Hello all you beautiful people!
A diary? Possibly not unless to my surprise it evolves into such. We shall see
I have been reading previous threads about peoples interlinks between real life and 3DXChat which I feel is the best all round Adult animated MMO (I tried the others). It has me pondering over whether You, me and anyone in between find this 'game' an escapism, a simple bit of fun, or a therapy/coping mechanism?
Some of you are familiar with me as I started on this game several years ago, then came off (if you pardon the pun) and back on again a few months after. I then had about a 2 year gap and came back around May/June this year and found it had changed. That change for me saw (sea shore) welcomed animations, alterations and absolutely amazing apartment creations with the 'mod', however the expense seemed to come (I'm using a lot of comes in this it seems) at the depth of interaction.
When I first started it was at a time between relationships and I was a little sensitive, lonely and just wanting some fun and diverse experiences. Very quickly on I met a few decent souls, male, female and dual gender (making the transition either way or remaining neutral) by being myself online the same as I am in real life. Eventually I met someone whom I connected with sexually which led to a cosy level of satisfaction and it did genuinely help me not only cope better with my emotions (I wasn't a mess by any means, just a bit out of sync was all), but I also learnt a lot about my own sexual drive and needs. Call it a period of revelation for me.
When I came back on earlier this year, it was a similar situation (and forgive me as I am totally open and honest) in that I had been in a relationship with someone with a notable degree of autism and manic depression, so everything was a demanding task. She had a very polyamorous past and convinced me she wanted a monogamous relationship but it wasn't long before the polyamorousity had repeated itself. So we split.
Her life style and my being monogamous in real life is nothing noteworthy as I truly understand what she needs and does. I just didn't like the repeat of (me being about the 7th) convincing a guy she wants a monogamous relationship with a monogamous guy and then wondering why she hurts and he hurts when she just runs straight into another guys bed. When we split I spent many many many hours (literally, and many more it seems) trying to explain in a way that she can absorb, that shes on a path (polyamorous) and hurts herself and others because she is trying to anchor herself to a monogamous relationship. As ironic as it seems to some, I actively encourage her to pursue her polyamorous path, explore it safely and as controlled as possible, and truly test it out as the self confessed and professing polyamorous woman she is. ... Just leave the poor monogamous guys out of it please as that's two years I can't get back when I could have been with someone more in tune with my path
So there are no hard feelings, but she is heartbroken and doesn't (due to the autism) understand why she can't have me and other guys too, its very much like taking a toy away from a child who doesn't understand that by thrusting that toy (easy now) into a siblings eye socket, there will be consequences. It really is a huge drain on me emotionally and on my time and personal space that even now, 8 months after breaking up, she still begs for me to go back to her because she wants me, while also still sleeping around with other guys - she simply doesn't get it - yet. But I need my life back.
So with all that waffle out the way, I came here today (mmmm) to test this out - while I work and try to rebuild my life again as a single guy, whilst still feeling emotionally drained from time to time as she self harms by the way, so eventually I will have to disappear but at the moment shes a risk to herself hence I am attempting to phase out rather than blow up, and it is taking a long time. I've not had sex in nearly a year now, and even before then it was disconnected and felt like I was just a dildo with automatic functions so my need for meaning and connection on any level was obsolete for a the duration of the relationship. I miss the connections I used to have on this game as it gave me relief and a way to be me without worrying so much about being shy and unattractive.
I wonder if it is dangerous to be thinking of returning to this game, paying £20 ($) with the faint hope that I can find people to connect with to chat with and/or have sexual interaction with in order to ease my stress and tension. The last time I was on 8 months ago, in the entire month I didn't have one sexual encounter, I am unique (take that as you will) and I laugh at myself because in real life I can stand in a club with 100 single women and be overlooked by them all, and its exactly the same online too But... I am a man, grounded, and I know that when I find (or get found) by another uniquely matched mind that some great 'interaction' is had and wanted over again. For those it means anything to I have an INFJ personality type - its a blessing and a curse.
Many of you wonderful people are here to relax, escape, experiment, cope, treat, dabble, enjoy and experience what modern technology and society can provide us so easily now. But when it comes to using it as a coping mechanism, an escape from a tough real life situation, or therapy for any reason - is a good thing? Does it help you? Does it damage you in some sense?
....should I return? And if I do will I actually have virtual sex this time with someone real (as in someone similar minded to myself, not a gift zombie I mean)?
Peace and joyness to you all and thanks for reading, and thanks for being kind with your replies!