Relationships on 3DXChat

[HL463]

Are you in a relationship, or even a marriage, that exists solely on 3DxChat? Or did your relationship/marriage start out on 3DxChat and move into the real world?

 

 

If so I’d really love to chat to you. I’m working on a documentary about virtual relationships and really want to make sure the programme ends up being an accurate and authentic exploration into dating and relationships in the virtual world.

 

 

In order to do this I need to speak to as many people as possible with experience of virtual relationships. There would be no obligation to appear in the programme, I just want to learn as much I can and hear about as many different experiences as possible to make sure that we deliver a responsible documentary.

 

 

Please send me a private message if you would like to chat to me.

 

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

Hannah

 

[Riela]

I am just going to tell you this I know many couples who meet here or in guild wars or in world of warcraft.

At least 5 of those couples are married already. Difference between this kind of games ( Achat, SL, 3DX) and others such as WoW /GW /EQ /l2 is that once these people decide to meet in real life they have very few reasons to still hang out here thus every couple that I know that met here and moved to real life quit this game as well.

 

So you aren't going to get any answer since those people moved over to RL.

As for virtual dating that always been here since the beginning of internet I am not really sure what you want to know about that..

[Willson]

Best if you.. become the guinea pig.. see it for yourself.. Many people won't comply... but those who do.... they'll say "they love their virtual partners solely"

[Guest Lizy]

I have to agree with Riela, I too met my bf here and we moved into RL and we both are not in the game anymore as we have each other now and thats all we need.

[HL463]

Thank you for these responses.

 

I would really like to speak to couples who are in relationships on here and are thinking about meeting in real life!

 

If this applies to you or anyone you know please send me a message so we can chat about your story and explain a bit about the documentary.

 

Thanks again guys,

 

 

Hannah

[Sycogenesis]

I won't lie i  came here to meet some interesting ppl i normally wouldn't in rl due to distance hoping to find someone who had similar interest n you know who knows maybe something beautiful could happen because the way i see it why deny your self the chance to meet some one awesome just because of distance and i did meet some awesome ppl they just weren't into LDR. The thing is this is a sex game and  allot of close minded ppl look at it as taboo for even bringing it up some even look down on it like really.. you're playing a virtual sex game and you're passing judgement

 

Anyways  my opinion on the matter is that it's possible but you need to find some one who doesn't mind LDR because in order for it to work you both need to be committed to a temp LDR Problem is this is a sex game and to be " loyal in a sex game that has very lil social things to do it's kinda of pointless. Unless you agree that it will only happen in the game. I personally don't mind putting effort into some one i think is special. I mean if "everybody really does have  a soulmate out there " I highly doubt life or fate will be kind enough to put them in arms reach lol. I knew some ppl on here who were single parents and used it as a dating site, i mean it's your money treat it how ever you want  with in the rules of course but i feel like you shouldn't deny your self finding  some one special just because  of distance, if you really want them n they want the same you will find a way to make it work that's what love is, and hopefully one day we all will find it.

[SusanLouisa]

I remind anyone who is thinking of meeting rl that what works in the virtual world does not always work real.  I have never considered this a dating site and I would caution anyone thinking it is.  

 

Having said that I can say that on another game I met and fell for a man who lived in The Netherlands.  I live in the USA.  After 6 months we married on the site and a week later I was on a plane to Amsterdam with a ticket he had purchased for me.  This was a huge step for me as I imagine it would be for most, but I had just ended my real life long term horrible marriage and this seemed like just the adventure I needed.  I loved the shocked looks from family and friends as I explained to them that if he was out to murder someone there were much cheaper ways to do it than buy an international round trip ticket on a major airline.

 

Any way it was great. I spent two weeks there.  Two weeks later he flew to the states and stayed 3 months. A few weeks after he left I flew back.  We did this for over 4 years.  Back and forth.  Anyway, long story short, he asked me to marry real.  I did not wish to as, like I said, just got out of one nightmare marriage.  I liked my freedom.  He agreed and was willing to wait.  But he did not want to do the flying back and forth anymore.  If he left the Netherlands and moved to the States he would lose his pension and his healthcare.  If I moved to the Netherlands I would need to leave my kids and I could not do that.

 

It was a heartbreaking goodbye.  So I warn any one who is considering this that it is so much more complicated than it looks. Again I find myself very much in love with a man from Europe (UK) but we both went into it knowing it would never go real life.  Our love is real.  That's what counts.  So cherish the moments you have online.  If you are looking for real life then find it real life.

[Leopardus]

If you are looking for real life then find it real life.

 

Great advice.  Virtual might occasionally work for a few lucky ones in transitioning successfully to real life, but I suspect for most it is fraught with difficulty.  I would always encourage anyone hoping for real life love to seek that in the real life world as too much time can be lost, and heartache experienced, in seeking it via a virtual game.  That has been my observation in any case over several years of adult online gaming.

 

Where I think the online world can often help however, is in building self-confidence and in learning about oneself, which can be invaluable in the real world.  Again, this has been an observation about the changes I have seen in others, and to some extent I can say the same of myself.

[xdaxx]

This is definitely not a "one size fits all" sort of topic.

 

So many different people with different real life situations.  You've got people here for rl dating; online only dating; people who are single rl, people married rl; kids/no kids....so many varieties and with that, intentions.  Some mesh wonderfully, others do not and some do just enough that they can come to some sort of understanding that works for them.

 

The key is communication and being upfront in what your expectations are with another person and that can be really tough because the basis of this game is fantasy.  If you take that, and the fact that many people aren't quite as confident in themselves as they would have others believe (on here), being completely honest with what your rl situation is and what you can, can't or *wont* do in RL is where people sometimes get stuck and box themselves into a corner.  I say this because I believe that most people inherently don't wish to hurt another, so they shy away from conversations that perhaps, while honest, may hurt.  When you have two people with two different concepts of the virtual relationship and where it is heading, that's where the problems can develop.

 

Talking with your partner is good.  Having lines or barriers can also be good.  It doesn't always work as people have been known (with the best of intentions however) to inadvertently cross those lines.....we are human, after all.  But, as with most things, the more you discuss and communicate honestly with your partner, the better chance you'll be able to navigate the "virtual" relationship.

 

Just my .02

[SusanLouisa]

xdaxx, very well said.  Yes, we are all human and I'd be a liar if I said that despite my knowing my current relationship would never go real, that I have not wished at times that things were different and that it could.  Communication and honesty is always key in every type of relationship whether it be virtual or RL, but every relationship is real.

[Mar Mohan]

xdaxx, very well said.  I've stated before that for me, I'm honest and upfront with what I want, expectations, communication, actual sex as that's always a question, full intentions and so on that you would have even if not taking to real.  Why not be open and honest, I mean if you're getting involved with someone that should be the reason.  Mind games aren't right and can cause a backlash that's just not worth it.

[xdaxx]

"Why not be open and honest"  I totally agree, and it sounds simple.

 

The problem though comes with personalities.  You might be surprised at how difficult it is for some people to find and express their voice.  To say "No.  I'm not comfortable with that."  Or simply just have a conversation that may lead to an outcome they might not want to deal with at that time.

 

You, I and many others might see the "honest conversation" as a prerequisite to any sort of further development, but many others just don't have that voice.  They need to develop it, because as you say, if you're getting involved with someone to *any* degree.....NOT being open and honest and having that conversation right from the start only leads to disappointment, at the very least, down the road.

 

 

xdaxx, very well said.  I've stated before that for me, I'm honest and upfront with what I want, expectations, communication, actual sex as that's always a question, full intentions and so on that you would have even if not taking to real.  Why not be open and honest, I mean if you're getting involved with someone that should be the reason.  Mind games aren't right and can cause a backlash that's just not worth it.

[rhet]

"Why not be open and honest"  I totally agree, and it sounds simple.

 

The problem though comes with personalities.  You might be surprised at how difficult it is for some people to find and express their voice.  To say "No.  I'm not comfortable with that."  Or simply just have a conversation that may lead to an outcome they might not want to deal with at that time.

 

You, I and many others might see the "honest conversation" as a prerequisite to any sort of further development, but many others just don't have that voice.  They need to develop it, because as you say, if you're getting involved with someone to *any* degree.....NOT being open and honest and having that conversation right from the start only leads to disappointment, at the very least, down the road.

 

 

This may be an unpopular opinion ( I really hope not), but if someone can't be honest then they have no right to a reciprocated relationship.

Honesty is prerequisite to any sort of positive relationship development. If someone cannot do this, then they cannot develop an actual relationship. They can pretend, I suppose, but then it is not something that is real, only a charade.

[SusanLouisa]

I am not sure where this all got derailed.  No one here is or has supported being dishonest.