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Why Love didn't and won't work here


Yalun

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Love, real Love has very little to do with sex, it never has. Even the love you find here has little to do with sex.an open relationship or exclusive it doesn't matter, you may say that real love is impossible here and maybe it is, but the bond of love and caring for someone isn't about the sex. some are here just to live out fantasy some just to get off. Others really do look for connection beyond the sex, if you keep in mind that this is a "game" and the sex is not and can not be real  then love is truly possible

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I'm well aware that love has different meanings from one person to another but I'm not too sure how to take your post seriously since "Why Love didn't and won't work here" is based on :

 

I met an amazing woman like a week ago.

 

 

 

Anyway, it's way too early on a monday morning to make a long-winded post so I'll just say that I have been here a long time, and I can assure you that genuine love and care for others does exist and work, even on here.

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so... just to get it clear... as long as the sex matches YOUR kinks it is love, whereas if it only matches her kinks that don't meet yours, it is her selfish lust.

 

hmmm...

 

yeah, no love involved.

I clearly stated how I IN LOVING FASHION..said " Well I guess you need to get in your male avatar and have this ass then "

 

Clearly you missed that part and the illuminating contrast of her interaction with me OUTSIDE OF SEX while she was in MALE FORM.

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I'm well aware that love has different meanings from one person to another but I'm not too sure how to take your post seriously since "Why Love didn't and won't work here" is based on :

 

 

 

 

Anyway, it's way too early on a monday morning to make a long-winded post so I'll just say that I have been here a long time, and I can assure you that genuine love and care for others does exist and work, even on here.

I can meet an amazing person any day of the week..

 

Or do you not know what infatuation is..

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Or do you not know what infatuation is..

 

As a matter of fact, I do.

But now I see that you do not know the difference between infatuation and love.

 

 

So here are a few definitions that can be found :

 

1/ a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration

 

2/ temporary love of an adolescent

 

3/ an object of extravagant short-lived passion

 

4/ if something infatuates you, it has caused you to become foolish. We say you have an infatuation when you express a crazy, extreme love of something––a person, a style, a band, anything. Infatuations usually don’t last. Like incredibly intense crushes or the stomach flu, infatuations come on strong and then get forgotten.

 

5/ infatuation consists of people thinking they are in love but when indeed it is just a deep lust or like for another person.

 

6/ infatuation almost can equate to lust. It is NOT love nor being in-love, however both usually start off as an infatuation. Infatuation is only an attraction for another person based only on what you initially see and not what you know about them. You do NOT know that person yet. It is only an attraction to someone based on what you WANT them to be verses who they really are. Infatuation turns to true love or being "in love" when you have accepted that person for who they are: their background, their weaknesses, their strengths, their character, their spirit, their values, their spirituality, where they are going in life, etc.

 

 

As you see in the 6th example, infatuation can lead to love, but it's not something you can determine in a week time and make such bold statement about.

 

Time and space are somehow different between virtual world and real world, so if I had to make a drastic comparison with real life, this is like getting infatuated about someone in a bar one day (let's assume it's mutual), proposing to them the next day and being turned down. Then claiming "Love" doesn't exist.

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Does seem...and apologies if I'm misreading the op...that what you're saying is all about sex and not love. But since I want to believe the intent of this thread was to talk about finding 'love' here I also want to say...it definitely IS possible, not just to find it but to sustain it yes. It's different from being in love with someone irl yes...lesser?...I'm not so sure...harder maybe?

 

I used to believe in the whole "one true love" thing and that "love" was an absolute thing. That saying you loved someone or someone saying it to you was an absolute...but I've slowly learned it comes in many forms and there really aren't any absolutes. I guess we all go through that journey...here or irl. To me...love isn't about sex...sex can be a part of it of course...and you can absolutely love someone in the same way without sex being part of it right?

 

I think I understand what Will is saying above that the ability to love and feel love is entirely yours and no others but again isn't that just one form...without the other it's just unrequited love...and that's kinda horrible.

 

Also I think Shanti's comments about infatuation are so on the nose...that's what this place is for most...at least initially. It's easy to be infatuated with someone here...we're all beautiful...and for the most part we all try to be the best of ourselves here. (I know...I know there are exceptions which make it appear that's not the majority but my experience has been that most people here are lovely at heart)...and for some that's all they want out of their virtual world...to just flit from infatuation to infatuation, riding that little endorphin wave of meeting someone new...being seduced whatever it is.

 

No judgement on that...it's not for me but I get it.

 

As for love...I don't think any of us come here looking for it...when there's so many dating things and even a real world with real people I'm told...this really isn't the right place to find love just by it's very nature. But...it still happens...when you least expect it usually...bit like it does irl...who'd have thought lol.

 

I'm not sure where I'm going with this as always...(it's part of my charm right?)...just this is kind of in my mind and I wanted to bla

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I will piggyback this and most are not in love here, they are in love with the idea of being in love or just sex.  I see these people being in love one day and loving another 4 hours later.

 

having said that 3dx in itself just doesn't lend itself to the whole love thing. doesn't mean people don't love but they love in spite of it, not because of it. if you are looking for love, this isn't the place. some have found it but its a select few.

 

I will say there are some here that I have actual affection for, not in a romantic sort of way but a platonic way. I care for them very deeply. so I guess it just depends on the person and the situation

 

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The thing I know about Love is that it is NOT..an emotion.

 

I think a lot of people get that confused. Love is a service. That's really what my whole thread stands on. That real definition of what LOVE is. It's simply a sacrificial service to another person with total disregard for yourself. It's the very thing I was highlighting. Obviously I prefer women over men but seeing that she loves gay male sex..in LOVING FASHION..I suggested she get on her male avatar and enjoy her desire. Only to witness that her love in regards to talking to me was suddenly halted.

 

LOVE can be found anywhere, even here..simply because it's a SERVICE..not an EMOTION. I may have very well been infatuated with this woman and because of that infatuation I loved her..via..talking to her with my greatest effort in engagement. Loved her by catering to her desire of gay man sex. Loved her by giving her my time and UN-DIVIDED attention. 

 

Love is not emotional because it loves even when angry. I told this woman that. Love says I'll love you even while angry with you. Giving you that ANGRY DICK. Lust would have me LEAVE you if I got angry. Because LUST is based on emotion and selfish gain...not LOVE.

 

Now obviously there are so many minds who have a different outlook on what LOVE IS..and that's fine and won't overly rebuttal others point of views but this I know about LOVE and will never waver from it.

 

LOVE serves. LOVE gives. LOVE is NEVER...about receiving. 

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Yalun, you tell about love being a service with disregard to yorself. Nevertheless you seem to connect expectatons to giving your love to someone, like the one talking to, and if he/she does not, you take it back. If love woulf really be to you the service you told in your diary, it would be even above the question if it works or not, as it would always work.

For me love is a context or basic attitude how I look upon the world. Love is one of the amazing things that never run out, that get more, when you spread it, and the only way to feel love is to love.

This game is for fun

Zokora

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                              LOVE???? In 2 days????   :wub:

 

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The thing I know about Love is that it is NOT..an emotion.

 

...

 

LOVE serves. LOVE gives. LOVE is NEVER...about receiving. 

 

The way I see it, there are two main types of love. One is what you describe here. It is a choice. It is selfless. It is what we feel and do for those close to us like friends and family.

 

The other love is romantic love and I refer to it only as being in love. It is a feeling and not a choice. It is uncontrollable and completely selfish. It is a feeling that you need to have this one person all to yourself or life will be meaningless otherwise. It can be the best feeling in the world when it is reciprocated and the most painful thing when it is not. It is not just about sex. It is similar to infatuation or obsession but even stronger. It is what people are typically referring to when they talk about "finding love". I think two people sharing this kind of love and feeling it equally for each other at the same time is pretty rare. It is also difficult to hold on to as this kind of love can fade away at varying lengths of time. I believe there are ways to hold on to it and prolong it but it can prove to be a difficult thing to do.

 

There are many friends I have in 3dx who I love. I choose to love them and it is that first type of love. It is most definitely possible here.

 

There are others who I have had crushes on and been infatuated with and then remained friends with and also love in the first way.

 

I have also fallen in love here once. I didn't think it would be possible here in 3dx when it happened to me. I now realize it is very possible. I fell in love and it was reciprocated. It was a wonderful feeling and it lasted about 6 months. I won't go into it much more than that here on the forums, but I can assure you it was real. I have been in love a few times in real life and there is no mistaking that feeling.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to point out that all kinds of love are indeed possible here in a place like 3dx. Your original post however has nothing to do with love as I see it. Perhaps maybe the choice to love as a friend but letting sex get in the way of loving them well...

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                                           What  is LOVE???    


 


Love certainly feels like an emotion; an incredibly strong one.


But in  Happiness, sadness, disgust, anger, surprise these and the other basic emotions can be seen easily on the face via specific facial expressions.


A drive focuses our behavior on a goal, and lasts until that goal is fulfilled. Hunger is the classic example. When you are hungry, the goal is food. You remain hungry until you get food. You can be hungry for hours, days or even weeks in extreme circumstances. You will likely go through a wide spectrum of emotions as you attempt to find and eat the food.  You may feel anger or dismay when your attempts to procure food are thwarted, contentment or even elation when you finally get to eat.


Pretty much the same effect is so when you have an addiction to something, sugar is classic example. Being unable to have something you are used to enjoying as a regular occurrence. That is no longer available. Or allowed.


Like hunger, love is a drive. You feel to embrace this vibe with every essence of your being. The other person becomes a goal in your life, and you may go through many emotions as you focus on winning him or her.  We tend to identify love most often with euphoria, but that is hardly the only emotion we feel. Ecstasy, compassion, surprise, anxiety, anger, jealousy, despair:  We swing like a kite from high to low, tied to another by this passion. 


Missing them the second they leave, feeling as though they took one of your mostly needed limbs away as they alighted. becoming erratic, unable to eat or think. (Non Harmonious.) Waiting for them to appear so you can own your own thoughts allover again.


It can't be selfish as it becomes unconditional on every level, with the one you have all these intense feelings for. You want to do everything in you power to hold, love, care, cherish, please and therefore keep. They hurt you they cheat, You live with their deceit. You brush it under a rug, inside your tortured but you can't let it go. You are willing to compromise likes n dislikes. To keep each other contented. To try so hard to make your wants and needs satisfied equally to the best of your advantage and abilities. Even if your ideals are not the same. 


And agreeably love can happen in a second. Hence where the phrase *Love at first sight!*  stems from.


Can hit you like a bulldozer. It's an unconscious choice, Tweaks your thought process, often makes you somewhat creative, renders you weak at the knees and sends ripples of butterflies through your tummy. May even make your pulse race and heart skip a beat.  


So much  positivity, you feel special, wanted n needed and you share all this with the partner where they inevitably share thus gain the best of you.


Like for me.. I'd declare admirably that I compel, yet questionable to understand the emotional difference between love and lust.. 


Damn, this is even enlightening me... 


God! Love isn't a Drag..


SIGNS OF LUST



 
  • You’re totally focused on a person’s looks and body.
  • You’re interested in having sex, but not in having conversations.
  • You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
  • You are lovers, but not friends.

 SIGNS OF LOVE



 
  • You want to spend quality time together other than sex.
  • You get lost in conversations and forget about the hours passing.
  • You want to honestly listen to each other’s feelings, make each other happy.
  • He or she motivates you to be a better person.
  • You want to get to meet his or her family and friends.

 


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¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪¸.•*¨*•♫♪

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Guest RomanFox

However much I recognize the story from countless encounters I have had here before myself... and even though I fully understand your train of thoughts, I can't fully accept the statement "Why love didn't and won't work here"... Unless you are specifically referring to yourself in that regard. There's been tons of times where I thought to myself that I would write one of these user diaries myself, but each time it has been countered by the revelation that a lot of people here tend to see things very black and white, which again I understand.

 

I've seen endless comments from people stating that this is not the place to find a real love interest and I partially agree to that for obvious reasons.

HOWEVER, to fully exclude the possibility is rather shortsighted in my opinion.

 

I've had a pretty long run so far within this virtual world and I've also encountered moments where I thought to myself: "What the hell am I doing here... this doesn't suit me... this is not who I am".  I made my fair share of mistakes just like everyone else and I too have played around with female avatars for quite some time. I've hit moments that were eye-opening in both good and bad ways... my biggest eye-opener was meeting the woman that is now my real life partner and who I get to hold physically. For that, 3DX, however cruel its world may be, will always remain important to us... because it is in fact the game that brought us together. This short paragraph and our story itself proves the exact opposite of the title given to the OP's post.

 

However, the thing I'm getting at is the fact that this world is filled with people from different parts of the world, with different fantasies, different motives for being here, different desires, different personalities and with maybe one specific thing (although generally spoken) in common: A desire for the sexual aspects of this game.

And I do believe that this one common desire drives all of us to do the things we do to acquire said desire.

 

I believe, that for something real to come from this game, there are a few things that we should realize and accept first:

A lot of what is happening within 3DX is, in fact, fictional.

Now, I could write for hours explaining all the different types of characters I've encountered, all the different stories that explain why they approach the game in a specific way and tons of explanations for why they hide, alter or create fictional stories both tied to their ingame character and/or real life selves.

 

For something real to happen within 3DX and beyond, both partners need to take the risk of exposing their true self.

And that is where 90% of the attempted relationships within this game do not succeed.

It's scary to open yourself to a virtual character, tell them your true desires, fears, motivations...

It's scary to admit the things you've altered to protect yourself from hurtful comments from others.

It's scary to lose all the fun benefits of this virtual life to try and pursue a real thing...

And most of all... It's scary to do all the above and then realize things won't work out... Because now a virtual stranger carries knowledge about you and there's a risk that it will be shared with others.

 

Because of all the above, a lot of the attempted relationships are based on fictional information, which ultimately leads to a point where, if you go any further than that, it will all be exposed and the majority of people here are not willing

to take that risk.

 

Ultimately, there's only a handful of people that are willing to show their true selves to their partner within this game... and in most cases, their current partner is not one of them.

 

My own story, of which one day I may write a user diary about... goes through almost every possible scenario you can think of that can happen within 3DX. Ultimately leading me to Domonique...

After a while we both decided to actually HEAR, SEE and TALK to eachother... through voice communications, skype video calls and countless hours of texting. We've both shared our fears, thoughts and desires to eachother and we both

ended up being very compatible. We then decided to meet and we've not regretted it at all... For us... 3DX continues to be what it was... with hours of fun in social and sexual ways... we experiment and we discuss, we roleplay and even use it as a means to turn eachother on before proceeding to something outside of 3DX. We are in fact exclusive within the game and I honestly believe that the real life connection helps us to do that. We both understand that this is a very rare thing within 3DX and we show understanding to even the saltiest and most bitter people within the game... if they allow us. We both decided to take the risk and expose ourselves and it ended up being the most beautiful thing I could have wished for from 3DX.

 

Conclusion: Accept that the chances are minimal when it comes to finding something that becomes real... That they are minimal for a virtual relationship (even without desire for real life connections) to succeed if one or both partners choose to keep things from eachother... Only if both partners are willing to expose themselves for who they truly are... will their chances grow.

Yet, do not force people to make these steps... for some, finding something real is out of the question... For some, this is a virtual playground that allows them to fully experiment with their sexual fantasies. Do not ruin the fun for these people, do not tell them that what they do is wrong... We are all individuals with our own set of rules and wishes... and sometimes that won't be compatible with someone else... that doesn't make their stay any less valid.

 

 

Sorry for this HUGE chunk of text, but I felt that the title of the OP's post was enough of a trigger for me to write it.
I wish you the best of luck in future encounters and hopefully the above will be able to help one or more of you out there.

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