Life in & out of 3DX as a trans-gendered woman

[AeshyaTG]

I live by the belief “live and let live,” so I’ve never understood disagreement or hostility to anyone or anything that I didn’t immediately understand. One shouldn’t judge but should be driven more by the curiosity of it all. That all being said, my day-to-day life never ceases to amaze me with the reoccurring theme of shame and ignorance aimed at me and trans people. Why would anybody audibly insult a human being they did not know or understand? Why would anyone bully or ostracise that same type of person? I can’t answer these questions because I don’t think that way.

 

Just like life outside of 3DX, inside the sometimes very friendly and caring community that I now spend hours in, the level of abuse can sometimes be so much more intense than that of the outside world. The bonus of 3DX is that lil button that allows one to ignore the obnoxious, the rude and the plain dumb.

 

​Im all for people to act out their fantasies in a safe and meaningful way. But what gives someone the right to treat you as a slut(such a horrible term) just because you are a trans-gendered girl. There is no sign around my neck saying..hey guys just come and give it all to me...or hey treat me just like the sex toy that I am..

 

Ive met some very amazing people inside this world. Kind, caring and sincere people whom are interested in knowing you more for friendship rather than just a quickie...(dont get me wrong I like a quickie just as the next girl) but with people I know. Sex is much more pleasurable from the experience of knowing a person...the build up, the flirt..

 

Im on a journey here...exploring my boundaries, broadening my horizons, learning about tolerance and sharing my story. As I find inspiration to contribute to this I will share uncomfortable things about my life and transition, not for your sympathy, but more for my cathartic freedom. Maybe a legacy that I can leave..to help others that I've met here so far that are unsure about the sexual choices they so desperately want to make, but are afraid of the consequences.

 

 I hope you enjoy the journey too.

[LaylaK]

Hey Aeshya,

I think I understand what you're feeling and experiencing.

There's lots of kind and interesting people in here, but from time to time you stumble onto some weirdo with a low IQ or bad manners (or both  ).

But let that not discourage you from being who you are. Wish you a happy new year and maybe our paths will cross next year  Kiss, Layla

[Zokora]

Hi Aeshya,

 

don't let you discouorage by some weird experiences. Sometimes you need to have a thick Skin, but a lot of awesome people here are worth playing this game.

You can't change that some People might try to Insult you, but you decide if you let it get to your heart.

Don't take this too serious, you give those Insults more than they should get.

 

Kisses

Zokora

This game is for fun

[chaostika]

[KYUSS]

[Cordelia]

I've never experienced any animosity of that type here nor in Achat, where I played for two years, before coming here. However, I  have had a few comments in Second Life since I started playing there earlier this year.

They are only games so I figure they are just role playing and I treat it as such

[Nicci]

Aeshya, you can consider me one of those people who would be thrilled you know you as a friend, I have met many here who identify themselves as  either TG, TS  and several are among my very good friends. Those who hate will hate regardless, don't let it effect you. There are plenty of people here who will except you for for just who you are  

[chaostika]

just as nicci wrote:

 
... here too, besides all other friends no matter what kind of gender, sexual orientation, religon and or country ...

 

- just seeing, answering, meme making, postn, typn n saying -

[wolvie44]

i dont mind tg and ts people i like chatting with them there cool people ill friend them almost instantly after chatting with them.

[Sage Stoner]

Actually, I think one of the few things the Devs here don't get enough credit for is having made this game and this forum welcoming to people of all sexual identities.

 

I experienced some homophobia when I first came out on this site, but the moderators at the time always came to my aid and shut down whatever harassment there was.

 

The only thing I might ask of the Devs is that they more strongly promote the fact that 3DXChat is intended to be a place where people of all sexual identities can interact with one another without fear of hostility or harassment.  

[AeshyaTG]

In a way I dont write this blog because I feel ostracised by being TG. I find some people behaviour interesting. Many men secretly wish they could have sex with a TG but dont want their friends to find out. Take last evening for example. In the new Saloon. I was dancing with friends and i got a cold caller. “Hello there,” he says. “Hi,” I say, slightly confused. “I’ve seen you here before,” he continues. “Yeah, I hang out here at times,” I claimed kind of condescendingly. “You suck dick?” he asks/suggests shamelessly. “Are you kidding me?”, I ask a little outraged. “I’ve been with girls like you before, you’re good at it, I get off on it.” “Umm, yeah, NO you have the wrong idea, I love myself, I’m not the kind of person you’re looking for. I don’t do that,” I said with all of the calm and patience I could muster.“No it’s OK, I won’t tell anybody, specially my guy friends?” he finished. A close friend of mine taught me a secret to the colding action...accept their requests and then leave em hanging. I told him I would meet him in the car park. Lol he went outside to look for it.

 

Im only truly happy when I’m with my LGBTQ friends. Or in the house, which is pretty much the same thing. Booze, good music and the people you love can compare with nothing else in the world, I think. We dance, we drink, we kiss and schmooze, all without judgement on how we live our lives. We make new friends, talk to each other, we get happy, forget our worries. I was  approached by a cute gay guy I don’t know who has a twinkle in his eyes, a pep, a spunk. “You’re such a hot trannie!,” he yells to me over the music. Pretending not to be insulted by such a rude statement I simply say, “Thank you” all the while dancing away from his uncouth ass. Who says these things to people? Are we that desensitised as a society that there is literally no filter in human decency and communication? I feel like I was born and raised in the 1920s sometimes. A time where people minded their own business and only spoke such trash in the privacy of their own homes. I don’t know, maybe I’m the crazy one for wanting to be treated as an equal. 

 

Its an interesting world we have created.

[Guest SayaX]

what you are explaining happens to many here, not just TGs.  happens to lesbians, gays, heteros, It is not inclusive to transgenders.   When you mix the internet with a game whos primary draw is sex you are bound to get all kinds. The block button is your friend because no matter how long you are here, no matter what sexual preference you have, it will never stop unless you confine yourself to your room. Doesnt make it right, its just the reality of it

 

Scientifically referred to as the "Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory".

 

Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad

 

 

Anonymity is a fundamental right and is something I like about 3DX but some people abuse this right to bully others. 

 

[Zokora]

what you are explaining happens to many here, not just TGs.  happens to lesbians, gays, heteros, It is not inclusive to transgenders.   When you mix the internet with a game whos primary draw is sex you are bound to get all kinds. The block button is your friend because no matter how long you are here, no matter what sexual preference you have, it will never stop unless you confine yourself to your room. Doesnt make it right, its just the reality of it

 

This is a simple matter of missing respect in our Society. So many People are fast in judging others due to amything they do not understand or do not like.

 

Mostly a sign of low selt-esteem, trying to put others down to the level they see themselves, and the anonymity brings that all out as they can do this without any consequences.

The bad thing is, you can't change this, but you still decide how much you let this affect your life. You let them win more control about your feelings and your life, if you pay too much attention to it. You can't change those people but you can avoid them and change their influence on your thoughts and feelings  There is other places and people here who do not judge you because of anything. I'm trying to keep my Adventureworld as a place for retreat of all those weird people, a place where you can have fun and chat.

 

You rather seem to be someone everyone can be glad to have as a friend, so just stick to those who are able to value that.

 

Kisses

Zokora

 

This game is for fun

[nobody]

i'm wander if people know what is the difference between a transgender and  transexual ??????

[nobody]

[DarrenD]

I find it hard to understand that in a game like this, where the number of ppl playing as a different gender is very high (and not because they are homosexual), that in such a game you are being insulted as a slut in a bad and rude way because you are TG.

 

This actually has nothing to do about being TG, TS, hetero, homosexual or whatever, this is just bad manners. Unfortunately, games like this one are highly attractive for all kinds of sociopaths ...

 

Just either be what you are ... or be what you prefer to be. Be difficult, because you've only got this one life

[AnyNameWillDo]

 

 

Scientifically referred to as the "Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory".

 

Normal Person + Anonymity + Audience = Total Fuckwad

 

 

Anonymity is a fundamental right and is something I like about 3DX but some people abuse this right to bully others. 

 

 

 

That's the precise formula for world chat....

[AeshyaTG]

I think we can make a conscious choice to be happy. 

It is a given that life is, by its very nature, extremely complicated and if it isn’t we will find a way to make it so. The trick might be to accept that despite your best efforts you will constantly be dodging obstacles.

Probably the hardest thing to decipher in this life is how much of the instruction you are given is actually useful and beneficial to you. We are all either privy or victims to parenting that depends on a luck of the draw and we sometimes spend years undoing damage. I don’t think anyone has it easy.

Contentment comes from within and radiates outward allowing you to filter the blows you receive from life. The perspective you gain then allows for more personal growth to add to your arsenal of weaponry.

At the end of the day I have very little to complain about and I know it. I can also look at the glass half empty or half full and that is a deliberate choice I make.

For some strange reason, accepting that suffering forms part of the natural state of existence helps soften the blow. You can choose to become better or bitter in the circumstances that you find your life in. Being happy isnt a state of mind, its a choice that I make everyday, because smiling uses less muscles than frowning and feels so much nicer anyway.

[AnyNameWillDo]

I live by the belief “live and let live,” so I’ve never understood disagreement or hostility to anyone or anything that I didn’t immediately understand. One shouldn’t judge but should be driven more by the curiosity of it all. That all being said, my day-to-day life never ceases to amaze me with the reoccurring theme of shame and ignorance aimed at me and trans people. Why would anybody audibly insult a human being they did not know or understand? Why would anyone bully or ostracise that same type of person? I can’t answer these questions because I don’t think that way.

 

Just like life outside of 3DX, inside the sometimes very friendly and caring community that I now spend hours in, the level of abuse can sometimes be so much more intense than that of the outside world. The bonus of 3DX is that lil button that allows one to ignore the obnoxious, the rude and the plain dumb.

 

​Im all for people to act out their fantasies in a safe and meaningful way. But what gives someone the right to treat you as a slut(such a horrible term) just because you are a trans-gendered girl. There is no sign around my neck saying..hey guys just come and give it all to me...or hey treat me just like the sex toy that I am..

 

Ive met some very amazing people inside this world. Kind, caring and sincere people whom are interested in knowing you more for friendship rather than just a quickie...(dont get me wrong I like a quickie just as the next girl) but with people I know. Sex is much more pleasurable from the experience of knowing a person...the build up, the flirt..

 

Im on a journey here...exploring my boundaries, broadening my horizons, learning about tolerance and sharing my story. As I find inspiration to contribute to this I will share uncomfortable things about my life and transition, not for your sympathy, but more for my cathartic freedom. Maybe a legacy that I can leave..to help others that I've met here so far that are unsure about the sexual choices they so desperately want to make, but are afraid of the consequences.

 

 I hope you enjoy the journey too.

I've witnessed inflicted on others what you suffer first hand and I do agree genuine TG members of our community are targeted in a unique way. However, there are some general observations I would like to make, which although are hardly encouraging, at least might help you feel less isolated.

 

I think nearly all whose in-game sexuality is represented by the female physical form have experienced being treated as sexual objects - bodies devoid of heart, mind and soul -  and reduced to mere holes to penetrate by straight men, however those straight men might choose to present themselves. And the easiest way for such players to justify (to themselves) their dehumanising thinking, is to re-frame their target from being 'human' to being  'sluts' -  a person who proffers sexual favour without the power of choice, and sex becomes something to be taken rather than given. And guess what? If you say no, you are still a slut for leading them on, for being sexual in the first place. My wife suffers this -  a very sexual person by nature and as a result people make misguided assumptions.

 

It's about power and control, but more of that later.

 

This is a path walked by many male players here and they don't discriminate: straight, lesbian, trans gender - all are objects and their target's sexuality - which is of course an expression of free will -  must be ignored because sluts aren't people. But yes, I have observed this in it's starkest form when directed towards openly trans gender players. I can't profess to entirely understand the psychology behind this, because I don't identify any of this behaviour in myself, but perhaps these men feel that someone who apparently defines themselves sexually beyond the physical form are a purer form of sexual object, in their warped thinking?

 

All this is magnified because people enjoy anonymity. The men who trample all over our world as unwelcome sexual predators are more than likely nothing of the sort in real life and they came to 3DX to feel that sense of masculinity they cannot manufacture in the sphere of flesh and blood, and the mere fact they are abusing an avi made of pixels on a screen probably helps them dehumanise further. I feel many men come here to feel that sense of power and control they cannot in the real world.

 

People say 'but this is a sex game, deal with it.' Bull shit. Sex game or not, people deserve a level of respect. That said, if we consider the mindset of most people when they join - looking for a place to have sex- your battle and the battle nearly all girls face too, is likely to be a never ending one.

 

That said, there are lot's of good men in-game too, maybe more than we realise because it's all too easy to focus on those who upset than those who reassure, and 'nice' is a very understated characteristic compared the the brashness of the faux-dom. Kudos for starting your blog and when I see you in-game I will say 'hi'.

 

[AeshyaTG]

Sometimes its easy to forget that you have the ability to choose how your life unfolds. How you deal with relationships, friendships and how you choose to become better or bitter through the circumstances of your life. I've always been a happy girl. I try to smile each day, offering a smile to friends and colleagues. In fact it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. So i choose to smile.

 

I've found some wonderful supportive people in this virtual world. Some more so than in real life itself. As a trans-gendered woman, I've previously spoken of some of the nasty and prejudicial fleeting comments made by those who are either intolerant or blatantly ignorant towards any other gender or sexual choice from the "norm".

 

I've wanted my time here to be meaningful. Fulfilling and fun. When i was 17 and  transitioning from male to female, mainly because from the age of 5 years old, i looked like a girl, felt like a girl, was a girl in a boys body, I went out to a local nightclub. For the first time i was "woman". Free to have fun, laugh and be myself. Sadly that night was not to end in a hangover of cocktails and finding a boys phone number scribbled in mascara on my hand.

 

I was raped by three men. Two of them held me whilst the other did his thing. Then they took turns. Often saying "Tranny Slut", you "trannys just love sex dont you? Sex yes! Rape no!. I had felt that I had made such a wrong choice. If i was a man I wouldn't be getting raped. If i had only rejected the strong feelings inside to be the girl i knew i was, this wouldn't have happened.

 

The event was of course hurtful both physically and mentally. My perpetrators were caught and taken to prison. It was at this point I realised, with depression and fear hanging over me, that I could choose. I could choose to let this affect me for the rest of my life, or I could choose to be better through this circumstance, rather than bitter. I wanted to smile, to let those men know that I can be in control, I choose to be happy. So I visited my attackers in prison, and hugged them and smiled. Told them I forgave them for their actions, and that despite their sentence, I truly hoped they could find a happiness inside themselves like I have. To want to rape someone means you have a low self esteem. A low positive self image.

 

A positive self-image comes from forming reliable and lasting relationships with others. When a person is immersed in a vibrant and healthy community, there is no room for self-doubt. In the West there is an increased scepticism about happiness. The view that happiness doesn’t really matter, or that it’s not really that important. Happiness has been associated with the commercial – ads telling us that we will be happier if we have lots of nice things, if we are wealthy and powerful.

 

Recently I was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer and some metastatic cancer that has spread to my brain. 5 tumours have decided to take up home in my head. Whilst I've been fortunate to have treatment and my primary tumour in the lung has shrunk by 5%, the tumours in the brain haven't been so accommodating. Again, I could choose to be better or bitter through this circumstance. I mean come-on...I've been raped, diagnosed with cancer and been inflicted with this awful "tranny disease" right?

 

Wrong! I've not been inflicted with anything other than life. A wonderful , happy and fulfilling life thus far. And my choice to be part of the 3DX community has proved to me that humans can be really special people. I've found a very special group of people here that I'm super proud to call friends. People that really care.

 

In our Western industrial society, because of a whole range of things – the lack of deeper connections between generations, for example – we have ended up quite neurotic and unhappy. And now we are enshrining the idea that happiness is not that important. Indeed, happiness is not an isolated state but happens to us within a physical setting, within particular circumstances. Our state of happiness can be limited by our prejudices, thoughts, behaviour and habits, which are as much about us as the world we live in.

 

Ive always wanted to live a meaningful life. Not superficial, not for money nor fame, not a good life. But for happiness and meaning. My time here in 3DX is meaningful. The meaningful life approach to living, is similar to the good life insofar as it may require the development of one’s “signature strengths”. But whereas the pursuit of the good life can be self-focused – the athlete or musician perfecting their skills through years of training and achieving “flow” – the meaningful life entails a commitment to something greater than oneself, a higher cause. Those committed to a meaningful life are not, in fact, committed to their own lives, but to social improvement, or to living in a register that transcends the personal.

 

So when someone here in 3DX choose to berate me for being a "tranny", or decides that I'm just an object for their gratification, I'm fine with that. I smile knowing that I live a meaningful life, filled with happiness, caring and loving friends and I have the ability to choose. To choose better or bitter, good or meaningful, happy or sad.

 

I may not have a lot of time left, so why waste it on trash talk in world chat, or berating someone because their choice isn't mine, I'd rather spend my time having meaning, purpose and happiness. My friends know who they are, they are loved and valued, because they make me the girl that I am. 

 

 

[DarrenD]

... and then somebody tells me that 3dx is "just a sex game" ... kudos Aeshya for speaking out and being so real inside this allegedly virtual only world!

 

From the bottom of my heart I so very much hate it when people get hurt because of something sexual ... Sexuality is life in its very fundamental form and I never understood the arrogance of some people claiming that there was "right" and "wrong" sexuality or that some forms of sexuality are treated like an infectious disease.

 

Thank you for sharing your story!

[AeshyaTG]

... and then somebody tells me that 3dx is "just a sex game" ... kudos Aeshya for speaking out and being so real inside this allegedly virtual only world!

 

From the bottom of my heart I so very much hate it when people get hurt because of something sexual ... Sexuality is life in its very fundamental form and I never understood the arrogance of some people claiming that there was "right" and "wrong" sexuality or that some forms of sexuality are treated like an infectious disease.

 

Thank you for sharing your story!

 

Thank Darren

 

I share because I hope it inspires and helps others who might be experiencing the same behaviour. smiles to you

[AeshyaTG]

Your wellness is a gift; treasure it. Make friends with the present moment. No, make love with the present moment. The cancer diagnosis came too late to give me at least a tenuous hope for a long life, but I realised that the most important thing about death is to ensure that you leave this world a little better than it was before you existed with your contributions .Cling to it as your most beloved. Don’t ignore, skip over, miss this precious moment. Don’t think you will give it attention later, when you have time. Don’t think that at some point in the future, you will give this precious, beloved, present moment the loving care that it deserves. Don’t believe that something other than this present moment, right here in front of you, can give you something more or better. Don’t waste it, don’t fill it, don’t carelessly dismiss it.

What if, in front of you, right here, right now, is all the love and fulfilment that you need. All you need to do is be with it. All the things you’ve ever wanted, all the things you hope to achieve, all the things you know and can do, they all depend on this present moment in front of you, right now. “What can I make of this moment?” What if you loved your breath and your heart beat; felt the life in your limbs; felt the sun on your back; loved the rain on your face. There’s a person beside you, a child in front of you, a task to be done. What would happen if I fully, mindfully, gave my loving attention to that thing and to this moment? What if I were to drop the heavy burden of the past and my anxieties for the future? What would that feel like? Might I connect with the joy, relief and freedom that is mine, but which I have ignored and forgotten? Why do we wait to die to value having one more moment?

Appreciate the people around you Your friends and relatives will always be an infinite source of strength and love. That is why you shouldn’t take them for granted. It is difficult for me to fully express my feelings about the importance of these simple realisations, but I hope that you will listen to someone who has experienced how valuable time is.We care so much about the health and integrity of our body that until death, we don’t notice that the body is nothing more than a box – a parcel for delivering our personality, thoughts, beliefs and intentions to this world. If there is nothing in this box that can change the world, then it doesn’t matter if it disappears. I believe that we all have potential, but it also takes a lot of courage to realise it.

 

You can float through a life created by circumstances, missing day after day, hour after hour. Or, you can fight for what you believe in and write the great story of your life. I hope you will make the right choice.

 

Leave a mark in this world. Have a meaningful life, whatever definition it has for you. Go towards it. The place we are leaving is a beautiful playground, where everything is possible. Yet, we are not here forever. Our life is a short spark in this beautiful little planet that flies with incredible speed to the endless darkness of the unknown universe. So, enjoy your time here with passion. Make it interesting. Make it count!

[Rodin]

-

[BlackVelvet]

I think you are amazing

your words touched my heart in a very sensitive way

I wish for you the best in and outside the game hun

 

Hope to see you around one day :*

Hugs and kisses