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This place called Wonderland

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#1 AmberS


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Posted 24 January 2015 - 10:59 PM

*music for the right mood: Papa Mali - Sugarland *
Disclaimer: All names of characters appearing in this post have been changed. Please remember that I love to exaggerate and deep inside I'm the queen of all drama queens. Please excuse any grammatical errors, English is not my native language. 
Dear Diary...
Oh Amber, do you really need to start it this simple? Couldn't you think of something more exciting? 
Actually, what is a diary? Is it something you had as a child - a notebook that kept all your secrets, dreams and wishes? You were so terrified that someone might find it so you decided to keep it always under your pillow. And afterwards you just burnt it in fire (what a pity, I would love to read it now...) 
But if diary is something so intimate, why would I start it here, on a public forum? First of all, I barely met people from forum in game. So it feels like I would tell a secret to a stranger who I will never meet again. And maybe that is a chance to sort all my feelings, all the thoughts I have while being here. And of course, that feeling that you are not alone anymore...
In the game I represent that part of players who are looking forward to meet new people to have fun and definitely are not looking for a partner or any type of more or less serious relationship. I am doing my best to avoid being jealous or sad in game. However, how can I actually separate my feelings from something which is so natural for human-beings to feel: being jealous, feeling ownership, caring about someone... And when I am getting overwhelmed by those feelings I just pinch myself and get back to real me.
But let's get back to the game.
~Recently we were talking with W about people who have partners or even are married in real life and still play this game. W is convinced that every men tends to flirt with other girls even though he can be married. It's the men nature and the only thing that prevents them from cheating is the amount of conscience they have. I definitely need to think about it more. 
I am not sure if I am going to see E again. He was a nice smart guy who taught me a good lesson. It was fun and pleasure having him beside me but he was never hiding that he is... not the best person I would say. But you know, good girls always tend to like bad boys.
N. N is a relief. He has the best attitude I met so far. I told him that I wish there were more people like him and he told that then he wouldn't be so special. That's true. But you need people like him just to feel better. Only with N I feel myself free and save. Being with N means no stress, no rush, only great memories so far. 
Z - my first friend here, T - great companion, R who helped to understand the game better... All of them are busy with other adventures, so I think I shouldn't bother them. I know that they come to me only when their adventures leave them and I am always ready to have a nice chat with them but... should I continue looking for them in game or bothering them? No, I know how it feels when you are obsessed with someone else. You just totally don't care about your friends.
And for dessert... P. P stands for my passion. At first I didn't take our friendship seriously but now I am getting afraid of the feelings I have. I don't know if I should keep the distance and calm down myself before it's going to be too late. But... Although the feeling I have for P scares me, I still need to admit that he is keeping me excited and I am looking forward to each minute we are able to spend together.~
For now I will wrap up my first entry in the diary before it gets too long and too boring ;)
Take care, unknown stranger. 
With love, 

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#2 AmberS


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Posted 25 January 2015 - 11:33 PM

In due time, I'll find you girl.
I know that you will say,
that every night you dream of me,
and how I make you scream.
The way you taste at night,
forever paints my mind.
My favourite wine,
I'll drink you all the time.
~Dear Diary, 
If I knew what would be the result of my small post from yesterday, I would definitely think twice about posting it. To say the truth, I didn't expect people to take it so seriously and personally. But well...
Of course, the biggest mystery is who is hiding behind the letters I picked up. But remember, there is no evidence that people I describe really exist. Maybe I'm just having vivid dreams. Little hint: each letter stands for some special word which I have in mind for particular person. Nevertheless, I will keep this as my little secret for now.
Yesterday my adventure began as a very bad one. I haven't seen Z for a long time and actually I was happy to see him. However, our talk didn't go well and as long as somehow all talks didn't go well that evening, I ended up being a girl (but well, is there really a chance to avoid any kind of drama?)
I need to be careful with Z though. He is definitely trying to gain control over myself which is ridiculous. I mean, you shouldn't expect every girl to become your own personal groupie. Specially the one like me :) We are free here. And my most important rule would be to respect freedom of other players. Even though I sometimes dislike it...
But the good thing about today is that I finally found the best pose to show off my gorgeous shoes. 
So, let's see which adventures the new day will bring...
With <3, 
P.S. If you have any comments - you are very welcome to share them with me in any way you like.

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#3 RodolfoValentino


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Posted 26 January 2015 - 12:24 AM

P.S. If you have any comments - you are very welcome to share them with me in any way you like.

I would never dare to 'scribble' into your diary..

Ooops, I just did it :D

Well, since I'm here let's do it good

P.s. I hope you won't get angry :) *puppy look*

#4 AmberS


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Posted 03 February 2015 - 02:24 PM

In order not to forget  :rolleyes:



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#5 AmberS


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Posted 06 February 2015 - 11:32 PM

I was in the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer.
Dear Diary, 
it's been a month since I am in the game. I am sure that I definitely need to make a wrap up of what happened to me in this month. In my first month I managed to meet amazing 46 players who were added into my list of dearest friends.
How do people usually start a conversation here? They tend to ask what brought me here. Well, what would you answer apart of having high libido and being curious? I didn't have any special expectation. Well, what would you expect when you open a porn site? Definitely not finding a new Lars von Trier movie or collection of best Cannes Film Festival movies. But that's what actually happened. I really did find some special people here. 
I still can't understand how come that in our community each person seems to be so unique and deep. But each time I talk to someone I just can't stop being astonished by how interesting those conversations can be. 
Those conversations and feeling of affinity play not always the best role though. Still we shouldn't forget that we are not on Cannes Film Festival but in a Sex Game so you shouldn't blame someone for wanting to have sex with you. 
By that I mean the strange attitude of some people who try to call other players whore or rapist. I just can't understand it and I don't want to understand it. People are free to enjoy they fantasies and to behave in the way they like most. The total freedom of behaviour is the best behaviour pattern in a game. We live in a world with many rules and we are forced to behave like the society wants us to behave. So where else to explore freedom if not in a game? 
Life taught me an unique lesson when it comes to other people. At some point I was surprised how mistaken I was by judging people I didn't know so good. I realize that every man and every woman has a story behind him or her, so you can never know what this person went through. Being respectful to each other and showing interest in talking to others is my main conviction. I believe that every person, specially in here, is a very interesting and deep person. I love to explore people! It's the most exciting, dangerous and rewarding adventure. 
Oh, and how could I not mention all the drama points! Yes, always beware people who write in their profiles that they don't want to have any drama. Usually these are the ones who bring all the drama in your life. I will be more careful next time. So I'm sorry if I broke someone's expectations in trying to make me his ;)
In my first day I was totally raped by everyone in a room trying to understand how this game works. Finally I met Z who was so kind to explain me everything and show it. I'm still so grateful for that although he thinks I'm ignoring him :) I was so surprised in the beginning that everyone could tell I'm new here. But now I totally get it, our community is like a village :)
And I just have to mention everyone who made me feel so good here. I hope they will never read this :D
Then after some time I met E. And actually, being with him is all I remember about my first weeks. But as all good things come to end, so our fun did come to end as well. 
V, my dear and only Russian friend. Love to spend time with you, I enjoy your company so much from our first talks. I'm always into people with whom you can easily talk about everything. Thanks for meeting me in the mornings, I really appreciate it and it makes me so happy.
N - a person still with the best attitude, best party host and always a good friend to me. You have a very special party place in my heart and I'm glad I somehow remembered to answer your PM so we actually could continue our talk. 
My dear L, part of my favourite Italian Mafia. We had so much fun together but honestly I don't really appreciate your behaviour now :D But as long as you are happy I will try my best to support you. 
J, you are the biggest mystery for me now. But I feel like I found a treasure and I really appreciate your tenderness and kindness. You are a man with a very big heart. I look forward to the time spent with you and to the things you promised me to happen ;)
This list could be much bigger because I really appreciate everyone spending time with me and giving me an opportunity to explore their desires, wishes and personalities. I still am so curious how our friendship will develop and what comes in the future. I wish I could split my heart between you. But unfortunately it's not possible. 
I will end this with a quote from the same song I've started my entry. This will be my biggest wish to everyone.
Who are you?
Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?
Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?
I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.
P.S. A curious reader will ask me "Dear Amber, but what happened to P? Where is he now?" And I will tell that...  I feel like a Cinderella who finally got her shoes back ;) He is the man who always keeps his promises, I can totally rely on him and he did awake a burning desire in me. I'm fond of him cause he is so smart and such fun! Can't imagine a combination that would be better. And should I mention the greatest attitude to everything what happens here? Should I tell about how crazy he makes me and how special I feel with him? And did I tell how awesome he is? Okay, I think I need to stop. But yes, my dear reader, P is still with me and each time he knows how to make my day better then even a day before. 

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#6 AmberS


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Posted 14 February 2015 - 04:38 PM

Watched "50 shades of grey yesterday". Oh no, it was even worse then a book  :unsure: So sugar sweet...



Most people in cinema were laughing non-stop. But it's a nice movie for a drinking game. Just drink every time main character bites her lip! But be careful, you will be drunk very soon ;)

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#7 AmberS


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Posted 15 February 2015 - 01:30 AM

I think that the language of my soul is music. And the people with whom I share my music taste or who introduced me some new music styles, are my closest soulmates. The perfect match is the match of your music styles. 


Recently I discovered absolutely new music style. But it turned out that actually it is everything I ever wanted to hear. Guitars, lyrics, voices - they speak to my heart. And do you know this feeling when you discover a new absolutely fabulous bands or songs? It feels like falling in love. First you are distant to the sounds you hear but you already feel how much you like them. And with every song you get closer to this music and each time you hear, the more familiar and enjoyable are songs to you. 


Big thanks to all them witches and co for being a necessary water for my dried desert soul.



Oh, Elk. Blood.Heart.
Tastes like the Great White North
and I hope you've found that I hold all the keys
to open up every single door.


for meditation, perfect song



Bright Like The Morning
She descends from up above
Sweet like my yearning
She's the One for she is Love



Ride with me baby
on a trip through grooves lost
down through the rabbit hole
with the psychedelonaut (YES :wub: )


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#8 AmberS


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Posted 04 March 2015 - 06:25 AM

2 months here :rolleyes:  not sure I can tell more then just this:


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#9 AmberS


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Posted 12 April 2015 - 11:51 PM



Dear Diary, 


it's been... it's been a while since I am here. It all started so passionately, I think that's how we all feel in the beginning. You get overwhelmed by the emotions, by feeling, by people you meet here... But it can't last like this forever, can it? So many people left the game that sometimes I feel like stranger here, not being familiar with anyone. Even if I would like to create a list of my closest and most significant men... I wouldn't be able, everyone is gone. And my story slowly comes to an end as well.


But honestly, I don't feel sad. I couldn't imagine that smth what was a great Passion in the beginning, will evolve into deep, tender and sensual experience. Sometimes I am scared myself of how things developed but... at some point there are things in life which absolutely can't be controlled. So I would only wish that everyone could find their soulmate cause there is nothing so exciting and so overwhelming as discovering endless universe in other person. 


Take care and see you <3




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#10 Ashbash


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Posted 13 April 2015 - 01:21 AM

It's a shame to see you possibly thinking about leaving! But I am hoping you enjoyed the time you spent here the past months. ^^ From what I knew of you, you were nice and kind! Always nice to talk to and I wish you the best with all that you do if you leave!


You take good care Amber!



#11 AmberS


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Posted 13 April 2015 - 02:23 AM

Thanks Ash but I am definitely not leaving yet, luckily my subscription is paid for a while  ;)

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#12 AmberS


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Posted 08 April 2017 - 09:12 AM

"When you buy a tiger, you also have to feed it."



Dear Diary...


Oh wow, it's been a while. You know, I always had issues to fall asleep. Night is the time when memories come back and shadows of people you've known come to hunt you. This place - my Wonderland - was a nice place. I met many interesting people and the last months I've been here were the happiest in 3dx. Thank you Wolf. However it would be too oblivious to deny that all this was an attempt not to feel lonely in the evenings. Unsuccessful attempt.


I decided to delete my avi, so we will never meet again. Those who still remember me: take care of yourself, love and be loved.



Your A.


P.S. I was wondering what shall I do with those screenshots, but maybe they will make a great good bye. 













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