Jump to content


Photo

Isn't who he said he was


  • Please log in to reply
28 replies to this topic

#1 Ceres

Ceres

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 106 posts
  • LocationSinking into Subspace

Posted 16 August 2017 - 08:54 PM

This post isn't about anyone I met as Ceres.

 

I'm involved in this elaborate RP fantasy with this guy.  It was going great ... until I accidentally find out that he isn't what he said he was.  I really don't care about real life (or I thought I didn't) ... but I saw a pic and ... it's very distressing.  I wish I could somehow cut that image out of my brain--but I can't.  

 

I'm having a hard time getting past it.  I try to RP now ... but all I can picture is the real life person, not the person that I built the RP with.  It feels like the fantasy is ruined.  I wish I never knew.  

 

What the Hell do I do now?  


  • Nique likes this

#2 ffan

ffan

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 93 posts
  • LocationSomewhere mid Europe, GMT +1:00

Posted 16 August 2017 - 09:03 PM

don't think about the pink elephant...

get comfortable with it or let it go  ;)


  • Ceres likes this

#3 Ceres

Ceres

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 106 posts
  • LocationSinking into Subspace

Posted 16 August 2017 - 09:12 PM

don't think about the pink elephant...

Not a gender issue.  


  • ffan likes this

#4 MinervaX

MinervaX

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 42 posts

Posted 16 August 2017 - 09:18 PM

It's hard to suggest much, because you don't reveal the nature of the problem. It sounds like you knew they were male beforehand, so presumably you didn't like the looks of them for some reason. Maybe you can move past it... maybe you can't... give it a few days or a couple of weeks to see if you can move past it. If you don't want to, or you can't, even with a week or two to adjust.... then tell them... as politely as you possibly can... that you cannot continue. If you can't get over it.... honestly... you don't want to be continuing out of guilt. That's a horrible place to be in.


  • Athene, Ceres, Achroi and 1 other like this

#5 ffan

ffan

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 93 posts
  • LocationSomewhere mid Europe, GMT +1:00

Posted 16 August 2017 - 09:19 PM

Not a gender issue.  

 

LOL I didn't meant that key of reading... I was referring to the "Ironic process theory" or "the white bear problem

where deliberate attempts to suppress certain thoughts make them more likely to surface  :D


  • Ceres and violetvv like this

#6 ffan

ffan

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 93 posts
  • LocationSomewhere mid Europe, GMT +1:00

Posted 16 August 2017 - 09:36 PM

Not everything has changed but something is. It's up to your feelings to embrace the new situation and as MinervaX said giving it some time, or follow your actual mood and stop the RP letting the things go but... take a risk, be honest and talk with the guy about the situation and how do you feel, how the picture made you feel and how things has now changed. Just talk to him at risk to loose everything or at risk to understand what to do with the situation  :)


  • Ceres likes this

#7 RobT

RobT

    Lesbian Whisperer

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 4,361 posts
  • LocationMichigan

Posted 16 August 2017 - 09:37 PM

this is why most shouldnt bring real life into it. why people share pics is beyond me anyways unless you are going to meet up in real life.   same thing happened to me in another game. things were going well untill she showed me a pic and then the fantasy is gone . without pics you can make the other person anyone you want but once its sent, that fantasy is shattered


  • Matrix, spinalrip, LovelyBritney and 4 others like this

#8 violetvv

violetvv

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 98 posts
  • LocationSomewhere in the US

Posted 16 August 2017 - 09:50 PM

If a guy on the internet tells you he doesn't care about looks he's hunting for a pic  :lol:   If he says that while on a date kick his butt! lol 

 

I think we all claim to not be into looks, but if we secretly imagine an Idris Elba type on the other side, even for an instant, anything too far from that fantasy is going to wreck things.

 

If you can't overcome it, the fantasy breaking picture, it's a good reason as any to move on, though that's usually my goto advice.


  • Ceres and ffan like this

#9 Sage Stoner

Sage Stoner

    Scallywag and Rapscallion Extraordinaire

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 738 posts
  • LocationTokyo Japan

Posted 16 August 2017 - 10:31 PM

RP is a lot like reading a fantasy novel: You need to be able to suspend disbelief. 

 

So, if you can't enjoy reading Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones because there is no such thing as fire-breathing dragons, ok, fine. But that is your problem, not the author's problem.

 

And if you can't RP with this person anymore because they aren't what their fantasy character is . . . well, sorry, but same conclusion. 

 

Mind you, I can appreciate your dilemma. There are a few people that I occasionally eRP with, knowing full well that if I ever saw a pic of what they look like in RL, I probably wouldn't be able to eRP with them anymore. On the other hand, there are also a couple that I have seen and am still happy to eRP with. Come to think of it, there are a couple who have seen me and still eRP with me anyway! So who says there is no love on the Internet.  LOL


  • Maelstrom, Ceres, Achroi and 3 others like this

#10 Alliehotass

Alliehotass

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 179 posts
  • LocationAUSTRALIA

Posted 17 August 2017 - 01:02 AM

Yas need to blim blam this sucka to another Galaxy Ceres :P

 

Ok ​puts on her serious pants. ​Hmmmm tough situation indeeds, what do you do is da question. Now this fellow flashed his rl pic atchya and has got ya in a pickles. Obviously he doesn't look like your fantasy image you built in your creative mind and he dun razzberry jammed eet ups. 

 

​Now you could use mind powa and beweev ya neva saw this abomination or ya could tell him politely "dood, ya look nuthin like a wood elf and well I cannot continue this charade" eets a moment ya wish ya could un see sumtink but ya never can I'm afraids. Maybe just maybe he could buy a wood Elf costume and pose in a tree or sumink, yes yes! pull his bow ready to drop a pesky Wood Troll and snap a pic and WullaH! 

 

​I dunno Ceres I'm sorry this happened to you but maybe in da future ya may want to ask before looking if they have rl pics or for RP scenarios do not look at their profiles perhaps.

 

​Maybe over time you might change ya mind or get used to his rl snap fishing and glugging a brewski or you might walk away, that's your decision but above all try not to hurt his feelings because eets not his fault who he is.

 

​Ah hopes mah words of wisdom have shined a light on this little problem of yours and mah job is dones, Wooohoooooooooooo.

 

Swooshes her cape looks to the sky and with a thumbs up ​its Allie Awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Toodles


  • Ceres and Nique like this

#11 Deeborah

Deeborah

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 310 posts
  • LocationFrance

Posted 17 August 2017 - 08:43 AM

Take your time.

Tell him you need some time so make a pause and don't try to test your capacity of going ahead too fast.

Time is best friends I think.

Think of good fantasy moment you had together.

Look at screenshot of moment you had (I am sure you take screen shot ...) or text you exchange or just your memory based on what support you can have.

Let your fantasy regenerate, brain is very powerfull, much morse that what we usually think in these bad moments.

Let your brain be impregnated at best with these good moment you had. They remain real and have nothing to do with what the person is behind the keyboard.

If these good fantasy moment clean the bad thought you have at the moment, try to go ahead.

Once you have waited enough time (1 week, less, more .....)

If your brain doesn't suceed to disconnect this rl picture from you fantasy pleasure, then no other choice to stop but take a clear decision, tell him, and don't remain yourself a too long period of hesitation.

For future, be since the start very clear on that point.


  • Ceres likes this

#12 Kelyan

Kelyan

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 8 posts

Posted 17 August 2017 - 08:50 AM

A lot of people lie on their life.

 

Probably for protecting their life i suppose, but some are doing this for the game or just to put down someone if we want to be rude or even take their revenge in game because they hate their life.

 

In this kind of game, people must never forget that a lot of people aren't what they say.

 

The gender, the age, their job etc etc

 

Some women lie on their age because they want return a little in their young age. Guys too

Some girl in game are guy, some lesbian are guys (often to have more chance with girl and reject men but when we know that a lot of girls are guys....^^), some guys are girl too.

 

And about picture, they are a lot of fake pictures, trading pics and other. It's for that that i don't care really about picture.

 

So it's true that if the "real" join the rp, it can be more excitation (about the âge by exemple). But sadly, a lot of people lies, so people should protect themselfes and not believe people easily.

 

In my case, i don't lie because i hate that but if i don't want speak about something, i say it, it's all. I prefer someone who like you for what you are and not for what you aren't.

 

Even after a few month or even year specially when the relation is only virtual.

 

In rp, i take care more about the link betwen the player, the chemistry between them.

 

So take your time, take some distance a little to protect yourself and if after some time you can't definitively retrieve the rp relation, stop all. And don't forget in future that people aren't what really they pretend to be.


  • Ceres likes this

#13 Cordelia

Cordelia

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,009 posts

Posted 17 August 2017 - 09:13 AM

It's funny but I was friends with someone for several months on Second Life (and we lived together there) and then they came here for a month. At the end of that time they decided they would prefer to play an online war game with friends than see me. Gender wasn't an issue and, during our time together, we knew each other in real (well, real enough without being physically together) and we also saw others in-game during that time. Their leaving did have a strong effect on me at the time. Recently, they have started playing SL again and life is great when I am with them but I am better for them having left me before because it has reinforced my opinion, that I have always maintained, that this is just a game.
No one can tell you what you do now, Ceres. I just hope that you get back to normal, whatever that is, soon. Good luck :)


  • Ceres likes this

#14 Sakuya

Sakuya

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 97 posts

Posted 17 August 2017 - 11:54 AM

(...) reinforced my opinion, that I have always maintained, that this is just a game. (...)


Yep. You didnt change :)
  • Ceres likes this

#15 Ceres

Ceres

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 106 posts
  • LocationSinking into Subspace

Posted 17 August 2017 - 01:15 PM

I kind of expected to be trolled by posting about my 'problem', but I'm absolutely thrilled at the quality of all the responses here.  This community rocks!  Thank you, everyone!!

 

I'm certain he never intended to show me the pic--and I certainly never wanted to see it.  It was a weird accident.  From now on I'm going to try harder to remain ignorant of these things. 

 

So I read and re-read all the responses here (including ffan's extremely helpful APA article) and I agree with them all.  Speaking of ffan's APA article: my problem is more of a 'polar bear vs. grizzly bear' problem.  If you hear what I'm saying.

 

So anyway, I've been thinking about what kind of crummy RPer would I be if (to use Sage's example) I couldn't enjoy Game of Thrones any more because I found out that George R.R. Martin doesn't exactly look like Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (the actor that plays Jaime Lannister).  That'd be ridiculous, right?  I figured I just needed time to adjust. 

 

Sooo ... I got together with him pink elephant! last night ... and my plan was to gently tell him that I needed a pink elephant! temporary break ... but before I could do that ... we started messing around and ... I think I'm going to be okay.  The pink elephant!s are coming farther apart already.

 

Like RobT said: real life shatters the fantasy.  And my partner is the exact same ... ermm ... 'wood elf' ... as always.  (How did you know, Allie?!?!?!)

 

Thanks again, everyone!  :wub:


  • Alliehotass, Deeborah, violetvv and 3 others like this

#16 gbee

gbee

    Member

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 16 posts

Posted 17 August 2017 - 04:24 PM

Yeah, I think that's kinda like when someone tells you they love you and will be true forever and only 2 weeks later adds an alt identity and then uses that one to f**k everybody they can and sell their pus*y for stupid little gifts and then marries another guy with that identity and then....no wait, maybe that's not like that. Guess I'm wrong.


  • Nicci, Alliehotass and Nique like this

#17 Cordelia

Cordelia

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,009 posts

Posted 18 August 2017 - 12:15 PM

Sakuya said...

Yep. You didnt change :)

 

Lol! Obviously I did in some way because I don't know who you are, despite you thinking you know me so well ;)



#18 Sakuya

Sakuya

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 97 posts

Posted 18 August 2017 - 06:41 PM

Sakuya said...

 

 

 

Lol! Obviously I did in some way because I don't know who you are, despite you thinking you know me so well ;)

 

Yes you do! >.<


  • Cordelia likes this

#19 Alliehotass

Alliehotass

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 179 posts
  • LocationAUSTRALIA

Posted 18 August 2017 - 11:03 PM

Yeah, I think that's kinda like when someone tells you they love you and will be true forever and only 2 weeks later adds an alt identity and then uses that one to f**k everybody they can and sell their pus*y for stupid little gifts and then marries another guy with that identity and then....no wait, maybe that's not like that. Guess I'm wrong.

 

Yips well peeps like that shouldn't marry, eets science, I see peeps marrying then divorcing then they marry another for a week on to tha next. Really? sad, but then again if no one is hurt who cares but if peeps are then shame shame double bubble shame :P

 

Hi GBee by the way <3


  • Nique likes this

#20 Nitroo

Nitroo

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 479 posts
  • LocationEurope

Posted 18 August 2017 - 11:12 PM

In this game nobody looks like her/his avi. I really tried but there are not enough possibilities to customize your character. ;)


  • Cordelia likes this


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users