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a warning for a dangerous place


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#21 RobT

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 05:19 PM

Agreed but many ppl join 3dx not knowing what the effect is potentially going to be. It seems like an escape from reality or a solution to rl problems and they don’t see what is coming, because they can’t possibly know.

I was really grateful for your support on the rape room thread, but on this issue Rob I just can’t believe the lack of sensitivity.

im sorry but i have none. unlike rape people are putting themselves in a position to get hurt. This game is full of smoke and mirrors, everyone knows that. alot phony shit going on. if you decide to take that chance and you get burned, you put your own self in that position. sorry but thats fact. 


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#22 Guest_Harmony_*

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 05:21 PM

im sorry but i have none. unlike rape people are putting themselves in a position to get hurt. This game is full of smoke and mirrors, everyone knows that. alot phony shit going on. if you decide to take that chance and you get burned, you put your own self in that position. sorry but thats fact.


I’m gonna say nothing else as this could drag out. I’m sure ppl will form their own judgements about us both from our differing sides of the argument.

#23 RobT

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 05:26 PM

I’m gonna say nothing else as this could drag out. I’m sure ppl will form their own judgements about us both from our differing sides of the argument.

i could really care less what anyone thinks. its my opinion, not the forums which is why i said in my first post its just my opinion. i dont need to be validated by a bunch of people i dont really know.  ive spoken my peace, feel free to post how its horrible and true avi love will never die and all of that other horse shit. im out.



#24 Guest_Ciera_*

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 05:55 PM

The problem is that there are a lot of people for whom 3dx is some sort of solution to real life problems - understandable I know; I think when I joined I was seeking something that was missing from rl even though I denied it to myself for too long. But with that comes a vulnerability in a lot of people who are then invested in it far more than they perhaps ever realised was possible and this is when it ceases to be a game. Add in the game-players and mindfuckers who deliberately suck energy from these people, and you have a potentially disastrous outcome.

 

But what is the solution? Public health warning?! Ban those who abuse the vulnerabilities of others? Obviously, neither of these.

 

Maybe there isn't a solution.

 

It just comes back to treating people like you would in rl, yeah. But then there's enough people don't get that rl so maybe that's nothing more than a pious hope.


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#25 Cordelia

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 06:32 PM

Put as much of your interpretation into my mouth as you like, Athene. You will never get it right.

Oh... and I never wish ill on anyone, that is just nasty. Oh yes, I forgot, it's the sort of thing that some people do that makes this game disturbing to others.


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#26 Guest_Ciera_*

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 09:06 PM

Harmony, hun, you're so right to go in strong. Like so many times you just hope that people realise that there is human being behind the pixels. You're right in saying that many on-line games players don't recognise this. The people who cause problems are those who will use the fact that somebody is having a hard time and go for the jugular. I'm not so sure Rob is the one to lock horns with 'cos we do know he's a total pussycat really. Like most men in 3dx he will try to understand and try to behave in a sensible manner. He prolly screws up just as much as anybody else, though. Having said that he might be a total arse, we can only go on what he says here. I've never spoken to him in game so really don't know. We know he's a pillock, although how he works out I'm a wanker is kinda beyond me atm.

 

Cordelia is also right in saying that you do need a pretty thick skin in on-line worlds. Looking at her posts I can see she's worked hard to develop a strategy that confronts peoples' prejudices without them taking offense. /me is alwasy prepred to give Cordelia a listen.

 

Many people haven't. or their skin is only so thick. There is a critical mass of crap any one person should have to take. It doesn't matter one iota if they've got issues or anything else, although it makes it worse if people continue to be awful to people who do, if you're just basically as decent as you can be then there wouldn't be so much stress about coming in game.

 

I think there's a big difference between banter and trolling. Trolls will try and use the 'it's only banter' argument to avoid being taken to account for their trolling.

 

So what am I saying here, yeah it's something that quite gets me going, lmao. OK it's quite simple really. If people tried to behave with basic decency and consideration we'd do OK, we might actually learn something from each other. In 3dx there does seem to be a problem that from time to time particular trolls get into the ascendacy, cause a lot of grief, and, if the moderators do deal with it, they reappear in a different account and start again.

 

What's the solution? I'm not sure there is one but for me it's the fact I have great friends in game, who will always support me. OK they tell me if I'm being an idiot but then that's what friends do, yeah.


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#27 alisonn

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 09:16 PM

seems a lot of people agreed, and a a few don't.

this is my 2 cents on the matter. 

 

there are games out there that cause heat to fling around like shit hitting a fan in the literal sense. 

anger, games breaking, houses breaking, people hitting themselves, "fuck you and fuck your mother i hope you get cancer omgomgomg !!!" 

 

3dx could be listed under "games" yes, and you can treat it like one. 

but the same goes for gambling,yet there are clinics, rehab centers, etc. for gambling addiction.

though gambling is a collective name for all the games you play. (poker, roulette, black jack,etc)

so just as simple as that, 3dx can be listed under "virtual reality". 

 

games have goals, and things to do to reach that goal. 

in call of duty, you shoot people and get points for it.

in world of warcraft you train and get better and defeat bosses etc.

in 3dx you don't have a goal, only things you desire. 

and the way to achieve these things is to socialize, interact, and to become close to each other, to keep doing it.

whether you want to or not, you must interact with people to gain something from them...which in 3dx, is intimacy. 

 

that way, people can get emotionally affected very quickly.

and for some people it's hard to let that go because they can express themselves better here, because there are no true consequences for your actions.

and the love and care and so on you gain from your friends, for some people, is something they have missed for their whole life. 

so when you get such a thing from a virtual reality, or "game", it keeps you hooked, because it releases dopamine in your brain, just as much as smoking, drugs, and alcohol do. (this is a fact) 

 

the story i have posted, is not a thing that happened to myself, but i have similarities..a lot of them, including suicide and lonelyness 

a simple thing that caused trouble for me that i needed to find out for myself, was a lack of a father, moving countries twice, not ever being able to keep a group of friends more than a year, and never truly finding someone that loved me (girlfriend/boyfriend). 

when you gain those things from a "game", it suddenly turns in to something that holds much more meaning, so from that perspective, 3dx isn't a game. 

 

in the literal sense, yes, it is a (only) a game. but in reality, it's a platform and a place. it's a digital world with no goals but lust and fulfilling desires. 

you don't "play" 3dx. you live in 3dx. because you're trying to be you, and that way gain something you crave. and you gain it from the minds of other people...real flesh and blood behind the other screen.

 

so, to summarize.

3dx isn't a game, it's place...almost like a digital "location" 

you live in 3dx and you fulfill your desires. 

and when your desires are to have friends or be loved, than getting stuck is quite easily.

you don't have to be mentally unstable to get trapped like that. 

just being shown something of a dream you had, is enough to trap you.

i know i am mentally not stable anymore, and 3dx helped to cause my hell.


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#28 RobT

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 09:19 PM

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#29 RobT

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 09:32 PM

Harmony, hun, you're so right to go in strong. Like so many times you just hope that people realise that there is human being behind the pixels. You're right in saying that many on-line games players don't recognise this. The people who cause problems are those who will use the fact that somebody is having a hard time and go for the jugular. I'm not so sure Rob is the one to lock horns with 'cos we do know he's a total pussycat really. Like most men in 3dx he will try to understand and try to behave in a sensible manner. He prolly screws up just as much as anybody else, though. Having said that he might be a total arse, we can only go on what he says here. I've never spoken to him in game so really don't know. We know he's a pillock, although how he works out I'm a wanker is kinda beyond me atm.

 

Cordelia is also right in saying that you do need a pretty thick skin in on-line worlds. Looking at her posts I can see she's worked hard to develop a strategy that confronts peoples' prejudices without them taking offense. /me is alwasy prepred to give Cordelia a listen.

 

Many people haven't. or their skin is only so thick. There is a critical mass of crap any one person should have to take. It doesn't matter one iota if they've got issues or anything else, although it makes it worse if people continue to be awful to people who do, if you're just basically as decent as you can be then there wouldn't be so much stress about coming in game.

 

I think there's a big difference between banter and trolling. Trolls will try and use the 'it's only banter' argument to avoid being taken to account for their trolling.

 

So what am I saying here, yeah it's something that quite gets me going, lmao. OK it's quite simple really. If people tried to behave with basic decency and consideration we'd do OK, we might actually learn something from each other. In 3dx there does seem to be a problem that from time to time particular trolls get into the ascendacy, cause a lot of grief, and, if the moderators do deal with it, they reappear in a different account and start again.

 

What's the solution? I'm not sure there is one but for me it's the fact I have great friends in game, who will always support me. OK they tell me if I'm being an idiot but then that's what friends do, yeah.

thats all well and good but the utopian fantasy you and others want doesnt exist in the real world or the virtual one.  yes people should treat others right but when you treat a game like its eharmony, dont be shocked if what you find isnt love but a kick in the teeth. its part of life.


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#30 AllisonStarlove

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 09:55 PM

I think the 'game' is great for some who have no other recourse, I have a long-time friend that uses sex games (and porn) to relieve herself because she is so unattractive (Burn scars and deformity) she would never get anyone to fuck her (male of female). To her this game (and others) are a unique form of masturbation she would otherwise not have. I myself have never been in the 3DX game, but my wife was for a short period. I think its great for those of us that can't have intimate relations in reality, I do agree if you take it to far you can get physiologically hurt pretty bad..that pretty much up to the user.

 

Its like drug addiction, you can stop and get help, but some people would rather have the fantasy than real life. Sad really..

If something happened to my wife (death etc) I know full well I would follow her into non-existence (we don't believe in an 'afterlife'). Some things are to hard to bare.



#31 alisonn

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Posted 17 December 2017 - 10:55 PM

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community and virtual world 


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#32 MeiLing

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 06:27 AM

Just talk around instead of chatting and showing off in the WC or the LC... there you will meet real peoples. From this moment, you know that for a lot of peoples, it is much more than a game. Is it good, Is it bad? I don't have the answer, I am not a judge. It is a fact that you have to deal with...Btw, a lack of empathy cripples you here and in real life. 


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#33 Niblette

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 06:35 AM

What I think is that its a game, but that doesn't mean that people have an excuse to lie or lead people on or do other things which are hurtful. Really games are suppose to have rules that people follow. Also, just because its a game doesn't mean doesn't mean you cant make real connections and friendships here. At the sometime way to many people seem to think this is a replacement for RL its not...


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#34 Guest_Charly_*

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 07:03 AM

always first your real life!
then 3DX
and never mix the two lives.
As soon as you realize that you have a problem in 3DX, take a break.
One day, one week, one month.
always first your real life!


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#35 Cordelia

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 08:07 AM

alisonn said...

seems a lot of people agreed, and a a few don't


Even the forum, which is almost totally divorced from the game itself, as far as number and type of persons is concerned, doesn't reflect what you say.
 

the story i have posted, is not a thing that happened to myself


ahhh... and my responses get dismissed by some, despite it having  happened to me, just because I approach life in a different way.

MeiLing said...

Btw, a lack of empathy cripples you here and in real life


That's a bit over the top. Sympathy is something anyone can have. Empathy has to be earned so, unless you have experienced something similar, you can only have a lack of empathy.

I rarely talk about it but game addiction (Everquest) and the consequences have affected my life significantly but I still maintain that it is just a game.

 


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#36 Guest_Ciera_*

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 09:27 AM

I'm unable to think of an opening statement that draws together the previous threads that I want to pick up on. The Internet, on-line games and social media are great enablers. It enables people of nearly all abilities to interact as equals, it removes many of the barriers of race, religion and culture. So far so good that's great, yeah. It probably why we're here doing 3dx and the like. It also enables the wankers to be total wankers, so a certain responsibility is imposed on us, the users. OMG this is starting to sound a bit like a degree thesis, it's not intended that way, just trying to get my thoughts together without doing the first draft, second draft thing.

 

It may be a pious hope, as Rob suggests and I intmated, to expect people to behave responsibley. They don't, and the anonymity of 3dx and its ilk mean the idiots think they can get away with it, and they mostly do. What I take issue with is that it should be fair to assume that people will behave according to basic good manners, taking account of the fact that 3dx is a melting pot of cultures and that we, as sensible adults are prepared to do our little bit to deal with those who chose not to. It is a choice too, these people wouldn't say the stuff they do to their boss, work colleagues etc. Although in the case of most of the people causing the trouble it'd be teachers they wouldn't say this stuff to.  It is NOT, however, the victims' fault if they get trolled, verbally abused or whatever. It is the abusers fault. OK these people reappear with monotonous regularity so a few basic steps to protect yourself are sensible. When someone says they have been trolled it does not help if someone says to them did you do this, did you do that. All that does is increases the sense that they have done something wrong. Is it not better to let them talk it through, if you can? The way you behave reflects who you are. OK you can behave like a twat when not meaning to, that's OK and most people when they do apologise. That is very different from people deliberately behaving like total arses.

 

Here's a quote from Melanie Reid's column in today's Times that sums it up for me, albeit not a direct analogy.

 

"May I have a final word on Roy Moore, the defeated Republican candidate in Alabama - still refusing to concede, incidently - who was filmed riding to the polls on a benighted skewbald horse. A man who hauls a horse around by the bit as he did, using brute force on its mouth, reveals everything about himself. He's not just a loser, he's a low-calibre human being."


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#37 Guest_Lillyme_*

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 11:19 AM

The thing that gets me most in all these topics is that the same old argument comes out...”It is what it is...deal with it”

I hate that...that’s basically like saying give up on making anything better. All it takes is enough people of like mind to make cultural shifts...and some of the things we’ve been talking about...promoting in these threads are for the betterment of all. The internet is still nascent in how it handles and understands these issues...and we’ll probably find more and more blurring with the “real” world, (which is a subjective term anyway) so...sooner or later the behaviour we consider desirable in the real world wil have to become culturally enforced online to. I’m not talking about Gizmo making rules for it all...which seems to be what everyone jumps to as an excuse...”if it’s not in the ToS I can do what I want”...society has a million things that aren’t enforced literally but are culturally.

The fact that people see any online forum (in the true sense of the word) as an excuse to say what they like how they like...do what they want...treat any other human how they want...is mostly because of perceived anonymity and lack of consequence to those actions. Even just looking at how some people speak to each other in here...in reality they never would face to face.

I agree there’s a certain amount of people being snowflakes...and if you’re seriously struggling with issues irl I would say 3dx is the -last- place you should be but...that’s because of the culture thats formed here...doesn’t mean it’s the only way it can be.

If you treat people here how you would in real life...and how you would also wish to be treated...I think we’d all be happier. Having said that the people to avoid are mostly obvious if you pay attention.
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#38 alisonn

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 11:48 AM

That's a bit over the top. Sympathy is something anyone can have. Empathy has to be earned so, unless you have experienced something similar, you can only have a lack of empathy.


a person with a mindset like this on a forum post like mine can and should always be tsken with a grain of salt.
or perhaps a hand full of it.

what a horrible way to think.

#39 MeiLing

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 11:57 AM

nope Cordelia is a good person. I have chatted with her in the game. You can be sure that she is kind. I understand what she means, even if I disagree with her. She missed the point that for a lot of peoples, it is more than a game, it is a social network, and it has consequences. If you came to a nervous, mental breakdown one solution: RUN AWAY.


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#40 alisonn

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Posted 18 December 2017 - 12:09 PM

never said she's a bad person.
just a bad mentality.


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