Master & Sub Relationships

[Guest TriniteeX]

Hi all,

I know that I am still considered a new person here and will not automatically have the respected voice that people listen to, but I wanted to bring this topic to attention. I joined here 3 weeks ago and have been belittled and rudely questioned for my choice in 'game' lifestyle. So, I would like to start a discussion about what this is about and hopefully the perception can begin to change or at least be more understood. I am in a Master/Sub relationship which is not to be confused with a Slave. While I enjoy the giving up of control in the bedroom, I am not one to relinquish all of my rights.

 

This is what it is not...... its not about getting tortured, nor about abandonment. It is not a sick, twisted or depraved method of behaviour. No one should be degraded through it. We are not forced to do anything that we are uncomfortable with. A good Master will always ensure that the sub is respected and will listen if a 'safe word' is used.

 

It does however,  need a very intimate kind of relationship. We place our trust in one another, or accepting that your other has placed their trust in you, has to be a given. So it can tend to promote stronger, more passionate relationships than in "vanilla" life.

 Submissive Rights - The right and control in any situation to stop the session for any reason. The right to use safe words and explain at that moment in time why they are being used. The right to question the use of any tool on them or any punishment. The right to ask to talk as an equal about the relationship.

 

Master Responsibilities - To always be honest. To respect his or her sub/s always, especially in public. To protect him/her from being hurt emotionally or physically. To encourage him/her to have own thoughts and talk them through. To know the needs, wants and desires of his/her Sub. To stop what he/she is doing and then discuss when a 'safe word' is used. 

 

We are not a group of people that are any different from the 'vanilla' community, nor are we weak in personality. We have the same jobs, like the same music and eat the same food. We just have a different idea to what we do in the bedroom, all of which is legal and our own choice. I just ask not to judge too quickly without being informed. 

[MikeRUS]

Is not entirely clear that we need to discuss here? plus or cons of this type of relationship? Whether we like it or not?
Just had too many words in which it was clearly evident that you like it, but the essence of the discussion, I did not see

[Guest TriniteeX]

I respectfully disagree with you. This is "Open Topic" so I thought I had the freedom to write what I wanted in here. If you did not wish to read this, you did not have to. Surely a topic like this is allowed to be here when we have multiple threads, child molesting threads and those personally and nastily attacking alternative lifestyles. I see nothing wrong with my stating my opinions on here. 

[MikeRUS]

I respectfully disagree with you. This is "Open Topic" so I thought I had the freedom to write what I wanted in here. If you did not wish to read this, you did not have to. Surely a topic like this is allowed to be here when we have multiple threads, child molesting threads and those personally and nastily attacking alternative lifestyles. I see nothing wrong with my stating my opinions on here. 

You misunderstood me, I ask how aspects of this type of relationship you would like to discuss, and not saying it's wrong or it's bad.

[Guest TriniteeX]

I apologise for misinterpreting your statement 

 

It is more a thread to bring an awareness to this type of play. I am hoping this will be used to discuss any misunderstandings people have here, questions to ask and to maybe not judge those of us who do this not so harshly.  There is not a place here I have found that educates anyone about this, so rather than try to explain to several people, maybe this can be the "Education Thread" 

[Erikaspencer]

I cant see how this would work here

[JanaX]

I think its really wrong that you've been belittled and had rude questions because of your choices and what you do and are. For the most part ive found the community here accepting so im sorry youve had some bad experiences.

 

Ive tried this enough to know this doesnt work for me but you will never get any judgements from me and i think majority here.

 

But i think its reasonable to try and inform people. More understanding is always better and needed.

[Guest AlexanderGold]

Very enlightening post Trinitee! Fascinating how in your description it seems the Master is the one who is providing for the needs of the Submissive and not the other way around, although obviously the needs of both are fulfilled by the relationship. I would double like your post if I could.

 

I have never experienced a relationship like this and am totally naive, but would love to try. Would be so interesting experimenting with the all different approaches to dominance and when to fall in and out of the dominant role.

[Freezer]

I do not have direct experience with a Dom/sub relationship but I think that nobody should be given rude comments because of their sexual preferences.

 

If being  a Dom is an excuse to be abusive then something is definitely wrong.  A Dom is nothing without a sub as a sub is nothing without a Dom.  They are the two faces of the same coin, equally important to a healthy relationship. I think this is valid for any good relationship, even in a game like this.

 

One more thing: you being new does not mean that you are not important or you are not listened too.

 

Cheers!

 

Freezer

President and CEO

Club SWC

[Guest RobT]

Doesnt matter if others dont like it or not. all that matters is you like it. And to be perfectly honest, nobody here has a right to snub there nose at you... very few people on this thing we call the internet who arent "unique"  in one way, shape or form. 

 

Life your life and have fun doing it, My fav quote rings true in this case..    

“Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Bernard Baruch

[Leeloo]

I'm happy that someone give the "basic rules" to be a good master/mistress in a master or mistress/submisive relation ( not mistress/slave one   ) . Hmmm .... This remind me that i forgot to discuss of a safe word with my maureen i need to do ...

[Nymphpott]

If anyone has a problem with the way you play the game , tell them to fuck off or pay your sub fee. That is really what it boils down to in the end. You do not need to justify or explain your sexual perversions and fetishes to anyone here. As long as your not pushing them on unsuspecting players and they are within the legal limits of the game, then no one has the right to complain. 

 

I could see how maybe some odd comments could come your way if you constantly have your sub at your feet, making her follow you around like a lost puppy and are roleplaying the fetish in local chat in public area's. That is just a risk you take. Maybe some people would misinterpret it and consider it offensive. I personally could care less about any public stuff but some people get all emo about it.

 

Nice informative write up as well. Always nice to see others definitions and perceptions of certain fetishes. I find people in this game tend to amplify their fetish to the utmost extremes. Regardless of what it is. Rough becomes borderline murder. Foot fetish is turned into world cup soccer and in this case the dom/sub is often turned into wicked master and innocent slave with no rights by a lot of players. Granted, some people like that. It is strange yet fascinating at the same time. How each and every one of us interprets a fetish. I guess in the end as long as both parties are happy, then your doing something right. If people have a problem, it is their problem and not yours.

[Guest Doll]

Don't know much about this irl but I'm trying to learn...here I mean. I think this is an excellent topic for a thread, I hope people will feel they can post their thoughts and experiences even maybe. I know there's plenty of literature out there...ahem, I mean I hear there is lol.

but It'd be good to know what peeps think...surely helps all the novices out there?

 

Have to agree that there's some weird attitudes in game to the fact my profile says I'm sub or have a Mistress. Some people seem to think that gives them the right to open a conversation with me abusively but that's what the silent treatment was invented for right

Doing stuff in public chat is a funny one, I'd be embarrassed but I can see why that would be part of the play. Not sure I get why peeps get all funny about it unless it's abusive or something, it is an adult chat game after all, plus can be kinda hot to listen in on others play

 

Personally I don't think anyone has the right to judge or comment negatively on anyone else's sexuality or fetishes or fantasies as long as they're not illegal. Think what you like but keep quiet if you can't be open minded.

[Teana]

TriniteeX, you raised an interesting subject here, and I agree with most of what you said.

 

I am myself in D/s relationships as a Domme and I must say that you have very well understood the rights and duties of each party in such relationships. For indeed the sub as well as the Master has rights as well as duties.

 

Many players here, defining themselves as dominants tend to summarize their relationship with abusing or insulting their subs that they consider as mere slaves without worrying about their well-being. They forget they have the duty to ensure that their subs are doing well, they never look after them or encourage them to speak in confidence to their Master or Mistress.

 

But you chose the right word when you spoke about responsibilities, since taking a sub under your wing means you accept to take responsibility for him, ensure his well-being, and agree to listen to his questions.

This type of relationship is based on trust as much as on domination, and a good Master or Mistress have to be fair, honest and benevolent toward their subs, it is in any case the way I treat my subs.

[Pierrousss]

Excellent thread my sexy Trini  , hope some people will stop to judge it without knowing what it is.

 

There's so many level of domination / submission, everybody can do it how  they want to do it. I just request people to respect the choices of each. thanks 

 

Btw, I allows me to remind that we need poses dom / sub here, and to give the control to one or the other. (Brunhilde did a topic about this) Maybe one day...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Doll]

 

Btw, I allows me to remind that we need poses dom / sub here, and to give the control to one or the other. (Brunhilde did a topic about this) Maybe one day...

Very true...but given there seemed early on in 3dx to be a nervousness about catering to D/s stuff, (rename of BDSM club and general mod attitude to it etc...) I wonder if it will ever be catered for. I hope so but figure there will be broader appeal stuff to add for a long time yet before the devs can get to this

 

We ain't even got collars yet dammit (and I won't stop banging on about it til I get em either )

Having said that there's plenty of anal poses about and I may be naive but I'd have thought that was pretty niche if not mm. Just me...?

[Pierrousss]

We ain't even got collars yet dammit (and I won't stop banging on about it til I get em either )

Having said that there's plenty of anal poses about and I may be naive but I'd have thought that was pretty niche if not mm. Just me...?

 

COLLAAARSSSSS, maybe next year doll lol. and yes, i miss the time when the "SIn club" was called BDSM was another ambiance, another music, and darker... its like that

 

Here you can find some collars, it would be so great to have this in game ^^

 

 

 

^^

[UrToy]

Ahhh ... some people will understand and some won't, just as in just about any topic. You won't change their mind with a discussion.

You may, however, find people with similar interests and philosophies.

Just be you, don't worry about what others think.

[MikeyZA]

I will not pretend to know even a little about this although I have done some extensive reading in the past few nights and thank you for the enlightening post.

 

I know it has been said extensively already but take no heed of what is said to you and just brush it off. Nobody has the right to judge you OR your sexual orientation and preference AT ALL. People like that are of small mind and are of little consequence and can be ignored in my very humble opinion.

 

I understand now that it is more of a give and take relationship where the Master and the Submissive are catering to and fulfilling each other's needs and it seems a well balanced relationship within stipulated boundaries and using safe words when things possibly go too far. It takes a lot to be willing to give yourself over to somebody and the trust shared must be something quite amazing.

 

Again my thanks for the enlightening post and I was able to clear any preconceptions that I had in my mind and have a much better understanding now, and you have my respect for both sharing and explaining. If you ever wish to share more about fetishes like this I am always keen to know more

 

And to those that feel a need to belittle and berate... fuck off we don't need your kind here with your Holier-than-thou attitude...

[Guest TriniteeX]

[Guest Doll]

Question...

 

A lot of things seem to say that often a good sub also makes a good Dom/Domme. Is that just being a switch or do people go from one to the other on a more permanent basis? Personally I can't imagine being Domme I just don't have the confidence for it so it seems more like being a switch is playing a role one way or the other but not being either really whereas being either sub or Dom/Domme only is more a reflection of being that way innately.

Does it just boil down to whether you "play" D/s or whether it's actually a facet of your personality?

 

Does that make sense? I guess we can all be protean to some extent, just curious what more experienced peeps think

[Teana]

Question...

 

A lot of things seem to say that often a good sub also makes a good Dom/Domme. Is that just being a switch or do people go from one to the other on a more permanent basis? Personally I can't imagine being Domme I just don't have the confidence for it so it seems more like being a switch is playing a role one way or the other but not being either really whereas being either sub or Dom/Domme only is more a reflection of being that way innately.

Does it just boil down to whether you "play" D/s or whether it's actually a facet of your personality?

 

Does that make sense? I guess we can all be protean to some extent, just curious what more experienced peeps think

 

You're right saying it's a facet of their personality, switches have two sides : a dominant one, and a submissive one. They are people that can equally enjoy being dominant, or submissive and be comfortable in either role.

Personaly I could not bear to be dominated, but at the contrary there are people that couldn't assume the role of a dominant. Switches can be viewed as indecisive about their role in a relationship, not being able to take a decision and rather changing depending on the moment or the partner. But i think it's a matter of personality and nature.

[Mirela]

  Hmm ... I'm no expert in relationships D/s but I can speak from experience (I was in to relationship D/s as a submissive).

   I totally agree that a relationship D/s is based on trust 100% , mutual respect and there is nothing like an abusive relationship.

  A 24/7 relationship or a BDSM scene always begins with a negotiation, which you don't have to be afraid to share your needs and fantasies. Your Dominant expects honesty about your wants, health concerns, turn-offs, and your limits.  ( in my relation, in every Sunday I had a free time talk we're I spoke about what I liked or not from last week )

  For me it was an experience that changed my life, given me confidence and taught me to say no to people who treat me bad, I know it sounds weird but my Dominant taught me that. (before I was such a pushover and I could not refuse anyone )

 

 Well ...I think I say enough... for now ... I wish you all a lovely Sunday! 

 

           *Kisses* :* :* :*