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A life in 3DX: A diary by RomanFox


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#21 RomanFox

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Posted 15 December 2016 - 10:00 PM

XDDDD



#22 chaostika

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Posted 15 December 2016 - 10:13 PM

A diary isnt a true diary until its been trolled once so congrats, took one post.

 

cheers-to-manufacturing.jpg

 

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#23 Athene

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 12:52 AM

ROB BE NICE

 

I still firmly believe that despite it's over the internet, that people can form deep feelings for another person anyway, or just in general long-lasting friendships/relationships. But at the same time... I will always put things into perspective, especially in the virtual world of 3DX, where so many things in the RL would never happen.. Things get skewed here. The way I've coped is by staying true to who I am and not getting lost in the petty drama (albeit for the entertainment.. lmao).


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#24 RobT

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 12:54 AM

I was being nice i assure you. Was not meant for you nor roman.
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#25 Athene

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 02:12 AM



#26 gammareh

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 10:06 AM

Roman, I have read through the whole thread and you leave me with very mixed feelings.

 

Let's put aside for the moment that one of the main characters of your story is somebody who is extremely dear to me.

 

My mixed feelings refer to something completely different.

 

From what I read (and I'm not sure if I have understood everthing correctly, because I'm not a native speaker), your "coming out" was mainly based on your own feelings of not being able to go on as Jessie anymore. On one hand I admire your braveness to do this step, on the other hand I ask myself if it is such a wise thing to come clear for yourself (generally speaking), well being aware of the fact that by doing this you will hurt others.

 

To explain what I'm pointing at I guess I have to tell a part of my own story. In my early days in 3dx I had a relationship to somebody here who was very dear to me. My feelings for this person were very strong and though we never reached a point where we would have something that could be called a love affair we spent a lot of time together, inside and outside 3dx.

 

The day came when this person confessed to me that the 3dx avi I knew and the person behind it were (it's difficult to find a right word for me here) "incomparable".

 

I was hurt, of course. However, and this is extremely important to me, I was not hurt because of the fact itself. I was hurt of the fact that all of a sudden all my memories, the wonderful moments we had shared together, were suddenly and ultimately destroyed.

 

My memories are always linked to the person being in my head. With this person gone, everything was gone.

 

So, Is this "coming out" worth the pain and anger which is caused in other people? Wouldn't it have been a much wiser step to just quit the game, wait a while and start anew from scrap, with a new avi, fitting one's own personality much better?

 

I put this as a question, because I don't know this myself. The only thing I know is what I thought when this confession was made to me. "Now you came clear for yourself. Great. And you leave me dealing with what's left of my memories."

 

Gamma


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#27 RomanFox

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 12:30 PM

Roman, I have read through the whole thread and you leave me with very mixed feelings.

 

Let's put aside for the moment that one of the main characters of your story is somebody who is extremely dear to me.

 

My mixed feelings refer to something completely different.

 

From what I read (and I'm not sure if I have understood everthing correctly, because I'm not a native speaker), your "coming out" was mainly based on your own feelings of not being able to go on as Jessie anymore. On one hand I admire your braveness to do this step, on the other hand I ask myself if it is such a wise thing to come clear for yourself (generally speaking), well being aware of the fact that by doing this you will hurt others.

 

To explain what I'm pointing at I guess I have to tell a part of my own story. In my early days in 3dx I had a relationship to somebody here who was very dear to me. My feelings for this person were very strong and though we never reached a point where we would have something that could be called a love affair we spent a lot of time together, inside and outside 3dx.

 

The day came when this person confessed to me that the 3dx avi I knew and the person behind it were (it's difficult to find a right word for me here) "incomparable".

 

I was hurt, of course. However, and this is extremely important to me, I was not hurt because of the fact itself. I was hurt of the fact that all of a sudden all my memories, the wonderful moments we had shared together, were suddenly and ultimately destroyed.

 

My memories are always linked to the person being in my head. With this person gone, everything was gone.

 

So, Is this "coming out" worth the pain and anger which is caused in other people? Wouldn't it have been a much wiser step to just quit the game, wait a while and start anew from scrap, with a new avi, fitting one's own personality much better?

 

I put this as a question, because I don't know this myself. The only thing I know is what I thought when this confession was made to me. "Now you came clear for yourself. Great. And you leave me dealing with what's left of my memories."

 

Gamma

 

Thank you for your input, Gamma!

 

I feel I should make a few things more clear, because I understand where your mixed feelings are coming from.

 

The first, and maybe the most important one is the fact that these events as JessyDesire have ended close (if not over) 6 months ago. A lot of time has passed between the events within my user diary and today. So, you must understand that none of these events are actually recent other than the last few paragraphs describing my more current state. It was only now I felt like writing it all down... mostly because a lot has changed between then and now.

I can gladly add that I've managed to come to good terms with most of the people that were affected by the things I did back then... I even managed to restore old friendships.

I'm not saying they forgot what happened, and I'm pretty sure some of these people are still a little refrained when it comes to trusting me... which I completely understand, But, (keep in mind I said most people) the fact that most of the people involved, including myself, are back on good terms with eachother is something I'm actually glad about.

 

The reason for this user diary isn't and will never be a means to stirr things up. As I mentioned in response to another comment, I can't really put my finger on why I wrote it... I think most of it comes down to a few reasons:

 

1. Showing people out there that there's a lot of things going on behind the scenes. On the surface someone may look coldhearted or indifferent about other people's feelings, but that is rarely the case. I also think that quitting the game or disappearing (albeit into a different character) is never the right decision... I was told shortly after the events, from someone I could tell was struggling to tell me this in the first place, that running is not a solution (because that was in fact what I was going to end up doing if not for them...). I decided I was going to explain the situation to everyone who had ears for it and explain to them how genuinly sorry I was that I had dragged them into it... I knew some people would not be able to accept my apologies, but at the time.... that was not what I was looking for.

 

2. As a person who's been on both sides of the fence when it comes to dealing with fictional characters and actual feelings. I still think it's important that people understand that not everyone has the intent to use their fictional character to do harm. In fact, in my case, it was intended for anything but intimacy, it was intended to help out people that (and this is still happening today) are being judged before people get to know them... it was my own personal and non-fictional feelings that made that an almost impossible endeavor. This may be a very controversial thing to say, but I believe that 3DX gains from roleplayers such as these (as long as they are able to prevent things such as described in my own diary). But as soon as feelings are involved, I believe the truth should be shared to prevent actual harm. That doesn't mean I feel they should put it on their profile... because to some, playing a female character is their way to escape from the negativity surrounding male characters... But they should bring it up as soon as they feel someone is crushing on them... I think the topic surrounding players playing the opposite gender could very well have its own seperate thread... there's just too many different reasons why people choose to do so. But as I mentioned before... my diary could very well help those people to understand that they should be open and honest about their true genders (not identity, because some wish to remain somewhat anonymous) if choosing not to could lead to hurting others.

 

3. The last sentence in your response: "Now you came clear for yourself. Great. And you leave me dealing with what's left of my memories."

It took me some time to fully understand, back then, that that is in fact a very true statement. I couldn't understand why some people that were merely friends and weren't actual partners... were also having a hard time dealing with the fact that my character was fictional. They had opened and shared so much about themselves, I have helped multiple people try and come back from heartbreaks, heated discussions with others, personal problems... I failed to see that once I came out telling I wasn't actually who I claimed to be... people felt that their friend was gone. I think the main reason why I failed to understand that back then was mostly because I too had shared a lot of personal information... The main reason JessyDesire was so realistic and seemingly a legit person... was the fact that a lot of my personal life was in fact hers... although adjusted slightly so it would fit JessyDesire's identity. I've shared the passing of my grandmother to cancer with people, which was actually true... I've shared details in my life in the form of an alter ego and even asked for advice... What I'm getting at is, I failed to understand how their friend was gone while it was still the same person. Through the course of time up to now... I've realized why that is and now understand why it was such a hard thing to take.

As much as I want to, I can't give a solution for the pain that these memories can still hold. I can't give a solution that would solve the issue of missing that fictional person...

The thing I apply to myself, as someone who also experienced that side of things (dealing with friends/partners coming out as someone else) is the fact that I was able to still somehow appreciate the moments we shared. Maybe the reason I'm able to do this is because I was once in a similar situation such as them... so I'm not expecting everyone to be able to do that. There's also the difference that some people might take up an entirely different personality or a completely different set of rules when choosing to play a female character... in which case it is in fact impossible to salvage your friendship with them. They weren't themselves in the slightest way... For some reason, I'm still glad that a lot of JessyDesire's personality was in fact me... because people have realized that I'm still pretty much similar to the "good" JessyDesire they knew. (Although I think I changed quite a bit).

 

Long story short, this post is more about opening people's eyes to how things aren't always the same as they look. It is about coming out and not running away from my past. It is about showing and pointing out the changes from then to now and it is about explaining that behind everyone character there is in fact a real person with real feelings and how our decisions can have a big impact on them. A big part of it is about showing people who know me the way I am now... and who never knew about these past experiences... that everyone can make mistakes, that everyone can show regret and that everyone can try and eventually succeed in turning things around and allow themselves to proof to people who they really are.

 

EDIT: I realized I didn't fully answer the part where you mentioned that it feels more like this story is based on my own feelings of why I couldn't continue as JessyDesire. Technically, part of it is true... I can only give my own view and my own thoughts on what happened. But the main reason for quitting to play as that character was because at that point I realized I was doing more harm than good to both others and myself. If that revelation wasn't the case, I could have very well never decided to create RomanFox and I would have continued over and over and repeated the same mistakes.

 

I hope I was able to answer some of your questions.

Thanks again for your input.


Edited by RomanFox, 16 December 2016 - 12:57 PM.

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#28 DarrenD

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:05 PM

Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts, Roman. Even though my legacy with 3dx is not nearly as long as yours, I can understand quite well what you are talking about.

 

Years ago, when you could have 3 alts with each registration, I had both female and male characters and experimented a lot with them and enjoyed it very much. A thing like "love" not really occurred then and to be honest, I never thought about it. For some reasons I then quit playing 3dx and returned only a couple of months before.

 

And again, today I find it tempting to create an alt, because it allows you to act out fantasies you could not otherwise.

 

Yes, the argument that "this is only a game" is not well received by some people, but I'd like to point out that this is not only "a game" but actually a role playing game. It is impossible not to play a role in this game and what role this is depends on the players discretion.

 

Love, affection and friendship of course happens, yes. There is a huge social aspect in the game. But I ask you again: if you fall in love with a "role", what is so bad about it? Should we all start our profiles with something like: beware, this is a role playing game and this avi might be different from the real person?

 

Why should being hurt by Jessie be different from being hurt by your current character?

 

I for my part have made it the rule to ask my "friends" and/or "partners" after some time if the character I'm interacting with is their main avi and if this is their "real" gender. I've had many very interesting discussions about their reasons to create an alt, the gender, sexual orientation or profile desc they chose for their alt.

 

But of course, at the bottom line and as mentioned in many profiles as well: we should not forget that all those avis are human operated, humans with feelings.



#29 RobT

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:29 PM

Yes, the argument that "this is only a game" is not well received by some people, but I'd like to point out that this is not only "a game" but actually a role playing game. It is impossible not to play a role in this game and what role this is depends on the players discretion.

 

Love, affection and friendship of course happens, yes. There is a huge social aspect in the game. But I ask you again: if you fall in love with a "role", what is so bad about it? Should we all start our profiles with something like: beware, this is a role playing game and this avi might be different from the real person?

 

Why should being hurt by Jessie be different from being hurt by your current character?

 

I for my part have made it the rule to ask my "friends" and/or "partners" after some time if the character I'm interacting with is their main avi and if this is their "real" gender. I've had many very interesting discussions about their reasons to create an alt, the gender, sexual orientation or profile desc they chose for their alt.

you do understand how contradictory this post looks. you are saying whats wrong with me or someone doing it yet in the next paragraph you state yourself that you like to know and will ask your partners. if it is no big deal, why ask?



#30 gammareh

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:39 PM

I think I get your point.

There are a few aspects on which I do not agree, especially when it comes to the "running away" part, but I'm afraid that there is no ultimate solution for this. Neither for the one looking for a solution, nor for the ones having to deal with it.

#31 RobT

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:41 PM

all in all i think this is the greatest problem with "its a game" rationale  Not talking about you because i dont know you but most who do it will defend doing it with the "its a game" yet if it happens to them, all hell breaks loose.  if you want to use that way of thinking let it go both ways, otherwise its fake

 

Perfect example is someone i know who loved to cause a friend problems with his wife and now the same thing is happening to him and he isnt happy at all. Karma is a bitch and she bites hard



#32 DarrenD

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:42 PM

you do understand how contradictory this post looks. you are saying whats wrong with me or someone doing it yet in the next paragraph you state yourself that you like to know and will ask your partners. if it is no big deal, why ask?

Why should this be contradictory?

 

If someone wants to play as a Neko or a vampire or whatever I'm curious about why. My entire expectation is that I play with other role players and I'm simply interested in this role.



#33 RomanFox

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:42 PM

Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts, Roman. Even though my legacy with 3dx is not nearly as long as yours, I can understand quite well what you are talking about.

 

Years ago, when you could have 3 alts with each registration, I had both female and male characters and experimented a lot with them and enjoyed it very much. A thing like "love" not really occurred then and to be honest, I never thought about it. For some reasons I then quit playing 3dx and returned only a couple of months before.

 

And again, today I find it tempting to create an alt, because it allows you to act out fantasies you could not otherwise.

 

Yes, the argument that "this is only a game" is not well received by some people, but I'd like to point out that this is not only "a game" but actually a role playing game. It is impossible not to play a role in this game and what role this is depends on the players discretion.

 

Love, affection and friendship of course happens, yes. There is a huge social aspect in the game. But I ask you again: if you fall in love with a "role", what is so bad about it? Should we all start our profiles with something like: beware, this is a role playing game and this avi might be different from the real person?

 

Why should being hurt by Jessie be different from being hurt by your current character?

 

I for my part have made it the rule to ask my "friends" and/or "partners" after some time if the character I'm interacting with is their main avi and if this is their "real" gender. I've had many very interesting discussions about their reasons to create an alt, the gender, sexual orientation or profile desc they chose for their alt.

 

But of course, at the bottom line and as mentioned in many profiles as well: we should not forget that all those avis are human operated, humans with feelings.

 

Hello DarrenD,

I agree with most of what you said... there's some really good questions in there.

I'd like to comment on the part where you said that part about falling in love with a "role".

That in itself is not really a problem as I see it... the fact of the matter is that most people who allow themselves to acquire feelings for someone... also develop feelings and/or an interest towards the operator of that "role". It's then that things become complicated. It's no longer about just the "role" but the person behind it. When things turn out to be completely fictional... because we all end up sharing some information about our personal lives to the people we are close or trusting with... It could be hurtful to realize all of it wasn't real and your feelings for that person turn out, somewhat, undermined. People create expectations subconsciously... It's all there in the post that Gammareh made.

 

 

you do understand how contradictory this post looks. you are saying whats wrong with me or someone doing it yet in the next paragraph you state yourself that you like to know and will ask your partners. if it is no big deal, why ask?

 

I think as much as we all want to not get affected by whether or not the person is in fact real or not... we all remain curious about it and maybe at one point prod away in an attempt to find out. I can tell that it's not a big deal whether or not the people I interact with are real or not... but I do find myself still being curious about it.



#34 RobT

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:44 PM

Why should this be contradictory?

 

If someone wants to play as a Neko or a vampire or whatever I'm curious about why. My entire expectation is that I play with other role players and I'm simply interested in this role.

because you seem to say its perfectly fine in one section and in another you want to know what gender they are, etc. if its just a role play, why should you care? arent you killing the role play by asking and ruining the illusion? I am not accusing you of anything, i just wish to be enlightened because i am not a role player



#35 RobT

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:49 PM

let me ask this and it actually happened. a good friend of mine met someone, they became very close and fell in love (going by what they both said) turns out he was telling her how much he loved her, yada yada and he didnt need anyone else. while half the time having a opposite gender alt fucking dudes. so my question is this....   role play or just straight trying to be a sneaky bastard? 



#36 RomanFox

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 04:53 PM

I think I get your point.

There are a few aspects on which I do not agree, especially when it comes to the "running away" part, but I'm afraid that there is no ultimate solution for this. Neither for the one looking for a solution, nor for the ones having to deal with it.

 

I'm not entirely sure if this post is related to me, but if it is, here's my response:

 

The running away part is one of those things that doesn't really hold a right choice. If you run away, you are seen as a coward, fully admitting to everything that you did as described by other people's opinions and those opinions automatically become the "truth" since you felt like running.

 

Staying around can cause issues for people that notice you, because it brings back memories of the events... but on the other hand, you get to work on your own second chance to prove whether or not you're genuinly sorry. You can work your way to apologizing and otherwise salvaging what can be salvaged. It shows character and good will... sure, not everyone thinks of it that way and not everyone would agree that it's the right choice. But as I mentioned earlier... both choices have their pro's and cons... and ultimately, you have to live with the consequences of your choice and stick with it.

 

In other words (keep in mind this is just my opinion on it), to me... running away from all this would be a sign of weakness or defeat. I'm in no position to declare victory here, but I did choose to stay and I have made attempts to rectify as much as I could. I live my life very differently now then I did then and people who've seen me, talked to me and/or observed me can confirm just that. I'm glad I decided to stay, I'm glad I managed to set things right with most people and I'm glad I managed to "grow up" and admit the mistakes I made.


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#37 RobT

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 05:06 PM

I'm not entirely sure if this post is related to me, but if it is, here's my response:

 

The running away part is one of those things that doesn't really hold a right choice. If you run away, you are seen as a coward, fully admitting to everything that you did as described by other people's opinions and those opinions automatically become the "truth" since you felt like running.

 

Staying around can cause issues for people that notice you, because it brings back memories of the events... but on the other hand, you get to work on your own second chance to prove whether or not you're genuinly sorry. You can work your way to apologizing and otherwise salvaging what can be salvaged. It shows character and good will... sure, not everyone thinks of it that way and not everyone would agree that it's the right choice. But as I mentioned earlier... both choices have their pro's and cons... and ultimately, you have to live with the consequences of your choice and stick with it.

 

In other words (keep in mind this is just my opinion on it), to me... running away from all this would be a sign of weakness or defeat. I'm in no position to declare victory here, but I did choose to stay and I have made attempts to rectify as much as I could. I live my life very differently now then I did then and people who've seen me, talked to me and/or observed me can confirm just that. I'm glad I decided to stay, I'm glad I managed to set things right with most people and I'm glad I managed to "grow up" and admit the mistakes I made.

while some seem to be a little negative about this thread, you should prob be commended that you posted this months after, if in fact you wasnt caught and just came clean.  most of the people who "come clean" are ones who got busted and are trying to save face. so kudos to you.

 

this type of thread will always get attention due to the subject. I have sort of changed my thinking. I no longer care what anyone does as long as they arent hurting me or my friends. Its really none of my business


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#38 DarrenD

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 05:07 PM

because you seem to say its perfectly fine in one section and in another you want to know what gender they are, etc. if its just a role play, why should you care? arent you killing the role play by asking and ruining the illusion? I am not accusing you of anything, i just wish to be enlightened because i am not a role player

lol, enlightenment shall follow then :)

 

Like I said, if I interact with another player more often, I'm of course curious learning more about the human operator behind the avi and the motivations for the chosen role. At least for me, this does not spoil anything, instead, most of the time, this has allowed me to learn many things about myself, too.

 

 

let me ask this and it actually happened. a good friend of mine met someone, they became very close and fell in love (going by what they both said) turns out he was telling her how much he loved her, yada yada and he didnt need anyone else. while half the time having a opposite gender alt fucking dudes. so my question is this....   role play or just straight trying to be a sneaky bastard? 

Like in RL, you have no assurance that anybody tells you the truth ... so yes, just a bastard.


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#39 RobT

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 05:09 PM

lol, enlightenment shall follow then :)

 

Like I said, if I interact with another player more often, I'm of course curious learning more about the human operator behind the avi and the motivations for the chosen role. At least for me, this does not spoil anything, instead, most of the time, this has allowed me to learn many things about myself, too.

 

 

Like in RL, you have no assurance that anybody tells you the truth ... so yes, just a bastard.

thank you sir, appreciate the response



#40 DarrenD

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Posted 16 December 2016 - 05:35 PM

Hello DarrenD,

I agree with most of what you said... there's some really good questions in there.

I'd like to comment on the part where you said that part about falling in love with a "role".

That in itself is not really a problem as I see it... the fact of the matter is that most people who allow themselves to acquire feelings for someone... also develop feelings and/or an interest towards the operator of that "role". It's then that things become complicated. It's no longer about just the "role" but the person behind it. When things turn out to be completely fictional... because we all end up sharing some information about our personal lives to the people we are close or trusting with... It could be hurtful to realize all of it wasn't real and your feelings for that person turn out, somewhat, undermined. People create expectations subconsciously... It's all there in the post that Gammareh made.

Your point about subconsciously created expectations is very valid. Probably impossible to prevent, no matter how much everybody involved tries to keep in mind, that it's "just a game". It is human beings interacting with each other, with all their faults ...

 

What I particularly found interesting about your post is that you mention the troubles this has caused for you, the "identity crisis" you went through. In the end we all want to be loved for what we are and not for the role we are playing.

 

Maybe virtual relationships are just even more complicated than real ones, I don't know ...


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