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A guide to self-preservation


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#41 RomanFox

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Posted 13 May 2017 - 06:44 PM

Yes this whole gender discussion can be confusing and complicated.

 

But do I take the game too serious when I just don't want to get intimate or have sex with a man? :unsure:

 

Yes and no. It depends on what you're really looking for. Not wanting to be intimate with a person you know is a man is just sexual preference. However, consider this... Chances are you've had intimate moments with people who were male... but that was unknown to you. The experience itself didn't feel any less I presume... but it would if you knew it was a guy. A lot of people play the game not wanting to know because it's all about the experience and the reality of certain things would just ruin things for them. I'm not defending or promoting cross-gender play, but I am trying to make a point that to a lot of people, it's more about the experience than the truth.


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#42 Guest_Twiggy_*

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 04:05 AM

Whenever this subject comes up the same things come out, except this time people are saying that people who choose to not want to role play their sex and have it played to them should be respected.

One thing that never seems to be mentioned in these threads is that all these men playing as females cause more problems than just upsetting people.

 

It is one of the main causes for dis trust in the game.

It is one of the main causes for people sticking to their groups.

It is one of the main reasons less girls stay in the game.

It gives the game a bad reputation.

 

Yes there is likely a lot more players that do play a different gender to their real life gender, but did you ever wonder why that is.

Do you think it is that more people want to do that, or maybe because there are people doing that it drives the others away?


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#43 Mulan

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 11:07 AM

It is one of the main causes for dis trust in the game.

 

Trust is about a person, not a gender.

 

It is one of the main causes for people sticking to their groups.

 

People will stick in groups regardless. It is human nature. Like minded people stick together.

 

It is one of the main reasons less girls stay in the game.

 

I doubt that is the reason. The game is sold very visually like traditional porn. Porn, in general, is a turn off to women. It focuses on fake orgasms, poor imagery, and the male orgasm. It is geared towards men. That does not mean that women don't think about sex. I think the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey shows quite the opposite. Something like Fifty is erotica, not misogynistic pornography. It teases the mind and senses. 3DX can be that with some good role play. The visual imagery doesn't matter too much. I think the SGD are missing a trick there and not focusing on erotica and focusing more on the pornography side, which I think is the main turn off for females.

 

It gives the game a bad reputation.

 

What bad reputation is this? The game has its bad points and has its assholes, but doesn't every game? In general, I think 3DX is a small community of people which is welcoming. Old members keep leaving, and they keep coming back. Is it because they enjoy paying $20 a month for not many new features? I think it is the community of people that keeps them coming back.

 

Also, do you not think that females who have a male character should not also come under the same scrutiny? Or maybe they are a male themselves and being a hypocrite?


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#44 RomanFox

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 11:14 AM

Whenever this subject comes up the same things come out, except this time people are saying that people who choose to not want to role play their sex and have it played to them should be respected.

One thing that never seems to be mentioned in these threads is that all these men playing as females cause more problems than just upsetting people.

 

It is one of the main causes for dis trust in the game.

It is one of the main causes for people sticking to their groups.

It is one of the main reasons less girls stay in the game.

It gives the game a bad reputation.

 

Yes there is likely a lot more players that do play a different gender to their real life gender, but did you ever wonder why that is.

Do you think it is that more people want to do that, or maybe because there are people doing that it drives the others away?

 

The main focus of this topic are two things... 1. Make people aware about the presence of these cross-gender players. 2. Try and urge people to be more open-minded towards it so that it doesn't necessarily have to ruin their time here.

Every single one of those 4 lines are a two way street. Yes... cross-gender players can have part in people being distrusting, less eager to talk or stick to their groups... but on the other hand... countless other people don't mind them as much and everyone gets along much better.

 

The major cause of these problems isn't to blame purely on the cross-gender player... Sure, if they aren't open and honest to their partners... but even then... In most cases, the trouble itself originates from people being unable to apprehend or accept these people..

As mentioned before by someone else... when you come in contact with one of these people, there's basically two options: 1. You step back and prevent contact with them or 2. You accept them for who they are and their reasons for playing.

In the end, the choice to distrust everyone based on what happened, and therefor disrupting your own fun in the game in general... is entirely your choice. As I said before... I'm not defending nor promoting this... I'm trying to inform and help people deal with these things. But for that to work, you'll require a bit of an open mind.


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#45 RomanFox

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 11:18 AM

Trust is about a person, not a gender.

 

 

People will stick in groups regardless. It is human nature. Like minded people stick together.

 

 

I doubt that is the reason. The game is sold very visually like traditional porn. Porn, in general, is a turn off to women. It focuses on fake orgasms, poor imagery, and the male orgasm. It is geared towards men. That does not mean that women don't think about sex. I think the huge success of Fifty Shades of Grey shows quite the opposite. Something like Fifty is erotica, not misogynistic pornography. It teases the mind and senses. 3DX can be that with some good role play. The visual imagery doesn't matter too much. I think the SGD are missing a trick there and not focusing on erotica and focusing more on the pornography side, which I think is the main turn off for females.

 

 

What bad reputation is this? The game has its bad points and has its assholes, but doesn't every game? In general, I think 3DX is a small community of people which is welcoming. Old members keep leaving, and they keep coming back. Is it because they enjoy paying $20 a month for not many new features? I think it is the community of people that keeps them coming back.

 

I back up this post entirely. From the start, women have been a rare breed in this game... yet we see a whole bunch on a daily basis. Those who aren't bothered by this, manage to have a great time altogether. Which is ultimately the goal of the game... It's about fantasy mostly, not realism and that's where a lot of people tend to make most mistakes. These type of things happen in every game that has multiplayer and custom character creation... ex: MMORPG'S. It's not much different from 3DX at all... 

 

EDIT: The biggest issue that makes things so blurry is the fact that the game is based on intimacy, which, in most cases, cause emotional connections. These emotional connections are fragile and they drive people to do things... So yes, in some cases, when the reality has been withheld and the truth comes out... people feel betrayed and lost and that causes upset for everyone in general. That's why in my original post I talk about both the cross-player being more honest when it comes to relationships that tend to feel serious... but also about people having to be aware that it is in fact a common thing...


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#46 RobT

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 01:36 PM

The reason most "women" arent bothered by it is because they are bi or men. I will tell you for a fact i have mentioned 3dx to a lot of my friends in other places and the first thing i hear is " isnt that the place that has mostly men pretending to be females" and then i get a no thanks so it does indeed factor into it. I still think one of the biggest reasons is not having paypal as a viable option of payment. people dont want a paper trail on the credit card or they simply dont have one. 

 

The reason 3dx seems like it has more then about any other place is because the community isnt big and its open. places like imvu etc dont have a world chat channel, etc . here everyone knows just about every bad thing that happens so makes it seem bigger then most other places

 

As a whole i liked the original post however when it comes to the cross gender thing, You have admitted in the past you were or are one of those who did it so in all honesty you could be a tad biased in regards to this subject. At the end of the day the ones who have done it or do it see nothing wrong with it and the ones who have been fucked over by someone doing it or arent interested in men in female avis are going to be against it. thats not going to change no matter how many threads about the subject we have.

 

One thing that has always made me laugh is someone professing love for someone yet hiding the fact from them that they are really the opposite gender. You actually dont love them at all if you are basing your relationship  off of a lie. You can make any excuse you want for it but deceit is deceit and most times it ends badly. For most i dont think its anyones business who you are behind the keyboard but for those whom you are involved with, they should be told in my view. You can save yourself a whole bunch of drama. Just to be clear, i dont mean the ones you are fucking, i am talking exclusive relationships, etc.

 

To close this out i will say this.... I know a lot women here who have male avis. people i know for a fact are female. I think the average person sees this and then jumps to the conclusion they are really male when they could actually just be female with a male avi. 

 

PS: I will say for any heteros out there , the best thing you can do is make friends with someone who is TS or gender bending. When i first joined i was 100 percent against it in any form because everything was black and white to me. After becoming friends with Tika we have had talks on the subject and you start to realize everything isnt black and white, there are always grey areas and i have learned a lot and tried not to be such an ass about the subject.


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#47 Lilcal

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 03:54 PM

Ive said it before, and Ill say it again... Everyone has the right to their own fantasy.. and I have a right to decide whether or not I wish to be part of that fantasy..

 

That said this post was not about the whole gender debate.. but I think that any relationship in here, be it friends or more, requires honesty to flourish.  Its not real if its not based on honesty..  period.  

 

We all come here for different reasons.. but if you want to make real friends and real connections, you must take the time to actually develop them.  The word Love definitely gets thrown around like an STD.  Makes me wonder if some ppl even know what the word means.  Slow down, take the time to actually get to know someone before giving away that very special gift.  I don't think that there is any specific timeline that fits everyone.. follow your hearts  but dont discount the info that your brain is sending out to you as well. 

 

And most of all.. Have Fun!  If your not  having fun.. why pay to be here?? 


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#48 RomanFox

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 04:03 PM

@RobT

 

I understand what you mean. And yes, I did have a female avatar when I first started out playing this game. I wouldn't call it being biased persé, but it did allow me to learn A LOT by doing it and later on changing over to the male avatar instead. One such thing I learned is that even though I began playing without any intentions of starting any kind of relationships... I did grow fond of people and those things grew into something bigger than friendschip... I had struggles with contradicting options... the most difficult one was in fact coming forth about it and possibly hurting everyone's feelings... the other was more or less an "ignorance is a bliss" kind of solution...

 

It took me a while after changing over to start seeing things more objectively... which is why I've come to understand most opinions on both sides. And just as you said, there are grey areas... even coming forth is not as easy as black and white. This "love" being declared as fake is also looking at it black and white... from my experience my fondness or attraction to someone was pretty much real... I had played for ages without getting involved with someone, I still grew fond of them and vice versa... and the decision to try a relationship is based on these feelings rather than the whole gender issue... People act on their feelings more than they take the time to think about it. Which is how I ended up having issues in the end. If I didn't act on my feelings and stood still to think things through... I could and would have probably prevented a lot of issues. At the time, considering the huge amounts of people I had befriended, I mostly tried to find solutions that wouldn't end up breaking people's expectations.

 

On the other hand, when I started playing as a male, I got involved with similar people... I have been fooled once or twice (probably more) as well... and yes, it's not the best feeling... and maybe this was because of some kind of understanding or maybe it was something else... but it was much more a disappointment than a heartbreak. To this day I still get along with some of them... but most "disappeared" after coming forth.

 

With all of that said, what I mean is... I've been on both sides of the fence when it comes to developing feelings or having people develop feelings towards me... It allowed me to look at this topic in an objective manner and find a way that would work for me when it comes to handling situations such as this one. When I realized that this way of handling it is just a combination of understanding, open-mindedness and caution... I figured it wasn't a bad idea to bring up the topic one more time and try get people to understand it better (also from both sides)

 

In the end, the original post is all about urging cross-gender players to use caution and not let people's feelings root too deeply, unless they have a shared agreement on keeping things strictly virtual. But it was also about the real men and women having to be careful about who they interact with, jumping to conclusions is rarely a solution... preparation and getting to know someone is still the best way to handle things... ignoring on the other hand gets boring and stressful and takes away from your own fun.


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#49 RomanFox

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 04:10 PM

Ive said it before, and Ill say it again... Everyone has the right to their own fantasy.. and I have a right to decide whether or not I wish to be part of that fantasy..

 

That said this post was not about the whole gender debate.. but I think that any relationship in here, be it friends or more, requires honesty to flourish.  Its not real if its not based on honesty..  period.  

 

We all come here for different reasons.. but if you want to make real friends and real connections, you must take the time to actually develop them.  The word Love definitely gets thrown around like an STD.  Makes me wonder if some ppl even know what the word means.  Slow down, take the time to actually get to know someone before giving away that very special gift.  I don't think that there is any specific timeline that fits everyone.. follow your hearts  but dont discount the info that your brain is sending out to you as well. 

 

And most of all.. Have Fun!  If your not  having fun.. why pay to be here?? 

 

I totally agree!

 

PS: Once again, I wouldn't call these feelings "NOT REAL"... but rather impulsive and improvident (hopefully that's the correct translation xD).


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#50 RobT

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 04:48 PM

Ive said it before, and Ill say it again... Everyone has the right to their own fantasy.. and I have a right to decide whether or not I wish to be part of that fantasy..

 

That said this post was not about the whole gender debate.. but I think that any relationship in here, be it friends or more, requires honesty to flourish.  Its not real if its not based on honesty..  period.  

 

We all come here for different reasons.. but if you want to make real friends and real connections, you must take the time to actually develop them.  The word Love definitely gets thrown around like an STD.  Makes me wonder if some ppl even know what the word means.  Slow down, take the time to actually get to know someone before giving away that very special gift.  I don't think that there is any specific timeline that fits everyone.. follow your hearts  but dont discount the info that your brain is sending out to you as well. 

 

And most of all.. Have Fun!  If your not  having fun.. why pay to be here?? 

i would agree with the love thing, people seem to have a new soulmate weekly but if it makes them happy then so be it. at least for me after the newness of the sex went away this has become more about friendships then anything else. 


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#51 chaostika

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 08:05 PM

.....  When i first joined i was 100 percent against it in any form because everything was black and white to me. After becoming friends with Tika we have had talks on the subject and you start to realize everything isnt black and white, there are always grey areas and i have learned a lot and tried not to be such an ass about the subject.

 

 

giphy.gif

 

giphy.gif


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#52 Lilcal

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Posted 14 May 2017 - 10:52 PM

Totally agree with ya RobT..  We come for the fuckin.. we stay for the friends!  I have met some truly awesome people here..People who are my real friends, not just online entertainment.  Ive met a couple in real life and plan to meet many more in the future.. Im thankful for my nerdy online life.. lol


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#53 RomanFox

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 07:27 AM

Totally agree with ya RobT.. We come for the fuckin.. we stay for the friends! I have met some truly awesome people here..People who are my real friends, not just online entertainment. Ive met a couple in real life and plan to meet many more in the future.. Im thankful for my nerdy online life.. lol


That makes two xD
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#54 Guest_Twiggy_*

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 10:03 AM

I have read through this post a few times now and watch what is being said and noted peoples views on it.

I understand the purpose of the post and it's original intentions and have seen Roman remove wisely some things from that original post.

There has been a lot of talk about being open minded towards the issue of people playing a different gender to their own and to a certain point I do agree with that.

The issue I have always had with it is that the people doing it do not seem to accept what it does for others in the game.

I myself do not do relationships, I do not look for someone to possibly meet in real life and do not expect to fall in love with anyone in there.

I just go in and stick with my friends mostly and try to make the most of things and have been doing that on and off for almost 3 years.

The things I tried to point out I have many times before in this forum and find that the same arguments against recognising other issues around it keep getting raised each time it appears in the forum.

For me even though I do not do relationships, I do not look for love and have never really been directly effected by it, it still does create problems for me in the game.

Also I see far to often problems especially with new players where those problems are only there because of it.

That is mainly where the dis trust I mentioned comes into it, new players who will often ask any one with a female avi to prove they are female.

Now that may be fine and easy for guys who have female avis to take, although I have seen where even lots of them get pissed off when asked.

But for me as a female in real life it is a piss off every time I get asked and each time I do I think if I have to put up with it so all these guys can play the game as females.

Most of the guys who play females, although they mostly seem to choose to say in their profiles their interests are both female and males, will not even answer pms from guys trying to meet them.

I have had so many new players tell me I have been the 1st girl that would actually answer their pm, that had been in the game for days and sent so many pms that weren't answered.

There has been far to many times where I have seen people I had become good friends with get together with someone I was about as certain as you can be in here was not a female playing a female in the game.

What are we meant to do in that case, you know if your friend finds out then they will be hurt and pissed off so you keep it to yourself.

But you have to watch it progress and just hope things will go ok, and also you have to deal with the guilt of not saying anything and feel like you are doing the wrong thing by your friend.

Then there are the ones you know that I will just say pray on new players, you see them hanging around public rooms waiting for new players to come in and they very much pounce on them.

You know what their caper is, you know how they go about things and you know that it will most likely result in the new player getting played and upset.

But you can't say anything, you can't do anything and to me that does get frustrating some times.

I have seen to many good people, people who have done a lot for the game and others who just did not deserve it get fucked over by a guy going to far playing as a female.

And I say a guy playing as a female because I have never seen any trouble where it has been a girl playing as a guy, likely it has happened but I have not seen it.

You say to make things easier for you in this game you need to be understanding and open minded towards these guys that do this, and I am talking about the ones that do not make it obvious they are guys.

For me as a young female in the game, I feel I also have had to learn to be at least a little cold and uncaring and that does bother me.

It has been mentioned in here that both sides of the issue has been revealed to you, as you have played both male and female avis.

That does not give you any sight into what it is like to be an actual female playing a female in the game, it only gives you what it is like to be a male playing a female.

We females have to put up with the dis trust, the doubt, the question mark over heads as to are we really female or not the same as you do, and we have done nothing to deserve it.

I would just like you to think for a minute on what that means, what it means for us females to be accused of being a guy and to have to put up with the doubt.

What it means for us who do not participate in this gender swapping thing to try to be welcoming to new players.

If we try to warn them about the fact that the majority of females in there are not females at all, often the 1st thing they want is proof that we are genuine females.

When ever these posts come up it is always us being asked to be things like open minded and understanding.

I am and have always been open minded and understanding of the issues around it and the different reasons people like to do it.

I have friends that are lesbians, transsexuals and also others that are heterosexuals playing as females.

What I see to often in these posts is people not understanding the problems it causes for others, what we are forced to tolerate to play in 3DXChat, so you can play as females.


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#55 chloe

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 11:06 AM

If any guy wants a proof from me that I am real he would get first a nice reject answer. If he than becomes naughty or outrageous I would iggy him. Lucky me that no guy ever asked me for a proof that I am real. Even not back in time as I was a single. But I know a lot of guys doing so. So I am not getting tired to warn or instruct other girls, especially newcomers, to not share pictures and phone numbers with or to accept a video calls from strangers. They have no rights to do so and if the risk for a fake is to high for them, well, they are free to leave this place.This would have a positive effect on the women's quota.

 

BTW... maybe it is just in my sphere but the woman quota is much higher as the buzzed 5% some guys spread here. If this is true why you are still here? Anyway, it is the perfect excuse to come away empty-handed, isn't it? For me it is important that someone act believable and is not treacherous. If a guy feels more comfortable in a female body, I would even prefer not to know his true sex. Yes I know as a woman it's easy saying :) 

 

Generally I don't want to know how you all look in real. I am interested in faithful souls and I don't say that to just hide my truth or because I am ashamed of my external. This is just the wrong platform for this. There are so many other flirt portals, so go and create a profile there. 

 

Friendship is very important to me but all my friends (beside my wife Felia) must deal with the fact that they will never get a RL picture from me. If they can't life with that fact, they are free to find a new friend. I am happy that externalities do not play any role in here. We are too much influenced by it in the RL. 

 

So guys choose wise:

 

choose-wise2gxxs.jpg

 

/me is still a troll :P

 

 

 

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#56 Mulan

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 01:20 PM

The people who I trust and I am close to, know my true identity. No one is getting hurt from what I do not choose to reveal. I have only met one person in real life from 3DX. Does anyone ever join with the intention of finding real life love in 3DX? I doubt it. And if you do join with the intention of finding real life love in something sold as a sex game, you are probably barking up the wrong tree.

It is perfectly possible that two straight men both playing as female avatars both have a sexual relationship in game and meet outside the game as friends. Even though you may not be attracted to men as a man in real life, the mind is a wonderful thing that still makes it satisfying in roleplay as well as feeling genuine friendship and probably closer as friends than you would ever hope to achieve with a male friend you first met in real life. As Rob has pointed out, everything is not so black and white.

People come to 3DX because they are probably turned on by the sexual aspect initially. Twiggy, you have said quite often that you have been asked a lot to prove that you are a real female. I have never been asked to prove it. And I would also never ask anyone to prove their gender. It is none of my business. It is their fantasy. I would love to see more evidence of people getting asked to prove their gender rather than a sweeping generalisation.

There are people who lie and will give people false hope and hurt people. You may see this and then label all people the same. Or a male joins the game as a female just for a bit of fun. He never expected to fall in love. Then he is in a dilemma. This other person loves their personality and everything about them, so do their friends, but if they change one thing, their gender, then people could just switch on them like an instant. There are people who lie just to deceive, but I don't think that has anything to do with gender. The same could be said of someone who is married and lies that they are single, or claims to be 18 when they are actually in their 60s.

You are welcome to your opinions, I just hate these generalisations. "It is the main cause for distrust", "The main reason for groups", "The main reason for less girls in game", and "It gives the game a bad reputation", like you speak for all women.
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#57 Guest_Twiggy_*

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 02:14 PM

Well Mulan, do you answer new guys when they pm you in one of the clubs, if you do, do you try to tell them to take thier time and not rush into things as if they do the girl they get with is likely to be a guy.

Do you try to explain to them what goes on in the place and how as you or some of the others in this thread have pointed out, the majority of girls in the game are guys.

I doubt it. as I know if you did you will have been asked the same question, "how do I know you are a girl", can you show me a pic, can you hold up a note, can you skype me.

One of my friends even posted a pic of herself with a note tucked in her panties in her profile because she was sick of being asked, which ended up in a different forum, one where people were saying this place is full of guys playing as girls and it was posted with a comment saying at least one is really a girl.

She knows who she is and maybe if she sees this she will come in and verify that as people always seem to accuse me of being full of crap,

You forgot to say "one of" in front of every one of the quotes you made on what I said, I did not say they were the main reasons, I said one of.

Tell me, what do you think is the main reason for dis trust in there, and why you feel that the deception of some of these guy/girls is not a cause for dis trust and not right up there with the worst of them.

It causes dis trust, and the dis trust is one of the main reasons we all stick to our little groups.

That was often even said in these forums, "you can't ever really trust so stick to your friends", something I use to say was wrong and would lead to everybody sticking to their own little groups.

And yes I believe it is also one of the main reasons why many of the girls do not stick around in the game, right behind that the game doesn't really cater for us, as I think you said yourself in saying we liked 50 shades of grey and erotica.

But then how are the devs to know what girls really want, you all bring your female identities into these forums and pass your opinions off as being female as well, which adds to the one of the main reasons for less girls in the game.

And yes it does give the game a bad reputation, all you have to do is look in other forums on sex games and you see people commenting on how 3DXChat is full of guys playing as girls.

It is well known to have that reputation and if you don't know that then you need to get better educated on it.



#58 DarrenD

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 02:48 PM

It's almost a bit sad that Roman's wonderful post seems to end in the somehow usual discussion about males acting as females or even further about the gender issue ... but well, so be it.

 

For me gender is nothing but a role, a role you may have been born into, but at the end it is still a role. And I reject the idea that this role has anything to do with me having a dick or a woman having breasts or whatever. I fall in love with a person and not with this person's gender (or this person's skill to act that role well).

 

What is this fear or uneasiness that one might play with a partner that has a different biological gender than he or she acts for in game? Really, seriously, what is the difference? If the expected role is played well enough, what's the problem? Unsurprisingly our avatars shapes don't match our physical bodies most of the time, so what?

 

I have to admit that I very much adhere to Judith Butler's denial of even biological gender as a completely arbitrary construct to structure society, nothing more. Humans have many biological differences, but the question is how much importance we are attaching to those differences ... at least for me, it doesn't make any difference ...

 

my 2¢ ...


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#59 Guest_Fuwakumi_*

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 02:55 PM

Well said Darren. :wub:
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#60 chloe

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Posted 15 May 2017 - 02:59 PM

I can understand that a guy wants to know the true sex of his partner, not all think like you Darren. But... if you try to force us girls to proof our sex, we will leave cause rejecting the request means we are guys, right?

This problem can't be solved since we are all so different. That's why this discussion will pop up again and again in the future.

We should agree not to agree on this subject. But we should all respect eachother and our feelings and wishes. There is no black and no white, and also no gray. Instead I see millions of beautiful colors.
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