, you may find yourself one relation shorter before you know it,

everyone deserves a decently respective and mild tone,

come clean about what exactly you want and compare that to your partners needs, but mind you, an open relationship might not be suitable for everyone

so if you cannot find common ground or too many compromises would have to be made, perhaps the two of you should let go.

 

And i'd also like to touch on the love aspect, you would not want to mistake a different set of feelings there.

Attraction can have many forms, a connectivity of spirits, the sheer curiosity and thrill for something new to break out of the routine,

a certain set of words, commonalities or dissatisfaction with your current partner that triggers your interest.

 


I'd like to disagree with Freya about the quality of love and here is why, it might be possible to develop a deep affection for several fabulous people but

could you really love more than one person the same way though ?

 

For that I'm going to pick up on something a very dear person to me once said "i love my friends but i am "in" love with my special someone"

 

What if you happen to meet the "two" or how many you love at the same time and space ? A menage a trois does not solve everything  :P , perhaps one seeks social banter or needs comforting,

whatever need or interest there may be. That puts you into a precarious situation and how you handle them is of vital importance to your relationships, will you stave one off,

try to satisfy both parties or work a schedule for them ? I have no means to discourage anyone, just a thought to consider, being wary of one's actions that is.


 

So to sum my thoughts up, I doubt it, but more importantly, are you doing yourself any favors with that ?

"Love" is such a powerful word, it should not be treated too lightly since it can evoke so many reactions, good, bad, hurt or joyful.

Mind that different people have different needs, some may be more love depending than others.

By all means i'm not saying anything against expressing love, just be clear about them with your partners and yourself.

 

Mono- or polygamy might be just a question of semantics but there are also several layers in between, 

i wouldn't simply divide into those two categories in which fantasies, needs and pleasures can be experienced. 

 

In company of a very special partner you feel comfortable and heard with, it could simply come naturally. So i wouldn't be too quick to cast an adaptive form of monogamy away.

There are many possibilities. If i recall correctly polygamy refers to a state of marriage for many spouses which in real i don't see working for above stated reasons

among many others but that is something everyone has to explore for themselves, the key focus for me seems to lie in the satisfaction of our very needs, sexual, social and caring.

 

It may be a solution but i'd like to offer a different trail of that regarding that in general, aren't we not more often afraid to find that intimacy and qualities in our current partners ?

Does it not sound so temptingly easy to just go and simply seek them elsewhere ? Perhaps we didn't truly share or express ourselves ...

That reference was mainly pointed towards the real life relations but i leave that question hanging.

 

 

I personally don't believe in the no drama policy, everyone has feelings, just the majority of us is afraid to air them out,

of course we develop various connections to a multitude of people, some we like more and some less, if we bonded with some, 

we obviously care more ... that is all natural, everyone likes to feel special and no one to be rejected,

just because feelings are stuffed down, wont mean they aren't there. That is why i find respect and honesty to be such admirable traits

and i don't see that as a form of dramatizing, the contrary, a liberation, fair, authentic and truthful, qualities worth cherishing.

 

 

The advices here on are all good but everyone is different, what is fine for some might be the reverse for others.

We cultivate a wide variety of social groups on here with different interests and longings,

i've seen people get together over online games, split apart, drama, joy

sometimes you find things you least expected in the most unusual places.

 

 

We are no robots, as sex is as important as eating and drinking, feelings too are not to be underestimated.

 

As master Yoda would say, explore your feelings, you must ... live, love, laugh,be truthful, respectful and don't feed the fangs of pretending!

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I'd like to disagree with Freya about the quality of love and here is why, it might be possible to develop a deep affection for several fabulous people but
could you really love more than one person the same way though ?

 

While I respect your opinions, I have to insist that you can love more than one person same way. And I do not use word love lightly, knowing that how powerful of a mixture it is; involving many emotions combined such as passion, care and affection. This by no means can be achieved easy. Each party involved must have rare type of open mindedness and love one another thus, relationships like this are pretty rare. But I have been in one in real, let alone here...and it has been working quite well. I do not "like" one and "love" the other...I sincerely LOVE both of them. Not just deep affection but, I feel the love for both of them.  By no means I am saying this is for everyone. However, we are capable of developing precious love for more than one person. Most of us are just blocks this however, perhaps because of insecurity or jealousy or just simply do not have time.

 

I used word poly to refer a relationship with multiple partners. Not marriage necessarily. I am not a believer of marriage but that's for another discussion.

 

Regarding no drama policy...Some people FEED on drama...misery of others and such. One should just stay away from those people no matter how strong they have feelings against them because like everything else too much drama will drain a person and make them feel hallow after a while. I believe in no drama policy and I do exercise avoidance of it in here and in real as much as I can. Since I begin practicing it and got rid of those types of people from my life, my life became much more cheerful. I am by no means a robot. I can just filter people and choose ones who bring quality to my life rather than unnecessary drama and negativity.

 

And I cannot agree more that we are all different and it's all case by case. Mine, yours and everyone else's post here are comes from experiences and one should not take them blindly but evaluate them to perhaps expand their thought horizon. I am delighted how beautiful responses are given here and it is so much fun to learn about other's opinions!

 

Your other points are valid to me and I am so happy you took your time to post your beautiful and through response. :wub:

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My dear Freya, judging by your strong reaction to my post i understand that is a topic of great concern for you and i genuinely apologize if i may have stepped onto your toes. I'm merely offering a different mindset to the thread starters question. That is a good thing, a perfectly understandable response. You are naturally free to share your personal opinion to this, as everyone else.

I would not find a back and forth discussion about the possible pros, cons and convincings fruitful to this topic, i believe everyone will find a great deal of interesting points in this topic already.

 

I concur that it is possible to build a deep affection for several wonderful persons but we two may have a different notion on the term love itself, personally i put weight on the thought where the love exchange between me and my "partners" is something i believe satisfying for all involved, for example i would not agree to sayings like "you can only love what is there to take/give". Given the afore mentioned different needs for affection and love everyone has, so if i ever felt not truly happy i would bring that up for a discussion and in case it becomes a subject without a proper solution, leave the relationship because every single one of us deserves to be loved the way he/she envisions.

 

It fills with me great happiness to hear that such an admittedly rather unique form of relationship seems to work for you so well, I don't believe my words were of criticizing nature, however i found it necessarily

to raise a few points of consideration for relationships from my sole personal point of view. Pursuing this topic further would probably lead into a deep philosophical evaluation of love itself, what degree of love are we talking about ? is it absolute butterflies in your stomach raising love ? I have not the slightest idea of the relationship constellation nor is it my business, i simply see attending to the needs of a love triangle or even more as an increasingly difficult task, hence a tad bit of skepticism perhaps. If it proves a long term solution that works out great to the all involved persons, i'm happy you found such a unique combination and i would love to hear more about it in a few years.

 

By no means i intended to link a comparison to robots or emotional inability to you, it is beyond me how that may have slipped into the wrong context.

As for feeding the drama i'd like to offer you a different perspective as well, first of all i would wonder what "drama" is itself ? a reasonable expression of concern or opinion if one party felt treated wrongly ? It is my firm believe that we as condescendent adults have therefore the responsibility for a respectful interaction, life is become such hectic place for so many of us that the slightest nuance can set a stressed mind off, therefore an involuntarily offending form of wording or acting can so easily cause friction in a non pleasant way.

Then as the second point, who exactly is it that feeds the drama ? The accuser or the accused ? I agree that the wrong words are cause for so very many misunderstandings and arguments and i cant wash my hands off that either but i am willing to state the theory it may take two for drama.

It may differ from case to case but there is a certain guideline of errors, attitude and disrespectfulness  that may also feed the drama and sometimes oneself is not even aware of the power their words had to their respective other.

Too often we do as we are done by to add even more fuel to the drama fire where a different approach from the very beginning may not even cause them to sparkle in the first place.

I would like to encourage you and everyone else at least to consider that very idea, i understand this might be a difficult mindset, for some character types more than others.

 

Of course i agree that some people may have developed more of a susceptibility for drama and thus you may not want to involve yourself with them, instead with cheerful and bright personalities that make you feel well, perfectly legitimate and even recommended, however i would not abandon that special group of probably "damaged goods" so easily and still keep an open eye or helping hand to make them find their way back as well, such behavior usually derives with reason or at least unpleasant past experiences. I respect your opinion in that regard and see this as the easier path to follow but that also is a decision for everyone themselves to make.

 

i'm truly thankful for your intake on this and would find your experiences a very refreshing topic to hear about in private if you should ever feel like it.

 

 

 

While I respect your opinions, I have to insist that you can love more than one person same way. And I do not use word love lightly, knowing that how powerful of a mixture it is; involving many emotions combined such as passion, care and affection. This by no means can be achieved easy. Each party involved must have rare type of open mindedness and love one another thus, relationships like this are pretty rare. But I have been in one in real, let alone here...and it has been working quite well. I do not "like" one and "love" the other...I sincerely LOVE both of them. Not just deep affection but, I feel the love for both of them.  By no means I am saying this is for everyone. However, we are capable of developing precious love for more than one person. Most of us are just blocks this however, perhaps because of insecurity or jealousy or just simply do not have time.

 

I used word poly to refer a relationship with multiple partners. Not marriage necessarily. I am not a believer of marriage but that's for another discussion.

 

Regarding no drama policy...Some people FEED on drama...misery of others and such. One should just stay away from those people no matter how strong they have feelings against them because like everything else too much drama will drain a person and make them feel hallow after a while. I believe in no drama policy and I do exercise avoidance of it in here and in real as much as I can. Since I begin practicing it and got rid of those types of people from my life, my life became much more cheerful. I am by no means a robot. I can just filter people and choose ones who bring quality to my life rather than unnecessary drama and negativity.

 

And I cannot agree more that we are all different and it's all case by case. Mine, yours and everyone else's post here are comes from experiences and one should not take them blindly but evaluate them to perhaps expand their thought horizon. I am delighted how beautiful responses are given here and it is so much fun to learn about other's opinions!

 

Your other points are valid to me and I am so happy you took your time to post your beautiful and through response. :wub:

 

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Freda, I agree that truly loving more than one is possible, but probably not really something that most people could successfully actually do. Our fundamental ideas about sex & relationships are based on the millennia-old need to produce families & to protect & foster them. Only relatively recently have we come to a point where sex & offspring no longer have such an absolute connection. It's no longer necessary for everyone to have children, but we all do continue to have a deep need to connect with each other sexually.

 

Societies now have to come to terms with the reality that it's perfectly healthy to enjoy sexual experiences with others that are everything from deeply loving, to experimental, to recreational & even therapeutic.

 

And I totally agree that Drama should be given the boot. ;)

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100% honesty with each other. If your honest about what you want and your intentions from the very beginning any relationship here should work out just fine.

 

I totally agree with you, but I would also add that in the relationship need to be honest with myself , to know that you want from a partner and realize that you're willing to give it , and what you're willing to go for a partner
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Open relationships are different for each and every person, humans are in fact complicated creatures. (some more than others) The things that have made an open relationship for me work may not work for others, but I will list them if anyone is wondering. :)

 

 

1. Be honest:  trying to hide something from your partner will hurt them ten fold

2. Respect them when online: don't be flirting with people and all that blatantly in front of them just for the sake of seeing a reaction (unless they like that :) lol)

3. Make a story out of having sex with others:  it's fun to share these experiences with each other, might even help you understand what they like on a sexual level :)

4. Give space when it is clearly needed: if you randomly log on and they have a date or something, be kind and let them finish :)

5. Make dates: Not being around someone for even a week can make you feel distant, so try and set up dates where you meet and do what ever knocks your socks off :)

6. Leave Drama at the log in screen: we all get the urge to make a big deal over something, just don't everyone will be more happy that way :)

 

 

The one that I think is most important, never let them forget how special they are to you. :)

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