Some of you know me, some of you know of me and some of you have never seen my name before now.. but this is my story, my truth. I apologize if some of it may be confusing, but the timelines for the people I've met along the way overlap quite a bit.
Disclaimer: for anonymity purposes I'll try my best to keep identities secret by omitting names or by creating pseudonyms.
I was first introduced to 3DX by a friend I'd met in MNFclub, for the purpose of this entry let's call him the Canadian, we'd talked a lot in MNFclub but never been intimate so had gotten to know each other well and he thought that 3DX would be a good fit. So on his recommendation, I made the jump and never looked back.
I came to 3DX with the expectation it would be very similar to MNFclub, basically interactive porn but with better graphics, as I'd come to learn.. I was very wrong about this. Due to my real life circumstances I wasn't looking for anything serious, much less a relationship or love, (like many) just a way to escape real life and to explore my sexuality in a fun and safe way. As you will come to see, I have a habit of mixing the virtual world and the real world and letting my emotions get the better of me.. you see, I've always been 'just me'. There have been phases where parts of my personality have been amplified to fit a situation, but throughout my journey, I've tried my hardest to be the real me. This made it difficult to separate the two worlds because the feelings of friendship and affection toward people would grow from a real place and would affect me in the real world too.
As you now know, it was this friend that brought me to this virtual world and you know we were close. As time went on we got closer and he became the first example of how easy it is for me to confuse virtual with reality. We spoke often about meeting in the real world (though with me being in the U.K. it was never likely to happen), we spoke outside of 3DX using Kik and although we never fully made it to taking our relationship to a more intimate level I felt myself falling for him. This made it all the more devastating when out of the blue.. he disappeared. From kik, from 3DX.. I even checked MNFclub again to see if he'd been there. But it was as if he'd blocked me from everything. I had no idea what happened, if he was coming back or if I'd done something wrong. I almost left 3DX then and there, there was no point in continuing if he wasn't around, I'd only joined because of him. Overtime, I dealt with the abandonment and continued playing 3DX.. a few months later, he returned. He apologized and explained everything, to this day we still talk and have become great friends. I'll always be grateful to him for bringing me to this world, without him I might never have found the most precious gift I'd ever receive.
Life after the Canadian
After dealing with the abandonment, I resolved to not allow anyone contact with me other than through 3DX. No telegram, no kik, nothing. It helped me to separate myself from the world I was creating within the game. I also started putting up barriers around certain aspects of myself to stop people getting too close so I wouldn't end up falling for them. They could know me, but not all of me. I made friends, I entered open relationships and I slept around but it was all superficial with no real connection to anyone because I never allowed them close enough for more. After a time I found I started to get bored and considered, not for the first or last time, leaving the game. It was at this time I stumbled across a place that would create some of the best times of my 3DX experience, but also some of the worst as I would repeat the same mistakes over and over by letting people in and getting too close.
Origins of Sin
Out of boredom, I was room hopping, looking for something that would hold my interest. I saw that a new room had opened "Origins of Sin: recruiting" so I stopped by to see what it was all about. (For the purposes of this post, I'll refer to the owner of the room as Sin.) As I appeared in Origins, it was clear what its purpose was. It was a brothel, the entry point was a modern and sleek club with a stage for the girls, the balcony was designed with stripper poles and there were beds in the back for the girls to entertain more privately. I wasn't sure I belonged there, up to this point my experiences had mostly been pretty tame, verging on innocent. Sin sat at one of the tables, I don't recall who initiated the conversation, but he told me that he was recruiting high quality escorts for his club, he wanted to provide a higher level of service that the standard sex rooms and the common brothels seen at the time. He wanted to compete with the likes of the Blue Lotus.
The idea of being an escort intrigued me, so I agreed to interview for a 'job'. It turned out I was the first girl he took on, he was impressed with my writing and description. I stuck around until he got bored with trying to recruit and we hung out some afterwards. We brainstormed, coming up with ideas for the club and I made the suggestion we name the girls after the 7 deadly sins, depending on which sin they were most like. He thought it was a great idea, so much so that he named me his 'business partner' and thus my alter ego 'Lust' was born.
Once we'd hired a few more girls, we opened for business. It started quietly but the hype soon grew, Origins of Sin and its girls of Sin were a hit! The crowds liked our take on the sin concept and picked their favourite sin to keep themselves company. Lust became pretty popular and would be off stage more often than on and found herself attracting more and more attention. She regularly had several conversations open at once, enticing each person, drawing them in and have them unwittingly competing against each other for her time. Sin regularly told her she was the best girl he had, always reliable, the quality of her work spoke for itself and she got on well with everyone. Lust was soon tasked with catering to the VIP clients and Sin had her design a VIP room especially for them. The girls became her sister sins and she developed a family of sorts with Sin at the head of it. The attention from the clients was intoxicating, the responsibility gave her virtual life purpose and the bonds she created gave her fulfilment. The nights at Origins became some of the best times of my 3DX life.
I recognise I am referring to Lust in the 3rd person, as if she's a mask or someone completely separate from myself which is contradictory to what I claimed earlier about being myself. However, Lust is an extreme part of my personality that started to take on a life of its own. I made the mistake of adding clients to my friend list so I could abuse the attention they provided, I became a bit of an attention whore.. maybe not in the same way a drama queen might, but I would suss out people's kinks and turn ons and exploit them to get more attention, the tactics I used while 'working' at Origins of Sin were being used outside the club. I was getting myself into a position where I was jumping from one client to the next in and outside of working hours and making a name for myself as someone who would fuck anyone, truly living up to the name I'd given myself, Lust.
It also caused a lot of tension between Lust and Sin, he quite rightly pointed out that no one would come to the club to see me if I was giving it away for free. But I couldn't help myself and in time, the people I was seeing got frustrated when I'd lead them on but not satisfy them and I wasn't able to cope with trying to manage them.. it'd become more of a job than fun. Once Origins had closed down and the people I had bonded with fell away, I maintained this for a time but eventually put distance between myself and many of the people I saw, it was more stress than it was worth without the family I once had within the club. Ultimately, I would put a stop to it altogether for reasons that will become clear later on.
My Sister Sin (SS for short)
One of the original Sin Sisters left early on, she'd been one of the girls I'd connected with most. But due to her own reasons, she left. I thought I'd lost that friendship for good and it wasn't until many months later that she found me again. I'd wondered onto the yacht one day to wait for my, now, husband and a little message popped up from someone sat by themselves. It was my SS in another body, it turned out that she'd played an alt in Origins and this was her main. We added each other to our friends list and we've been close friends ever since.
During my time at Origins, a guy came into my virtual life that would worm his way into my world in a way no one had since the Canadian. The Belgian was strong, confident and had a dominating presence.. I was instantly attracted and thus began my fall down the rabbit hole. We spent some time together just talking initially and he seemed to be just as interested in me as I was him. We talked about everything from sexual fantasies to our RL situations and more and when we took, whatever we had, to a sexual level he opened my eyes to a whole new world. It turned out that his dominating presence was just a hint at his sexual personality and as time moved on I found myself wanting to learn more about the world of BDSM. He promised to teach me and I agreed to learn and eventually become 'La Kajira' - a slave of sorts.
Time passed and we hadn't had more than a handful of sexual encounters, though we continued to spend a lot of time together. I craved his attention and would often do what I could to try and attract it.. becoming increasingly more agitated when he denied me or showed favour to another. I knew that if I wanted to be a good slave, I would have to learn to deal with this and did my best not to be a nuisence. However, once again I was starting to confuse fiction and reality because I had made the choice to allow him in, to know all of the real me. I didn't know it at the time, but I was falling for him, to this day I don't know if those feelings were ever returned.
Saying that, it came as a big shock to me when I found out he had entered a relationship with another girl, eventually becoming exclusive with her. I tried to hold it together but I had thought we were working towards something special. I knew I had no right to be upset but I couldn't help it. There ended up being intense conversations between me and this other girl where I was, in my eyes, manipulated into divulging my true feelings to her under the guise that she would talk to the Belgian and try to come to a resolution that would satisfy everyone. She then used that information against him and me, trying to separate us while trying to get closer herself. Many occaisions I was left confused, distraught and very often in real tears because I thought not only was I losing a potential partner (albeit virtual) but the closest thing I had to a best friend, once again I considered leaving the game. It was at this point, he and I had a very frank discussion about what we wanted from each other and we decided that nothing would change the friendship but it would never be more. With the help of friends that I still talk to, things got better from there, but it wasn't the same anymore, the girl would still try to get between us and use the feelings I was trying to set aside as a weapon.
The group of people we spent our time with, I believe, could sense I was pulling away. I think they knew something was going on but the people I told what was happening were few and far between. Eventually, the group started to split, the Belgian saw his girl for the kind of person she was, they split up and he disappeared. Through everything that happened, he was always there for me when I needed him, even when I was the one causing the drama. I hope he knows that I'm grateful to him for that. He's since been back to the game and we've been able to maintain what, to me, feels like a sibling-like friendship.
When the Belgian had chosen to go exclusive with his girl and I came to the realization that the promises of teaching me about BDSM were not going to be fulfilled I had resigned myself to this fact. Then I met the German. I saw him in Sin Club during one of my regluar scans of peoples profiles and something about his drew me in and in a very unsub like move, I approached him. Like the Belgian before him, he seemed very interested in me and we talked some about my situation, I told him about where I was in my 'training' and he offered to take me on as a sub. At the time I was still loyal to the Belgian so I declined his offer of making anything official, however, he and I did develop a relationship based on our shared passion for role play and we had several sexual encounters.
It started getting more and more regular and I decided to ask the Belgian permission to go to the German as his slave. He and the German spoke and agreed to the transfer and I became his. He introduced me to things I'd never experienced before, things that scared me at first, but as a Dom he was also very caring and never pushed me further than I could handle. I'm fairly certain he often let me get away with misbehaving more than he would have other subs as he and I developed the relationship futher.
I must be clear, the relationship never ventured into the realms of romance or love. We'd both been straight with each other from the start that neither of us had wanted that, he knew everything about the Belgian and what I went through there and he'd told me of past hurt and pain he'd experienced too. It was freeing to know that we could induldge in whatever roleplay we chose and know that no one was going to get hurt by mixed emotions. That being said, we did have a soft spot for one another, we were protective of each other in a way family would be and when drama came along (at this point I seemed to attract it like a magnet) he would jump to my defence, often speaking to those involved and telling them to back off. Eventually, for reasons I'll explain later, I broke off our roleplays and tried to maintain our friendship. Though we are still friendly, this friendship did not survive and he too disappeared.
One of those friends that helped me with the Belgian was a guy who seemed to sneak up on me. I'm not really sure how we ended up meeting, just one day he was there and a part of our group. He always seemed friendly and caring and I found it so easy to talk to him. I told him everything I'd told the Belgian and every time something caused me distress he seemed to just know so I often found myself confiding in him. It was sometimes difficult to be friends with him as some of the others in my group weren't overly fond of him but I kept it up because, selfishly, I wanted that unconditional attention and support he seemed to be offering.
After a while, people started hinting to me that what he felt may be more than just friendship. I dismissed this concept, stating we were just friends. I mentioned this to him and it came to light that in fact he did have strong feelings for me, he had chosen not to tell me because of the trouble I was having with the Belgian and my relationship with the German. After this I noticed things that should have been obvious, he lived in Australia but always seemed to be online the same times as me, he always seemed to show up wherever I was and he always seemed to go quiet if I was with someone in a sexual way. Since his confession, he became increasingly protective and jealous if I spent time with others in an intimate surrounding and later he told me that he wanted us to be in an exclusive relationship.
I had seen people in exclusive relationships in the game, I admired them for it but never once considered being in one here before. It seemed like an alien concept in a game such as 3DX and my first instinct was to resist it, tell him no. This should have been my first indication that things were going to take a turn for the worst at some point. He insisted that he wanted to be with me, ideally in an exclusive relationship. I told him it wasn't possible. I didn't want that so I tried to pull away from him but as I said before, I'm an attention whore and he was offering something that would feed that. I didn't want to hurt him by not being able to stick to the exclusivity so I continued to resist.
Eventually it came to a head when we didn't really have conversations anymore, only arguements about his jealousy and the fact I wasn't his to be jealous over. I started to relent, which I now see was wrong, just to settle the drama that was continuing to escalate. I tried to negotiate a semi-open relationship that enabled me to keep working at Origins and have intimate encounters with a selection of 'pre-approved' friends. It worked for a while, but I would find out that things would get much worse for us.
I often pushed him to sleep with others to demonstrate the openness I desired. But as before, he would get jealous, to the point of stalkerish. He would log into the game and appear at the entrance of a room, stay there for a minute or two and then disappear only to message me later. He would get upset with me that I hadn't messaged him sooner, even though it was clear that he'd seen me first but just waited for me to speak first. Even though he'd agreed to it, when I was working or with the 'pre approved' friends he would be passive agressive and I was getting to the point where I'd had enough. It got worse from there.
It turned out I'd failed to tell him something from my RL and he'd decided I was actively trying to hide it from him. I can honestly tell you now, it was a genuine mistake and I truly believed he knew. It caused everything to break down and we got stuck in some kind of relationship limbo. Eventually, I decided that enough was enough and I ended it.. I knew I'd made the mistake that put us in that limbo it should have been his choice to pull us out or not.. he didn't make it, so I did. He then turned into a full on stalker, following me everywhere, getting jealous if it looked like I was going to be intimate with someone.. (this is how it felt at the time) he even tried emotionally blackmailing me, he knew that I couldn't separate my feelings between real and virtual and played on that. Eventually, through a combination of being harsh and my/his friends talking to him, he finally started backing off. We've now been able to make amends and still talk every now and then.
My two ladies
There are two ladies who have made a HUGE impact on my 3DX life and kind of tie everything together. So this is where I tell you about them.
Blue was introduced to me by Sin, he took her under his wing after she'd had a pretty epic drama of her own. She seemed so sweet and innocent that I was instantly protective of her, we grew close and for a time we were pretty inseparable. She confided in me everything that had happened to her, her most protected secrets and I did the same. Not only were we each others confidants but we had a lot of fun too, running around being silly, groping each other and even taking it to a sexual level until she met someone she wanted to be exclusive with. She's been my constant throughout Origins, the Belgian, the German and the Australian and I still keep in contact with her. She also set into motion meeting the most important person in my life now.
Blue introduced me to Sun. I call her Sun because she became my little ray of sunshine. One night, our group were hosting a movie night and Blue asked if she could bring a friend. Sun was shy and sweet, mostly quiet through the night but she shone, holding my attention. Not in a lecherous way, but I'd gone through a lot of grief, both in and out of the game and she was bright (not just her clothes) and cheery and it was a nice change from the drama. As the others left and it was just the 3 of us remaining, she came out of her shell a little and I got to know her a little more. She stuck in my mind, I wanted to see her again.. just be near her to soak up the happiness she emanated. Thankfully I did and we became close, she never fails to cheer me up with her eternal light and optimism. It was through Sun that I met Fox and my life, both virtual and real, would be irreversibly changed forever.
Those of you who know us, I'm sure you're expecting some big romantic introduction and while that would be fun to write about, it didn't happen like that. For starters, we met in the middle of the Belgian/German/Australian dramas and secondly, he was already in a relationship in the game. We both were hanging out with Sun and got to talking, about silly things mostly, he made me laugh and we had fun as a group. Over a week or so, I hung around with them often and we talked more about other things too, finding we had a lot in common. The more we talked, the more we realized how similar our tastes were and we started to connect and we started talking about more personal things.
Now, I'm sure by now, you can understand why I'm about to tell you that although this guy I'd met was easy to talk to and we had a great many things in common.. I was reluctant to let him get too close. But time and time again, he proved that I could trust him and that he could be relied on for support. He, like Blue and Sun, supported me through all the drama going on around me and often made a habit of trying to settle things down. The more we talked and spent time together the closer we got and I chose to do something I hadn't since the Canadian.. I let him into my real world. We started talking on TG, we talked almost all day everyday about everything and nothing, we talked about our pasts in the game and in reality.. eventually we knew each other better than some people in reality did. I could feel something happening that terrified me.. I started to develop feelings for him.
As you know, I'd had feelings for people before and I'd been hurt. So not only did I have that whispering in the back of my mind, but the drama hadn't long since died down and he was still in a relationship with another girl, though it was more a relationship born of convenience he didn't want to hurt this person by abandoning them. I was waiting for Sin to come back to reopen Origins and I was still with the German so that stood in the way too. A lot of the issues we faced were so similar to what happened with the Australian it scared me even more because it was so fresh in my memory of how that ended.
As with the Australian I resisted any kind of promise of exclusivity if we ever got together. It was more than just not wanting to give up these things now, it was wanting a safety net in case it all went wrong and we never ended up together. I refused to take that risk, giving everything up when I thought it couldn't work because he and I had both realised that the feelings were more real than we'd thought and my real life couldn't facilitate that at the time.
The turning point came when I'd joined his friends for a game of truth or dare and he had been dared to use a sexual pose for a set number of turns on his girlfriend at the time. The spike of jealousy hit me so hard I was almost dizzy. I didn't know what to do with myself.. he wasn't mine to be able to speak out about it. The jealousy was so real that I couldn't help but cry, it was destroying me to see him with someone else even in a virtual setting.
He knew almost immediately that there was something wrong with me.. I told him, I wasn't in any frame of mind to try and hide it. I told him I'd give up Origins, the German, everything.. I'd be exclusive for him if he would be mine. He spoke to the girl he was with and told her what was going on between us and we let him make the decision about what he wanted to do. As I'm sure you've guessed, he chose to be with me and I couldn't believe my luck. The girl he was with is still good friends with us to this day and, to my knowledge, is happy with the way things have turned out.
However, this is not the end of our rocky road.. we've had many blasts from the past with various people making their reappearances (all the people I've told you about here), new dramas and our own insecurities. Not to mention that pesky problem of my RL circumstances still standing in the way of true happiness, considering the feelings for each other still grew and became more real as time went on and we spoke over discord and skype more and more regularly. He was fast becoming a permanent fixture in my real world and eventually I chose to make room for him so that we could take the virtual out of our relationship. I can honestly say I have never been happier to take these risks, the reward has far outweighed all of the drama, the doubts and the uncertainty.
Sometimes people ask us how we make it work, what's our secret? It comes down to 3 factors.. being friends as well as lovers, compromise and most importantly honesty. In all things.. the good, the bad and the ugly. It's always a struggle to be compeltely honest with another person, even for us, but a relationship cannot work without that founding principle. There have been people who wish to hurt us by using things that they think we won't have told each other, or they bring up past indesgressions. What they fail to realise is we have nothing to hide from the other, we know everything about each other and that's how we stay strong and support each other when the shit hits the fan and there's drama all around us.
It certainly helps that we have the real world connection too, it reinforces the bond we share and adds to the intimacy. Knowing that there's a warm pair of arms always waiting to hold me makes a big difference, I know I can walk away from 3DX whenever I want and he will still be there to love me and I will always love him right back.
Having both the virtual and the real worlds at our disposal has meant that although we may not be physically close all the time, we could still have an intimate relationship in reality. Using a combination of the game and roleplay, remotely controlled sex toys and voice comms I was experiencing the game as I never had before. We use it to act out ideas and fantasies we had for each other, use it to turn each other on before taking it to the real world or use a combination of the two. By the time we met in reality, we had a good understanding of what turned the other on and took away a little of the awkwardness of that 'first time'.
For those of you who think that real and genuine love cannot be found here, I say you're wrong. Even though, like many, I've had my fair share of trials and dramas.. I've found it. It didn't happen over night and it is incredibly rare.. but it can happen. You just have to be open to it and willing to put in the effort to overcome the fears, the insecurities and anything else that comes along. At the end of the day, successful couples go through everything unsuccessful ones do, they just don't let it pull them apart. Because we pulled through, we're now going to be spending the holidays together and will be making plans in the New Year to move in together and keep working on a future together.
Thanks for reading!
Thank you to everyone who's managed to stay awake long enough to get this far.. I'm so sorry it's a massive wall of text! Fox will tell you I have a severe case of word vomit and I don't tend to stop talking unless he's there to shut me up! There may be some details that I've missed along the way.. but this is my memory of the last year or so in 3DX and I'll probably go back to edit if I remember anything else.