Should I re-draw the line?

[TheCriticalMrHits]

I've recently had my eyes open to a few things about my RP style/expectations, and it got me thinking quite a bit, and I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much, or confusing the issue, so I'll post it in hope of getting a meaningful response.

 

I don't really get turned on by BDSM of any kind (also not too big on Public Sex... I know, I'm tragically vanilla)

 

My thing is sensuality and intimacy in RP. I love the language used and the descriptions. I love reading a hot line your character says to mine, or a detailed /me post about what you're doing and how your body is moving/reacting, but I also love composing and sending them... In fact, I've actually been called 'too descriptive' before.

 

I'm a fan of what I just now named: 'Netflix and chill RP'. Basically no real scenario, no real roles, just alone in private, cuddling and chatting/RP flirting as things heat up.

 

Once things do heat up, I don't have as many expectations on the direction the sex takes (other than my disinterest in BDSM). slow and tender, fast and hard, as long as she's getting into it and posting in the chat box, I will be as well.

 

THE PROBLEM that I did not see before is the fact that I'm basically looking for dating and serious relationship level RP, but only during RP sessions... I'm not looking to actually get into a relationship in-game.

 

Am I asking too much? I'd love to hear some opinions.

[Alexandrien]

Your problem will be finding partners who will not confuse your relationship RP with "normal" aka non-RP avatar actions in game.

To be honest, i think that will be tricky, but not impossible as long as you declare your wishes upfront.

Probably that might end a lot of "dates" right at the beginning, but at least you will be honest to the other person and she can decide for herself.

 

I'm not quite sure if this helps you though.

 

cheers,

Alex

[Naptime]

I suppose is all in how you define RP. (Role Play) Sensuality & Intimacy how you describe it is the role or the expectation. You can water this idea all day long in a timeline every time you log into 3dx. You can base it on what I like to call a real timeline but the people who are involved have to be organized on play times to progress on the timeline into a direction that allows the RP to grow into new realms. Sometime this will require feed back from your partner/s as it just will never last just on your own expectations if you wanna create a sand box of players under the same idea that essentially flourishes off your single idea of sensuality & intimacy. BDSM community real or virtual was born in a sand box that required the same kinda feed back to allow the community to flourish into numbers as it is in modern day. Its a community what's done in side it is the RP or the life styles of individuals.

[ChloeMoretz]

dating is always fun try rp asking someone out in game! sounds cute, id prolly do it

[SamanthaSweetheart]

THE PROBLEM that I did not see before is the fact that I'm basically looking for dating and serious relationship level RP, but only during RP sessions... I'm not looking to actually get into a relationship in-game.

 

Honestly sweetheart, if you're not ready to take that kind of step in a relationship out in the real world, I don't think you should ask someone to do the same for you in game.

 

Being terribly vanilla doesn't mean that you're extremely mundane, it means you're very picky about the kind of ice cream you want to eat. Think of it this way, if you're not ready to fulfill someone's role play to the fullest of their expectations, you're not ready to ask for someone to fulfill yours to that extent.

 

Role players often forget the first unspoken rule of role play, and no, it's not that you don't talk about Fight Club.

 

"You don't role play for yourself. You role play to make someone else and their experience, a better one."

 

Not everyone is going to agree with that statement, but that's what separates good role players, from the great ones. I bet you can't remember the last time you role played with someone, as opposed to the last time someone made your role play experience, an unforgettable one.

 

Think about it. ♥ 

[TheCriticalMrHits]

Thank you all, I appreciate the replies, I needed the food for thought.

 

*edit

Honestly sweetheart, if you're not ready to take that kind of step in a relationship out in the real world, I don't think you should ask someone to do the same for you in game.

 

Being terribly vanilla doesn't mean that you're extremely mundane, it means you're very picky about the kind of ice cream you want to eat. Think of it this way, if you're not ready to fulfill someone's role play to the fullest of their expectations, you're not ready to ask for someone to fulfill yours to that extent.

I read you loud and clear. That is actually a big part of the reason I haven't looked for anything serious in game, if I'm being totally honest.

 

I'm not totally vanilla, I have a fetish or two (I think everyone does), but I agree that it's a two way street, and that I'm picky about who I traverse it with.

 

more later, once I've given this a bit more thought

[Guest beccie]

THE PROBLEM that I did not see before is the fact that I'm basically looking for dating and serious relationship level RP, but only during RP sessions... I'm not looking to actually get into a relationship in-game.

 

 

 

My advice would be to follow your instinct - if you don't want a relationship in-game, don't give in to that simply because you think it might be the only way to get the intimacy that you crave. I'm sure there are other like-minded players who would be perfect for you.

 

'I'm not here for a relationship' was pretty much my motto in 3dx and I made no secret of that fact. Twice I allowed that red line to blur and grey, twice I entered into relationships and twice I pretty much got my head fucked up - especially the last time, and that completely finished me off as far as the game went. And then you're faced with even more questions and self-doubt - like, how the heck was my judgement so way off mark? It eats away at you, fucks your head around a bit more and chews up and spits out any remaining enjoyment you might have had in the game.

 

[*takes a deep breath and counts to 10 lol]

 

Seriously, I would always advise people not to ignore their principles. It's a tough road to travel when it all goes pear-shaped and you can't undo it. It's not about re-drawing a line in the sand, its about ramming your finger into the line and making it even clearer to you and everyone else around you.

 

But do be open with what you want and I have no doubt you'll find someone who can match your expectations.

[Nikki]

The main problem in this game is that people cant accept the fact that there is other people that simply dont want to progress into the real world with in an ingame relationship.

 

I ve hears things like: "There is no such thing like a VR relationship only. Its always going into IRL"

 

 

And I say it isnt true.

[Guest beccie]

The main problem in this game is that people cant accept the fact that there is other people that simply dont want to progress into the real world with in an ingame relationship.

 

I ve hears things like: "There is no such thing like a VR relationship only. Its always going into IRL"

 

 

And I say it isnt true.

 

Spot on. It rarely progresses to real life. But some people aren't honest about that and play their partner along as part of their sick fantasy, making them believe in the possibility of it becoming RL .

[Nikki]

It rarely happens yes, but most of the ppl try to push anyway as you said. Thats why I show them my boundaries and how far it will go before anything starts. Kinda as "Terms of use"

 

So noone can say: "You never told me that" and bla bla

[SamanthaSweetheart]

 

Thank you all, I appreciate the replies, I needed the food for thought.

 

*edit

I read you loud and clear. That is actually a big part of the reason I haven't looked for anything serious in game, if I'm being totally honest.

 

I'm not totally vanilla, I have a fetish or two (I think everyone does), but I agree that it's a two way street, and that I'm picky about who I traverse it with.

 

more later, once I've given this a bit more thought

 

 

I'm glad you can see if from that perspective, honey. Your willingness to see it from that angle means that you're more than capable of reaching a compromise in role play- not only with yourself, but with the person willing to participate with you.

 

You giving it more thought, shows maturity in the way you want to pursue this. I can appreciate that. ♥

[Naptime]

 

Thank you all, I appreciate the replies, I needed the food for thought.

 

*edit

I read you loud and clear. That is actually a big part of the reason I haven't looked for anything serious in game, if I'm being totally honest.

 

I'm not totally vanilla, I have a fetish or two (I think everyone does), but I agree that it's a two way street, and that I'm picky about who I traverse it with.

 

more later, once I've given this a bit more thought

 

PaulaSamantha said it best with maturity in how you pursue. My advice is to put yourself on that professional platform as gamer & just say I came to play the game. This is what I like yada yada. Honesty in a place like this is the best bait. Its just shitty that sometimes you gotta throw back those who don't understand this concept full circle. I wouldn't waste your time trying to convince that honesty to the fish outta water. This just means that many here know there is a fine line between mixing "Real" reality with a game vs keeping the 2 entities apart especially in a sensuality & intimacy style RP. The fish outta water will fear it. There fear should never be your problem. Drive that idea you got and see who you can pick up mate!!! Cheers!!!

[Claymore]

Often, when people say things like 'Am I asking too much?' it's a question they already have the answer to. Yes, you are.

In my eyes, I have not read about, heard of, or experienced a form of human behaviour in-game which doesn't reflect behaviours which also reside in the real world. Until now.

So let's take your scenario from 3DX and back to planet Earth. Good luck with asking a girl to be your Thursday night Netflix chick (complete with flowers, chocolates, butterfly kisses down her neck and whispering 'I love you' in her ear as you snuggle up on the sofa before a galaxy of stars burst above you in the throws of passionate love making) but on the understanding that on Friday you'll merely bid her a 'good morning, how are you, can you make next week?'

In my experience, sexual desires and kinks can be flicked on and off. 'On' in bedroom, 'off' elsewhere. They can even be faked a little to please another. But love doesn't work like that. It's felt or it's not.

What you describe is a little like telling a girl you are going to cook her a meal and then ordering a take-away. The food will still be good but the lack of effort would leave a bitter after taste.

Being brutally honest, I think you want the thrill without the risk. I totally get why sensual sex is a big turn on for you. The best sexual experiences I've had in 3DX have been like that. But the feelings - in a virtual world context - were real. That's what made it work. That's what made it sexy.

So why not take a risk?

[NickFantasy]

That's pure acting then - Roleplaying the feelings and emotions can be very hurtful, if your partner doesnt know - i'd even go further by saying thats cheating on her/him.

But if you say it from the beginning then i think its fine, even if i have some doubts bout beeing succesfull with that way of playing the game, but... who knows ?

As a non role player, i try to avoid each kind of roleplayers anyway, but thats easier said than done....hidden roleplayers pretending all kind of weird stuff are everywhere in the game, causing even some dramas with purpose i guess - i simply call them brainfuckers.

Dont get me wrong - i've nothing against open/honest rp - this is fine, cause i know with whom i deal with from the beginning....i just can't stand those depraved minds i mentioned before

Concerning mixing rl with vl, so i'm strictly dividing the 2 worlds aswell - but in my opinion this strict separation between the 2 realities has nothing to do with rp.

[TheCriticalMrHits]

Wow, there is some great conversation in here. I'm going to basically list little chunks of nearly every response and put in my two cents.

 

 

Your problem will be finding partners who will not confuse your relationship RP with "normal" aka non-RP avatar actions in game.

 

Absolutely true. While being upfront will help, and I fully plan on it, I'm sure I'll still get into some drama... Playing on the doorstep of the heart without opening it up is playing with fire, and I'm not even sure I can do it consistently without sustaining serious burns of my own... I like what I like though, so I'm willing to take the risks.

 

 

create a sand box of players under the same idea that essentially flourishes off your single idea of sensuality & intimacy.

 

Drive that idea you got and see who you can pick up mate!!! Cheers!!!

 

I never thought about trying to organize... I honestly assumed I was alone (or close to it) in my interests, since 3DX lends itself so naturally to exploration of even the most outlandish fetishes and fantasies. I guess I figured everyone else was getting much naughtier than I lol

 

dating is always fun try rp asking someone out in game! sounds cute, id prolly do it

Why Ms. Moretz, it sounds to me like you are subtly showing your interest in 'Netflix and Chill RP'... Perhaps a RP date invitation is in your future... 

(P.S. I give you the utmost respect for playing your character to the fullest. I've seen you in game a few times and I've even seen you fully in character here in the forums, and I've always been impressed)

 

 

My advice would be to follow your instinct - if you don't want a relationship in-game, don't give in to that simply because you think it might be the only way to get the intimacy that you crave. I'm sure there are other like-minded players who would be perfect for you.

 

Twice I allowed that red line to blur and grey, twice I entered into relationships and twice I pretty much got my head fucked up - especially the last time, and that completely finished me off as far as the game went.

 

Seriously, I would always advise people not to ignore their principles.

Your first line hit the nail exactly on the head, and drove it all the way in. I was seriously considering abandoning my principals in order to wet my whistle. The combination of posts from PaulaSamantha and yourself were much appreciated in this matter, as I now think I would've possibly been making a mistake most dire.

 

And on that note: It saddens me that you no longer play, especially because of the result of an online relationship. I'm glad you at least stalk the forums though, as your input is most welcome and appreciated.

 

 

The main problem in this game is that people cant accept the fact that there is other people that simply dont want to progress into the real world with in an ingame relationship.

 

I ve hears things like: "There is no such thing like a VR relationship only. Its always going into IRL"

 

 

And I say it isnt true.

 

I agree that it shouldn't go beyond the pixels, and now that I think about it, perhaps with the right partner it could stay virtual, though that's probably the most difficult aspect for both parties to maintain. But I am intrigued by the thought.

 

I would be willing to re-evaluate my current stance if I found someone whom I trusted, and whom I thought truly believed that the relationship should stay virtual. That's very unlikely to happen though, since trusting people online is about as wise as looking out your window expecting to see a Pegasus grazing in your front yard...

 

It is something for me to think about however, Nikki. A possibility, even a slim one, should never be fully discarded. Thank you.

 

 

 

 

I'm still deliberating, and mulling all of this over, but I wanted to give a bit of a response to all the great replies. Thank you again, everyone. I was uneasy about even posting this, as it gets into some of my more delicate gears and cogs, and exposing my inner workings always makes me nervous. Especially with people I don't know.

 

 

*EDIT* LOL as soon as I post my omnibus, I see two more good responses... I'll give my thoughts on your posts later Claymore and NickFantasy, as I don't want to blow up this post anymore, nor do I want to be the guy who posts multiple times in a row on a thread.

[NickFantasy]

"I would be willing to re-evaluate my current stance if I found someone whom I trusted, and whom I thought truly believed that the relationship should stay virtual. That's very unlikely to happen though, since trusting people online is about as wise as looking out your window expecting to see a Pegasus grazing in your front yard..."

 

Holy words

[TheCriticalMrHits]

 

Holy words

 

lol thanks, I'm not saying that it's impossible to find a trustworthy person on the net, but it's so rare that it might as well be a myth. I know there are people who have made lasting IRL connections that originated online, be it romantic or friendship, because rules are meant to be broken, but such a relationship is something special.

 

Claymore: You make some good points, and I should clarify that unless I decide to pursue a serious relationship, I won't be saying 'I love you' or the like at all, and I hope she doesn't either, RP or not. That's definitely something I could see blurring the line, and it's something to mention upfront, so I'm glad you brought it up.

 

Also: Yes. I'm interested in getting the thrill without the risk. 

 

While I totally understand what you're saying, and believe there is much merit to the 'feelings made it sexy' statement, as I think having feelings could only make it sexier, I have to ask:

 

Isn't cybersex, at it's most basic level, simply a way to get the thrill of a shared sexual experience without the RL risks?

[SherryShy]

I know what you mean) Sex and chating this action for two (or more;), just remember that when waiting for something from over side. We need to get involved with each other first. Even fun action or joke - give the food to continue.

Usually you men are either too boring - want me to chat with them during the most interesting VISUAL moments))) or they try to pick up me like a hole in the fence.

This is because they don't know me! My character is not attracted to them -  they will never know like this.

 

"trusting people online" - it's not about trust in this place, but about role-playing virtual imagination.

 

And by the way! If you get bored with one, you can always take a some one else... as an observer and commentator lol! Not kidding)

[Kushiel]

Often, when people say things like 'Am I asking too much?' it's a question they already have the answer to. Yes, you are.

 

In my eyes, I have not read about, heard of, or experienced a form of human behaviour in-game which doesn't reflect behaviours which also reside in the real world. Until now.

 

So let's take your scenario from 3DX and back to planet Earth. Good luck with asking a girl to be your Thursday night Netflix chick (complete with flowers, chocolates, butterfly kisses down her neck and whispering 'I love you' in her ear as you snuggle up on the sofa before a galaxy of stars burst above you in the throws of passionate love making) but on the understanding that on Friday you'll merely bid her a 'good morning, how are you, can you make next week?'

 

In my experience, sexual desires and kinks can be flicked on and off. 'On' in bedroom, 'off' elsewhere. They can even be faked a little to please another. But love doesn't work like that. It's felt or it's not.

 

What you describe is a little like telling a girl you are going to cook her a meal and then ordering a take-away. The food will still be good but the lack of effort would leave a bitter after taste.

 

Being brutally honest, I think you want the thrill without the risk. I totally get why sensual sex is a big turn on for you. The best sexual experiences I've had in 3DX have been like that. But the feelings - in a virtual world context - were real. That's what made it work. That's what made it sexy.

 

So why not take a risk?

 

that hits the mark in the black more or less. what youre asking for is love without risks. Love implifies risk, if you want to feel these butterflies you will have to be prepared to feel the pain aswell.

 

Ofc you can keep the relation totally ingame but what is this relation: its a reflection of something you and your partner want to do in RL (nobody can tell me something different) but for any circumstances, be it an existing husband, kids or just lacking courage to try something new they dont dare to allow it to happen. These relations end sooner or later because it stays in a dreamworld and it is frustrating to know that it will ever be. I can just feel pity for all those players who deny out of bad experiences each possible chance of a relation and keep beeing unsatisfied in the end. Live your life to the fullest, that implifies the possibility of pain but you will survife and anywhere there might be the right partner, why not here? And if not you can atleast say that you didnt missed chances *shrugs.

[TheCriticalMrHits]

 

And by the way! If you get bored with one, you can always take a some one else... as an observer and commentator lol! Not kidding)

 

 

While I agree that this is probably commonplace, the session would have to be monumentally bad for me to seek out a conversation with someone else. I'm not good at keeping up with multiple conversations in real time (which is another reason why I like the forums so much), and if my RP session is going well, I want to devote all my energy to making sure we both have a great time. If the RP is going badly, then I want to devote all my energy to ending it as soon as possible, without poofing. 

 

I just went back and re-read the posts here, and there really are some great points, for both sides of the coin. I truly appreciate everyone's input, and I considered everything that was said in here. I will proceed without looking to get into anything serious or exclusive, BUT I won't be totally opposed to getting something going with the right partner. I suppose this means I'm going to be going with the flow for the most part, but leaning toward 'nothing serious/exclusive'.

 

I do hope every newbie who shares a bit of their inner workings in these forums gets the same welcoming treatment as I did in this thread.

 

Now, to start drumming up some interest in intimate RP...