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Derai

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Sometimes it is hard to be friends with someone who is introverted. 

Recently during my wandering in 3DX got a PM from a person I had hooked up with months before. 
Just a quick encounter back then, and I just moved on. 


Seems that person didn’t forget about that and poked me when they saw me again. 
We hung out a bit and friended each other. 
All pretty straight forward so far.

However the wrinkles appear when I was hanging out somewhere and bunch of my friends showed up, surrounding me and letting me bask and indulge myself with dancing for them and having all eyes and attention on me. Feeding my narcissistic tendencies and letting me entertain them.

My ‘new’ friend asking me what I was doing via PM and me inviting them over, only for them to practically shut down because they can’t handle groups. 

The true issue revealing itself in the days after when they log on each day. And ask if I’m doing something, and sounding low key disappointed when I say I’m with people or in a friend’s party room. 
 

Bluntly speaking, at times I feel like a bad person for not spending time with them. 
But on the other hand, I don’t owe them anything. 
If I hang out with this person one on one, my other friends could be justified in missing me. Right?

Or am I as always, overthinking things?

Anyway. Just a thought.
 

Stay safe out there! 

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You can only be in so many places at once, Derai, and only divide your attention between a finite number of people at a time. I've experienced what you're describing, and yeah it's never fun to feel like you're neglecting someone in favor of someone else, but at the end of it all that's the choice we have to make. You shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I try to mitigate this somewhat by scheduling "dates" with my friends, so that I keep in touch with them. It sounds rigid when put like that, but it's more like "hey, can we hang out tomorrow?" and not "I have a time slot between 8 and 9 PM where I can fit you in."

Only thing I don't really do is try and invite friends to meet each other. I just get the feeling that some of my different friends wouldn't play well together, so I don't extend invites. I will usually accept an invite though, unless I'm occupied.

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1 minute ago, Nektar said:

You can only be in so many places at once, Derai, and only divide your attention between a finite number of people at a time. I've experienced what you're describing, and yeah it's never fun to feel like you're neglecting someone in favor of someone else, but at the end of it all that's the choice we have to make. You shouldn't feel guilty about it.

I try to mitigate this somewhat by scheduling "dates" with my friends, so that I keep in touch with them. It sounds rigid when put like that, but it's more like "hey, can we hang out tomorrow?" and not "I have a time slot between 8 and 9 PM where I can fit you in."

Only thing I don't really do is try and invite friends to meet each other. I just get the feeling that some of my different friends wouldn't play well together, so I don't extend invites. I will usually accept an invite though, unless I'm occupied.

You make some good points Nek, thanks. 
I do the exact opposite as you in regards to inviting my friends to meet friends though. 
 

I kind of don’t want to have friends that dislike each other. 
My view on that is that if one of my friends has viewpoints or habits that upset other friends of mine. Either the habits and viewpoints are to extreme. Or the upset one is just narrow minded. 
In either case it would make Me reevaluate the friendship. 
 

I must add that this only applies in very rare situations and often involves the more divisive aspects of life. Eg political views and the like. 

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3 hours ago, Derai said:

My ‘new’ friend asking me what I was doing via PM and me inviting them over, only for them to practically shut down because they can’t handle groups. 
 

What you are describing is the “obsessive approach”, that can happened us , even without noting we are being abusive/intrusive. I suspect at least once I did that behavior or similar :Smile_sceptic:. One reason for that, could be that person has a “strong lonely problem”.

How to handle it? I have not a solution since I even could not solve my own yet :Smile_unsure:. I suspect, that to try solving this through this virtual environment is foolish, because after turning off our computer, the song remains the same... 🖤

 

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Little note to memorialize a day today.
Just spent an afternoon verbally slapping around a 'Nice Guy' that called me an piece of trash, a cunt, and an asshole.
For the heinous crime of not falling over myself to 'connect' with him, and for not wanting to spend our first ever conversation in his apartment, but instead being in a public space among other friends of mine.

He was looking for something 'real' a real Girlfriend to Game with, and to connect with. He was such a Nice Guy and all the ladies he met on 3DX where Toxic Bitches for only wanting sex.

🤣

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52 minutes ago, Nektar said:

Ha! The guy sounds like a bit of a psycho :P "Come over to my death trap. Did i say death trap? I meant apartment! I'm a nice guy you fucking cunt!"

I swear the first part was basically a Girlfriend Application Interview. 
Him asking me stuff to get to know me, but basically shushing me whenever I said something he didn’t like. 
He got very salty about me calling 3DX a Game for instance. It wasn’t a game! It is a ‘chat service!’

I also told him straight up I wanted to be in public because I love the attention of my friends and eyes on me. 
He still got butthurt about me starting to dance to entertain my ‘viewers’

I made screenshots of his ‘tantrum’ to share with friends. They needed the laughs. 

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5 hours ago, Derai said:

I swear the first part was basically a Girlfriend Application Interview. 
Him asking me stuff to get to know me, but basically shushing me whenever I said something he didn’t like. 
He got very salty about me calling 3DX a Game for instance. It wasn’t a game! It is a ‘chat service!’

I also told him straight up I wanted to be in public because I love the attention of my friends and eyes on me. 
He still got butthurt about me starting to dance to entertain my ‘viewers’

I made screenshots of his ‘tantrum’ to share with friends. They needed the laughs. 

Bleh, where do these people come from? I met a person like that on here a while back who basically wanted me to modify my avatar, my behavior, my opinions, until they suited their expectations of what a proper partner was. Like, dude, go make an alt account and have fun marrying your ideal self. Clearly you're not looking for an actual person to be with.

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Imagine having a friend. 
Imagine having them tell you they live in a specific area of the world. 
Imagine them telling you they have health issues. 
Imagine seeing the Pandemic ravage the geographic area this friend lives in. 
Imagine hearing the news and other friends report that it’s Really bad ‘there’.

Imagine your friend just going dark. 
Imagine their closest friends coming to you to ask if you heard anything. 
Imagine them telling you even their other social media going dark. 
Imagine resigning yourself to the fact that Death might have claimed yet another friend. 
 

Imagine nearly a year passing. 
Imagine suddenly getting a PM by a friend, “They’re back, as if nothing happened”

Imagine that...

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On 4/16/2021 at 7:35 AM, Derai said:

Imagine having a friend. 
Imagine having them tell you they live in a specific area of the world. 
Imagine them telling you they have health issues. 
Imagine seeing the Pandemic ravage the geographic area this friend lives in. 
Imagine hearing the news and other friends report that it’s Really bad ‘there’.

Imagine your friend just going dark. 
Imagine their closest friends coming to you to ask if you heard anything. 
Imagine them telling you even their other social media going dark. 
Imagine resigning yourself to the fact that Death might have claimed yet another friend. 
 

Imagine nearly a year passing. 
Imagine suddenly getting a PM by a friend, “They’re back, as if nothing happened”

Imagine that...

I can't imagine it  :cap_fainting:

🖤

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No lofty thoughts today. 
No big dreams. 

Sometimes you got to stop and take a moment. 
Step outside, take a deep breath, close your eyes and just exist for a moment.

Just be.

Just listen, smell and feel the world around you.

No matter if you’re in a city, the countryside or wherever.

There is life all around you. 
Cherish it. 
Value it. 
Share it. 

Things will be okay. 

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Let’s talk about my friends without actually naming them. 
 

Over the years I have been in 3DX, it’s become my social life. 
I am an introvert by choice, as my nature demands it of me. 
Over time I have changed my perspective somewhat but online is where I feel most secure, more confident. Safe. 
 

Over time I met people and some stand out. 
First my ‘Mentor’ or to use a Meme my Senpai. 
She saw potential in an amateur with lofty ideas, and gave me the tools to entertain my friends and people around me. 
She was also the catalyst to me meeting the other half of my brain. 
 

My best friend, the one I keep jinxing with. 
The times that I have said something that she said at the same time are uncountable. 
We keep doing it and laughing every time. It never gets old. 
Her spirit and class makes her unique in every way. She fills every room she enters with the sharpness of her mind, the sheer presence of her class, and the warmth of her compassion. 
 

Through her I met someone who opened my eyes to the intricacies of BDSM, and while I still don’t have all the knowledge, my darling little mouse taught me enough to respect the scene, and to speak up in defense of the people following it. 
 

Along the way I had several friends that started with a random hookup, just a pair of people who had a need, and found each other to scratch that itch. 
But surprisingly during the after sex snuggling found out that the person they just fucked had hidden depths. 
These people are dear to me as they prove that first impressions aren’t everything. 

Some of the above stand out because they share something of themselves with others, some are even here. 
Chronicling their journey and in doing so paying forward the good vibes this game and community has to offer. 
 

Another that now comes to mind is one that I have known under different names over the years, but no matter the name, she constantly spreads the honeyed sweetness of her soul across those she likes. This vixen always fluffs others tails and is loved for it. 
 

Another one is a indomitable spirit trapped in a failing body, yet like a legion of old, she digs in her heels, hefts herself up and steps into the breach once more, again and again. 
She has a strength of character that is rare to find, but still holds compassion in her heart of hearts. 
 

Then there is the Old Soul that gives me Hope. 
He is from an era most of us hardly remember existing, a fossil come to life to use a joke. 
Yet he grows, learns and accepts the changed world of today. Unafraid to toss aside old biases and preconceived notions. Willing to learn and cherish the new normal. 
Seeing the older generation do that by way of seeing Him do that, gives me Hope. 
 

Some might read this, some might not, some of you might know who is who in the short and incomplete list above, but my point is this. 
 

I am nobody.
My friends are who make my life worthwhile, the way they inspire and challenge me. 
They are what keeps me here. Keeps me alive. 
For who am I to disappoint those awesome people?

I would never dare. 
So I go on. 
Try to be there for them, as they are here for me. 
 

Stay safe, stay awesome and remember. 
It’s going to be ok. 

Edited by Derai
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These are my thoughts, there are many like them. 
But these are mine. 
 

I shall share my thoughts with those that want to know them. 
And shall protect to my dying breath, the rights of others to share theirs 

My thoughts are my own, and nobody has the right to demand I change them. For they and me are one. 
Changing my thoughts is changing who I am.

I will change, for change is inevitable. 
Change is life itself.

Our life is one long journey from conception to transcendence. 
Matter, like thoughts, cannot be destroyed, they cannot truly vanish. They can only change.

Like a piece of paper before a flame, the paper is not gone. 
It changes, turns into light, heat and ashes. 
So too can ideas and thoughts illuminate minds, warm hearts and leave something behind that might seem barren and useless. 

However, even ashes of past ideas and concepts have value. 
For upon their fertile remnants new ideas and thoughts might blossom and bloom.

These are my thoughts. Freely shared, freely given. 
For I am.

There are many like me. 
But I am me. I am unique. 
I have the energy to illuminate and warm those around me. For they Matter. 
And because they matter, I have value. 

Be safe out there. 

 

Edited by Derai
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A Life, to imagine it could be different. My "friend" Derai, imagines this. She is unique. She is honest. She is who she is.

I count myself lucky to be called "friend."

Imagine a place, a time, when there was no "color" of a persons skin, And we see not their color, but just see People. 

Imagine living Life, in Peace... 

You may say I'm a Dreamer. But I am not the only one..... 

 

 

 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Been a while since I rambled here. 
This time I will ramble about a serious issue, namely suicide. 
 

As I’ve mentioned once or twice, I myself have been suicidal in the past. 
And the reasons why I felt that way, or why I didn’t go through with it are rather trivial truth be told.

The thing is though that I hear a lot of people say that they blame the person that committed suicide. 
Often using terms like ‘How could they?’ ‘What a coward.’ ‘They’re causing their loved ones so much grief.’

Most of the time though, people will not wonder about Why someone decided to commit suicide.

My opinion on it is maybe a bit biased due to personal perspective, but I feel that it’s every person’s own choice if they want to live or not.

If you have a friend that expresses an interest in ending it, first try to figure out Why. 
Implore them to seek help. 
But, and this is important, never try to guilt them into Not doing it. 
Accept their choice, tell them you will miss them, but accept that it’s Their choice.

Don’t go listing things you think they should live for. 
Don’t list people they will hurt by ending their life. Chances are, some of those same people are causing the suicidal thoughts in the first place.

If a friend of yours that has been depressed for a long time, suddenly comes to you happy about having found a solution. 
You can worry, because that’s a possible sign of them being suicidal. 
But again, accept that it is ultimately their choice. 

In a way, suicide is the ultimate expression of free will. 
A final ‘fuck you’ to the world that has been crushing Them. 
The ultimate escape. 
And who are we to Deny those that we like, or love, that escape? 
Be happy amid the sadness of losing them, that they finally found their peace. 
Isn’t that what is important?

Anyway, my apologies for the dark subject matter. But it’s on my mind lately and figured I’d share. 
Maybe give someone an insight or different viewpoint. 
 

Be safe out there and see you around. 

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9 minutes ago, Nektar said:

As someone who was suicidal back in 2019 all I can do is send my best vibes and positive energy your way, Derai.

Thanks Nektar. 
To clarify though, I’m not currently suicidal, life’s not that bad yet or anymore. 
The topic did come up here and there so it was on my mind because of that. 

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7 hours ago, Derai said:

Thanks Nektar. 
To clarify though, I’m not currently suicidal, life’s not that bad yet or anymore. 
The topic did come up here and there so it was on my mind because of that. 

This theme is important, cause soon or later, can happen to us, to think about it.

Personally, in couple of times, being in deep depressions, that idea passed to my thoughts as a relief solution. Thinking how easy could be done, only doing a couple of steps out my balcony, projecting the scene in my mind. Then, the second thought come to me, and a saving what happen if comes .... The "nice" sensation of putting end to everything then is confronted with , the  "I could do it better", and the fear to loose our life save us. Perhaps, what I miss was to write the final note explaining why. In cases went are experimenting a deep sadness, an lonely feeling, that daemon appears.

Also,  I know a person, with that tendency, and the problem was solved with professional medical care. It seems in some case, that could be conducted with some medicine.  So, in this case, this could be "curable".

The "final decision" is a particular one. I vote for life and retry. At the end, that moment, the last hour will come naturally. Being free, why to pay with our life ?

🖤

 

 

 

 

 

 

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39 minutes ago, Silvio said:

Also,  I know a person, with that tendency, and the problem was solved with professional medical care. It seems in some case, that could be conducted with some medicine.  So, in this case, this could be "curable".

The "final decision" is a particular one. I vote for life and retry. At the end, that moment, the last hour will come naturally. Being free, why to pay with our life ?

I agree with you.
That's why I said to implore those persons to seek help.

It all comes down to Free Will in the end.

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The biggest hurdle with this is the finality of it all.  There is no second chances, no backsies.  I have known many, including myself, that have battled depression and through treatment and exploration of their condition been able to navigate their way without making this no return decision.  

I do feel we are all on this spinning orb for a reason. I cannot judge another person's decisions,  but pray all choose to hold out hope for another way out from under their crushing pain.  If for any reason as proof they made it through.

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