So.... today I did something I should have done a long time ago. I told someone a truth about that I should have told them about 2 years ago. In doing so, I hurt them at a time they don't deserve to be hurt.
I'm doing this for Akali. She hasn't asked me to, but... I just want to show her how much she means to me and how sorry I am.
So... this will be a little confession. I've seen how these things went down in the past and I'm very scared, but....
When I first started playing (as JanaX) I did not tell people one thing about me, my rl gender, which is male. Later, my conscience troubled me and after I came back as Epithany I set myself certain ethical rules. I stopped playing as randomly with others, I stopped playing altogether with those who took a male character, and every single one of the people I've been involved with emotionally I've told. All ex's of mine know this.
But that leaves those I knew before coming back as Epi. Some of my closest friends and the people I care the most about. Did I tell them? No... I was scared, it built up and built up and became harder and harder to say. These are the people I care the most about, that have the most significance to me. To make matters worse, I allowed something to happen and didn't tell her then, either.
Today.... the guilt became too much and I told her. Now I think she hates me and worse... I've hurt someone I care about very much. I will hurt others by making this confession and I'm so sorry, but you deserve to hear the truth about me.
Since Lilly left I've been numb, but the small amount of feeling I had left was reserved for my closest friends and for the person I'm doing this for. I can't imagine a favourable reception, but I don't have anything to lose at this point.
To Akali.. what I said to you, I meant. You are one of the most special and beautiful people I know. You deserve better. In all other respects, I was me and the words I said to you I meant sincerely and without expectation or agenda, and I hope that because of this you will one day forgive me.
To others.... if you are close to someone, and you have something to tell them, you should. Now. Don't wait 2 years and hurt someone you care about deeply.