My time as a punk rocker

[panCDCA]

I was in a punk rock band in high school, I played the nose harmonica. My fame came during my solo in Pick It Till it Bleeds, of course, there was lots of blood caused from the solo in that one. That was off our classic album Clash of the Police.

 

We had a certain groupie, who became big in his own band, he claimed to have named it after listening to our album and said it gave him Suicidal Tendencies. Another great fan claimed he'd rather have Anthrax than listen to us destroying Punk Rock.

 

We got HUGE after selling our 20 albums and playing a gig in the locally famed music arena the great Jim Bob's Bar and Grill. Jim Bob was our xylophonist's JR's father, and band manager. We found out later that Jim Bob actually paid the audience to be there and that's why we actually lost money on that tour.

 

As we reached our peak, the others got so jealous because the fan would scream, "we want blood, Pick It Till It Bleeds", so of course the rest of the band got pissed because there was Frank, who had spent 6 months learning the spoons, his great moment was the solo in "Is It Pudding or Gelatin" and Todd who was proud after taking a ukelele class, he was able to solo on Size Doesn't Matter It's the Noise It Produces That Does.

 

I admit, hearing the audience scream for my solo, caused my head to swell and my addiction to nasal spray grew out of control. The rest of the band couldn't take my demands or popularity so they gave me the ultimatum, the nasal spray or the band. I kept telling them the nasal spray was a tool to keep my nose harmonica in tune and to get it to bleed on cue, I needed the spray. So, we reached an impasse and the band broke up.

 

In 2000, we tried for a reunion, but I had been off the nasal spray for 10 years and when my solo came up... well, sadly, there was no blood, just a flowing green. It was then Todd smashed his ukelele and stormed off stage. Frank bent his spoons telepathically and JR took a sledgehammer to his xylophone (which in retrospect was the best sound he ever produced from it).

 

So, there you have it, the story of my time in a punk rock band.