I've been in 4 relationships that derived from an online connection and all 4 failed. The reason is that I presented a part of me to each of these women while online while hiding the totality of me that is only able to be seen when actually dealing with me in real life. Online, I can choose when to show up. If I'm in a funky mood? I don't have to log on. I can always present that " good guy " persona or that chatty social butterfly. It's the other stuff that revealed itself to these 4 women that had them to say " Now wait a minute, what is this? "
RobT said that people are more so in love with the idea of falling love. That's very similar to what one of these 4 women told me when we were actually living together in real life. She would constantly proclaim that I didn't love her but was simply in love with the idea. At that point I didn't get it but now I totally understand what she was saying. When online, we are in the midst of people's ideas of themselves. Are people truly being themselves while online? Are you really falling in love with the person behind the avatar or simply that person's idea of who they think they are?
I was that guy that pretty much loved living out the idea. Being a complex being I was very and still am quite complex while online and tried to be the same offline as I was online but for some reason, these women took everything I presented online and expected it to be the exact same thing in real life which I thought was what I was going to do, only to realize I was a totally different reality in real life. To where now I can say, honestly?, LOVE is not possible from an online connection.
People say anything is possible and why not love and I have a legitimate argument against it because I've tried it 4 times and the last time actually went to marriage to where now we are getting a divorce. Love is simply this, what you are willing to put up with. What are you willing to tolerate. What are you willing to sacrifice to simply make that other person's life better. I've found out that I was that man that would tell you that I loved you in WORD, which is all online love is, but when it came down to the nitty gritty? That love wasn't real at all.
You simply can not know a person in all of their facets from an online connection. I don't care how often the 2 of you spend time together. How often you skype or talk on smart phones. You simply do not know that person entirely until you've actually shared a residential space with them and dealt with real life issues like paying bills together. LIVING together is what HUMANS DO in relationships and LOVE and online you are NOT living with the person you love. How can you say you LOVE the person yet you're not ABLE to do loving things like..
1. Cook for them
2. Run their bath
3. Wash her car
Online dating is simply the introduction to a book that none of us are ready to go into head first until we actually do it in the way it was truly intended to be done. And that's in the real face to face flesh way. And even in dating someone online for years to then finally make the decision to be with them in the true essence? You've basically met that person for the first time when you finally begin to live together and you can't base what you know of them from online conversation. Simply because of the reality that you don't know.....how that person deals...with living life itself.
Relationships is about sharing this life with another, it's not just you and them in some Garden called Eden with God roaming around talking to you. No, you're living life with other human beings taking care of real life responsibilities wanting to do things. Having real goals like perhaps having kids or pursuing a career or even doing bucket list type activities like taking trips over seas. When you're really in it face to face you really then see if you love that person like you said you did all that time while ONLINE with them enjoying the idea.
I've never loved a woman a day in my life. I've only in ignorance thought I did but the idea turned into a reality that I was not yet ready for. After 4 attempts and all failing the common denominator for me, if I choose to ever pursue love with a woman again, is to never do it from an online connection.
In the words of sirbigmac though, this is just me.