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Cheating Poll Part 1


Guest MrRob

Cheating Poll Part 1  

39 members have voted

  1. 1. You have a committed partner. They know someone who is sexually attractive. They are cheating on you when they...

    • are sexually attracted to them
      2
    • check them out
      1
    • smile at them
      1
    • talk to them
      1
    • flirt with them
      15
    • have lunch with them
      7
    • go for an evening drink with them
      10
    • dance with them
      4
    • kiss them
      23
    • sleep with them
      29
    • I wouldn't mind if my partner did any of these
      5


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That is very true, but myself... i would be hurt and consider it cheating if i saw my partner openly flirt with someone else.

 

I guess that can hurt a lot in some occasions, yes. But there's flirting and then there's flirting you know? ;x .. If I knew it was just for a good laugh and fun, I really wouldn't mind. But if it was a serious flirt, like with someone that my partner had an complicated history or something like that than yes, than I would be very hurtful.

 

But each case is a different thing. It's kinda hard to speculate. Speaking about an hypothetical partner that is  :P

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I guess that can hurt a lot in some occasions, yes. But there's flirting and then there's flirting you know? ;x .. If I knew it was just for a good laugh and fun, I really wouldn't mind. But if it was a serious flirt, like with someone that my partner had an complicated history or something like that than yes, than I would be very hurtful.

 

But each case is a different thing. It's kinda hard to speculate. Speaking about an hypothetical partner that is  :P

I think we can agree a little friendly flirting between friends is diffrent, but i think its easy to see the diffrence between the two, and i would defiently be hurt by anything more than a little friendly flirting

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Having had the utterly devastating event of having my wife cheat on me, and the utter feeling of being crushed after, I find this a hard question to answer because I would be extremely biased into thinking that anything is cheating. Lets try and be neutral...

 

Any sexual attraction and/or action with another person can be construed as cheating but ONLY if acted upon. Everybody fantasizes at some point, its human, we all do it, but my personal feeling is thus: Any kind of physical sexual action be it a kiss, touchy feelly flirting, right through to actual sex, is cheating if you have a committed partner. It is a grey area if you have thoughts about it but don't act on them, and it becomes a moral issue and a fight as to whether you are going to act upon them or not. The plain fact is that if you ARE thinking about it, there must be something wrong in the relationship or you are no longer happy and do not yet realize it.

 

Look, that is totally my opinion. I feel if you think about it but don't do it, you are in a grey area and OK if you leave it, and not if you act. If you do ANY form of acting upon it... you are cheating.

 

It is a completely different story if it is an open relationship. Or "Friends with Benefits".

 

The other thing is that it is not only men. Yes, men do it, but so do women so its more a case of "Keep it in your trousers" AND "Keep it OUT of your trousers"  ;)  ;)

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i believe it comes down to honesty. i think all of these are ok if your partner is honest about

 

I think this thread, the "Is Cybersex Sex?" thread, the "Poly/Open Relationship" thread, and several other similar ones could be combined into one mega topic, because they all seem to share a common theme.  :lol: 

 

It's funny how we all read the same words but we don't all ascribe the same meaning to them. Reading Peter's comment, my first reaction was that if all these are OK, then you really _don't_ have a committed partner, do you?  But there are, of course, many valid arguments that support the idea that a relationship can be open yet committed. So in many ways, discussions like this one often come down to the issue of where each of us chose to draw our lines in the sand.

 

Personally, in any of these situations, I ask myself how I would feel if I saw my own partner do this as well as how I think my partner would feel if she saw me do it. On 3DX, at least, the longevity of many "committed" relationships might very well come down to how accurately you can assess both your own and your partner's feelings about these things. 

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Thanks for your replies everyone. It's all really interesting.

 

I'm going to attempt to express my opinion. It's controversial and I worry it might cause a bit of backlash too but here goes.

 

If I had a committed partner cheat on me I'm sure it would hurt a lot, but I don't think it should diminish me at all. My ego will be hurting, but the person who I am will not have changed and only my perception of myself will have changed. My perception of myself is something that only I should have control over.

 

Also, even though I think it is possible for someone to completely fulfill the needs of another person, in most cases I don't think it happens and it is simply an agreement to compromise. So I find it strange that society expects that I be able fulfill the needs of my partner until they die. Because I love my partner I want their needs to be fulfilled as much as possible so why should I stop my partner from doing all they can to fulfill their needs? In other words if you truly love someone you set them free.

 

If my partner has an affair and still loves me then I think I should feel lucky to still have time with them. It would also be an opportunity to explore the reasons why they cheated and hopefully gain a better understanding of my partner.

 

If my partner falls in love with someone else and wants to be with them and not me, then I think I should be thankful about the time we had together. I know this may seem crazy but I don't think I should expect my partner to stay with me if they have become unhappy or have found something that fulfills their needs more, which can happen at anytime in life.

 

I understand this may all sound fine in theory and in practice seem impossible, but I have been in situations where my partner was doing something that others would definitely consider cheating and I found myself thinking exactly like this. The thought went something like "Wow, my partner is doing this with this person and they are loving it...that's awesome!".

 

As a caveat I will say I have never been wholeheartedly cheated on so it might all go out the window if it actually happened to me. Plus I would never expect my partner to feel the same way I do and I would want to abide by their view in our relationship.

 

So this is my view and I want to add that other views on this are just as valid as mine.

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It all depends on the level of trust and commitment. Being attracted to others is one thing,acting on that attraction is a whole other thing. Personally I would be done with anyone that cheated on me and by that I mean in the physical sense. I have no problems with flirting talking etc. Life being what it is this kind of thing happens all the time. Good communication and an understanding of each others needs are essential to a committed relationship. 

 

I agree with you MrRob all these views are valid...it just depends on your perspective.

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