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Pieces of Kait


SweetLittleNothings

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Problem with "better"


Much like “more”… they never last


Replaced by their clones


 


When looking ahead…


Wanting for what we don’t have


We lose what we do


 


It’s NOT what we have


That will bring us happiness


But what we enjoy


 


I prefer the NOW


Giving it full attention


Appreciating


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Past, Present, Future…


Where dreams become memories


Ours but a moment


 


Dream of the Future


All the possibilities


Expectations soar


 


Live in the present


Where dreams meet reality


Ours to reconcile


 


Molded by the Past


Shaped by Present’s decisions


Changing our Future


 


Makes us who we are…..

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  • 2 weeks later...

"I am serious about the NO “Likes”… this is MY thread. MY words, MY opine.


 


NOW become... the only original words remaining from this posts past.  


 


“Mean what I say – Say what I mean” the motto of a trusted friend from another world… no longer with us. :( Also, the bond between us.


 


I see LIKES where they do NOT belong. Where I asked them NOT to side. Yet here they are… they didn’t listen, had no respect. Now forcing me to retract a “Pieces of Kait” for the first ever time.


 


Thank YOU…


 


Not sarcastically, but from my HEART.  Gifting me a way to redeem my spirit, purge this cancer from my vault, without sacrificing ME:)  Thank YOU, again…  Though few eyes watch over this thread, THIS space is priceless to me. My mirror… if it breaks, I am broken.


 


There is a first time for ALL things… what WE have to decide is will there be another. Till this point my sanctuary has gone untouched… but that changes today. Deleting insinuating words based on ugly thoughts filled with assumptions, misguided facts. Letting my feelings for one, jade my thoughts unfairly of another.  The first… reminding me of my mistake, and what matters.  


 


Thank YOU too, Pandorra


 


I am many things, perfect NOT one of them. Easy for me to remember making it easy for me to repent. Ask for understanding, forgiveness… when “good” intentions go astray. Feelings distorting facts.


 


I suspect few eyes saw my cancer… and fewer this edit, this confession. But that’s OK… not intended for anybody but ME. :)  AND, those who care enough to look. ;) 


 


Haiku deleted / Post edited / July 15th... along with its baggage, internal conflict.  


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Instead of letting Harley out again… she really wants to rip that despicable, child molesting, rich, entitled smug FUCK Jeffrey Epstein a new asshole, But… keeping her pacified atm with promises that KARMA is going to do it for her… with some help of those prison boys who like invading tight places.  ;)  Hope he lives a LONG life in prison. Hear they really have a hatred for those that abuse children n pets. Hmm, who knew?  :huh: 

 

Anywho, I want to get back to… LOVE, LUST, SILLY n FUN. Keeping my heart smiling n mind quiet today.

 

Within Heartaches depths

Lies the essence of its truth

Exposing your LOVE

 

Whether right or wrong

It won’t make a difference

LOVE plays by NO rules

 

Taking what it wants

Can’t be tamed, owned or taken

Only be given

 

 

 

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From nervous beginnings… my first “real” back to work day, to soaring… leaving those jitters behind, sharing an 8th day in a row with Andrea, even if only for hugs, a kiss n some banter. A record for us, our RLs unexpectedly cooperative.

 

Then on to visit Achat’s forum…checking in on our F1 race team… see if we won. Nope, somethings never change... even when you enter half the drivers :rolleyes:  o well, lucky in love, NOT chance. :) 

 

At that point… my day would have ended high on top of that ride, wearing the same Sunday morning smile. But when visiting... always look for new life within what was once a vibrant forum, like this, before it began to wither.  :( 

There it was, my day spoiler… the one that would bring me down to earth. hmmm, such is life… a rollercoaster outta our control.  First it was V’s beautiful and heartfelt RIP tribute.  reminding me, once two hearts share such a connection… there will always be  feelings. They made fade, you may be able to move on... but they never disappear. Now part of you. 

Then Cassianna’s… words steeped in feelings, her loss greater than mine.  The evidence in each syllable.  *hugz* Cassi

Touching me... both of you testing my feelings. Compelling me to write, share too.  Right or Wrong.

 

Sarah, been so long since you disappeared from my friends list… your words from my inbox. Long gone. Knowing you had your RL challenges but thinking you had moved on to another world… as so many before, as we did. Zoerink becoming my only link… keeping me informed of you without betraying your privacy. Like you ,,, Zoerink words of honor. But he too has disappeared, leaving me in the dark. Until now.

First Woody, now you Sarah…. both forever gone... unexplained silence leading to bad news.

It matters not what world you lose a friend, close or not. You either care, or don’t. I DO.

Leaving me emotional, spiritual… feeling saddened but hopeful n happy.

 

Sarah...

 

I’m sadden… can no longer look forward to that day you pop back up in my friends list. A day we would catch up and tell you all bout Ryliegh…*smiles* the new owner of my heart. Let you know that an “open” marriage can work ;)  for us “all or nothing girls”…  Andrea n I still lost in each other, approaching 3 years. Your wedding artwork shares a home with Andrea's Nesting Tree poem... safely tucked away in her forum profile. Reminding me of you every time I visit. 

Not only saddened for my loss… but all those who knew you better than I… there loss more than my sadness.

 

I am hopeful… you passed quickly without anxiety or pain. Whisked from one ending into another beginning… That you made peace with yourself and with those who you held in your heart regardless of world. Passing with positive energy into the next. Wishing it’s ALL that you dreamed.

 

I’m happy… you are comfortable, no longer in pain, your spirit now freed from its shackles, able to soar like the creative soul you are. Ready to take on the next adventure as fearless as this last… though perhaps managing to keep just a bit of wisdom along the way, ;)  accepting shades of grey into your black n white.  Hmm, your stubbornness only rivaled by your virtues, convictions and expectations of those you held closest. Not easily impressed. Just like Woody.   

 

I will remember YOU… fondly, with plenty of triggers to remind me :)  the most important in Andrea’s profile and the halls of Achat’s forum… where YOU will live forever.

 

That’s all I got tonight, drained… share more memories perhaps tomorrow. I still have a morning treat to write for my Lady… and it’s getting late.

 

Talk to you again Sarah… soon. You will be missed... as are all spirits that make this a better world.

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Another friend gone

As unexpected as… first

No time for Goodbyes

 

A gifted artist

Demanding but caring soul

Lady of her word

 

Many knew OF you

Only few got to know YOU

Happy to be ONE

 

Not an easy friend

Your standards set high for us

Your bar… unyielding

 

Easy on strangers

Tougher on those held closest

You expected more

 

Just like Auswoody…

Right or wrong… “Mean what you say”

And.. “Say what you mean.”

 

Even when it hurt

Prisoner of convictions…

As I am my Heart

 

Different as we were

We were very much the same

In ways that mattered

 

All or nothing ways

Getting the better of us

But not breaking us

 

Wherever you go

I hope it’s all you have dreamt

Karma will be kind

 

Free of your shackles

Spread your wings n fly away

Leaving us behind.

 

Got a piece of YOU

Locked in my LADY’s profile

Next to…. Nesting Tree

 

Will Miss YOU today

Remember YOU tomorrow

Returning my smile

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Ashamed…


 


Let us not forget


How we got… this “Land of ours


Over dead bodies


 


What we claim as ours


Once belonged to someone else


Before WE stole it


 


Raped it for our own


That which was in harmony


Bent it to our will


 


Then…rationalized


Imprinted it into lore


Our reality


 


Though past… forgotten


Facts conveniently misplaced


Does not change the truth


 


We come from either


Immigrant or Land Raider


The rest… “The Losers”


 


So, tread carefully


Inalienable Rights….


Don’t last forever


 


 


Nothing is more powerful than WORDS. Nothing more dangerous, more abused or less understood.


 


Once spoken or written… our control lost, never can they be withdrawn, no prison capable of holding, few capable of resisting. With a will of their own, guided by the essence of their creator, they infect one mind at a time.  


 


History is always written by the reaper, words becoming its gospel. We believe what we need, judge as we want, regardless of its cost on our soul... until it's too late.


 


Without Love there is no hope… without hope… no future. :( 


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My morning… is mine

No where to be until 10:00

A breath of spare time

 

For reminiscing

For anticipating too

My first date… with YOU

 

Just a day away

Our third anniversary

And… still INTO YOU  :wub: 

 

Now reminding me

Of our bumpy beginnings

Almost… “could have beens”

 

 

 

So…. One for the Vault

Sharing with those peers who care

And… posterity

 

 

 

A story of US

And those bumpy beginnings

Written in Haiku

 

 

*****

 

 

Intoxicated...

Hungry for a taste of YOU

That delicious mind

 

Drunk on your stories

Your incorrigible posts

Tempting my taste buds

 

Needing an Intro…

Answered a Personal Ad

Carefully crafted

 

Impetuous ME

Expecting a quick reply…

Shaded with silence

 

Feeling rejected…

/me sends another

This one more a “snip” :o

 

 

Oh, THAT first slap stung…

My West Coast signature ways

Met with quick rebuke

 

I’m not used to NO

Usually get what i want

So… i persist.  :D 

 

If PM’s failed me…

I will take to the forum

To find my way in

 

Shadowing your posts

Flirting with your songs and pics

Assuming them mine…

 

 

Looking for YOUGREEN

A glimpse of you in WINTER

Gives me butterflies  :)

 

 

Then… something happened

I began to grow on YOU

My relentless ways?

 

But… still i scared you

My “guarded” Wallflower Girl

ME… a hurricane

 

I tugged n flirted

My intentions obvious

Still… YOU resisted

 

Almost let YOU go…

Did not want to be a pest

But could not do it

 

So, I played my hand

Asking for yours in return

Went… Multiple Choice ;) 

 

TBContinued…

 

 

My breath of spare time… exhausted. No time left, work finally calls. Will have to conclude the inevitable, laterz… in time for its anniversary. ;)  :) 

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My TBContinued will have to wait… as will the PM’s I intended to answer. Such is my life, prisoner of the heart.

 

Though it’s Friday night, my weekend awaits... should be giddy, was just this morning but sad news today hit the “new mom” in me really hard. Rocking my heart, stealing thoughts compelling me to write.

 

What if she had been my daughter? What if I was the one grieving? Having to say goodbye… all the while silently trying to reconcile the would’ve, could’ve n what ifs. Littered with questions, self-doubt n guilt.

 

Could I bear the weight of such loss? More importantly… could I forgive myself for being unable to help? Accept there is no fault or let it poison me? I really don’t know.

 

 

Pretty privileged life

That’s what the “outsider” sees

How can i complain?

 

That which they covet…

Are my shackles, ball n chain

Lost in who i AM

 

My reality…

Everyone knows who i am

Yet no one knows me

 

**

 

This news saddens me

Not because of who she was

But who she won’t be

 

How can a person...

Who seems to have every thing

Feel empty inside?

 

Depression... is real

It does not discriminate

Or care WHO you are

 

 

The scariest Monsters hide within… they can’t be seen, can’t be beat, only tamed with the help of others, every day. My heart aches for all of you. Not just the ones that make headlines... but the countless that suffer in silence.

 

 

Katelyn Tarver - You Don't Know

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Nope, sorry… again.  :(  My TBContinued still on hold while I struggle to reconcile recent senseless acts of violence in our country, these last 3 hitting too close… one in both of my home states Cali n Texas, the most recent in Andrea’s. Closing in on our sanctuary’s; our towns, stores, homes… wondering when it will invade my American dream, turn it into a nightmare.  When will I be on the NEWS?

 

And what would it do to me... if it were more than just news. What if it touched my life as it did each of those in Gilroy, El Paso, Dayton… or the growing list around the world.

 

Would it convert me from a creature of light into darkness? Could I resist? Could I forgive… if my child’s name was on the list of deceased? Could I be the example I want to set for her? I’m kinda struggling with that atm.  :unsure: 

 

 

 

 

Tried to avoid it

To bury my head in sand

Make it go away

 

But it refuses…

Demanding understanding

What is wrong with us?

 

How did we get here?

Where did we take the wrong path?

What was our mistake?

 

What drives a person…

To kill people they don’t know?

Without emotion.

 

No act of passion…

But calculated and planned

Some twisted mission

 

Where were the parents…

Teachers, counselors, neighbors?

Who forgot to care?

 

Who’s your Frankenstein?

What drove you to the Dark side?

Stole your compassion

 

Hate… cannot cure hate

Only destroy innocence

Create new Monsters

 

When will we all learn…

Without love and compassion

We have no future

 

 

/me hopes my next post WILL return to regular broadcasting and pick up on my TBC...   :D 

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I wished a man dead

A despicable creature

Who preyed on the young

 

I wished him anguish

For all the dreams he tarnished

In the name of fun

 

I wished him abused

Left scared, hurting and helpless

Just like those he used

 

But now that he’s dead…

I don’t feel any better

Hate does not cure hate

 

Once again… reminded of my own hypocrisy. :blink: 

 

OK, next post WILL return to regular broadcasting and pick up on my TBC... :D There is only one way for me to rid myself of distraction n conflict... purge it from my heart. Release it wrapped in words.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Some dates are never forgotten… August 27th one of them. The beginning of a journey, for me, into a world unknown. A life altering commitment between two strangers that are strangers no more.

 

 

Some gifts shine with time

Their glow grows from polishing

Unlike most that fade

 

Was three years ago…

In the Dungeons of Icehouse

Our journey began

 

A playful Peaches

Offering my submission

Playing with your fire

 

Breaking your own rules

You gifted me your collar

With a stern warning…

 

“It is yours to wear”

“But ALL that it holds is mine”

“Until taken off”

 

Now three years later

Your hold stronger than ever

Now… I understand 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Why place trust in eyes

That are easily deceived

Seeing what I want

 

Why rely on ears

Made for sound, not truth telling

Hearing what I want

 

Why not trust my heart?

Let feelings replace senses

Following instincts

 

We all have a force...

That can be felt by others

When true to yourself

 

I don’t need to see…

Don’t need to hear or touch you

To know I LOVE you

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Expectations… SUCK

Sets me UP… to take me DOWN

With a SUCKERPUNCH

 

A bipolar heart

Incapable of control

Only knows to feel

 

There are no reasons

No time for explanations

Living in… moment

 

I know… I am Loved

ALWAYS there for me… each day

Why’s that not enough?

 

Why do I want more?

When did I become so spoiled?

Expectations… SUCK.

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My apologies to Melanie & ExHaran… for stepping on their creative and witty threads so quickly. I happen to enjoy visiting both. /me hopes ya  meets our “new” Forum standards. But when my heart wants to be heard… I’m no longer in control.

Yes…for the self-entitled, self-absorbed, narrow minded, judgmental peeps out there… I’m using standard forum font. Certainly don’t want to ruin your day, its obviously much more important than mine and you just can’t seem to keep your eyeballs outta my panties. Pffft , Hipocrites

Continue your purge

Ripping the heart from Forum

Till it has no soul

 

No place for Newbies

No longer…sanctuary

A place to meet friends

 

Just cold empty walls

A library of Silence

Void of our laughter

 

A community…

Being deported, fractured

Now just a Forum

 

If you don’t need me…

You can delete this SPAM too

Don’t need YOU either.

 

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No one will touch your poetry 👍

It seems(just my opinion) these forum games was deleted by some reason. Maybe to increase forum space or something. I didn`t see any answer, but there is no sense to delete diary. Keep your interesting poetry going and thank you. ;)

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