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Jackpine's Jaunts


JackPine

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Thank you,  friend!

This stalwart pine has some rusty needles on his left side, and at the moment wouldn't be opposed to a chainsaw removing this painful bough, he appreciates the words.

And besides,  no one loves cheese more than I do!

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What I see when I see the word rape.

I see a girlfriend that struggled with depression, alcoholism, cutting, and a constant struggle to be seen as a beautiful young woman.  All at the age of 22. 

Turns out on her birthday.

The day she turned 16.

Supposed to be her Sweet Sixteen.

A wonderful day spent with  family and friends turned ugly that night, by a drunk older man thinking she is now old enough to partake in sexual acts.  The man being her father.

She eventually got help, but her birthday forever marred by a despicable act.

 

I also see a young boy, age 9.  So innocent.  His world that should be about baseball, the playground, friends and school. 

Instead, I sat on a jury with his uncle standing trial for molesting him.  

I see a mountain of paperwork from Social Services.  A family of adult male abusers, a mother so in fear that she could not bring herself to call them out, and a legal system that allowed the abuse to continue.

It saddened me that this young boy shall be forever scarred by them, and by extension us.

These are the the things I see when I see the word rape.

 

 

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Oh Diary,

Its funny.  Been without stable internet for close to 5 days now.  So no game time, and communication relegated to the forum and discord.  But for some reason, I am quite happy about it.  Maybe its learning more about friends outside the context of a sex game.  Maybe it was standing up and beside those I respect and admire and pushing back on those ideas that a particular word is not such a big deal (see entry above).  Both, actually.

I am beginning to REALLY love this place.  The creative minds building the rooms, the cool-ass DJs, and some fine people to truly call friend... anywhere!  They are what makes this THE place to be.  I am blessed.

But... pssst... GET THE GODDAMN INTERNET WORKING!  Thank you. 😀    

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A hummingbird visited me last night.

I was sitting on the deck after work, the sun still high as we move into late summer, heating my face.

The sun warm, making the cold beer seem even colder on my lips, smiling as I read another passage of a friend’s creative writing.

Then the hummmmmm of wings, a green and red speckled bit of wonder roaring past my head.

Hovering neatly, he judicially proceeded through the red and pink blossoms of the hanging petunias next to me. Head disappearing inside, his wings almost invisible as they whirred.  Then rotating out like miniature helicopter, moving to the next.

Reaching the end of the planter, he turned and hovered briefly, the sun just at the right angle to make every tiny feather glint and sparkle like an emerald, his throat-patch a ruby worth more than any jewel dug from the earth.

We gazed at each other for a brief moment, then he whirred his way over my head, disappearing into the trees.

All of 3 grams, flower nectar his source of energy, he will soon embark on a migration to warmer climes. It could even include a non-stop flight, a 1,400 km journey across the Gulf of Mexico, already 2,253 km from my deck.

This little bird made me and my issues of the day seem even smaller.  This world is full of miracles of life, if you keep your senses awake.

I tipped my beer towards the tree, wishing that little bird god speed, and thanks for the visit.

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46 minutes ago, Derai said:

Saving it here for for prosperity.
Might not make sense to most, but those that do~ Have a giggle.

tenor.gif

Pine - 1

Jack - 0

Thank you, @Derai!  I need that!

To edit and clarify.   I needed the giggle,  not the neverending beatdown from that tree!  Lol Already have that problem from these shingles.  Argh!

Edited by JackPine
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Stepping my foot outside to retrieve the paper I noticed it immediately.

 The air crisp, dry and cool.  That air that when you breathe, fills the lungs easily.  The heavy, muggy air of summer gone.  I take in the scent of the pine infused air deeply and step into the grass.

 Heavy with dew, cool, no, cold.  As I pad across the yard, I leave a trail of footprints behind me in the green grass.

 Hopping onto the dry pavement I pause as I pick up the paper.  I look to the east to the rising sun.  Noticeable now.  Its position and its height still in the trees, evident that our tilt away from its fiery heat has picked up its pace.

 This morning is fall’s warning shot across summer’s bow.  Change is permanent, and the cycle of the seasons constant.  Fall will eventually win the day, with winter already lurking behind the scenes.

 This actually gave me comfort with my own life at the moment. This virus that has attacked my left arm and hand has passed its summer peak.  Following its own cycle, it is beginning its slow retreat to winter dormancy.  With that, this excruciating pain should subside.  Will subside!  With that, I can get back to normalcy and do the many things I desire to do.

 Summer will still flare up and challenge the cycle, but fall will win out in the end.

 I welcome fall.

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Diary,  I know its late, but here I am.  I was asleep, should be asleep, but once again the shingles pain rousted me.

I can't help but feel like one of the victims in Pieter Bruegel the Elder's, Triumph of Death painting. The moment I shake the image and relax, one of those deathly evil, yet strangely happy with their work skeletons begins strumming my funny bone with one of his cold fingers.  Another one, with his morbid grin staring at me, holds the flames of a burning bunch of straw across my palm and fingertips.  Closing my eyes, he now has dunked my hand into dry ice.  Opening my eyes, they are gone.

I try to read a little piece of military fiction given to me, but a paragraph or two in my smiling demons reappear with their bony plucking fingers and fire.  Too tired to try to have meaningful chat on discord, or distract my pain by visiting the game, I sit here.  Giving my two ghoulish friends the finger as they return to go about their fulfilling work of torturing me.

I try hard to keep this in perspective. This condition is temporary, and will pass.  Many others struggle with issues far worse than mine.  I offer them a prayer of comfort and healing.

But, I sure hate these fucking dudes!

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Diary,

You know that I am as proud of an American as they come.  I truly believe in the ideals set in our Constitution by our founding fathers as being the start of building the more perfect Union.  As a people we have been imperfect in going about that project, but as we stumble we have recognized it, and evolved as a country.  I pray this continues.

We have welcomed peoples of all countries, colors, and creeds to become one of us.  Look at me.  I am a blend of English, Swede, Czech, German, and Cherokee.  This is what American means.

We have offered our services, blood, treasure, and military might to end the wars of World War I and World II.  At our heart we only want freedom of the people of the world to chart their own destinies.  We can argue if our government holds to this ideal at times, but this I believe is what America stands for.

With that, by no means does this justify American arrogance, and worse, American ignorance.  I witnessed this today with comments about this forum being in English only.  Look at some of my bloodline above.  Swede, Czech, German.  Each of these were ancestors either by choice or desperation, who uprooted their lives to emigrate to America.  They left behind family, comfort, and their lands to be a part of our melting pot.

I state the above to offer the following.  Thank you all, who are English as a second language, that write in my native tongue!  There are many of you here whose mastery of English is better than most Americans.  For those of you do post in your native language, please do!  It brings back memories of being a kid listening to my grandparents talking to friends in Czech.  As second generation Americans, many were still more comfortable with their native tongue.  America owes a debt of gratitude to your ancestors that came here to help make us who we are.   Yes, a common language makes things easier, but mostly for us Americans!  The gracious thing to do is for us to celebrate this diversity in this world of ours.

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On 8/8/2020 at 5:00 AM, JackPine said:

Diary,

You know that I am as proud of an American as they come.  I truly believe in the ideals set in our Constitution by our founding fathers as being the start of building the more perfect Union.  As a people we have been imperfect in going about that project, but as we stumble we have recognized it, and evolved as a country.  I pray this continues.

We have welcomed peoples of all countries, colors, and creeds to become one of us.  Look at me.  I am a blend of English, Swede, Czech, German, and Cherokee.  This is what American means.

We have offered our services, blood, treasure, and military might to end the wars of World War I and World II.  At our heart we only want freedom of the people of the world to chart their own destinies.  We can argue if our government holds to this ideal at times, but this I believe is what America stands for.

With that, by no means does this justify American arrogance, and worse, American ignorance.  I witnessed this today with comments about this forum being in English only.  Look at some of my bloodline above.  Swede, Czech, German.  Each of these were ancestors either by choice or desperation, who uprooted their lives to emigrate to America.  They left behind family, comfort, and their lands to be a part of our melting pot.

I state the above to offer the following.  Thank you all, who are English as a second language, that write in my native tongue!  There are many of you here whose mastery of English is better than most Americans.  For those of you do post in your native language, please do!  It brings back memories of being a kid listening to my grandparents talking to friends in Czech.  As second generation Americans, many were still more comfortable with their native tongue.  America owes a debt of gratitude to your ancestors that came here to help make us who we are.   Yes, a common language makes things easier, but mostly for us Americans!  The gracious thing to do is for us to celebrate this diversity in this world of ours.

Well said, and quoted to overstep the crying toddler that preceded my reply here.
I understand what you're saying here.

The US as a nation, ain't perfect. No nation is.
But on the whole, individual Americans are good people.
Sure the US has a checkered past, and has left it's footprint on every nation of the world (and the Moon, go figure).
No matter the reasons, or the means. They did a lot of good besides the bad.
It's perfectly okay to be Proud to be American.
Just as it's perfectly fine for me to be Proud to be Dutch.

The Netherlands has a History soaked in blood and atrocities for far longer then the US existed, but we don't have to feel guilty about that.
We just need to do better.
And move beyond those, like the previous poster, that just use History as an escape to spread hatred and fear now.
Stuck in the past, because the Future scares them.
I pity those that look behind to where they have been, staring into the darkness of the past. Instead of learning from it and stepping forward into a glorious new dawn.

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5 minutes ago, IKushiel said:

I pity those who are unwilling to learn from their mistakes as Americans prove to since decades. The Dutch learned atleast, i dont see any remarkable change towards the better in the american people? where it is, tell me? Those who abandon the past as unimportant will never understand the soul of a nation let alone its future. As things stand there is absolutely no reason fo be proud as american today, as its not reasonable to be proud of the few good things hitler introduced during his reign. the bad just overweighs so heavily.

Then TEACH, instead of going for cheap shots.
SHOW how it's done, and Educate them, instead of insulting them.
You are being the American in this scenario. You choose to trample someone into the dirt, just because he is proud to be American, and is what you should WISH all Americans are. Or should become.
But how can they do that, if people like YOU, keep kicking them for the Sins of their Forefathers? How can Americans grow, personally. If you keep kicking them back down, instead of lifting them up?

You are the American you claim to hate here.
You go into someones Diary Thread, to insult them. To demean them. To raise hell.
Your bad outweighs any good points you make.

You are the one stuck in the past.
And for that, I pity you.

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 Although a place that I enjoy scribbling my thoughts, I do welcome the additions.  In the beginning, I also said I welcome the criticism.  I did see some posts prior to them being taken down and not by my request.  I will craft a response to debate the issue, and defend my position.  Hopefully, with a little grace and respect.  It won't change the minds of those who can only hate, but it states mine.

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41 minutes ago, JackPine said:

 Although a place that I enjoy scribbling my thoughts, I do welcome the additions.  In the beginning, I also said I welcome the criticism.  I did see some posts prior to them being taken down and not by my request.  I will craft a response to debate the issue, and defend my position.  Hopefully, with a little grace and respect.  It won't change the minds of those who can only hate, but it states mine.

Please don't waste your energy, Jack. The guy's a fraud. 

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Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I know.  Where have you been?

Work sucks.

Shingles sucks worse.

But like all things in life, the cycle continues and things get a little bit unsucky.

I am baaaackkkk!

Ummm, you may want to some more blank pages, Diary.  Youz gonna need them. 

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With this shingles thing not quite in the rearview mirror,  I end up with late night awakenings to contemplate things, most of the time too tired and in pain to put thoughts together constructively.  One idea was to write about my name here and in game (Jackpine/JackpineTim).  Maybe I am feeling a tad better, so here goes:

I have a fascination with the pine called Jack pine.  Pinus banksiana for those of you with an affinity for latin names.  A pine of poor sandy soils, usually not straight or tall enough for the logger to be interested in, but can make for beautiful knotty boards for use in a northwoods cabin.  The sweet blueberry,  my favourite fruit,  grows wild in the same sandy soils,  often in the shade of the Jack pine.  But probably most interesting is the declining range  this unique tree of mine has experienced.  Not because of any change in soil or climate, but humans.  Us.

You see, the Jack pine is born of fire. Not just any fire, but a rip roaring forest fire, the hotter the better.  The pinecones of a Jack are encased in a thick heat resistant resin that only opens to release its seeds during a fire event.  This is where we come in.  We do not like fire.  It burns our homes, and burns the forest that we want to protect.  Due to this protection, over time, Jack pine stands have died out, replaced by other species of plants.  But, when finally that fire event occurs, somtimes after many years, either through a lightning strike or a man made cause, those patiently waiting pine cones in the soil finally open, and a new generation of Jacks sprout seemingly everywhere.

Which brings it all back to me.  No perfectly straight pine here, with plenty of knots from a life of ups and downs (I would argue mostly ups), but a tree that has a beauty of its own, offers shade for sweetness, and one that patiently waits for that fire.  The hotter the better.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...

It seems the light is on, but nobody is home. 😀

With my lingering illness, I find it hard to focus on all my addictions, which includes this wild and crazy place.  I hope to not be away long, as I do miss this diary, the board, and most of all,  you (well, most of you 🤪 ).  At this time I try to meet you all in game (if it is functioning!) or keeping in touch via discord (Jackpine#8208).  I hope to not be a stranger much longer! 

Stay safe, live life, and have fun!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, I see the lights are on, so I rang the doorbell.   I am home!  3DX has been very good to me as late (well, ignoring some D/C at the most inopportune times!), and want to be a voice of positivity again!

Feeling more like myself after ending some meds.  Look out, cuz I am looking to party!  Oh wait, I already am.  🙃

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