Pounder

Hi guys and girls.... Im writing this casue i think i owe a few and maybe alot off ppl an apology.... i know i may have been behaving badly the last week.......i have been fighting alot of my own demons the last weeks ... my mother is in the hospital in a "palativ" ward, its a place where ppl go to and get painmeds until they die as they cant be helped or have surgery because its to late or their body can handle the surgery, my mom is on the end of her life at the age 55 and it really tears me totally apart, ive been mad at the world, mad at myself, med at her, for going to leave me and my sister so early in her life, a healhty woman who got colon cancer.... got it surgicaly removed, had chemo for the last year. has a scan all looks good, and suddenly she has pain in her stomach, has a scan, a small tumor in her oviduct, ok, lets just remove it and she is good again, but she has to wait for a week casue she has a cold atm, in that week alone that tumor, went from oviduct, to her liver, belly and her lungs.. now 3 weeks since her last scan,, she can only wait for death, as her general condition is so bad she can't have surgery and its gone to far to help her.. she will die no matter what according to the doctors/specalist all they can do is help her ease the pain until she passes away.... i dont know what to even think or do, this is my mother who i danced with 4 weeks ago at a party got her celebrating her last chemo and cancer free, but no.. thats not how its would be...now i only wait and fear the call from the hospital at night telling me to come fast as its "time"....... so to u ppl who have me on ignore or think i am an ass, i am sorry i know there hasnt been a reason for me to be a jerk but....i cant really start to tell u or ask u to be in my shoes for the time beeing and feel my life atm love u all.. Pounder