Can You Fall in Love with Someone You've Never Met?

[Guest ChrisG]

First of all, thank you all for this good thread and all of the in-depth posts! I think it's a really fascinating concept and I love reading all your ideas on it!

 

I'm not new to interacting with people in a virtual world, I've played my share of online games and have been around too many forums to name. Over the years I've met many people and have developed friendships with people from around the world I still talk to today. Even though not directly related to the question posed in this thread, I think friendships are a form of love as well. Having friendships online, without ever seeing one another can be quite a real friendship in my opinion. I've shared lots of experiences and emotions with people I have never met in real life. We have shared fun moments, they have helped me see things differently, advised me on how to tackle issues and I have helped them with these things as well. There is certainly a bond between me and my online friends, which can be as real as any other emotional bond I have with a real life friend.

 

I've seen some interesting replies here, some of them stating falling in love with someone you've never seen is possible, but it isn't nearly the same as falling in love in real life. Sadly, I'd have to agree with this. In this game you see only a fraction of someone you meet. A lot of the thoughts you have about someone are based on pure fantasy. There is so much you don't know about the other when only typing to each other in chat messages. Of course, in real life a person may as well only show a desired part of him/herself, but often body language, facial expressions and just the way people react to you can tell you so much more about a person than just the things that you talk about. There is so much more information to be had from meeting someone in real life than meeting someone online.

 

What happens (at least, that's what I think) is that once you meet someone you like, you start fantasizing about how that person is. Because there is so much you don't know about the other you start filling in all kinds of details about this other. You think you are starting to fall in love with him/her, but in reality it might just be that you're just falling in love with the idea of love. You're creating and giving life to an emotional aspect which in your real life might be missing. This happened to me once (though not (yet) in this game). But it was the point at which I realised I was falling in love with my own imagination which was truly devastating. The feelings I developed for another were not real, they were all just a part of my fantasy. I was only using someone's avatar as a carrier for these feelings.

 

I think this is something more of us will face at one point or another. And I've learned that it's something I need to protect myself from as well. I think of myself of having good social skills, and I like having fun with people and experience things with them, but the downside to this is that I can get emotionally attached to people just a bit too fast. The dissapointment resulting from a perceived (and false) affection for another can be devastating. Much like love in real life..

 

But I am a cheerful guy, so I don't want to end my post like this. Besides my perceived danger in developing feelings for someone you only know online in an online world, there is also a unique beauty to it. In real life you judge people by how they look, how they present themselves and the things they say. In this game, the way a person looks is suddenly not important. The only thing you are judging is the personality of another person (the gender might not even matter). And even though the personality of someone should be the one thing that matters in love, I don't think that's entirely possible in real life.

[Shawn]

 

 

Really can't agree with AndraS and SweetHeather.

 

You can fall in love online.

Does you heart beat faster when you see that special someone around?

Do you behave accordingly to what you think is best for her/him?

Do you have those sweet words for her/him each time you meet?

Do you miss her/him when you don't meet for a single day?

...

 

I could go on for hours listing all the symptoms. But there is absolutely no difference between online and "offline" love.

 

You just love someone. Period.

 

I think you miss the point : What does the media have to do with your feelings?

 

You can't look someone in the eye online allright but one can lie facing you in "real" life too.

Love is about trust. If you need to be checking that your partner didn't cheat on you or that she/he is not lying to you, you are not in love. You're just using that person for whatever reason pertaining to you not to your partner.

 

Internet didn't change the way people fall in love, there have been mating calls and love letters since we can write. It just changed the number of people we can reach and meet at any given time.

 

There is deception, that's a fact. IRL too... Media has nothing to do with that.

 

I somehow pity people that cant keep their minds open for whatever a relationship (as virtual as it may seem at first) can end up with.

 

 

 

Says Shawn who is glad Lisa trusted him enough to give him an address to have her red roses delivered on our first valentine's day.

(actual picture taken before they were delivered)

 

-- Sent from Lisa's computer my smartphone (but i'm on my way ) --

[LisaTheFrenchie]

Roses after delivery ...

 

I love you Shawn

[Guest Eclipse]

At first I wrote a lenghty answer to Bran's question, but then after reading it changed my mind about posting it because (for me) it simply comes down to this:

 

Yes I do believe that you can fall in love with someone that you haven't met face to face and that it could sustain the passage of time...

but, only if what had been shared between the two was pure, honest and truthful.

 

[Hera]

Wow this was an old post, back from a time I was not reading forums or posting much.

 

I will answer this with a big yes. It can happen and does happen. I myself met an amazing man here and fell in love with him over the time I have known him. I know he loves me back, but will we carry anything to real life, we will make that move? That is something that can't be fortold, it is the future and no one can so for sure what will happen.

 

Never say never, for you do not hold a crystal ball. You can't see that future, you can't say it won't happen. Feelings and emotions are not just based on touch, smell, sight... it is also a connection that you feel to someone based on great conversations, time spent together, the depth of someone's mind, a simple gesture. To fall in love you do not have to see what a person looks like, for love is blind.

 

All I know, is this feeling I have I will not let go of, he is an amazing person and I simply am blessed to know him. If something further develops from it then all the better, but to be honest, love is also patience and understanding. I will always be this mans friend no matter what happens. I will always be there for him when he needs me. I will stand beside and support him in whatever he does or decisions he makes.

 

So yes absolutely falling in love with someone you have never met is so possible.

[OpalShadow]

What's with the old threads?! Lol

I actually enjoyed reading this, didn't roll my eyes once .

 

Yes , you can fall in love with someone you've never met face to face...only half in love.

Love happens in phases and in order to be truly in love a couple must go through all those without fail;

Lust, attraction and attachment. Lust and attraction are very possible here in the virtual world...attachment is not. Hence meeting in person is absolutely necessary. As another poster said, if that guy ain't as hot as you thought, all that other shit, lust and attraction, goes out the window.

In order for attachment to happen you must actually like how the other person looks physically, how they smell, how they touch.

 

If you're happy with being half in love, keeping it virtual is cool but if you really want to know true love..you need to feel the heat with somebody, and I mean actual real body heat.

 

My two cents..

[xxCrazykinkyxx]

What's with the old threads?! Lol

I actually enjoyed reading this, didn't roll my eyes once .

 

Yes , you can fall in love with someone you've never met face to face...only half in love.

Love happens in phases and in order to be truly in love a couple must go through all those without fail;

Lust, attraction and attachment. Lust and attraction are very possible here in the virtual world...attachment is not. Hence meeting in person is absolutely necessary. As another poster said, if that guy ain't as hot as you thought, all that other shit, lust and attraction, goes out the window.

In order for attachment to happen you must actually like how the other person looks physically, how they smell, how they touch.

 

If you're happy with being half in love, keeping it virtual is cool but if you really want to know true love..you need to feel the heat with somebody, and I mean actual real body heat.

 

My two cents..

You must be a witch, this is basically what i think and i couldnt have said it any better. Just a little add, for myself, i dont even feel in the right "status" to go beyond a good spicey friendship if i didnt experienced the physical chemistry that creates when our bodies are next to each other... But this is just me and by no mean is my intention to claim that whoever is different is not feeling true love.

[Stewie]

I agree totally with opal. For real love you have to take the next step and meet in real. You could fall in love here yes, your minds find love first which can be awesome but incomplete . the next step is the physical side of love. Both complement one and other if you don't have both you won't have complete love. Love can take many forms. Love for parents, children, partners, god. All work in different ways. The love we are discussing here could be broken down into many parts including passion,the physical side. intimacy, the emotional side, and commitment, the decision making side of couples. You can feel them with someone you haven't met but in my opinion without the real physical contact your love won't be complete.

 

 

P.S I know because I found it and took the next step with the most amazing woman I've ever known

[OpalShadow]

You must be a witch

Yeah, I've been called worse. Lol

[Guest Doll]

I had a whole thoughtful, considered response for this and deleted it...

 

...I don't have a clue, I get it wrong irl and I get it wrong in here but I might just be an idiot. I can fall in love with a character in a book or a movie and I know that's not real. Here it's difficult to know what's real and what's not, that's all I'm gonna say.

[Guest AlexanderGold]

I had a whole thoughtful, considered response for this and deleted it...

...I don't have a clue, I get it wrong irl and I get it wrong in here but I might just be an idiot. I can fall in love with a character in a book or a movie and I know that's not real. Here it's difficult to know what's real and what's not, that's all I'm gonna say.

It's not you Doll. Love is something that comes naturally but keeping a relationship going is the hard part which most people struggle with. That's the part where you have to learn the hard way what works and what doesn't because there is no manual for it...only guidelines.

 

X

[OpalShadow]

I had a whole thoughtful, considered response for this and deleted it...

...I don't have a clue, I get it wrong irl and I get it wrong in here but I might just be an idiot. I can fall in love with a character in a book or a movie and I know that's not real. Here it's difficult to know what's real and what's not, that's all I'm gonna say.

I had a whole thoughtful, considered response for this and deleted it...

...I don't have a clue, I get it wrong irl and I get it wrong in here but I might just be an idiot. I can fall in love with a character in a book or a movie and I know that's not real. Here it's difficult to know what's real and what's not, that's all I'm gonna say.

Doll, this might be a little off topic but what's real and not real depends on how you play the game.

 

If the "relationship" and I use that term loosely, is strictly in world (virtual) then it's not real- if a real life link develops such as, voice or video, then it's real. That's how I see it. That's how I play the game. Real lies vs. Virtual lies, they're lies all the same.

 

Again, it depends on how YOU play the game.

[OpalShadow]

Yay! AlexGold gave me another glimpse

[Sage Stoner]

Again, it depends on how YOU play the game.

 

Totally agree with Opal here.

 

One of the things I wish were a little different about this thread is it's title. I wish it had been "Have you ever fallen in love with someone you've never met?" so that we each talked about our own experience without generalizing too much about what might or might not be true for others.

 

I can appreciate what others have said about not calling it love until you have met and smelled and actually savored the presence of the other person.

 

But on the other hand . . . I probably shouldn't say this, but . . .  anyway, I fell in love with someone who I got to know because she liked what I had written in this thread. We live on opposite sides of an ocean and maybe she and I will never get the chance to meet in real life. But her friendship and support gives me hope for the future and keeps me on track when I am surrounded by darkness. And as far as I'm concerned, that is as real as it gets.

[Macca]

I had a whole thoughtful, considered response for this and deleted it...

 

...I don't have a clue, I get it wrong irl and I get it wrong in here but I might just be an idiot. I can fall in love with a character in a book or a movie and I know that's not real. Here it's difficult to know what's real and what's not, that's all I'm gonna say.

Doll, I know we have never seen eye to eye on here and never really spoken in game, but I would love to know what you had planned to say.. Yes our opinions on a number of issues differ but even though I may not agree with what you say, I still think you are very intelligent and I respect your views..

 

I basically left this game because of issues surrounding this subject. I developed feelings for someone, feelings I never thought I would in a game like this.. The time zones made it too difficult and that was that. Since then, every time I logged on all I did was chat with friends. I had no real interest in doing/playing with anyone else.. was I in love? I don't know..

[OpalShadow]

Doll, I know we have never seen eye to eye on here and never really spoken in game, but I would love to know what you had planned to say.. Yes our opinions on a number of issues differ but even though I may not agree with what you say, I still think you are very intelligent and I respect your views..I basically left this game because of issues surrounding this subject. I developed feelings for someone, feelings I never thought I would in a game like this.. The time zones made it too difficult and that was that. Since then, every time I logged on all I did was chat with friends. I had no real interest in doing/playing with anyone else.. was I in love? I don't know..

Well Shit! I wanna know more!

[xxCrazykinkyxx]

Doll, I know we have never seen eye to eye on here and never really spoken in game, but I would love to know what you had planned to say.. Yes our opinions on a number of issues differ but even though I may not agree with what you say, I still think you are very intelligent and I respect your views..

 

I basically left this game because of issues surrounding this subject. I developed feelings for someone, feelings I never thought I would in a game like this.. The time zones made it too difficult and that was that. Since then, every time I logged on all I did was chat with friends. I had no real interest in doing/playing with anyone else.. was I in love? I don't know..

 

Hi Macca, i'm well aware that i'm Mr Nobody and i don't wanna sound harsh, it's not my intention, but if i have to ask that question then, at least for me, it's not love... I understand that the edge can be really narrow, that sometimes love meshes up with a deep friendship and vice versa but maybe sometimes we simply need to focus and see that feeling as if it was love... Maybe the only truth is that each of us lives, smells, struggles and fights for love in his own way.

Peace

[Guest Doll]

Doll, I know we have never seen eye to eye on here and never really spoken in game, but I would love to know what you had planned to say.. Yes our opinions on a number of issues differ but even though I may not agree with what you say, I still think you are very intelligent and I respect your views..

Thank you Macca that was really sweet, I know we seem to fight on here...most times it's just stupid little things catching me in the wrong mood...I don't mean anything by it.

 

...but I just can't articulate myself out of the maelstrom of thoughts and emotions about this. I don't think I have the experience to qualify me to comment and a lot of what I wanted to say strays into my rl experiences too much for me to be comfortable putting out there. I think it's scarily easy to fall in love here, whether that's "real" or not who knows. People have very different interpretations of what love means I think and whether it's a sliding scale or black and white. I don't know what's right only what it means to me but I do think there needs to be a match in what it means to both.

 

I was gonna talk about trust which to me is the cornerstone of unconditional love. I do think that's almost impossible in here but that might just be me as I find it hard to trust irl too.

Although someone I met here is making me rethink that.

[Guest Doll]

Doll, this might be a little off topic but what's real and not real depends on how you play the game.

If the "relationship" and I use that term loosely, is strictly in world (virtual) then it's not real- if a real life link develops such as, voice or video, then it's real. That's how I see it. That's how I play the game. Real lies vs. Virtual lies, they're lies all the same.

Again, it depends on how YOU play the game.

Not sure I agree that the relationship (by whatever definition) isn't real if it's only virtual. I have real feelings for people I only know virtually. I care when they are sad, smile at my screen when I see them and for some I feel my heart racing when we dance.

 

Even if these relationships never cross the virtual line I'll still feel that way. So I guess what you say is true, it's how one plays the game. If one plays it as a game unless there's that real connection then that's probably where I'm misunderstanding.

[OpalShadow]

Not sure I agree that the relationship (by whatever definition) isn't real if it's only virtual. I have real feelings for people I only know virtually. I care when they are sad, smile at my screen when I see them and for some I feel my heart racing when we dance.

 

Even if these relationships never cross the virtual line I'll still feel that way. So I guess what you say is true, it's how one plays the game. If one plays it as a game unless there's that real connection then that's probably where I'm misunderstanding.

 

It's not real to ME. But I bet you a million dollars that if that guy/gal that makes your heart rush turns out to look and act like that guy that operates the heroin in Gamer, you might rethink how "real" the "relationship" is. LOL

[Guest Doll]

It's not real to ME. But I bet you a million dollars that if that guy/gal that makes your heart rush turns out to look and act like that guy that operates the heroin in Gamer, you might rethink how "real" the "relationship" is. LOL

Lol, fair point

[Guest RobT]

Yes and no. every person is different . Not to mention that there are a lot people who present themselves one way and the stark reality is totally different.  More often then not, Its that the person is not in love but is  in love with the idea of being in love and convince themselves its love. 

[Wisper]

I have before,I am now,and Im sure it will happen again.

[MikeyZA]

We live in a world where the digital divide shortens the physical one as I said in a much earlier post.

 

Our barriers have changed, our expectations have changed.

 

I say only this... ANYTHING is possible...

[Hera]

This was not meant to be a debate either, it is people sharing their thoughts and feelings on a subject. You do not have to agree with them, everyone views this differently.

 

I know it is possible for me as it has happened. Is it possible for someone else, I can't say.

 

But as Mikey said, ANYTHING is possible and with technologies now a days, you can be thousands of miles apart and yet feel so close.