Jump to content
3DXChat Community

Jokes


Bran

Recommended Posts

A rabit and a bear are pooing in the forest talking of diverse things , then suddenly realise that there is no paper to clean themselves .

 

the bear : Damn ! what will we do , nobody is around to give us some !

the rabit : Well i think we have no choice , we will clean us at home i think .

the bear : you dont mind to have shit sticking on your hairs ?!

the rabit : no , as i said i'll clean it at home .

 

So the bear grab the rabbit and clean himself .

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A young boy join the Buddhist monk and he have to accept muteness. The rule is in every 10 years he can say two-two words. After the first 10 year passed the high priest of the monastery ask him what he wants to say.
- Hard bed. - Says the not so young monk.
10 years have passed again and again they called in to say two words.
- Bad food - says the monk.
They called in again after 30 years passed, to say two words.
- I quit! - Says the monk.
- It is better if you go - growls the high priest. - Since your here you not doing anything just complain.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest JeanetteVoerman

On a farm a horse is lying, he's sick.

the farmer calls the vet:


V : Oh, it's serious, if he isn't healed before 3 days, you'll have to kill him.

1st day, the pig comes to the horse:

P :  Go horse, stand up or they will kill you !!

H : I can't!

Day 2, the pig comes to the horse:

P : Go faster, get up  or they will kill you !!

H : It's too hard, I can't!

The third and final day, the pig comes to the horse:

P : Get up, otherwise you're dead!

Then the horse in a last ditch effort succeed to get up.

The vet and the farmer arrive:

F : Ah, he's healed, to celebrate that we eat the pig!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At the entrance of a farm/restaurant a man see a sign saying " IF YOU CAN MAKE LAUGH THE HORSE OUTSIDE , YOU CAN EAT ALL YOU WANT FOR FREE " 

 

The man ask the owner " so if i can make him laugh , i can eat alla what i want ? " The owner nods silently and say " just go out and try "

 

The man go out near the horse , talk to his ears , and suddenly , the horse roll on the ground laughing out loud . 

 

Fairly , the owner congratulate the man who ask food for hours , near ruining the owner .

 

One week later , the man come back and see a sign saying " IF YOU CAN MAKE CRY THE HORSE , YOU CAN EAT ALL WHAT YOU WANT FOR FREE "

 

The man enter and say " so now we need to make it cry to eat for free ? "

 

Anxiously , the owner say " yes ... just have a try "

 

The man go to the horse , hiding behind him , talk to his ears , and suddenly the horse fall on his knees , crying like a baby .

 

The man ask the owner the same amount of food than the previous week still for free . And when he stand to leave the place , the owner ask " Tell me , how did you make him laugh then cry ? "

 

The man stare the owner and anwser " easy , last week i told him that i have a bigger penis than him so he laughed , and today , i showed him that it's true "

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest JeanetteVoerman

At the entrance of a farm/restaurant a man see a sign saying " IF YOU CAN MAKE LAUGH THE HORSE OUTSIDE , YOU CAN EAT ALL YOU WANT FOR FREE " 

 

The man ask the owner " so if i can make him laugh , i can eat alla what i want ? " The owner nods silently and say " just go out and try "

 

The man go out near the horse , talk to his ears , and suddenly , the horse roll on the ground laughing out loud . 

 

Fairly , the owner congratulate the man who ask food for hours , near ruining the owner .

 

One week later , the man come back and see a sign saying " IF YOU CAN MAKE CRY THE HORSE , YOU CAN EAT ALL WHAT YOU WANT FOR FREE "

 

The man enter and say " so now we need to make it cry to eat for free ? "

 

Anxiously , the owner say " yes ... just have a try "

 

The man go to the horse , hiding behind him , talk to his ears , and suddenly the horse fall on his knees , crying like a baby .

 

The man ask the owner the same amount of food than the previous week still for free . And when he stand to leave the place , the owner ask " Tell me , how did you make him laugh then cry ? "

 

The man stare the owner and anwser " easy , last week i told him that i have a bigger penis than him so he laughed , and today , i showed him that it's true "

 

:blink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One day a guy walks out from a shop and see someone pissing on his Ferrari.

- Hey - says the man. - Why are you pissing on my Ferrari?
- Because I feel like it.
- Tell you what I won't report you to the police if you can keep up with my Ferrari.
- Whatever. So the guy gets in his car and drives off, going faster and faster, until he's hit 100 miles per hour. Amazingly, the guy is still keeping up.
- I'm amazed, how are you keeping up?
- It's easy when your dick is stuck in the door.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

two guys are talking about the best bars, the 1st man says i know a bar where they give you your first two beers free and all you can eat snacks...the 2nd man says i know a bar you get your first three beers AND three shots free plus anything off the menu...after all that they have a room in the back where you can have sex all night long...the 1st guy says WOW where is it? the 2nd replies i'm not sure my sister told me about it :)

 

how does a scotsmen find sheep in tall grass?

quite satisfying :P

 

man walks in a bar with a cat and a flamingo. the bartender takes their orders and the cat yells "i'm not paying for it!" the man shook his head that he would pay and it went on until the bartender asked what was up. the man said he was granted one wish...and wished for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy :huh:

 

old man was on his porch and a young kid walks by...man asks what you got there...kid says duct tape i'm gonna get some ducks. the old man grunts bull shit...later the kid walked past with three ducks.

next day same kid and he asked what he had....kid said chicken wire gonna get some chickens...later the kid came by with three chickens...the old man was like holy shit!

the following day the kid came by with a stick & the old man asked what he had...kid said a pussy willow....hearing that the old man yelled hold on let me get my coat!! B)

 

a bimbo comes to te doctor's office. she tells him she has a serious condition her body hurts everywhere. to show she poked around and complained each time it hurt. the doctor asked to hold her hand and after a minute informed that her finger was broken :D

 

a magician calls a man out of the audience during his act. he hands him a bat and says hit me in the head as hard as your can...the man was kind of freaked figured it was a trick so he hit him....6 months later the magician wakes from his coma and yells TADA!!!!! :blink:

 

 

post-3642-0-98491900-1423039522_thumb.jpg

post-3642-0-65781900-1423039539_thumb.jpg

post-3642-0-22145500-1423039569_thumb.jpg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

One time there was a man stuck on a deserted island. He had food, water, but no women. There were times this man was so horny that not even masturbating was enough. He wanted the real thing. Soon out on another part of the island, he stumbles on to a living,breathing goat. He looks at the goat with sexual,desirable eyes. Only one thing went through his head.

"I want to fuck that goat,"he said out loud. He tried to catch that goat. Day after day and night after night. The goat was just to fast and hard to grab

"Fuck this," he yelled, "fuck everything ill just go gay, dame it"!

A few days pass as he walks along the shore line,looking for any boats passing by. His skin crawls with excitement as he spots something laying on the shore sands. As he gets closer, he couldnt believe his eyes. A beautiful mermaid was covered in a fishers net and it appeared to be dying from the suns hot rays.

He helps her take off the net and could finally see her clearly. Soft peach skin, eyes like sapphire, black hair as dark as night with water droplets as stars, breasts that would make any mans mouth water, and a tail fin that changed in all colors from the sun. Her mouth was dry and could only point to the sea. He lifts her up and into the warm waters.

Like magic she starts to regain her

strength as she slowly approaches him.

Smiling she says,"Thank you for saving me. I would've died if you hadn't come to my aid. I have the power to grant you one wish and only one."

"Anything,"he asked?

"Yes, my hero, anything"!!

He holds her firmly as if he was going to confess his dying love to this amazing being.

He leans forward holding her chin as if to kiss her and say..... "Help me catch that fuckin goat"!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!''

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''

The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...
Guest Skar
*Confession of a dickhead*

 

I am capricious. 

I am soft when you want me hard and I am hard when you just wish you had a tylenol.

I am always poking here and there, in a rush, never waiting for you.

I am quite the mouthful.

And plus, oh hell, I am messy. 

 

I am a dick and I got balls.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...
Guest AleksXXX

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest AleksXXX

The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...